Everything felt like a dream from last night, was the best way for me describe it.
I was in such a sweet slumber, I felt so cozy and warm under his arms.
I was half awake but trying to go back to sleep when I felt his breath on my bare back as he planted sweet kisses on my back muscles as he moved my hair to the side ever so lightly.
I tried to pretend I was asleep because I didn't want him to stop, I felt his strong arms wrap around my chest and I felt his hand rest on chest between my breast.
"I know your awake babe, I can feel your heart racing." He whispered as he kissed my shoulder blade up to my sweet spot of my neck.
I let a small hum out as I placed my hand over his that was resting on my chest and I turned to face him meeting his lips.
"Morning. I said with a low moan escaping.
He turned me over to face him and the moment I opened my eyes and saw how gorgeous he was in the morning with the sun kissing his skin, I could've sworn I might just fall in love with him in this very moment.
"Your really gorgeous." I said slipping, I placed my hands over my face to hide my embarrassment, when I heard him chuckle at what I just said.
He took his hand to remove my hands, so he could see me. I tried to bury my face in his arm as he leaned over me.
"Your beautiful Yvette." He said kissing each of my cheeks and then the tip of my nose which made me giggle. He smiled.
I placed my delicate hands on each side of his beautiful face and cupped him in my palms, I just wanted to look at him. Like really look at him and he let me.
"Sure you don't want some hand sanitizer?" He teased as he poked his tounge out, making me laugh and I felt confident enough to kiss his lips a few times getting a smile out of him again.
He really is such a gorgeous man,
the way his wild curly hair fell over his face in such a effortless way,
his eyes were a beautiful hazel with a hint green that would come and go at times,
he skin was so clear and smooth it was a little sickening,
and god that smile of his, the things it does to me inside.
I never understood how someone could leave this in the morning.
Or how he didn't have someone to always wake up to everyday was beyond my understanding before but now that im experiencing it for myself I just couldn't understand how someone could pass this offer up.
"Come back to me." He said touching my face and bringing me out of my thoughts.
How did he know?
"Sorry, I just was thinking how lucky I feel right now." I said looking into his eyes and smiling.
"Same." He said as he kissed my forehead once more and then rolling over on to his back, letting a huge sigh out.
"No gym today?" I asked as I laid sideways to face him.
He closed his eyes for a moment and hummed before speaking.
"Nope. Just want to relax today."
I suddenly felt like I may have over stood my welcome, so I began to get up and turned my back to him as I looked for my clothes.
I felt him sitting up and he grabbed me by my waist lifting me towards him and bear hugging me.
"With you, I want to relax with you." He said squeezing me tightly and nuzzling my hair.
"Ugh, stop squeezing you strong fuck. Im hungry." I said slapping his arms to let me go so I can breath.
He laughed as he sat me back on the bed, he got up and walked over to the bathroom and he started the water in his shower.
When I saw he wasn't coming back, I decided to be a little daring.
I got off the bed leaving myself completely naked as I walked into the bathroom, the steamy was fogged all around. But I could see his sculpted frame in the glass as he was showering, he didn't notice me.
I took his phone and I looked on his spotify for the perfect song to synce to his speaker in his bathroom.
I found the perfect song.
Smoke By Bobi Andonov
The intro started and I saw Shawn towards the glass door as he wiped the fog over to see what was happening.
I walked to the door as he watched me through the glass, he opened the door and a rush of steam came out in a rush.
His eyes never leaving my body, he bite on his bottom lip watching me come closer to him.
Watching his eyes on my every move gave me such a rush, I looked at him with his hair wet and pulled completely back and drops of water over his beautiful broad shoulders and chest.
"You could be the dealer, I could be the stash
You could be the fire, I could be the ash
I could be your first babe and you could be my last
And we could make it last 'cause I can't say no
But I'm scared of getting burned if I get too close
And now you got me where you want me cause I'm on the ropes
Baby, don't make me rush
'Cause I only wanna save you slow"
Never breaking our eye contact I took his entire view in with a smile on my face and he seemed to be shocked at how daring I was but it was quickly replaced with him touching my body, sending bolts all through my body as he pulled me in closer with him.
The water hitting my skin it felt good, helped to mask the heat that was already radiating off my body.
"Hi." Was all I said as I hooked my arms around his neck and kissing him deep and hard making our lips crash into one another fiercely.
He pushed me up against the wall, wasting no time lifting me up to wrap my legs around his hips and in one swift move we were lost in each other yet again.
"Fuck Yvette." He moaned into my ear as he grabbed a full amount of my hair into his hand pulling my head back with such force.
It was something about how he said my name, it literally felt like honey on his lips and I didn't want him to ever stop.
I was once again consumed by Shawn Mendes.
"Can't get enough of you, what the hell are you doing to me?" He groaned as he slammed into my core harder and deeper making me moan loudly and claw on his back, begging him to keep going.
2 hours later.
We stood in his kitchen area, I was sitting on his counter as he was in bagging the lunch he had went to get us.
I had on one of his blue thermals that fell like a mini dress on me, my hair was tied in a knot resting on the top of my head. He looked over at me, resting his eyes on my legs before he turned back to focus on unpacking.
"So did the internet break with pictures of us kissing?" I asked with a lace of panic in my tone.
He turned to face me giving me my order of sushi in the clear container with chopsticks.
"Not yet, there are some photos but not of us kissing. Someone took a very shitty quality video so it does and doesn't look like we're kissing but no one seen your face. So you don't have to worry." He said coming in between my legs.
He looked cozy in his blue knitted sweater and his joggers.
Never will understand how even without trying he looked good in everything.
I scrunched my face up and shook my head.
"That's good. That was close Shawn." I said as I opened the container and putting my chopsticks in between my fingers and grabbing a roll and popping it in my mouth.
"Does it bother you that much to be seen with me?" He asked sounding a little upset and hurt.
That wasn't the truth,
It was more like we just been having fun,
And I didn't want to think we were or weren't something.
So I decided to just tell him the truth.
"It's not that it bothers me. It's just we are .. I don't even know what we are. Like we just started this and it's like that it's just between us I guess. You share so much with the world, this whatever it is I don't needs a label just to explain it to your fans." I said taking another bite of my sushi roll.
He ran his fingers through his hair as he rubbed on his neck.
God I want him to choke me.
"I just like being a secret and not pressured by a label." I whispered looking over at him with a smile.
"I get it. I just don't want to act like we don't know each other if we are ever in the same room." He said placing his hands on each of my thighs and rubbing them as he looked at me.
Stop doing that,
Jesus Christ.
"It's not like that's ever gonna be a thing. You have like a few more tour dates before your done, your gonna be traveling and I'll be in LA answering phones in a cubicle. We're not really running in the same social circle babe." I said smiling and rolling my eyes.
"Come with me then. See parts of the world with me." He said looking at me.
I started laughing, "sure let me just quite my job and follow you around the world again. We're not even in a relationship. Shut up Shawn." I pushed him jokingly away and he didn't move. His face was serious and his jaw was clenched.
Is he really mad at what I just said.
No way.
He knows we can't do that.
I have a life,
So does he.
We don't fit into each other's everyday life.
Well at least I know I don't with his.
I'm not a fool.
"Fine." Was all he said as he moved from my legs and back to the counter where his food was. He turned his back to me and he opened his food and started eating it.
We stood in silence, and I quickly regretted ever saying anything. But I was just being honest, I'm not some crazy girl to think omg Shawn Mendes is going to sweep me off my feet and I'm a follow him around the world and we're going to live happily ever after.
I suddenly lost my appetite, I closed the food and I hoped off the counter and headed to his room to get dressed. He never came after me and part of me was thankful and part of me was a little hurt. But now I was hurt and bothered by how he was making me feel for being honest.
Once I got dressed I headed towards the door, grabbing my heels and my trench coat and my purse.
He stood in the hall watching me and I never looked at him.
"Your leaving?" He asked sounding irritated yet again.
I took two silent breaths before speaking so I don't explode.
"Yeah. This was clearly a mistake. Thank you for the lunch, and the sex but it's time I get back to my life. The real world. Goodbye Shawn." I buttoned the last button to my coat and I opened his front door and walked out.
He quickly came behind me opening the door and then slamming it behind him. He grabbed my arm and turned me around in a hard twist. His face was red and his neck vein was pulsating.
"Stop fucking running away from me. How much chasing are you gonna make me do before you open those eyes and see I like you, more then I would care to admit because that doesn't happen to me easily. You don't want to be seen with me Fine, I get it but it doesn't mean it doesn't suck. Now I know we aren't in a relationship but we never know, but this running nonsense has to stop at some point." He said letting my arm go and running his fingers through his hair again.
I was shocked.
Honestly I was speechless.
But I wasn't going to fall prey to another just because I wanted so much more then I knew I would never get.
"I have to go back to LA. That's my life Shawn. This is yours." I said and I turned back and walked down the hall.
Tears swelling in my eyes, I kept my eyes glued on the elevator path. I heard him slam his door again and I jumped. I hated that this was happening but deep down i knew this was the right thing to do.
We were moving to fast and to deep, it was all a sexual thing now at this point and I knew my feelings were stronger for him and I couldn't lie to myself about that.
When the elevator came I stepped in and once the doors closed. I let the silent tears out for the duration of the ride down.
What the hell am I doing?
This the right thing to do for both of us.