This is the one-shot that won the Watty Awards contest that I ran. This was written by Wattpad user @jackie8756. This is not part of the story and/or affiliated with Jefferson Lake.

This one-shot is set in the summer between MBBF & JL, when Lee was in rehab. It contains darker themes and should be read at your own risk.

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Lee's POV

*trigger warning*


I'm not supposed to be alive.

The whole fucking point of trying to commit suicide is to die.

And yet I was still here.

This was still taking some getting used to, waking up every morning when I didn't expect to.

I was lying in bed in the apartment Parker and I had moved into not too long ago.

"Why are you moving out?" I remember asking him.

He was surprised I asked a question.

Parker paused before answering, "I think we could use our own place right now."

And now here we were.

I had my own room, but I didn't have much in it.

Bare white walls, a mattress, and a couple sketch pads lying around just about summed it up.

But right now I wanted to get away from it.

But it wasn't that simple.

I threw the blankets off of me. I'd been tossing and turning in bed for over an hour now but hadn't mustered the energy to actually get up and start my day.

Come on Lee, get up.

But my brain and body weren't on the same page.

Getting up shouldn't be this difficult.

With much effort I dragged myself out of bed, my body feeling heavier than it is. I tugged on a pair of Parker's sweatpants.

I needed to do something. I didn't want to think about whether I'm supposed to be alive or not.

I stepped into the kitchen brushing past Parker and his cup of coffee. I grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge uncapping it.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Parker trying to examine me without me noticing. Like he was trying to assess my mental state.

It was getting on my nerves.

"Can you quit analyzing me, you're not my fucking therapist," I snapped.

My first words this morning.

Parker sighed running a hand through his hair.

"I'm just making sure you're okay."

Well, I'm doing great.

"I'm fine."

"Have you taken your meds yet?"

Does it look like I have?

Parker took my silence as a no grabbing the bottle of pills. The sound of them rattling inside made my skin crawl.

I'm not supposed to be alive.

He held the bottle out towards
me.

I took a step back.

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