I was starting to get used to my estate as an Imperial Noble Consort, but as Empress, I was obligated to move. The Palace of Earthly Tranquility was the most red I've ever seen. It was still comfortable but I felt weird to know that the late empress had lived here before me. Also, I hate the fact that I have to wake up early in the morning.
The women in the harem would have to greet me every single morning. Every single morning. It was tiresome. Some of them were the ones who thought I was vulnerable to pick on, some of them hated me for no reason at all. I was harassed and looked down upon by these women. I still haven't forgotten the time where I fell during dance rehearsal and they mocked me.
Not all of them wanted to put me down. The Noble Consort, Roasted Duck I called her, was always kind to me. She didn't have to be. I respected her for not talking down on me with Niu Lin and anyone else. Respecting someone for not trying to scheme on you, was more common than you think. Her pregnancy was also a shock to me, but I was oblivious to anything that goes on in the harem, to be fair.
Because I was the Empress, they were forced to respect me, and I was satisfied with that. There will be women that will stab my back, I know that. I knew there will be girls who will smile in my face and suck up to me, just for their benefits. To secure my position, I was not planning to play nice.
After the morning assembly I had, I took a stroll. It wasn't a casual walk as I was meaning to be at a certain destination. Ten maids followed my every move. I have finally filled the space of Guan Shu. I could've had more maids when I was Noble Consort or Imperial Noble Consort, but I felt like it was too crowded for me. Ten maids were too much for me, and knowing that they barely leave me, is exhausting. Jaxon can only speak to me when I sneak out or when I dismiss them.
I needed my privacy but like said, it was impossible to have privacy here.
Hua Er walked next to me. She went on about a novel she read that she enjoyed, and I went along nodding my head. The power I had was still new. I forget that I am Empress sometimes. It's going to take a few days to get used to it... If I even stay for that long.
Niu Lin should be in her original chamber. When I stepped in, I admired the disorganized, clustered atmosphere. It also gave me a headache. Niu Lin must have demanded her maids to leave this mess alone because it was horrifying. Her maids would've begged her to clean it.
"Happiness and peace to the Empress." Niu Lin kneeled, bowing immediately after she saw me. She stayed respectful. We were both respectful towards each other, but there was still friction between us.
I adjusted a pin on the side of my done-up hair. "You may rise."
"Thank you, Your Majesty," Niu Lin spoke softly, then standing up to her feet. "Empress, I've treated you poorly for almost a year."
Those words alarmed me. I raised my eyebrows. "I know. You don't have to bring that up."
She had no power over me, and can no longer do anything to me. She knew that. She was smart enough to surrender to me, and treat me like the way I deserve to be treated. We were fine now. Unlike the late empress, I chose to forgive Niu Lin. I don't know why. Maybe because she helped me, even though she didn't have to. There was still goodness in her heart.
Holding onto a grudge would only pull me down. I chose to forgive Niu Lin. I chose to release our past.
Niu Lin took a deep breath. She stepped back, looking nervous before she faced me again. Her feet shifted under the long hanfu. I didn't know her. Her character and personality were unknown to me, so everything she did was quite unpredictable.
"Your Majesty, you came a long way, I didn't expect you to become the Empress," Niu Lin gently lowered herself down to the floor, then kowtowing before me. "Please let me pay reverence to you."
I blinked a few times before processing what was happening. Whether or not Niu Lin was mocking this situation or being serious, she would have never put her pride aside to kowtow to me. Still confused, I lowered myself to hold her wrists and help her up. "Please get up."
She obliged. I helped her up while eyeing her suspiciously. Niu Lin pursed her lips, then darting her eyes away from mine.
"I came to thank you for helping me," I broke the silence. "Without you, I wouldn't have the late empress deposed."
"Yes, Your Majesty. I agree. I was surprised you needed my help," Niu Lin remarked, crossing her arms with a smug expression on her face. "What happens if you need my help again?"
I cleared my throat. "I don't understand."
"Empress, although I am below you, you must understand how many concubines want your position," Niu Lin said, slightly with an attitude. She avoided my eyes. "I don't suppose that you'll remain this title because anyone can—"
"The 'Imperial Noble Consort' title is vacant, I hope you know that," I responded sternly. "From this conversation, I suppose you don't want the title. You pay respect to me but you truly aren't afraid to voice your opinions, even if they are discourteous."
Her conflicting thoughts were driven by jealousy. I noticed it when she talked to me. She looked in discomfort when she bowed to me, and she looked uncomfortable speaking against me. I think she has an inferiority complex.
Niu Lin was seemingly confident and arrogant, but deep down, she was insecure. The amount of gossiping she does shows that.
Her shoulders relaxed as she exhaled sharply. "I am just warning you. It has nothing to do with anything else, Your Majesty."
"You don't have to be concerned with what I do or what I don't do. Don't think you'll ever be able to take my place," I snapped, then smirking at her. "Besides, the Empress will always be an empress."
I turned around to leave, noticing her maids bowing to me as I took my departure. The energy of the room was a mix of emotions. Niu Lin would be useful, but I didn't need her help anymore. If she thinks I am relying on her for help, she has mistaken. I would have punished her right then and there but I took the high road.
Still, I wanted to at least play a nice role as an empress. Enemies will still come, but they also can go. Chang Ying was still able to keep her title even though her confession was still running around in my head.
Hiding this information from the Emperor made me feel even more guilty. I'm tired of feeling guilty all the time. There was no way of bringing it up to the Emperor, anyway... yet the Emperor deserved to know the truth. Every time I saw him, Chang Ying's crazy self appeared in my head. The guilt was killing me.
I knew the truth. My maids knew the truth. Su Yin knew the truth.
In the evening, I visited the Emperor to discuss the harem. I made sure to look presentable. Due to the constant hair-dos, my scalp was literally dying. I can't believe my head was strong enough to hold the excessive amount of pins and headpieces. Taking it out was also annoying, but I'm glad I wasn't the one who does it.
The sky was beautiful. As I looked at the river, it reflected the orange, yellow and pink swirls infusing with the clouds. The scenery was blissful, and I felt at peace for once. How I wanted to walk for once, just feeling the summer breeze on my skin.
While holding the curtain to the side, I watched an Imperial Concubine walk. The concubine and her maids walk closer, then bowing in unison. "Happiness and joy to the Empress."
"Stop," I called, leaning towards them with my head poking out. The eunuchs lowered me down obediently. As I faced the concubine, I forced a smile. "At ease."
"The sunset looks beautiful today, Your Majesty," the concubine commented. Her face lit up like a child as she pointed at the sky.
Unfortunately, I've never seen her before. I followed her finger with my eyes and nodded, admiring the sunset with her. It was nice, and it felt nice to appreciate something with someone. I let out a small chuckle. "I was admiring it before I saw you. The river reflects the beauty of the sky."
"I'll see for myself," the concubine responded, still smiling but her face saddened. She faced me, trying her hardest not to look upset. "Thank you, Your Majesty."
I raised an eyebrow. "For what?"
"I am not a woman to believe in rumours, but I believe you investigated the late empress on your own," she whispered to me, walking as close to me as possible. "I've remained an Imperial Concubine for years. She stopped me from being promoted by putting something in my food."
She shook her head, letting out air from her nose as a laugh before turning away from me. "His Majesty would promise a promotion once I give birth to my offspring..."
As she spoke, she turned to me with glossy eyes. Her innocence, her child-like behaviour, reminded me of me. The Emperor's favour was hard to get apparently. I looked over to her maids and they watched her as if she was a lost puppy.
"The baby didn't make it." she finished, looking away from me once more.
I took her hand from the window of the sedan chair, clasping it between my hands. "I'll try to help you the best I can. We need to further the Imperial bloodline. It is a must."
"It's not that, Your Majesty," she looked at me with pleading eyes. "I... I don't want this position anymore."
Women in the harem had an option to leave. I knew they did. I assumed the Emperor was supposed to make this happen, but the timing had to be right. The concubine and I parted our ways, but I was thinking about her.
The eunuchs continued walking. I observed the scenery for a few seconds more before pulling the curtains of the sedan chair.
Visiting the Emperor was less anxious for me now, knowing that I didn't have to play the character of a loving wife. The Emperor was kind enough to do this for me. I respected him so much that I wish I could give him the biggest hug.
"Warm blessings to Your Majesty," I bowed, smiling at the Emperor. He took my hand and led me to the seat next to him. There was an uneasiness to his face, as his forehead furrowed in thought.
When I sat down and made myself comfortable, he cleared his throat. He looked at me with a glint in his eyes. "Ying Yue, I was thinking about something."
He didn't call me Empress. Either he didn't want to be reminded that we were married, or he wanted more intimacy between us. I choose the second one. Whatever the reason was, he still talked to me as if we were friends.
I took the cup of water served by the maids and drank it quickly. I let out a big sigh. Refreshing. After the amused stare from the Emperor, I nodded. "Yes?"
"I have many concubines, and four women are pregnant," the Emperor spoke, keeping his hands still. "So many women I don't tend to, Ying Yue... The late empress had said she'd make sure that the harem produces more children... But I am afraid she must have sabotaged many women."
In all honesty, the infant mortality rate here was really high, according to the research I did years ago. Even if the women did give birth to a lot of babies, a majority of them will end up dead. Or maybe they had clones of Chang Ying who kill all of them like what the original one did to Wan Er...
To even look into the Emperor's eyes and pretend like I didn't know, was eating me.
"Yes, Your Majesty," I answered, now looking at him. "I will try my best to do everything I can. I... I know I won't be able to produce the next heir..."
The Emperor tsked me. "You are the mother to all the children. One of the wetnurses is taking care of Dong Mei's child. If you want, you can always spend time with our little princess, Li Hua."
I better get out of here fast because I'm not trying to claim hundreds of children in the Palace. There is absolutely no way that is ever going to happen. I love children, but a whole population of them? No. Although wet nurses do tend to them more often, the kids will have to call me 'Mother.'
With respect, I hid my unease at his statement. There was something he wanted to see me about, and it was the topic of the harem. Not politics. I was sure he was trying to refrain from speaking about anything with politics to protect me. The state officials hated me.
"I'd love to! Your Majesty, I love children," I let out a slight chuckle before I calmed myself down. "Your Majesty, you called me here to discuss the harem? I'd love to report it."
"No, that will not be needed." the Emperor responded. He turned his face away from me and stared at the papers in front of him.
He looked stressed. Still attractive, but rough. The stress he had must have been like mine, but ten times worse. When he was still with the late empress, he looked even worse.
I tilted my head to the left, leaning in on his face. "Are you alright, Your Majesty? If anything is wrong, I can assure you that I'll try my best to help."
"Ying Yue, I pity the women I never tend to," he sighed, rubbing his face then grabbing the teacup in front of him. After finishing, he sucked the air between his teeth. "What if I let my concubines go? I can arrange a ceremony for their departure..."
Wow. This truly was fate. Everything aligned up so perfectly. I smiled, nodding to his words. "That'd be great. I like that idea, Your Majesty. Perhaps after their departure, we can bring in new ones to the harem."
Hopefully, they don't try to sabotage me and usurp my throne.
It was a risky thing to suggest, but I had to do it. The Emperor was considerate enough to make me Empress, and I had to return the favour. Almost everything I did was for him as of now. Checking up on pregnant women, making sure everything is well, waking up early to be greeted.
I was going to leave soon, so I might as well make things more comfortable in the harem. Still, I didn't know how to tell him or anyone else goodbye. Saying goodbyes were hard. I chose to push those thoughts away. Jaxon and I would see each other later, and then we can plan.
"Hm... Has this ever happened before? The concubine selection a year ago... Did you let go of concubines as well?" I asked.
"Yes," he nodded. "That was my Mother's decision. The late empress disapproved of it..."
With all the virtue I had in my body, I stopped myself from making a face when he brought up the late empress. I wasn't going to sabotage my own title. "I approve of it, Your Majesty. That is all you need."
He removed his eyes from the papers and scrolls in front of him to look at me. The bright smile on his face shocked me. The Emperor was somehow very hard to read at times, but I knew he was thankful. The dull, austere look he always had on—I believe—was not who he truly was.
"Thank you, Ying Yue," the Emperor nodded, relaxing his shoulders. "I'll announce it and have a ceremony to bid farewell. Furthermore, I'd like you to be in charge of the selection after my Mother has chosen."
"I'm honoured to," I grinned. "But you will be by my side, isn't that right, Your Majesty?"
Another look. He deeply looked at me in a way that made me squirm. The Emperor shifted in his seat and began to organize his papers. "No. I won't be. It won't be like last time, and last time wasn't particularly traditional."
I gulped. I didn't know how to feel. The lack of context in his words made me feel worried.
"Why not, Your Majesty? I-I don't know if I can do this alone..." I laughed nervously, looking away and watching as he tidied up the table.
The Emperor's hands stopped and he paused before looking straight at me. "Because, Ying Yue, I trust you."
Crickets chirped as I made my way to the bridge. The water ran smoothly and there was a full moon tonight. I could see Jaxon's silhouette on the deck of the bridge. When walking closer, he turned around to face me in silence. His face was glowing under the moonlight.
"Warm blessings to the Empress." he teased, bowing at me in mockery. Jaxon remained a serious expression on his face, but there was a glint of amusement from his eyes.
I let out a short laugh from my nose and shook my head. "Do you dare disrespect the Empress?"
The bridge was still the same as I remembered it to be, I was the one that changed. I remembered the last time Jaxon and I met up here. Both of us had changed, and both of us had more wisdom and knowledge. Still, the water rippled and the slight sway to the trees remained.
Something was off about Jaxon. I had the key to the way home, yet he wasn't cheering me on. There was something on his mind. I have yet to think of possible negative situations because I didn't want to disappoint myself. Should I have? Yes.
"You look ravishing," Jaxon joked, chuckling after he said it. I went along with it perfectly well and slightly pushed his shoulder. His cheeky smile slowly faded. As he leaned towards me, his face dulled. "Do you want the good news first or the bad news first?"
I sighed.
Of course. It was too good to be true. I looked away from him and stared at the moon, silently wishing for a happy ending. It was silent for a while because I had to collect myself. No more tears, no more reactiveness now. I needed to be strong.
"I want the bad news first," I replied after a while.
Jaxon grimaced, scratching the back of his head. "You see, I just re-checked the book and it said you have to be at least three months reigning to use your... hair?"
"What?" I exclaimed, unaware of my jaw hanging from Jaxon's mistake. I felt the stress on my forehead.
"Uh, the good news is, is that," Jaxon lifted his arms and balled his hands into fists. "Woo! We get to stay for three months!"
For someone who wanted to leave immediately, he seemed awfully happy to stay. I knew he was trying to cheer me up.
I gaped at him. He tried his hardest not to frown. Although this situation was still humorous, I tried my best to be serious. Three months? I'll die in three months. I'm sure people were planning to overthrow me by now because I'm a 'threat to the Emperor.'
The women in the harem schemed, and even if I am still at the top of this food chain, I'm not necessarily safe. I'm capable of handling the harem, but in terms of outside of this inner court, I'm doomed. They'll eat me alive.
It happened before in history, didn't it? Yang Guifei or Yang Yuhuan, a high-ranking consort was so loved by Emperor Xuanzong that he was distracted by his duties. In the end, she was executed. It was such a popular story, that it was in many forms of art. I was afraid that this would be my fate. I didn't want to die like this, executed by people who thought I was bad for the great Wang dynasty.
The Emperor wasn't distracted at all, but he chose to bend things for me. I attended court with him when the Empress Dowager wasn't present. The Empress Dowager must have loved me because how could she have let him? If I had to be by the side of the Emperor for three months, I had to watch my back.
Death would be inevitable.
"This was all my fault," Jaxon groaned, turning around to rest his elbow on the railing of the bridge. "I messed up. You could've just fought the late empress and took her hair when she forced you to drink the medicine."
"It definitely is your fault," I commented but moved closer to him. I hesitated for a moment before putting my arm under his, slightly pushing it towards my chest. "But it's fine. I just want one thing from you."
I slowly, nervously, rested my head on his shoulder, watching the landscape in front of us. The silence was bliss. Everything was animated, but slightly. Trees weren't dancing aggressively like before. Everything was going to be fine, I wanted to reassure myself. But I was still afraid. Now, I had to watch my back. I had to watch my step.
Jaxon lowered his head to look at me. "What is that?"
"Protect me," I squeezed his muscular arm closer towards me. "Please... I'm afraid if they'll conspire against me..."
Three months of torture, that's what it was. They'll try and assassinate me, won't they? Or start a rebellion, and who knows? I don't know if they would, but they're crazy. What if Su Yin ends up turning against me? What if one of my maids out of ten of them turn against me?
"Yes. That is my duty, which is to protect you." Jaxon whispered.
There was maximum security but I feared that it will be my downfall if I had trust in anyone around me. The officials are my worst enemies, and for that, I must stay silent for now. Keep your friends close, but enemies closer. It was simple, wasn't it?
But it wasn't. It wasn't simple.