chapter playlist ⏯
• love like this - ben rector
• the few things - jp saxe & charlotte lawrence
• leila - greyson chance
(one of my fave chapter playlists, tbh)
———
things i haven't told him yet
sometime in the brief summer
when the days got longer
the nights got hotter
i looked at him
and i saw
not my boyfriend
but the boy i loved
and when he looked at me
it felt like he felt it just the same
———
two months later (we love a time skip)
gemma clark <<<
Things I learned this summer:
- summer goes as quickly as it comes
- summer is magical when you are in love
- summer made his eyes brighter
- summer made my eyes brighter
- my book is getting published
- i love him
- i think he loves me back
And I'm so scared. I'm so scared of loving him. Because the last time I loved someone...the last time I gave everything to a guy, he completely broke me. My only saving grace was Shawn. But, I have a feeling that he won't be the one saving me next time. I have a feeling nobody will. At some point, I have to be accountable for myself and not rely on people to save me, anyway.
And I know, I know he's different and I can't compare him to Jake and all that. Of course I know that. But, sometimes you have to think realistically. Sometimes I need to put things into perspective, a perspective he would surely convince me is completely invalid.
The fact is that most things in life fall apart. People love each other and they get their hearts broken. That's life. But I just don't know how much heartbreak I'm made to handle. My parents broke my heart when they got divorced, my heart broke when my mom died, I think Alex got a piece of it in the mess he caused, and then Jake hit it with a baseball bat and shattered it. My heart has been through a lot, that's all. I'm scared to give it up again.
But jeez, the things this boy does to me.
The things I feel for him are insane. The ways I care about him, the way he makes me actually feel good about myself, the way I feel so at peace when I'm with him...it's all something I haven't felt in a long time. The way that I want the best for him more than I even want the best for me. The way that he somehow feels like home. The way that I need him. It's all so real; it's like falling in love all over again. It's way scarier, somehow.
"Wake up, Gemma; oh my God."
I opened my eyes barely, enough to see my annoyed little brother standing next to my bed. Liam and I forced my dad to let him come to LA so we could spend some quality sister-brother time before school starts up again. It's been fun...except for the fact that he's a fourteen year old boy and I'm a nearly twenty-year old girl. We don't exactly have the same interests.
"What's your problem?" I asked him, rubbing my eyes. My phone said it was nine-thirty. Early for me, late for him.
"I'm hungry and you're lazy," he said, crossing his arms. His hair was messy, and his pajama pants were a little short on him, since he is growing at an unreasonably fast pace.
He climbed into my bed next to me, laying his head back on the pillow.
"Wanna go out?" I asked, clearing my throat. My voice is so awful in the morning. "Or I can cook you something."
He gave me a look. "You? Cooking? I think that'd be smart to avoid," he replied.
I smiled. "You know me so well," I told him. "Give me like, twenty minutes."
"Okay."
We both still sat there.
"You should invite Shawn."
I couldn't help but grin. That was nice to hear. I felt validated, for some reason.
I told my dad and Liam about Shawn shortly after Edith found out, just because it felt wrong to hide it from them any longer. Especially because Liam was bound to meet him when he came out here, and they were both bound to meet him one day. There's no point in hiding it from my own brother and father. Besides, at this point, I know it's going to last. I feel like it's solid.
My dad was wary of another relationship, of course. He was wary of Jake, even after he had established himself. I just know he's going to be extra-cautious now because of stupid Jake. It's not really fair. But he just told me that he trusts me, and he trusts me to do what's right for myself. And if I ever need him, he's always on call for me and blah blah blah, typical dad stuff. It's kinda sweet. I miss my dad.
But, I know he'll like Shawn a lot more than Jake. I could tell my dad wasn't always one hundred percent on board with Jake; however, I think he'll never really be totally okay with me having a boyfriend. Even if I am nearly twenty years old. I think he'll be wary until I'm well into a healthy marriage, which is great and reassuring for all future suitors of mine (even though I truly hope I'm on my last one).
As for Shawn and I? We're good. We're solid. I'm still very happy. There's not much else to say; we're past all that new stuff. We've settled in to each other. We spent as many days together as we could when he wasn't away, and as many nights, too. He was away a lot, but it was okay. We made it work. Him being away made seeing him again so much better.
We've been at this secretly-dating thing for three months now. Three months. It's kind of impressive at this point, to be honest. Like, for three months we've kept this thing between us and a select few other people. It doesn't really bother me as much as I thought it would. I still like him. He still likes me. It's all good.
"You like him?" I asked Liam, my smile still on my lips.
"I think he's cool. He told me the other day that he plans on being around for a long time," he said, not looking at me. "You think he will?" There was a hint of hope in his voice.
I hated getting Liam attached to Jake. But like, what can you do? I can't just hide my boyfriend from my brother. But Liam always looked up to Jake. They were friends; Jake liked Liam just as much as Liam liked Jake. He did all the things with Jake that I didn't. Video games, football, plain-old acting like boys. And then Jake ruined it all, and now he's completely out of our lives. I know Liam has moved on and probably doesn't even care that much, but I just don't like it. I'm sure he didn't either.I just don't want to disappoint him again.
I nodded. "You know, I really do," I replied. I meant it.
He smiled a little. "Good."
"Why?"
He shrugged. "You seem really happy with him. He seems really happy with you. I just don't want...I don't want another Jake."
A knife through my heart. That would be a pro of hiding my boyfriend from Liam. He wouldn't have to know my heart was broken.
"I don't either. Believe me, they're...miles apart. Not even close to the same," I told him, and he nodded. I turned to look at him. "Besides, you don't have to worry about it. I'll be fine, any way it goes."
"I know, Gemma," he said. "It's just my role, as your brother, to protect you from losers like Jake. I know I didn't do a good job the first time around, but I've got it now. I'll let you know if I get a vibe from this guy."
I rolled my eyes, even though I thought it was sort of sweet. "'This guy' has a name, and you're not going to get any vibes from him. Nonetheless, I appreciate your dedication."
"I still have to lay down the ground rules with him, so you're going to have to give us a moment alone."
I laughed. "The ground rules? Which are?"
"One: he's not allowed to break your heart. Two: he has to play video games and/or some sort of sport with me every time you come visit. Three: he can't ever make you upset. Four: he has to like me—actually like me, not pretend-like me. Five: if you get married, I must be included as a groomsmen."
"Sounds pretty solid. But I can already tell you that he likes you, you know," I told him.
"How do you know?" He looked over at me.
"Because. I just know."
I actually knew because he told me. Duh.
Liam passed out at about 8:30 last night because of his minor jet lag, so I talked with Shawn on the phone.
"Does he like me?"
I rolled my eyes. "Why are you so worried about it? You guys just met a couple days ago, for crying out loud."
"That means he doesn't like me. Goddamnit. What did I do?" He sounded genuinely distraught, which was a little cute, but mostly annoying.
"Chill out. I'm sure he likes you. He's already sleeping, so we didn't really get much of a chance to talk about you. I think we're just trying to catch up from not seeing each other for months. You're not exactly the first topic of conversation on our minds, Mr. Center of Attention."
He sighed. "I know. I'm sorry. It's just...he's your brother. How can I not be sort of nervous? I haven't met any of your family members before."
"I know. It's sweet that you care," I told him reassuringly. "However, he is a fourteen-year-old boy. He really won't be that hard to impress, especially if you're the one impressing him."
"Why? Because I'm naturally so impressive?"
"Literally."
I imagined him rolling his eyes. "Oh, Gem," he said, his voice carrying a little fatigue. "What a joy it is to be in love with you."
I felt my cheeks turn red for absolutely no reason. "Shut up," I mumbled. "Being in love with me is mediocre at best."
"Nope," he replied. "Nothing short of joyful."
"You're such a nerd."
"I'm so glad that my feelings are reciprocated," he said dryly.
I smiled to myself, looking out my bedroom window. "They are reciprocated, and then some."
"See what I mean? I'm downright joyful right now."
I laughed. "You're delusional. You should probably get some sleep."
"My own girlfriend doesn't even want to talk to me. Great."
"You're own girlfriend cares about you so much that she would sacrifice the joy that talking to you brings her for your health and happiness, actually. I'm looking out for you," I told him matter-of-factly.
"I'm going to revert back to my previous statement: What a joy it is to be in love with you, Clark."
I smiled. I imagined him smiling, too. I love him, I think.
"Ditto. Can I call my dad very quickly to tell him that his son is safe and sound under my care? I'll call you back," I asked, knowing that it was later back home than it is here and my dad expects me to check in every night. I don't mind at all.
"Yeah, go ahead," he replied easily. "Don't worry about calling back. We can talk tomorrow, anyway."
"I'll text you," I compromised, not exactly wanting to end our interaction for the night. We have a more forced separation now, due to Liam's arrival.
"Sounds good," he said. "Talk to you later, then."
"Bye."
And then we texted for a while, but Liam's name never came up again. I guess Shawn will be happy to hear that he has Liam's stamp of approval. I don't know why the stamp of approval from a fourteen-year-old boy is warranted, but whatever.
"Okay, just get ready so we can actually go," Liam said, climbing out of my bed. I faced the reality that I actually had to get up, which was harsh but needed. School is going to start soon and I'm going to have to find motivation somehow.
me
hey are you up??
shawn
yeah what's up
me
come get breakfast with me and liam.
shawn
okay sure
me
it's gonna be an absolute blast. i'll pick you up in approximately thirty minutes. deal?
shawn
i'm so excited. see you in approximately thirty minutes
shawn
also, good morning
me
haha good morning :))))))))
———
gemmaclark
gemmaclark first time he's smiled in a photo in like, two years. big moment. it's hard to break through that fourteen-year-old boy exterior, but we did it, folks. we are all very proud of him. leave your comments of appreciation below
load more comments
edithjonesharrison we all know liam is a legend duh
———
shawn mendes >>>
breakfast time😎
"Jeez, you sure do eat quickly," Gemma said, looking down at her brother's almost empty plate. Hers was still like, half full, but she's not the fastest eater herself.
"Growing," he replied, with a mouthful of food, as an explanation. I nodded in agreement. I mean, he's right.
"Yeah. I guess," she said. She took another bite then looked up at me, giving me a weak smile.
"So," she started, leaning back in her chair. "I've got to get some stuff ready for school. As much as I wish we could all just hang out and watch movies all day, I've got work to do today. I bet you do, too," she said, looking at me.
I shrugged. "I could put it off, given the right reason."
She smiled a little. "Get your stuff done, I'll get mine done, and the three of us can reconvene later. Sound good?"
Gemma's a planner; she usually likes to know what's going on before she just jumps into her day. Every morning when we talk on the phone, she lays out her plan for the whole day, even though I rarely ask for it. I guess she just likes to have structure; I would say I agree. Structure is good.
"Sure," I said coolly. Liam nodded.
"And then you can lay down your ground rules," she said to him with a smile.
"Okay," he agreed.
"Ground rules?" I interjected.
"Ground rules for dating my sister," he told me, as if it was the simplest thing. "Also, Gemma says we can't, but I think we should beat up Jake Dempsey. Or at least go vandalize his house."
I smiled, overlooking the "ground rules for dating my sister" part. Jake Dempsey deserves to be beat up. Or at least have his house vandalized.
"Well, what she doesn't know won't hurt her," I said to him, and he grinned.
"Good point," he said. Gemma rolled her eyes.
"No beating anybody up, and no vandalism." She looked at me particularly, as if I would seriously accompany her brother to go vandalize her ex-boyfriend's house. Would I like to? Sure. Am I actually going to? No. If anybody found out, I'd be screwed.
"We won't beat anyone up or vandalize anything," I reassured her. "Promise."
She smiled a little bit, just looking at
me for a second. I felt like her eyes were trying to say something to me, but I didn't know what. I like Liam and all, but he's diminished all of our alone time. I've had to go home every night instead of staying with her. I can't just invite her over to hang out. I mean, it's only been a few days, but still. Looking at her now, though, it sort of felt like we were alone.
We ate for a while longer as Liam talked about his summer baseball team. I liked it being not just the two of us. I mean, that contradicts my previous statements about alone time, but it's just a different way. It sort of feels more normal now, to have another person who knows. Now there's like, ten people who know. Our immediate families, Connor, Edith, Brad, and Jake (he doesn't know that we're dating but he knows that we're something). I don't really know why we're still hiding. It just feels normal now. It'll be weird when we aren't keeping it a secret. It doesn't really bother me much, so I just don't say anything.
When we were leaving, I felt Gemma slip something in my pocket nonchalantly. A folded up piece of paper, I think.
"What's thi—"
Her gaze cut me off, telling me not to say anything about it. Duh. She was being discreet for a reason.
"It's only for you," she whispered into my ear. She smiled a little bit, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. I was crazy about her. Liam was oblivious to the encounter. I think he's oblivious to most of me and Gemma's relationship; maybe because he doesn't really want to think about his sister and her boyfriend, or maybe because he was just purely oblivious. Either way, I was sort of thankful for it.
"You're crazy, Gem," I said quietly with a smile of my own.
She laughed lightly. "Crazy about you," she corrected, and we just looked at each other for a second.
"Um, I'm still standing right here," Liam interrupted. He stood a few feet away from us awkwardly.
We both looked over at him and began to laugh. He even cracked a smile. He looked like her, but not upon first glance. Same nose. Their smiles were similar; when both of them smiled, their whole face smiled, their eyes and their nose and cheeks were all involved.
"We'll talk later, okay?" she said, turning back to me. "I think we're going to spend some quality brother-sister time together. At the store, getting my school supplies."
Liam groaned. "I can't believe I came all the way out here just to go school shopping with you," he complained.
"We're bonding!" she argued.
Then she smiled back at me. "Okay. See ya later."
"Bye. Have fun bonding," I told them both, and while Gemma looked excited, Liam did not. Her eagerness to bond with her brother was kind of adorable.
We went our separate ways, and when I was safely inside my car, I pulled out the piece of
paper she stuck into my pocket not-so-nonchalantly. It looked like poetry; classic Gemma.
mornings
by me, the loser you agreed to date for some reason
i used to hate
mornings
because
mornings
meant that another day had begun
and another day
meant more heartbreak
more pain
more anxiety
more pretending
but now
mornings
make me grin
i wake up
look next to me
and there you are
in all of your imperfect perfection
and seeing you
reminds me
that
mornings
simply mean
another day to spend
with you
another day to kiss
your lips
another day to hear
your laugh
another day to hold
your hand
another day to be
truly happy
and now i like
mornings
(p.s. i know i'm awful at poetry but thanks for letting me practice on you)
If there's one thing she's not, it's awful at poetry. Everything she wrote made my heart skip approximately three hundred beats at once. Everything she writes makes me feel like she loves me. Everything she writes makes me feel sure that I love her.
me
your talent is actually mind-blowing, gem
me
like, content of the poem aside (although it was beautiful) how could you not think that this was amazing? even if the poem wasn't about me, i would still think it's incredible
me
wait it's about me right
She didn't respond for another fifteen minutes, so I assumed she just didn't text and drive, which was relieving.
gemma
no it was about my other boyfriend
gemma
i thought you could just proofread it so it was perfect when he read it
me
oh yeah, of course. yeah i think it's solid. he'll totally love it
gemma
duh it's about you. everything's about you
me
i'm just that amazing huh
gemma
apparently so. now i have the responsibility of creating poetry that properly and accurately portrays such amazing marvelousness, which is a challenging task, but not one i'm unwilling to take up
gemma
you really liked it?
me
why wouldn't i? i loved it
me
even though it's a lie
gemma
what?
me
you like mornings? no way
me
you sleep until noon. you don't even witness most mornings
gemma
i witness plenty of mornings, thank you very much, and they are enhanced by your presence in my life
gemma
so thanks for that
me
anytime. thanks for writing poetry about me. it's cute
gemma
that's what it is?
me
as well as impressive
me
i thought you were bonding with your brother?
gemma
he insisted on taking a shower. bonding is on hold
me
that's too bad
gemma
yeah. can't really be mad at someone for wanting to be hygienic
gemma
especially if that someone is a fourteen year old boy
me
solid point
me
gotta go but text me when you and liam are done bonding.
me
unless you want to bond all day and i'll just be alone all night. that's cool too
gemma
shut up. you know i'll totally call you later and invite you into our plans
me
over the moon excited
gemma
me too. have fun!!!
me
mmm probably not. you have fun bonding
gemma
i will. probably will be thinking of you still
me
yeah right back at you
me
okay bye have fun
gemma
okay bye <3
———
later that night
"Hey, do you mind helping me in here?" Gemma called from her room.
"I mean, the movie is kind of getting good right now, so do you really need me that badly?" I joked, making Liam laugh.
"Kidding. I'm coming," I added before she could say anything.
She stood in the doorway of her room with her arms crossed, shaking her head at me.
"What do you need me for?" I asked, slightly confused.
She sat back on her bed after closing the door just a little, then sighed. I sat next to her.
"Nothing," she admitted. "I just wanted to be alone for like, five seconds."
"Why?"
She gave me a look, as if I was a complete idiot. "Because I'm in love with you and my little brother sort of kills that vibe, wouldn't you say?"
I shrugged. "I think he's pretty cool."
"Of course you do," she said with a bit of a smile. "I think he likes you more than me, which is a real problem."
I gave her a look. "Are you kidding? He adores you, Gem. Believe me."
Liam had laid down his "ground rules" with me a little earlier. I don't know what I was expecting, but they weren't really that intimidating. Probably because fourteen year old boys aren't that intimidating. The basic gist was that if I broke his sister's heart, he was gonna get me. I'm not exactly sure how; he didn't really mention that. I'm expecting the worst, though. Of course, I'm not planning on breaking her heart.
She smiled a little to herself. "You think he does?" she asked.
I nodded. I really did. "I know he does."
He talked about her like he was proud of her. Like she's worth a lot to him. Even though she's a total dork, he totally thinks she's the coolest person alive. I'm sure he would doubt that, but I know. I can tell.
"Anyway," she said, leaning into me a bit. I wrapped an arm around her and she settled into me, her head in the crook of my neck. "I just wanted to say hi."
I laughed softly. "Hi, Gem."
I felt her exhale slowly. That's good for her.
"Hi," she replied quietly.
We stayed like that for a few moments. It was nice. I thought it would be a good time to tell her I loved her, but I didn't do it. I just really don't want to say it, only for her to not say it back. That would be awful and embarrassing and the worst.
"You know, you can fall asleep on me out there on the couch," I told her.
"You just want to hang out with my little brother," she accused me lazily.
"Do not," I replied, running my fingers through her hair. "I also want to finish the movie."
She laughed a little, getting up off of me and heading to the door. I followed.
"Thanks so much, Shawn; I'm so bad at changing lightbulbs," she said, looking back at me with a wink. It sounded so fake.
I shook my head, not being able to not smile. "I'd change any lightbulb you want. I'd change a million lightbulbs for you, Gem," I told her. She put her hand over her heart dramatically.
"My hero," she said with a grin.
"You guys make me cringe," Liam said. He was sitting on the floor in front of the TV for some reason, just opting out of all of the seating choices.
"You didn't miss much," he said, looking back at me. "Gemma, you missed the better part of forty-five minutes, and I really don't have the time to catch you up."
"I had to do laundry," she said with a frown. "Your laundry, at that."
She leaned against me on the couch, pretty much just disregarding the fact that she has a spine of her own, and I wrapped an arm around her. I didn't really mind, except when she falls asleep on me and I don't want to wake her up but I also don't want her to lay on me all night until my body goes numb.
I noticed her phone lighting up. It was her dad calling. She sighed as she swiped to accept the call.
"Hey Dad," she answered.
"Hi Gemma," he replied. I could hear his voice, since she hadn't bothered to move from her position partially on me. I don't know what I expected him to sound like, but he sounded different than what I had imagined. He sounded...nice. Normal. "How's it going out there?"
Liam looked back at me while Gemma answered this question. "Is she seriously taking a phone call in the middle of this movie?"
I smiled and Gemma rolled her eyes, standing up and walking out of the living room.
"Your son's a bit of a jerk, to be honest," I heard her say as she walked into her room, shutting the door behind her.
"Don't you get sick of her?" Liam asked after a moment. He got off the floor and sat in a chair adjacent to the couch, looking at me inquisitively. "Don't you see her like, everyday? And you don't think she's annoying?"
I laughed a little. He seemed curious in an innocent way; it was kinda sweet. Also a little insulting to his sister.
"I don't really get sick of her. I mean, sometimes she's annoying, but sometimes I'm annoying too, so it kind of balances out," I replied with a shrug. "I mean, I see her everyday because I want to. Why wouldn't I? She's amazing,"
He still looked deep in thought. "Well, why do you like her so much? Not that I don't like her, because I do, a lot. But why do you?"
"Why do I like her?" I repeated. I could write at least a four page essay.
He nodded. "I mean, she's my sister, so I have reasons. But you just met her one day and decided you want to see her everyday? Why?"
I kinda smiled. "Well, it wasn't really that easy. But, I mean, there are a million reasons why I like her. I like her because...because she's unique; she's her own person. She's real. She's smart and talented and ambitious; she constantly makes me laugh, she's very kind and caring. It seems like everybody else around here is completely about themselves, and she's not. And of course, she's the most beautiful girl in the world. I mean, there are infinite reasons why I like her," I said, shaking my head, because the thought of naming all the reasons why I like her was insane and impossible. "I mean, why do you like her?"
He shrugged. "I dunno. Some people's siblings are really mean to them. Some of my friends hate their siblings. And even from so far away, Gemma is always there. She always smiles, even when I'm being annoying. She always says that I'm her best friend, even though I know it's not true. She always tells me she loves me," he said. His voice wavered a bit, and I felt like we hit this rift in the conversation where it wasn't casual anymore. He was like, opening up. To me.
Am I ready to be opened up to? I didn't think we would get to this stage so quickly.
"Sometimes, she makes me feel like Mom is still here," he said softly.
It was quiet between us for a moment. I could hear Gemma talking to her dad, still muffled through the door. Oblivious to the fact that her brother is pouring his heart out to me, who probably takes the cake for best sister's boyfriend ever. Liam was totally sweet. Gemma was totally sweet. I think they both really love each other and they don't even know how much.
"She loves you a lot," I told him. "She talks about you all the time. All she wants is for you to be happy. Sometimes I think I'll always be second place to you."
I smiled to let him know it was a joke. Even though I was a little worried.
"I mean, I am pretty great," he said with a smile, lifting the heaviness in the room a bit. "But I'm pretty sure she likes you more."
"Why?" I asked curiously.
"She never talked to me about Jake, but now all she does is talk about you," he said, sounding a tad annoyed. "I mean, you're not all she talks about, but you definitely get mentioned a lot. And she talks about you to my dad. I've heard her bragging about you like, a million times. She never talked about Jake, especially not to him."
I think I involuntarily smiled a bit. That made me feel good. "Really?"
He nodded. "And she's way more smiley than she ever was. All she does is smile; it's kind of weird, honestly."
I smiled.
"Well, I like her a lot," I said decidedly. "I've liked her a lot for a long time now, and I'm not planning on stopping."
Liam chuckled. "Yeah, I guess she is pretty cool."
Just then, she emerged from her room, holding her phone out. "Dad wants to talk to you, Liam."
He stood up and she said goodbye while he walked to her. After she handed off the phone, Liam retreated to her room and Gem returned to her spot next to me. I held her a little closer than before.
"How's your dad?" I asked.
She sighed. "He's fine. Misses his kids."
"Well, he does have two pretty great kids," I said. "I'd miss you guys, too."
She smiled. "Did you and Liam bond while I was talking?"
I began to run my fingers through her hair, gently pulling through the knots until it was all smooth and my fingers glided through it.
"We actually did," I told her. "We talked."
"About what?"
"You," I said.
"What did you say? What did he say?"
"We both just agreed that you're amazing. I mean, there were a lot more details than that, but I don't want to give away all the secrets," I told her, and she laughed a little.
"Fair enough," she said. "I'm just glad you're getting along so well."
"It was weird, Gem. I didn't even say anything, he just totally opened up to me," I told her, thinking back to our conversation. "I think he like, trusts me or something."
"I mean, you are a pretty trustworthy guy," she reasoned.
"I'm known for my trustworthiness."
"It must be some kind of bro code thing. I have to pry it out of him to get him to open up, and that rarely even works," she said.
"Sorry that I'm the favorite," I told her.
"How did he just meet you and you're already the favorite?"
I shrugged. "Well, obviously, my unmatchable trustworthiness. My charm, my sense of humor, my kindness—"
"Your humility," she interjected sarcastically.
"I'm joking. I don't know why he did, but I feel good. I feel like he really, actually likes me," I said. I really did feel accomplished.
"I'm very happy for you," she told me. "I told you that you had nothing to worry about."
We were both quiet for a moment, content with each other.
"Do you really talk about me to your dad?" I asked, smiling a little.
"Did Liam tell you that?" she replied. She sounded tired but she was smiling a little. "Yeah, I talk about you. So what? You're my boyfriend. It's not like I can really talk to my mom about you. I mean, I could, but it's not really the same."
"I wasn't criticizing you," I quickly said. "I find it admirable, and totally sweet. I talk about you, too."
"To your dad?" she asked.
"Yeah. And mom."
"Oh, right, Two parent family," she said. "Must be nice."
I knew she was joking, and she felt comfortable joking about how she only had one parent now, but I don't. I probably never will. They're not my parents.
"I don't know how to respond to that," I said softly, and she laughed.
"Gosh, you're great," she said, and I wrapped my arms around her a little tighter, kissing the top of her head.
"You're great," I told her. "And you're going to fall asleep on me."
She laughed a little. "I can't. You have to go home. I can't have my little brother thinking we're immoral."
I laughed too. "Says the girl laying all over me."
She rolled her eyes. "Shut up."
"We'll just wait till he goes to bed and I'll sneak back in," I told her.
"What about the morning?" she questioned.
"I'll leave before he wakes up."
She laughed, brushing her hair back. "So what's even the point if you're just gonna leave first thing in the morning?"
"What's the point? The point is, I have eight extra hours to spend with you," I replied.
"Eight hours sleeping," she countered.
"Eight hours, nonetheless," I told her, and she smiled up at me.
"Liam gets up at like, eight in the morning," she said, shaking her head. "It's so offensive."
"Offensive," I repeated. "That's what it is."
"It is! We don't wake up till at least ten in this house," she said, which was true. "He gets that from my dad."
I nodded understandingly. "What do you get from your dad?"
She smiled a little, as if the thought was a little funny. "Not much, honestly. We're pretty different. We have the same nose," she said, tracing a finger down the bridge of her nose. "I get the smarts from my dad and the creativity from my mom. He's an accountant for a big company and all he does all day is numbers, numbers, numbers. However, I didn't inherit the math gene."
"You have your mom's eyes?" I asked, staring into them, and she nodded.
"And the bad eyesight's from?"
She chuckled, adjusting her glasses. "Both."
We sat there for a moment longer, and I thought about how I liked every single feature of her face; her nose and her lips and her cheeks and everything else.
"What about you? Your eyes and your hair and your—"
"Dad says goodnight, Gem." Liam suddenly emerged into the living room, still holding Gem's phone to his ear.
"Night," she replied simply. Then she looked at me apologetically. "Sorry."
I smiled. "We'll talk about it later."
"She says goodnight back," he said. "Yeah, I will...I'll see you soon...okay, goodnight, love you."
"I guess we'll never know this movie ends," he said with a sigh after he hung up. Personally, I didn't care that much, but we were sort of in this together.
"We'll just finish it tomorrow or something," I told him.
He nodded. "Yeah, okay," he agreed. "Gemma's already sleeping, by the way."
"No I'm not," she grumbled, her voice muffled in my chest. She definitely was very close.
"I'll go home," I said. "Before you pass out on me, Gem."
She sat up and smiled at me, running her fingers through her now messy hair. I stood up and so did she.
"I'm going to go to bed before this gets awkward for me," Liam said, shuffling away. "Goodnight."
Gemma and I told him goodnight, and she grinned up at me, wrapping her arms around me. "Your plan just might work out."
I kissed her forehead. "I was only kidding. I don't want your brother to think we are immoral."
She frowned, even though I was only following what she said. "Well, I'll miss you. You think you'll be around tomorrow?"
I nodded. "What are your big plans?
She shrugged, her fingers messing with my hair. "I was thinking we might do some basic sightseeing stuff. Mostly so I can take his picture in front of everything like an embarrassing mom."
I smiled and shook my head. "You're something else, Gem," I said. "But I should probably not hang around you two so much. I mean, he's your brother and you guys should spend time together without me, some random outsider."
"Whatever you want to do," she told me. I could hear the tiredness in her voice. "You're always welcome with us."
"We'll talk about it tomorrow, hm?" I said, and she nodded, then yawned. "Night, Gem."
She tiptoed to kiss me, holding both of us there long enough for me to reconsider spending the night.
"Night, Shawn," she told me with a small smile.
On my way home, I thought about mine and Liam's conversation and all the reasons why I liked Gemma. I think I could name pretty close to a million reasons
But, the thing is, I don't just like her.
I love her.
———
hahah it took for 14 years to update, yay!!!!! we love a girl who's on top of it😎also this chapter was awful lol
okay, finals week is upon us, so my life has been studying and studying college algebra and calculus and chemistry and authors purpose and all these stupid things. i hate finals so much it's not even funny
however, it is the most wonderful time of the year, so i guess it's not all bad. who's excited for christmas?? Hanukkah(it's already over though)? kwanzaa?? any other holiday i'm missing?
personally, i'm unhappy even though there's no real reason to be but hey, that's just the norm around here😎
➡️ okay what are we listening to??
for me:
- conversations w/ my wife by jon bellion
- more than words by little mix
- closer by astrid s
- be my mistake by the 1975
all bangers. i need new music though so drop suggestions por favor
okay i'm tired hope you all have a good week/weekend and are happy!!!
xx-maggie