I sat with my back against the brick wall, my sketchbook in my lap.
I love the calm serenity that the early morning brings.
Before the disruption of the cool morning air and the soft leaves blowing in the wind by the mindless chatter of the student body.
I wish I could just stay in this moment.
I looked down my sketchbook, picking up my pencil to add some detail to the leaves on my tree.
I'd been coming out here for two weeks now to draw the tree across the courtyard.
It was an ancient oak tree, the branches drooping and the wood rotting.
But there was something special about it to me, something compelling.
My phone buzzed in my pocket, signaling that it was exactly 8:00 AM.
It was time for me to actually start my day.
I closed up my sketchbook, shoving it into my backpack before heading to the front office.
"Good morning Lee," Nurse Addie greeted.
"Morning," I greeted, tucking my hands into my pockets as she unlocked the medicine cabinet.
I'm not sure who else on campus has controlled medicine through the school nurse.
I know Warren keeps Excedrin Migraine and Tylenol PM in his room, both forbidden for students to have on them. But nobody really gives a fuck.
Except Parker.
I twisted one of the bracelets around my wrist as Nurse Addie pulled my old man medicine container down, handing it to me.
I popped Tuesday morning open, retrieving the pills inside.
Nurse Addie handed me a Dixie cup filled with water, and I downed all of the pills in a single swallow.
"That's not healthy," she informed me.
I don't actually care.
I handed her back the container and she locked it back up safely in the medicine cabinet.
"And how are you feeling today?" she asked me.
I hate that question.
I've been asked that question so many times in my life, more than I can count in the past few months.
And I never have a proper answer.
"Am I free to go?" I asked.
She nodded, picking up the phone to call Parker I'm sure.
I exited her office, heading down to the cafeteria for breakfast.
I ended up with three pancakes, eggs, and bacon for breakfast before locating my lunch table, at which Dustin, Justin and Kara were already seated.
"Get enough there?" Kara teased.
I shoved a forkful of pancake into my mouth, smirking at her.
"Has anyone heard from Warren?" Justin asked.
I shook my head, looking over at McKenna walked into the cafeteria.
She tentatively looked around, as though she was searching for a table to sit at.
I waved her down, inviting her to come and sit with us.
"I'll bet he overslept," Justin commented.
"Who?" I asked, tuning back into our table's conversation.
"Warren," he reminded me.
"Like that's anything new," I said, taking bite of my eggs.
"Well someone needs to go wake him up."
"I vote Dustin," I said, smiling at him.
"I did it last time."
"And you did such a great job."
"I'm with Lee," Justin agreed.
"Fuck you guys."
I chuckled as McKenna joined our table, a single pancake and a slice of bacon on her plate.
"It's okay," I said, as she sat down. "You can always go back and get more."
"I don't like pancakes," she informed me.
I stared at her, unwilling to accept the words that had just left her mouth.
"You what?" Dustin asked her.
"I'm more of a waffle person."
"You're a shame to America is what you are," I said, pointing my fork at her.
She laughed as I took another bite of my pancake.
"I'm going," Dustin informed me.
"Congratulations," I said, and he threw a napkin at me as he left.
"As are we," Justin said, smiling over at Kara.
They make way too many babies.
"Use protection," I advised, and Kara just rolled her eyes at me.
"And then there were two," McKenna commented.
"Dustin will be back," I said, taking a sip of my orange juice. "He went to find Warren."
McKenna didn't say anything to that, and a silence fell over our table.
I picked up my orange juice, sloshing it around and watching the tornado created inside the bottle.
"Do your bracelets have a meaning?" McKenna asked me, after a few moments of silence.
I looked over at her. "What?"
"Your bracelets," she repeated. "Do any of them have meaning?"
I looked down my arms, which were loaded with rubber and string bracelets.
They were to hide my scars.
"Not anything that comes to mind," I said, unscrewing the top on my orange juice and taking a sip.
"I like that one," she said, pointing to the tan, hand-weaved string bracelet on my left wrist.
Emily had bought it for me after a long day, where Parker and I had really gotten into it during therapy.
She'd taken my down to the local craft fair and we'd walked the streets in silence mostly, because I was still fuming and she was sympathetic.
When we'd gotten back into the car, she surprised me with this bracelet, and told me that she'd bought it from a vendor who had hand-crafted all of his pieces.
Then she proceeded to tell me that it was meant to serve as a reminder. The different shades of tan in this bracelet represent the different parts of me, all weaved into one. And the days when things get hard, or I'm feeling down on myself, it's meant to remind me that somehow it's all meant to come together in the end.
Or something like that.
Emily had an eloquent way with words that made everything make sense.
"I like that one too," I agreed, smiling over at McKenna.
~*~
"I have a fever," I informed Parker, my phone pressed to my ear.
"Is that so?"
"Yeah," I said, flopping down on my bed. "It's like a really high one too."
"You have to go to group therapy Lee."
"But I have a fever."
"I bet you do. Tell your therapist all about it for me."
I rolled my eyes, grumbling a good-bye before ending my phone call with Parker.
I pulled on my Converse and grabbed my penny board before leaving my dorm room, stuffing my phone into my back pocket.
I skated my way off campus, the humid night air whipping around me.
The humidity was no better here than it was down in Miami.
My group therapist's office was on a couple of blocks away, which made it the perfect length for me to skateboard.
Otherwise Parker would have to come and pick me up and drop me off every single Tuesday night. Which would be quite annoying.
I hated being early to group therapy, because then my therapist actually wanted to talk to me one-on-one, and I really just wanted to slip in and slip out.
And today was I here just in the nick of time.
I picked up my skateboard and headed inside, the room already half-full, which is how I like it.
I took my usual seat, flipping my penny board upside down and shoving it underneath my seat.
"Good evening Lee," Travis, my therapist, said with a smile.
"Evening," I answered, folding my arms across my chest.
Travis resumed his conversation with the girl a couple of seats to my right, and I found myself tuning in and out of the conversations around me until it was actually time to start.
And even then I found it incredibly difficult to pay attention.
There was this new painting on the wall. It looked like it was painted during the Romanticism period, perhaps a little later. It was a beautiful piece of a scenery, a sunset over a snow-covered village. Although I'm not sure how that was supposed to relate to therapy.
"Lee?" Travis asked.
Fuck.
"What?" I asked, my attention snapping over to him.
"Your up for this week," he reminded me.
Oh, this part.
I unfolded my arms, sitting up a little straighter as I realized that everyone's eyes were on me, waiting for my answer.
"Um," I said, my right leg bouncing.
I hated this part of the session.
"I aced my Pre-Calc test."
It was the easiest test of the year. It was a review over the Geometry that we'd learned last year.
"That's great," Travis encouraged.
Not really, I didn't give a flying fuck. I wasn't one to get excited about stuff; I was more of a go-with-the-flow kind of guy.
"And your down?" Travis asked me.
Before I could answer, the door opened, signaling that someone was coming in late.
Maybe it was that guy that usually sits to my left, the one that smells like moldy cheese.
I sincerely hope that it's not.
And then McKenna walked in.
My eyes widened, and I wanted to slowly crawl under my chair.
Why was the new girl here at group therapy for people that battled Depression and self-harm?
"Hello," Travis said, standing up.
"Hi," McKenna said, clasping her hands behind her back.
"Welcome to our group, you're welcome to sit anywhere." He gestured around the circle.
And of course, because my life is one awkward mess, McKenna and I made eye contact.
McKenna's eyes widened, and I wanted to lie down in a hole and bury myself.
And then something clicked.
McKenna had to be here for a reason.
She took the seat next to me, since it was practically the only seat still available, before Travis sat back down.
"So Lee," Travis said, redirecting his attention towards me. "What was your down this week?"
Oh shit, we're still on that.
My right knee bounced up and down as I tried to recall this past week.
I didn't die, so I guess that's good.
But saying that out loud in group therapy after I'd tried to commit suicide not too long ago probably wouldn't get me too far.
"I sort of had this panic attack in the middle of class yesterday," I blurted.
Only to realize that that particular panic attack was caused by McKenna.
"And how'd you deal with that?" Travis asked me.
"By fleeing the room."
A few teenagers in the room chuckled at my answer.
Travis just shook his head at me.
"I just went and chilled with Nurse Adeline," I amended, because Travis is much like Parker and hates when I don't answer his questions. "And then continued on with my life."
"Well I'm glad to hear that you had a quick turnaround."
That's Travis, always finding the positive in every situation.
I nodded, waiting for him to move onto his next victim.
He continued around the circle before looping back around to McKenna, who looked like a deer in headlights.
"Your up for this week?" Travis asked her. "Just basically a high point of your week."
"Um, well I moved to a new school this week," she answered, quietly. "And I managed to make a couple of friends."
Oh right, that's me.
"That's awesome!" Travis said, with a smile.
I swear that he's more enthusiastic about our lives than we are.
"And your low point this week? Just basically something that happened that could've gone better."
I switched so I was sitting criss-cross, shoving the palms of my hands under my thighs.
"Well I had to leave my old school," she pointed out. "And leave all my friends."
"That's always hard," Travis agreed. "But you made a couple of new friends at your new school, and I'm sure it'll only get better."
I switched so my left leg was tucked under my right leg, my arms folded across my chest again.
"Alright, so today we're going to talk about our childhood experiences," Travis informed us. "And how those experiences might have contributed to your sense of the world today."
Sounds wonderful.
I uncrossed my arms, letting them fall limp into my lap as my right leg continued to bounce.
I think that the brunette Leslie started off the conversation, but I was back to staring at the new painting across the room.
Upon closer observation, there seemed to be a skier headed down the mountain, surrounded by snow-covered trees, aimed towards the small village.
"What about you Lee?" Travis asked me.
I really need to tune into these conversations every once and a while.
"What about me?"
"Was there a certain memory from your childhood that you think defines who you are today?"
Well, let's see. My parents are dead and my 19-year old brother currently has custody of me, but is also on probation for everything that happened last year so at any moment I could be ripped out of his custody and turned over to the state.
Nope, nothing sticks out of the ordinary.
"Probably when I was like 7 or 8 and I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder," I stated.
I took the easy road. I didn't want to talk about the death of my parents today, and I could see in Travis's face that he understood that.
"That can be a defining moment in your childhood," Travis agreed.
"Yeah. It was really confusing and I felt like I didn't understand myself at all anymore."
"And how do you feel on that subject now?"
"What subject?"
"Understanding yourself?"
"I still don't feel like I understand myself. But at least I'm figuring it out a little better now."
Travis accepted that as my answer, and turned to another one of his victims.
I folded my arms across my chest, sinking down in my chair a bit.
"What about you McKenna?" Travis asked.
I looked over at the new girl next to me.
McKenna briefly made eye contact with me before looking back over at Travis.
"The defining moment in my childhood would be two years ago when I watched my sister die."
My entire body fell still. Which for me was considered a miracle.
Shock coursed through my body as I watched McKenna.
I never would've guessed that.
Travis leaned back in his chair. "That would be a defining moment."
McKenna just nodded.
"So how would you say that you're currently working through that?"
And then my right leg started bouncing again.
It was almost as if it had a mind of its own.
"Well I've moved away," she said, her arms wrapped around herself. "Tried to start fresh."
"You just have to take it day-by-day," Travis encouraged.
McKenna nodded, and Travis moved on.
And then the hour clicked to an end.
"I'll see you all next week!" Travis called, as I snatched up my penny board and headed out the door.
I held the door open for McKenna.
"Thanks," she muttered.
"Sure."
McKenna came and stood next to me on the sidewalk.
"So about tonight," she started.
"Hold on," I said, my eyes trained on Parker.
He was bent down on the sidewalk, slowly reaching out towards a squirrel.
And then the squirrel scurried away before Parker could touch it.
"Sorry, what?" I asked, looking over at McKenna.
"I didn't know that you came here."
"Well it's only your second day in town, I wouldn't expect you to."
"Well it's just that everybody at my old school knew about my sister," McKenna explained. "And I was hoping for a new start here."
"Hey, your secret is safe with me. Nobody here at Jefferson Lake knows anything about me."
I looked over at Parker, who was now sitting criss-cross on the sidewalk with his arms braced behind him, staring up into the tree where the squirrel had scurried off to.
"Do you want to ride back with me?" I asked McKenna, looking over at her.
"On your skateboard?" she asked, pointing to the penny board in my hand.
"No," I declined. "With the moron that was trying to pet the squirrel." I pointed over to my brother.
Parker's eyes snapped over at the sound of my voice, and he smiled at me.
"Is that your brother?" McKenna asked me, laughing.
Kind of.
"Did you see that squirrel?" Parker asked, bounding over to me.
"The one that you tried to pet?" I asked. "Are you trying to get rabies?"
"Do you think squirrels can lick you? Like dogs?"
"Yes," McKenna said, answering her own question. "This is definitely your brother."
"Hi," Parker said. "Who are you?"
"She's riding with us," I informed Parker.
"Does she like Buffalo Wild Wings?"
I looked over at McKenna.
She shrugged and nodded.
"Then that's fine. But who is she?"
"McKenna," she introduced. "McKenna Scott."
A smile spread across Parker's face as he recognized the name.
"Nice to meet you McKenna Scott," he said, flashing me a smile. "I'm Parker."
I'm going to bury myself in a hole.
"Are we going?" I asked Parker.
He nodded, turning towards the car.
"You two look alike," McKenna commented. "But then again you don't."
"He's a jock," I filled in. "In every form of the word."
She chuckled. "Does he go to FSU?"
I nodded.
"Football?"
I shook my head. "Soccer."
Parker opened the back door for McKenna, and she climbed into the backseat as I headed around to the passenger seat.
"So McKenna Scott?" Parker asked me.
"Shut up," I warned.
"The same girl you had a panic attack over?"
"Parker," I warned.
"Does she find that kind of thing hot?"
I shook my head at him, opening the passenger door and stepping inside, glaring at him across the center console.
Parker started up the car, backing out of the therapy center before trying to find a radio station.
"I mean, I guess it's kind of hot," McKenna commented.
I looked back over my shoulder at her, before exchanging confused glances with Parker.
"You have a panic attack over me," McKenna added.
I could feel my cheeks heating up, and I shot Parker a death glare.
If looks could kill.
He was trying not to laugh, but he wasn't too successful.
"It wasn't even like that," I muttered.
Parker let out a laugh, unable to contain himself.
McKenna chuckled in the backseat, shooting me an innocent smile.
"I'm going to fucking murder you," I muttered to Parker.
***************************************************************************************************************
So what did you guys think about Lee's quiet morning ot himself? Were you expecting that? What about his morning conversation with McKenna? And his bracelet from Emily? Well, his bracelets in general? And then what about group therapy? Most of you guessed McKenna would be the one to join. Were you expecting McKenna's story? And then Parker there at the end? Such the older, annoying brother.
The picture up at the top was submitted by xoxoislander. What do you think?
Just a friendly reminder that today is still Nov. 24th, as I said I would update. I don't need you guys to slam me with update comments, I'm aware of the date and the time and everything I promise. If it gets out of hand, I'm just going to take away the little update day... So let's just not let it get to that point okay? We're all big kids here.
Teaser: It's field trip time. The school heads to the Florida History Museum, and Lee has to convince Parker that it's a good idea for him to go.
Update: Thursday, November 27th. Thanksgiving Day for those of you here in the United States :D