I stood looking at my own reflection in the mirror,
the now lightly purple blueish imprints on my neck seemed to be getting less visible,
but when i looked into the reflection at myself my eyes looked lost and the person i use to be was gone.
who am i now?
who is Yvette?
i hated that notion now and that i didn't have the answers made me more upset.
i just wanted to go back to the night before when i was happy and free, not the fighting for my own life against my now ex boyfriend because he had snapped.
But yet here i am, alone in my apartment that now holds the worst nightmares.
Its been now a month since the whole incident and even though i returned to work a week later like nothing happened every night from the night happen i cried and barely ate or slept, i would get my most sleep from inside my car. I was terrified of being in my apartment, thankfully after my landlord was very understanding to letting me break my lease with the report from the police of course. Only problem was that looking for an apartment in Los Angeles was a huge struggle if i was looking to live on my own, prices were not my best friend at the moment. Much to my surprise i guess word spread about the whole incident and my boss gave me a small bonus to help me, and it did.
Now i was saying my last goodbye to the small apartment i once held so many memories with and without my nina when i was younger. It was now invaded with a constant nightmare and fear that ripped through the core of me, I sniffled back the few remaining tears and did one last walk through to make sure I had everything.
"Are you ready?" My landlord asked hanging by the entrance of the doorway with folded arms and a sincere grin to comfort me.
I know I look a mess, in the past month I have just really in a shell of my own. I stopped caring about just about everything because inside everything hurt me. I hurt everywhere even though the physical marks were leaving I had massive scar tissue on the inside.
The night Rose left a week after the whole incident I promised her I would be fine and she knew it wasn't the truth but she had to her back to her own life even though I knew she would stop and move her whole life to LA for me if I asked, so I didn't. I couldn't. I needed to be by myself, I wanted to be alone.
She calls me everyday and I answer rarely but I send reassuring texts and photos that I'm alive.
I haven't spoken to Shawn much, he's been busy with his album, tour and basically his lifestyle. But he did send reassuring text messages here and there, and I would send few back being short but not on purpose I just didn't know what to say to him because I couldn't just tell him everything that unraveled after having what was probably one of the moments in my life that will forever be in my mind.
He gave me my last moments of happiness, and that's how i wanted to keep it for him and for a small part of myself that right now is lost in all this hurt and agony I'm currently going through.
"I'm ready. Here's the keys Jim. Thank you for everything." I said handing him my two set of house keys and my garage key.
I grabbed my last box of miscellaneous things I found in the house and I turned and went down the steps leaving every ounce of my now old life.
Here's to another new beginning.