Gauri was wondering what brought her here.
She was supposed to go back home after the classes, but she felt she just needed some...peace. She wasn't really one of those persons seeking solitude. She loved people, and spreading laughter and joy.
But of late, life had been throwing bouncers (a kind of bowling technique in cricket, similar proverb is life throwing curveballs) at her, and she felt the need to sit and contemplate.
She looked at the calm ocean before her. Was it just a few days back that she was enjoying walking along the beach at Bandra? She was still looking at the sea, albeit in Juhu, but she didn't feel any tranquility in her heart.
"What's up?" asked a voice behind her.
Gauri nearly jumped out of her skin, and turned to see Omkaraji standing behind her.
"Omkaraji, hamaara dil hamaare munh mein pahuch gaya tha! (My heart jumped to my mouth!) exclaimed Gauri. "What were you thinking, scaring me like that?"
"Sorry....I was just trying to surprise you" said Omkara, looking apologetic.
"That you did" said Gauri, still clutching her chest, her heart beating erratically.
After a minute, or so, Gauri realized the Omkaraji has probably, rarely, done anything spontaneous like this, so he might be felling odd
"So, what brings you here?" asked Gauri.
"Nothing, you weren't home, I tried calling you, but you didn't pick up. I took a guess that you might be here. Remember last time you were here, when you found out about your biological identity. So, I thought....." Omkara left his sentence on a suggestive note.
"Yes, you guessed right. I'm tired of standing, I think I'l sit now" said Gauri, and suited her words to action.
Omkara sat down beside her. He didn't say anything, but waited for Gauri to resume.
"I'm just....feeling happy but also sad, and a little guilty" said Gauri.
"Guilty?" asked Omkara, confused.
"I know I shouldn't. Jiji told me I shouldn't, but it can't be denied right, that my mother died bringing me into this life?" said Gauri.
"Gauri, if you feel guilty, then I should too. And so should Rudra and Prinku. After all, its because of us siblings, that our mother gave up her profession, which ultimately led to cracks in her marriage, which ultimately led to her becoming an alcohol addict, which ultimately led to me falling into drugs and depression" said Omkara.
Gauri just looked at Omkara dumbfounded.
"See? This is what I mean. Life is made up of so many variables, we don't know which of our actions are going to have what consequence. And in your case, you didn't do anything. You were just a baby. It was fate and circumstances, and no one can fight any of these. I can't believe I'm explaining this to you, who are such a strong believer of fate and God's decisions" said Omkara, shaking his head.
Gauri nodded her head slowly, and looked at the sea.
"Is this the only thing bothering you about your past?" asked Omkara.
"Hmm...no. Its like I felt guilty, for somewhere being responsible for my mother's death, but more than that, for snatching away Annika Jiji's mother from her. And I think that's what made me more guilty. You see, Annika Jiji at least got to be with our mother for five years, but I didn't get to feel any affection from my biological mother. I think, my first instinct was one of jealousy, and then I felt embarrassed of that emotion, and remembered that had it not been for me Annika Jiji would have never lost our mother in the first place. Its really complicated" said Gauri.
"It is, because you are overthinking. Why should you feel embarrassed? Its natural to feel that you received less affection from your parents, because one of them died, and unlike Annika bhaabhi you were too young to remember anything. Not that she remembers much, but she had willfully suppressed those memories. It is the most normal reaction of younger siblings to feel that they are less loved" Omkara tried to joke in the end.
Gauri smiled unwillingly.
"Gauri, we don't have to be saints. We are ordinary humans, who are allowed to make mistakes, and be wrong, and be in conflict. And I feel extremely weird explaining all this to you, who used tell me the same" said Omkara.
"I'm just overwhelmed. I don't feel the deep connection to the past that Annika Jiji feels, she has suffered more closely? Felt the loss. I only remember losing her, and nothing else. I don't feel the magnitude of the pain she feels about losing our parents. Maybe because I only remember her" mused Gauri.
"Perhaps. But why do you sound so worried about it?" asked Omkara.
"I don't know how to explain" said Gauri.
"Is this got something to do with your cryptic remarks last week? About not wanting to keep things from me, but having to do the same, because you can't help the situation anyways, or something to this effect?" asked Omkara.
"Yes" sighed Gauri.
"Gauri, you and Annika bhaabhi met and connected with your uncle before you introduced him to us. Now I have nothing to say or object to that, he's your family, this is your life, your prerogative, when you choose to share it with everyone else. But why do I get this feeling that you found out something else as well, and its not good?" asked Omkara.
"No....I mean, yes...I mean..." Gauri stuttered, not knowing what she should say to this.
"You don't have to tell me, but you don't know, maybe, that Shivaay and Annika bhaabhi have had some sort of argument and she looked miserable the whole day today" said Omkara.
"I know, Annika jiji phoned me today, during lunch break. Its not something I or you can help, Omkaraji" said Gauri.
"And neither should we. No one should interfere in marital discord, everyone needs their space." said Omkara. "But that doesn't answer my question? Did you find out something not good? Was it about the Kalyani mills fire?"
Gauri was surprised. "Why do you think so?"
"Because your uncle seemed to hint that. And you saw Shivaay's reaction, he felt the same. Pardon me Gauri, but your family isn't at good at lying as you" said Omkara.
Gauri scowled, but didn't completely disagree with the remark.
"I am not good either, I told you outright that I'm hiding something, didn't I? And I cannot tell you what's it about Omkaraji, so don't ask me about that" said Gauri, with a finality.
"Fair enough. Tell me how was your day?" asked Omkara, changing the topic.
"It was the same old. We are almost done with the order we got from the foreign buyers. Lets see how it all pans out. My studies are going well, yesterday's Sunday class was interesting. But I'm still struggling with English" said Gauri, sounding a little frustrated.
"It's a whole new language, you can't master in few months" said Omkara encouragingly.
"I think I've got the hang of it, a little in any case, but my essays are laughable" said Gauri.
"How so?" said Omkara.
Gauri took out a sheaf of papers from her bag, and showed them to Omkara.
She pointed out her errors in the essay. In one place, she had mixed up 'defective' with 'detective', and the entire meaning of the essay changed.
Omkara tried hard not to laugh, but Gauri said, "Go on, it is funny" giggling herself.
Omkara couldn't help himself, he guffawed. Not at Gauri's lack of understanding of the English language, just at the situation.
"I'm sorry" said Omkara, a minute later.
"No, thats fine. My essays in Hindi are much better, but of course, I am much more advanced in this language than English. I'll show you those some other day" said Gauri.
They discussed more about Gauri's education.
"Gauri, you haven't even completed six months of Sunday schooling, how did you learn so much, advance so much?" asked Omkara.
Gauri remembered that she hadn't told Omkara about her private tuitions, which helped her take a leap in education, more importantly in honing her vocational skills.
"Er, I work in Jahnvi maaji's office, Omkaraji, I picked up a lot from there. Why? Do you think I am incapable of learning so fast?" asked Gauri, testily.
"No, of course not, I know you are sharp. I was just....never mind" said Omkara.
Gauri felt he didn't think her so capable. Well, she'll show him, soon, she'll surprise him with how much she knows, thought Gauri.
"Did you talk to Soumya?" asked Gauri.
"Sort of, I messaged her on skype and she replied but we missed each other. I'll try video calling her today. Rudra was talking to her all the time, kept her busy. Apparently, she didn't like the New York airport much. But she likes her college and flat" informed Omkara.
"Thats nice. Poor Rudy bhaiyaa though, he'll become a.......what did you say that day.....yes, he'll become a vampire soon" said Gauri.
Omkara laughed out loud.
He was surprised that Gauri remembered something from months back, or was it that long ago? How many months has passed since Annika bhaabhi's accident? How many months had passed since he had known Gauri? Omkara started counting in his head.
It had been barely seven months since he met Gauri, and even during that time, there were periods when she pretended to be Chulbul, those weeks when she was living with Dandi after she signed the divorce papers, when she was touring with Dandi throughout Maharashtra after their fight,.....did he know Gauri for long enough?
"Omkaraji?" said Gauri, waving her hand in front of his face.
"Sorry" said Omkara "I was just thinking, calculating something."
"Its getting late" said Gauri looking at the dark sky. "Shall we go?" she asked.
Omkara nodded, glad, remembering the last time Gauri had insisted they return in separate cars. They had come a long way from that phase.
Maybe the short time they had spent with each other was no hurdle at all.