Several months ago, I recalled Prince Jing walking into my chamber. It was in December when we celebrated the Winter Solstice. I thought it was fairly normal for him to come in. I mean, he only did want to get that little brat away from my bed. Even now, I start to realise how informal the Empress and the prince acted.
She didn't punish him when he came to get Hua Yang; she looked delighted to see him. I couldn't grasp the idea of the Empress having an affair. Who would actually be in love with someone like her?
"Your Majesty, do you wish for us to call upon His Highness?" the Emperor's advisor, who hadn't spoken since, leaned over to ask him.
The Emperor didn't react, nor did anyone else. I was speechless. The Empress Dowager was already leaning back in her throne in ease. She was the first one to figure it out. The Emperor was still in thought.
"No..." the Emperor shook his head, looking at the Empress with loathing. It was hard to say how he was feeling. He was in denial. He waited for a while, but the Empress stayed silent. She kept her head down.
The Empress Dowager turned to the advisor. "Bring in Prince Jing."
This was, by far, the wildest thing that has ever happened to me. The eunuchs left swiftly and again, the silence consumed the entire room. No one commented. No one even breathed. The Emperor was reserved with his body language. He blankly stared at the nothingness in front of him.
The Empress was not carrying the next heir. This was another bad news from a piece of bad news.
I don't suspect the Emperor to be ruthless and kill the Empress who was carrying a child. Although he can be ruthless, he wasn't like that. The hurt and pain in his eyes debunked the myth that I always thought: the myth that he was heartless.
The Emperor, with the unreadable face as mysterious as an ancient language, expressed genuine emotions.
He leaned his frame to the right, resting on his elbow. "Empress, is this true? Do you have an affair with Prince Jing?"
Gently, the Empress raised her head to peer up at him.
"The gods are watching," the Emperor spoke louder. "Don't tell a lie again... like you always do."
But the Empress dipped her head down again in defeat. There was nothing else she could say, nothing else she could do. It was over.
I was already pitying the Emperor. I already want to counsel him and tell him that everything will be alright. My biggest fear was that he would discover my trysts with Jaxon. There was guilt forming in me. That's why I can never judge the Empress for her affair with Prince Jing.
I didn't want to be labelled as a hypocrite.
Prince Jing was roughly dragged into the hall. He was thrown next to the Empress. His steel-blue mianfu with grey designs was sprawled on the ground, neatly overlapping the Empress's beautiful red attire.
"Warm blessings to Mother," Prince Jing kowtowed. "Greetings to Your Majesty... What is going on?"
The Empress didn't look at him. She kept her head down, but Prince Jing had other things to say. He whispered something in her ear and the Empress shook her head.
"Take a guess," the Empress Dowager cocked an eyebrow. "The Empress is beside you, kneeling in pure sin. Haven't you heard? She's pregnant."
"Yes, Mother, I do know." Prince Jing responded cluelessly.
The Emperor straightened his posture. "Then do you know that you're the father of the child?"
Prince Jing's body stiffened. He snapped his head to face the Empress, but the Empress avoided his gaze. The Emperor watched intently. Casually, the prince let out a slight chuckle at the Emperor's words. He continued to let out soft laughter. "Your Majesty, that is such an accusation! The Empress belongs to you and only you. How could I dare disrespect the ruler of the nation like that?"
"The timeline doesn't match up. The Empress and I laid with each other nine weeks ago, but she's twelve weeks pregnant," the Emperor calmly explained, boring his eyes into his brother. "If you confess, I may consider only to exile you."
The Empress rubbed her stomach. "Your Majesty, you're under stress... You're not thinking straight. Prince Jing is—"
"Shut up," the Emperor interrupted. "If he confesses his sins, I might consider letting him live!"
"You're delusional! Listen to yourself!" Prince Jing let out a playful chortle.
"I'm delusional? You're sleeping with the Empress, that is a death wish! Who is the crazy one now?" the Emperor held the vessel in his hand with poise. His wrist was slightly trembling, and the Emperor's eyes were narrowing as he spoke.
The Empress leaned over to him, quietly whispering. "Tell His Majesty the truth... Save yourself."
Prince Jing and the Empress must have been very close. Well clearly, as they were sleeping with each other. But, Prince Jing was an enemy. I feel somewhat bad for him but I already knew he took the Empress's side with the way he looked at me the other day. He doesn't like me. I shouldn't like him. Prince Jing is an opponent. If he survives this trial, he might try to destroy me.
Think.
Prince Jing and the Empress. Something about their connection is bothering me. When they are together, having sex was not the only thing they'd be doing. If I can say something that might cause more chaos, I can get rid of my two enemies.
The Empress and her mother may be exiled, but Prince Jing might come back for me. He has power. He can hire assassins to kill me and they might succeed this time.
Wait. Assassins...
Assassins!
"Your Majesty," I called. He turned his attention away from Prince Jing and acknowledged me. His face softened. "Prince Jing and the Empress are fairly close... Does that mean they were both involved with your attempted assassinations?"
The Emperor joined in. "The actress who attempted to assassinate me must have worked for you."
"It was you, wasn't it? You've done enough damage," Prince Jing turned to look at me with disgust on his face. "Was this all your plan to depose—"
"Watch your mouth," the Empress Dowager barked. She slapped the armrest and shot up from her throne. "I never raised you to behave like this! You ungrateful traitor... Those children of the concubines of the late emperor would be glad to take your place!"
Prince Jing threw his head back, letting out another roar of laughter. The Empress placed her hand on his arm, but he swatted her hand away. He was insane just like the Empress. They both carried the same narcissistic tendencies and are rats.
Sadly, I was intrigued. I thought of tying both of them down to a chair and evaluating how their mind worked.
Prince Jing stood up. The guards hurriedly grabbed ahold of him while he remained standing.
"I'll tell you then, if you all want to know," Prince Jing addressed the audience with his arms as he rotated his body to the left. "Your Majesty, I would've been a better emperor. Ever since I was a child, I watched you and you weren't even up to my level!"
The Emperor's eyebrows lowered.
"I cannot fathom as to why I should be bowing to you," Prince Jing scoffed. "I ordered the hit. I wanted to usurp your throne. I wanted to achieve everything that I wanted as an emperor and do more for the nation better than you can!"
"All those years alongside you. All those years thinking that you loved and respected me as much as I loved and respected you," the Emperor's lips tightened. "You are nothing but a traitor... I have no other words for you."
The Empress Dowager settled on her throne again. "How about the attempted assassination against me?"
"Mother," Prince Jing addressed, shaking a finger at her. "I despised you! I couldn't stand how you mistreated me after all those years... You neglected me just because I wasn't the Crown Prince!"
"That is not true! I loved you as much as I loved all of the children," the Empress Dowager shouted. "Hua Yang is not my blood daughter but I still love her as if she was my own! I paid more attention to The Emperor because I wanted him to succeed efficiently! I have never, ever, neglected you and you and I know that. As a mother, it hurts to hear you say those words to me..."
Her eyes watered. "After everything I've done to keep my position... After all the things I did for you... You disgust me."
The Emperor eyed the Empress. "You supported him, why? To remain the Empress, is that right? You never loved me, did you?"
"Of course I loved you!" the Empress screamed, tears were falling down her cheeks.
As the Empress wailed, the guards forced the prince onto his knees, disregarding his title.
The Empress sniffed. "Your Majesty, everyone in here knows how much I love you! I love you so much that I couldn't bear to see you with other women! I love you so much even though you neglected me! We haven't slept together for so long, do you understand my pain?"
"Ying Yue has never given you a child and you promote her to an Imperial Noble Consort? Do you know how I felt? You never acknowledged me," the Empress sobbed. "You never did! I apologize, Your Majesty, that I loved you so much that I couldn't live to see you neglect me!"
The Emperor struggled to retort. He stared dully at her, his dark eyes pierced the words coming out her lips. As much as I wanted to roll my eyes at her outburst, I couldn't. The Emperor loved her but I knew there wasn't the spark anymore. I think both of them had faults in the relationship.
What am I even doing? Analyzing their relationship. I laughed in my head. How weird is that? What am I? A marriage counsellor? I bowed my head down to stifle a laugh. Laughing was totally uncalled for, but this entire journey was just satire at this point.
I pictured the Empress's poem Hua Er and I read, and I seriously couldn't stop smiling.
The Empress paused, she was looking up at the Emperor, waiting for a reply. There wasn't any. She sniffed again on the verge of breaking into more tears. "The title of an empress is important to me... But all I ever wanted was your unconditional love and your approval."
"Empress, I do love you—" the Emperor whispered in exasperation.
"No, you don't! An empress is supposed to be favoured," the Empress snapped. "Second to none... Like you told me. But we know that's false."
There was a shine in the darkness of the Emperor's eyes. His Adam's apple bobbed as he turned his eyes away from her. He looked away from the rest of us. Everyone could tell the pain and guilt in his eyes. It all stopped when faint laughter erupted from the Empress's lips.
She laughed. Her mother turned to her and rubbed her back. The Empress exploded with hysteria. Her dainty hands pressed against her stomach as she exploded with the deafening sound of painful laughter. Mouth widened, eyes closed—she looked insane with the tears running down her face.
"He was the one who made it feel as if I was the only woman in his eyes. Did I love him? No! But I felt special," the Empress leaned her body back as she rested her palms on the ground. "Your Majesty, I'm sorry I'll never be the woman you loved! After all, I stopped being your empress a long time ago... I'm sorry, I'll never be Wan Er!"
It was like the ticking bomb in the Emperor had finally hit zero seconds, because he stood up with rage. His eyes bugged out. His mother, behind him, gaped at her son's reaction. Many of the people around me were alarmed, some even gasping at her remark.
I looked around, and I was one of the few that was puzzled. Who the hell was Wan Er?
"Your Majesty," just like that, the tension was almost gone. The eunuchs arrived with the silk scarf, that brought me flashbacks, and a white piece of fabric. "The silk Guan Shu used to hang herself is the same material as the one the Empress has used in her previous hanfu."
"You disrupted the peace in the harem," the Emperor barked. "You and your mother... Evil, deceptive women... you two deserve death."
"Your Majesty, the Empress is still pregnant." his advisor warned.
The Emperor smirked. "Murder the mother, and have the Empress exiled away from Jing."
His mother nodded.
"No, no! Please spare my mother, please! Your Majesty, you mustn't—" the Empress wailed, crawling towards him but she was stopped by guards.
The Empress's mother gave her daughter a tight-lipped smile. "It's alright, darling. I'll be fine. As long as you're safe, I will be fine."
The mother and daughter duo looked at each other with regret. Both of them, hugging each other closely, almost made me emotional. The Empress deserves to die with the baby. All the things she put me through... No matter how many times I stop and pause to sympathize with her, I cannot let that get to me.
"Did you kill Wan Er too?" the Emperor asked, his voice softened when he spoke her name.
"No," the Empress chuckled, taunting the Emperor with her eyes. "But I wish I did."
Before the Emperor could respond, the Empress turned her body towards me and pointed at me. She narrowed her eyes at me. I tilted my head a little. I remained nonchalant in front of her, waiting for her to insult me.
"I've taken two maids... I've taken Guan Shu's little son... I murdered Imperial Concubine Chun as well! How I regret it because that was what you wanted all along, wasn't it? I fell for it! I murdered her for you! I thought I'd get away with it," the Empress snorted. "I really thought... But you, Madame Ying Yue, you're just like me. You're just like me! Even smarter than me!"
I cringed when she compared me with her.
"Empress, enough!" the Empress Dowager demanded.
The Emperor grimaced. "I'll make an example out of you!"
The Empress frowned as she wagged her index finger in my face. "You disgusting temptress... You dirty wench. You will never have the title of 'Empress.' You're just as evil as me!"
The Empress broke out in more hysterical laughter before the Emperor's main eunuch pulled out a scroll.
He cleared his throat. "An imperial decree has been passed! The Empress, Nian Shu, was found guilty for the death of Imperial Noble Consort Yang, Guan Shu, Rong Er, and Imperial Concubine Chun. She has been found guilty of bribing palace servants. She has been found guilty of defamation of Imperial Noble Consort Han. She has been found guilty for treason."
"Why was there an attempted assassination on the Empress?" the Empress Dowager looked at the quiet assassin and then at Prince Jing.
The assassin shook his head as Prince Jing stayed silent. "I am not apart of that scheme. I don't know, I apologize, Your Majesty."
Prince Jing was also found guilty, but as the Emperor declared his crimes, I was too busy celebrating the sweet victory.
Chang Ying and I glanced at each other. We shared a kind look.
My shoulders drooped and my body loosened. There was no more stiffness in my body, as I released all of the tension in my body. The people all around me, supporting me, made me feel proud. W did it. We finally did it. Su Yin wasn't there, but I know she was in her chamber waiting for the announcement of the Empress's evil doings.
Although I knew it wouldn't be true, I wished and hoped that this would be the last time someone would ever try to plot against me.
"Greetings to Your Grace." Su Yin bowed. Chang Ying stood behind her looking amused. I giggled under the warm, thick blankets wrapping around my body. I haven't left the bed for a while after the improper trial. Here I was, being a human burrito, right after defeating one of the most powerful women in the entire nation... second to the Empress Dowager of course.
Chang Ying sat on the edge of my bed, she held the tray holding tea and Su Yin brought the teacup towards me. I took the teacup gratefully and took a long sip. As I finished, I smiled at them. "It's nice for you two to visit me. Please whisper, Hua Er is sleeping."
"You truly have outdone yourself, sister," Chang Ying complimented. "His Majesty is still keeping the Empress in the Cold Palace."
"Prince Jing is still being kept for questioning later on this week," Su Yin added. She grabbed my hand and squeezed it tightly. "You didn't drink the soup, am I correct?"
I shook my head, letting out laughter from my nostrils. "Of course not."
They both stared at me in admiration. I slightly felt uncomfortable under their stares, but I was secretly flattered. Su Yin had the widest grin on her face. I was sure she was waiting for this moment her whole life. I served justice and now, I felt on top of the world. I also knew that Guan Shu would've celebrated with me.
However, I was still shocked that I did it. I actually did. I was so nervous, yet I did it. I wanted to jump in joy and scream. I did it! This was one of my best achievements and it made me upset that I couldn't even share it with anyone else that I knew.
Also, I finally found out all the small mysteries in this place, but one thing I was clueless about is who Wan Er was. Chang Ying and Su Yin must've known because they've been here longer than I have, especially Chang Ying. She looked almost shocked that the Empress brought this person up.
"I have a question." I sat up from my bed, running my fingers through my combed hair.
Su Yin adjusted herself. She was kneeling on the floor, inches away from my face.
I took a deep breath. "Who's Wan Er?"
The two women in front of turned to face each other. My question had alarmed them. It hit a certain spot, and I knew it. However, I am a curious person. I always was. I don't want any more secrets here in the Palace, I was done.
Su Yin shook her head apologetically to me and smiled nervously. "I think Madame Chang Ying should be the one to inform you."
I fixed my gaze at Chang Ying, eagerly leaning forwards to her. She looked away from me. There was a terrible silence between them and I almost felt guilty for even bringing her up. It was bound to happen anyway. They knew me. Whatever they tried to hide from me, was already revealed by the Empress.
"That damn Empress," Chang Ying muttered under her breath. I widened my eyes at her cursing. She never cursed before. As she looked up to speak, I could see unease in her eyes. "Madame Wan Er was a favoured consort. His Majesty loved her more than he loved me... more than he loved Her Majesty as well."
Chang Ying brushed a loose strand of hair that stuck to her cheek. "The Empress, undeniably, didn't like that. She hated Wan Er for this reason and swore she would ruin her—it never worked. There was a time where Wan Er was framed for theft—for stealing books from the Imperial library—but at the end, the Empress was suddenly ill and the plan backfired."
"There was also another time where Madame Wan Er was accused of usurping the Empress's throne, but the maid who was supposed to testify against her, passed out and died," Su Yin added. "Her Grace was clueless about it, and didn't even know the Empress was trying to plot against her."
Wan Er to me, was starting to be spoken out as if she was a god. The whole thing was new to me. The amount of Imperial Noble Consorts there once was, was frightening to me. How old was the Emperor?
Chang Ying nodded, taking a short glance at Su Yin's direction before turning back to look at me. "Indeed. We all believed that Wan Er was doted by the gods, and she had them by her side at all times. We all thought she was blessed by them and that they were in all in her favour."
"We also thought that about you too," Su Yin meekly whispered. "That's why Noble Consort Qi always hated you... She was always a jealous woman."
Not surprised. Niu Lin probably hated Wan Er's guts.
I waited for a short pause to ask a burning question. "Then what happened to her? Did Her Majesty finally get to her?"
Chang Ying shook her head. "Apparently not... I guess Wan Er truly died from childbirth. It was surprising for me to hear that the Empress didn't have anything to do with it. I doubt anyone else would go against Wan Er, it would be very detrimental to them."
"Anyways," Chang Ying sighed. "She did give birth to a son. If Her Majesty couldn't produce a boy, Wan Er's child would be announced as the Crown Prince. Her son would be the heir to the throne and Wan Er would remain in the Palace."
"What happened to the son?" I asked, narrowing my eyes.
Chang Ying looked away from me. "He died after five weeks... It was tragic for His Majesty. During morning court assemblies, everyone noticed his distress. For weeks, he tried to be this... bold, powerful man... He was but... we could all see how hurt he was. Wan Er wasn't an ordinary consort, she was very loved by the Emperor."
The last words stung me. I didn't love the Emperor, neither wanted anything to do with him, but I wished he would open up to me as a friend. He was fascinating. I wanted to know him. I wanted to know who he was behind the 'Emperor' title.
He never confessed and spoke to me about Wan Er. I frowned at the thought that all of them knew and I didn't.
"The Empress and Wan Er didn't really have conflict," Chang Ying frowned. "But Wan Er did try to plot against the Empress. She's tried many times but the Empress always had scapegoats... She isn't a saint as everyone sees her as."
I cleared my throat. "Did you two ever team up?"
"No," Chang Ying answered quickly. She then looked at me apologetically. "If Wan Er and I ever teamed up, the Empress would've lost her title a long time ago."
"His Majesty never told me about her..." I mumbled in embarrassment. I was supposed to be a favoured consort, but it felt sad to know that he couldn't open up to me. I felt like an outsider. I felt that everyone else benefitted from knowing this information. Was I self-absorbed to think that?
"I wouldn't be surprised. After it happened, we never spoke of it again. The Emperor never speaks about it, nor acknowledges it... He hides it very well," Chang Ying stared at her hands. "Nobody is allowed to mention it, Ying Yue. We all swore and took an oath to never speak of her again."
I made a confused face. "But why? That wouldn't be what she wanted? Wouldn't it be more courteous to speak of her in a high manner? Wouldn't it benefit her if they all—"
"The Emperor isn't like that, Ying Yue," Chang Ying interrupted. She faced me, slanting her eyebrows up and giving me a slight shrug. "He loves her dearly, though. I know he did."
"Tell her about the bad omen, Your Grace... She has to know." Su Yin quietly spoke to her.
Chang Ying inhaled sharply. "I am not the type of person to believe in it, but I was starting to be concerned about you. His Majesty couldn't bear to leave the 'Imperial Noble Consort' title vacant because it reminded him of the loss of Wan Er, so he put the first 'Noble Consort' that came to mind..."
"Dong Mei." I nodded.
"Correct," Chang Ying slightly nodded. "The Emperor did love Dong Mei... Anyways, after her death, many were afraid of what to come when you were announced as the new Imperial Noble Consort. We were all to pretend as if everything was alright, even though there was a bad omen behind the title..."
Su Yin pursed her lips, nodding along as Chang Ying spoke. "We were all afraid that you may end up... like how they did... It was such a bad thing to believe but, you have to understand how the Palace works."
"I was afraid something would happen to you... Two deaths as an Imperial Noble Consort? It was too frightening to think about," Chang Ying continued. "His Majesty doesn't believe in it. He refuses to, which I understand. I don't believe your title is cursed."
"Shouldn't you be afraid as well?" I asked.
"I'm the only person who remained an Imperial Noble Consort for this long," Chang Ying explained hesitantly. "If the curse was ever real, I can't be affected. It would have to be your spot... Besides, even if the title was cursed, it didn't stop others from wishing and fighting over it."
It all made sense.
'You'll probably die an Imperial Noble Consort...'
'By the time your plan will work, you might already die! The Emperor will eventually find your corpse in your bedroom, and he'll make sure nobody brings your name up again!'
'By the time the Empress falters, you'll falter with her. Madame Ying Yue was the successor of Madame Dong Mei who—"
'That's enough, Niu Lin.'
'You're so oblivious.' ... 'I'd never want that title anyway...'
I blinked back the flashbacks before facing reality. After all this, it didn't feel like reality to me. I still felt as if I was in an everlasting dream or a long coma. That was why Chang Ying yelled at her. She was the angriest I've ever seen.
"That's why Niu Lin mocked me for my title?" I asked, already confirming it in my head.
Chang Ying pursed her lips to the side. Her eyes glistened. She looked upset when she spoke and her mood suddenly dropped.
The two left me to be. The Emperor was supposed to arrive soon and it would be fairly awkward for him to walk in on three of us, including sleeping Hua Er who fluttered her eyes open. She yawned and pushed herself up.
Hua Er combed through her now tangled hair and turned to face me. I was about to speak but the footsteps outside were loud enough for me to lay back into bed. I was dying of thirst but it would be sketchy to lean over and grab myself some water. My maids have already been dismissed, so I had to do my own thing.
As Hua Er stood up, she gave me a lopsided smile and walked out of the room. I stayed quiet, listening to the birds outside.
"His Majesty has arrived!" the eunuch outside declared, and not long after, the Emperor arrived with an assertive presence. I stayed silent in bed, making short eye contact with him before trying to get up from the bed.
I pulled my upper body up. "Greetings to—"
"Please don't, you need rest," the Emperor said gently as he put his arm around my waist and let me lay down again. His frame towered over me.
Our eyes studied each other, waiting for one to speak. He slowly removed his arm and held my cheek in the palm of his hand. I felt his thumb rubbing gently on my cheek. Everything around me was blurred, my eyes focused on the Emperor's eyes, still watching me as if I was the most fragile china.
He cleared his throat and kept his hands to himself again. "How are you feeling?"
"Your Majesty, I apologize for what happened," I frowned, gripping on the bed cover. "It wasn't supposed to be this way."
"I'm glad it happened, Ying Yue," the Emperor responded, his eyes darkened. "There are people who will betray me, that's life... I am glad that justice is served."
The Emperor sat on the edge of my bed, still facing me. I felt the bed dip. It was comfortable knowing that someone else was here with me and that I didn't have to be alone pretending that I was crazy. My 'craziness' is supposed to wear off by now.
I tried to lift myself up. I was helped up by the Emperor's hands, both holding each side of my waist. The butterflies were starting to flutter in my stomach. We've never had this physical intimacy for a very long time, and I don't think I feel comfortable with it. My body lies.
"Your Majesty, you're not mad at me for starting such a mess?" I asked, already knowing the answer.
He looked away from me and shook his head. He smirked. "Did you not see me stifle a laugh when you were acting foolishly? I did get mad at you at first, but it was hard to remain mad at you."
"Besides," he rested his palm near my thigh. "You didn't start anything. It was all the Empress's doings and soon, I will revoke her title. Also, I convinced Mother to allow you to leave your estate."
"Thank you, Your Majesty. I do apologize for what happened," I placed my hand on his shoulder. "You didn't deserve such betrayal."
The Emperor's eyes met mine again. His face relaxed. "Life goes on, Ying Yue. I won't dwell on past situations."
His eyes told me otherwise, that he wasn't telling the truth. The Emperor hid a lot of things from the public and chose that as a defense mechanism. He had to. I understood. Emotions will only bring you down and cause you more harm.
I'm already trying my best to get over Guan Shu, even after I avenged her, but it was difficult. The Emperor and I were opposites in this case. I chose to have only five maids because I still wanted to think of Guan Shu. The Emperor chose to replace Wan Er soon after her death. In a sense, he ran away from his problems.
"It's also not good to repress your emotions, Your Majesty," I replied firmly, staring at him as if I was scolding him. He furrowed his eyebrows. "If you repress your emotions, you'll break even more."
"I disagree with you," the Emperor sat upright. "Why should I waste my energy thinking about past events and what it has caused me? I am an emperor. I do the best for my nation. I have bigger issues to think about."
I was hesitating to bring up Wan Er. It was a touchy subject but I'd rather hit a nerve than be in the dark. What I had for the Emperor was platonic, yet I did truly care for him.
"Remember when we talked about losing someone? You didn't mean Dong Mei," I rested my arm behind me, my palms pressing deeply into the bed as I put my weight on it. The Emperor exhaled sharply. "You meant Wan Er, am I correct, Your Majesty?"
There was a different side of him. He looked uncomfortable as if I was pressuring him. The Emperor's eyes glistened as he stared straight at me somberly. I waited for him to respond. I watched him carefully. The sorrowful look he attempted to conceal was finally revealed to me, but I refused to act as if I was pitying him.
People like the Emperor despise when other people pity them.
He nodded, his Adam's apple bobbed. As he explained the situation between him and Wan Er, I pretended as if I knew nothing. I'm sure it wasn't Chang Ying nor Su Yin's business to tell, but I do respect them for giving me insight. The Emperor put more passion, more emotions, and I felt his pain.
His guards were down as he continued to talk to me about Wan Er. He loved her, and he still did. The Emperor moved on from many things. I know this because as a powerful ruler, you must be able to handle a lot of conflicts.
Wan Er's death was powerful enough to have the Emperor in anguish as he spoke about her as if she was a god. After he finished, I asked him a few questions I knew the answer to, and he replied without hesitation.
The Emperor had opened up to me, for once. Or maybe the second time?
"Your Majesty, you are very strong," I gave him a reassuring smile. "I respect you deeply. Death is the hardest to overcome... Wan Er seemed to be a lovely woman."
His demeanour changed. The Emperor let out a heavy exhale and turned away from me. "Yes. Let's not bring her up anymore. I refuse to speak about her again."
I nodded solemnly. The Emperor came to visit me, and I must take this opportunity to do what's right. I'd rather have the assassin dead. He caused chaos here and to me as well. But I wanted to keep our deal.
"Your Majesty, about the assassin that will be sent for execution," I whispered sheepishly. He looked at me. "H-He cooperated very well with me... I acknowledge that he has caused chaos but, I was wondering if you can pardon him."
The Emperor widened his eyes at my request. He shook his head furiously. "No. I will never pardon a vicious man like that! How dare you ask me of such..."
"I expected that answer but you pardoned Prince Jing? You pardoned Chancellor Wei Cheng." I responded quickly.
"They still assisted me with many things! Wei Cheng served me respectfully—he is one of the most intelligent chancellors. Jing is my brother, we have a family relationship," the Emperor remained calm. "You should know that family is very important, Ying Yue. We take kinship very seriously."
I raised an eyebrow. "They still betrayed you, haven't they, Your Majesty? They were close to you. There was a bond, but even then, they ended up backstabbing you.."
The Emperor focused his eyes on me.
"What makes them any different from the assassin that didn't know you at all?" I got the words out, but I struggled. I was afraid the Emperor would hate me, or even loathe me. To excuse an assassin? That was low.
He studied me for a little bit until he looked away. I watched as he stayed silent, blankly staring at the blanket covering my lower body. My palms were sweating so I hid them under the blanket. I hit a nerve. I went too far.
He broke the silence, nodding with agreement. "You're right. I'll only exile him."