For this chapter i recommend you listen to "could have been by H.E.R ft Bryson tiller" while reading.
There are times we believe that what destroyed us is our safest place and we can't help but keep escaping back to what hurt us the most and scary past is we forget the hurt and defend it by claiming it was a moment of confusion.
Sanè POV.
I can't seem to get that moment out of my head and the more i try the harder it gets to be able to explain how things spiraled out of control. I literally thought i had control over everything that happens to me until you said those words to me.
" You're "
I'm what's wrong?? How could i be? I tried to stay the hell away from you. I'm poisonous for you. I know I'll destroy you if i was given the chance but dumb you won't even listen to that part and run as fast as your dumb legs can carry you. Lia what the hell do you want from me.
"Sanè no more added days to your break you leave for school immediately"
My angry mom said and i couldn't argue with her whenever she gets that way.
She was right i had already added six more days to a three days break. I couldn't go to school more importantly i couldn't face lia and i don't know why, i don't even owe her anything.
"Yes mom I'll get in the shower right away"
I replied trying to be cunning .
"No smart ass you leave now "
She replied knowing fully well I've already had my shower and was attempting to escape her.
"Fine you got me"
I replied as i picked up my backpack and made my way out of my room.
"I did give birth to you smart ass"
She replied as she gave me a pat on the back.
"Mom am i capable of loving"
I said without even realizing until i poured it all out.
"Son why would you even-"
She went on but i decided to cut her off.
"Mom i gotta go bye "
I replied as i walked away from her and i wondered where all these was coming from this wierd feelings, this tragedy sugarcoated in feelings that I'm so desparately trying to avoid.
On my way to that godforsaken school i couldn't imagine what i would do if i mistakenly ran into lia. I mean how bad could it be. I could have just told her right there and then that karen meant nothing to me and she would ask why i was telling her.
Fuckkk i definitely didn't think this through. What the hell will i tell her when I'm not even sure of what in the balls sack is going on.
"Sanè?"
I definitely recognize that voice because it was the one that threatened me over the phone few days ago.
"Mel what can i do for you"
I said trying to act all smug and forget about the phone call.
"Really you dumb shit! I wonder why the fuck i thought you were amazing in the beginning"
She replied which almost sounded like a rant.
"Mel I'm going act like this didn't happen. I'm not responsible for your cry baby ass wake the fuck up"
I replied trying to sound as mean as i could.
I just had to make it believable i was an asshole. I'm an asshole anyways so It's a win win.
"Lia was so wrong about you. Dumb girl was so sad and worried about you"
Mel replied sounding so angry.
"Worried??that's bullshit"
I said angrily.
I was right though i mean i went MIA for six days no calls no texts or nothing from lia. Yes i did feel bad about what happened at the resturant but at the same time i owe her no goddam explanation and to top it all she lacked balls and sent her servant to call and rant to me about being inconsiderate. Fuckk inconsiderate about what?? Lia is just one fuckkking mystery and I'm sure as hell not going there.
"Thank heavens she moved on"
Mel hissed and walked away from me.
What the hell is wrong with these girls. Girls are these scary mystery no one has ever been able to crack and I'm sure as hell i won't be the first in this dilemma.
Moved on from what? Fuck lia fuck mel fuck school fuck everything.
"Yo jace where the hell are you?"
I said to jace over the phone since i haven't been able to locate the bastard since i entered this school.
"I'm just caught up in something dude relax"
He replied sounding so chilled and that only means one thing. Dumb idiot is getting his balls sucked at the moment.
"Go away you jerkface"
I replied as i ended the call.
I did find it strange that i hadn't run into lia after four good hours in this school. Did mel already inform her of our meeting? Why wouldn't she just talk to me this is getting way more annoying that i expected. She had better not be avoiding me.
I was walking to the only class i share with lia and for some strange reason i was really happy that i get to see her.
"Oh you finally rose up from the dead"
Karen said trying to accuse me of some dumb shit.
Take a hint girl I'm not that into you. It's was just a fucking fling.
"Walk away from me while you're still intact"
I gazed at her as i tried to walk away.
"Wait don't tell me this is because of that lia bitch"
Karen replied bitterly and i couldn't contain my anger noone calls lia a bitch.
"Noone calls lia a bitch"
I replied as i closed in on her and nibbled on her while pinning her hand down in a way that i know would hurt.
"Let me go you psycho"
She replied and tried to escape from my grip.
And there my lia. She looked so perfect. It has been a while since i last saw her anyways and i hate to admit it but i did miss seeing her face and don't even get me started on her laughter. Her eyes are even more glaring than before . I can't wait to look straight into them as she walked closer to me.
"Go away karen"
I said as i released her and she ran funny enough and i patiently waited for my lia.
"Uhm lia you look-"
I tried to talk to lia before she walked away from me.
What the fuck?! Did she just ignore me??!! Wow this is who was worried about me. This is why you never get involved with girls ever. Urrggghhh what can i say went wrong now.
Feeling so embarrassed, i walked into the class just to notice jack the douche face kissing lia.
Liaa are you nuttsss!!!!why in the fucked up hell are you kissing that psychopath. Well judging by what i heard he fuccking dumped you infront of the whole school for some dumb unknown reason. Are you being kidnapped??? Or is he blackmailing you??? No the lia i know won't do this crazy ass act. No i definitely have to intervene.
"What do you think you're doing"
I said angrily after my fist already connected with Jack's jaw before i realized the damage.
"Are you nuts?"
Lia replied as she ran to help jack up.
"What the hell man"
Jack said as he tried to reconnect his already bleeding jaw and truthfully i wished he had broken his head.
"Lia tell me what he has on you now let me beat it out of this fucker!"
I replied as i made another attempt to hit him.
"You're definitely crazy to think you can come here and say things like that"
Lia replied and i couldn't believe a word she said.
"Talk to me i would save you from him"
I said to her as i tried to touch her and bring her behind me.
"Get the hell away from me and my boyfriend. You psycho!"
She replied and pulled jack with her and walked away.
Wait did she say boyfriend? BOY FUCCKING WHAT????. How could she date jack ??? Jackk of all the men out there.
I just stood there and watched and kept asking myself why she would date jack most importantly chase me away.
I felt my whole body freeze and i could feel was rage and pain. The pain filled me and i just stood and watched her walk away from me and at this moment it hit me.
I never want to let her go. Lia is meant for me. I do feel something for her. I'm not sure what this is but i most definitely got high off anger watching her go away with another person and kiss another person.
Lia i think i love you and i won't let you go away.
I immediately jolted back to reality and decided to look for my lia. Yes it did sound right. My lia.
After minutes of search i spotted her alone infront of her locker and i had to approach her at all cost.
"Did you mean all you said. Boyfriend for real?"
I asked filled with so much rage.
"I'm not having this conversation with you sanè"
She replied and attempted to walk away.
"No way you're going to talk to me"
I replied angrily and slammed my fist on the locker.
"You're such a jerk and how foolish of me to think you were more. You Suddenly dissapear and then claim to protect me. Where the hell where you when things fell apart.
No let me guess karen"
She replied angrily.
"Lia listen to me. I was afraid. I thought i was helping you i really did"
I replied.
"You don't help me by hurting me dummy. Were you that blind? Couldn't you see how much i wanted you?or how much i craved you?"
She replied and i was dumb for a moment.
"Yeah i didn't think so dummy. So engulfed in your own self aura that you can't seem to see what's around you"
She replied.
"Foolish me what did i think was going to happen. I like you then magically you like me back and i finally get to be happy. No shit happiness is fuccking temporary and you spelt it out for me correctly "
She replied as tears feel from her eyes and she walked away from me.
"Lia i love you"
I said .