My last morning with Oli felt awkward. It was like he wanted to pretend it wasn't different from any other day, but I felt sad the minute I woke up to his alarm going off. Breakfast was the same as always; room service, packing was the same, showering, checking out... it was all the same, though today there was no tour bus waiting outside to whisk us off to another city and another show, it was just a van with a little trailer for our luggage.
Oli was quiet as I sat in the van with Bring Me The Horizon and we headed toward Atlanta airport. My heart was feeling heavy as I stared out the window... I was sad that this crazy adventure was coming to an end, and more upset that I would never be with Oli ever again.
As we approached the airport, their tour manager asked me what terminal I needed, but I had 4 hours to waste, so I said I'd just get off wherever they did. We pulled up at Terminal 1 for international departures and I felt like my stomach was flipping. I hated goodbyes at the best of times, but I knew this one was forever, and it was with someone I'd fallen for, so it was going to be horrible. Their manager came over with luggage carts, but Oli pushed my suitcase over to me without even saying anything and then I followed them into the terminal.
I said goodbye to the guys and told them it was nice getting to know them, and Mat gave me a huge hug as he said he'd had fun hanging out with me. I had had fun too, and I was sad to see them go, especially Mat since he'd been so nice to me. Oli stood there silently as they all bid me farewell and I felt the massive knot in my stomach twisting and tightening. My mouth felt dry and I felt like my heart was thumping loud enough for the entire terminal to hear it. I felt so uncomfortable and like a big black cloud was forming above my head.
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[OLI]
OK. Let's not make this into a big deal. Let's just get it over with quickly.
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"So..." Oli said, speaking to me for the first time in the entire trip as the rest of the band headed to the security screening area. "Have a safe flight home." he said as he came in to hug me. I wrapped my arms around him and tried to focus on the moment... the last time I'd ever hold him... but I struggled to hold my emotions in. I didn't want him to go. He didn't say anything else, other than 'it was fun' as we stood there, and he ended our hug long before I was ready. I don't know what I expected him to say, but after everything that happened, 'it was fun' was a pretty emotionless way to end things. I knew this was going to happen though... I knew this day was coming, so I guess it was my own fault for falling for him. Cassidy warned me not to fall in love with him 100 times, and I knew the reality of the situation, but I didn't listen. I couldn't listen.
"Well, I'll see you around, Roses." Oli said as he turned away from me to leave. I felt numbness wash over me as he left. It made me feel sick.
"Bye Oli." I said sadly as I watched him try to catch up to the rest of the guys. I felt tears welling in my eyes, so I turned and started walking toward Terminal 2. I didn't want him to see me get upset... I didn't want him to see my feelings. I felt so sad, so empty and suddenly so alone, and tears rolled down my cheeks as I blinked. My heart felt like a lead weight in my chest as I left. I wish I didn't have to say goodbye to him, especially not like that... it was like it was no big deal to him at all. It hurt because I liked him so much more than he knew or than I would ever admit to anyone. Saying goodbye to him broke my heart. I was devastated and I could barely see where I was walking because of the tears overflowing from my eyes and streaming down my face.
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[OLI]
Ugh, I can't leave things like that. That was horrible.
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"Roses." I suddenly heard from behind me. I turned to see Oli walking toward me, so I tried to quickly wipe my eyes with the back of my hand but there was no way he didn't know I was upset. He stopped in front of me and just looked at me and frowned like he was confused that I was crying, then took my face in his hands and wiped my tears with his thumbs. I really didn't want him to see me cry, but my heart was aching. He pulled me into him and I wrapped my arms around him, resting my face against his collarbone as he held me. He was so warm and comfortable, and I didn't want to ever let him go.
"Don't cry." he said sympathetically.
"I'm sorry, I tried not to." I whimpered. He held me so tightly... I wanted to freeze time and stay there in his arms forever.
"Will you come see me when I'm here again?" he asked softly. Of course I would. I just nodded against him. "Will you bring me more roses?" he asked. I smiled for a second and nodded again and he kissed my head as he hugged me for a moment longer. I wished I could just take his hand, run out the doors and take him back to the city, but I knew I had to let him go. He looked at me and held my face in his hands and wiped the tears from under my eyes again. "I'll see you again soon." he said as he held my face before kissing me and letting me go. His lips were so familiar, and I was really going to miss the warm feeling that flooded my body whenever he kissed me. "Tattoo buddies." he said with a smile as he put his hand by his shoulder where his new rose tattoo was inked. I smiled back as I put my hand where my matching tattoo sat on my hip under my clothes.
I just stood there and watched him walk away with his suitcase, feeling like my heart was breaking. I wanted to run after him, but I knew I couldn't so I just stood there as tears rolled down my cheeks. He looked back and kind of smiled as he showed his ticket to security, and then just like that, he was gone.
I hung my head and started crying again... I was so sad. Saying goodbye was awful and even though he said he'd see me again, I knew it was unlikely. He would have long forgotten about me by time he came back here... he'd probably have a new girlfriend by then anyway. I knew in reality that the only time I would see him again would be from on the barrier at a Bring Me The Horizon show, and even then, he'd probably avoid me so there'd be no weird awkward moment or something. I wiped my eyes, grabbed my suitcase and turned away to head to Terminal 2, leaving Oli Sykes and the doomed relationship I had with him forever.