34.CHAPTER
Please Vote, Comment and Recommend if you enjoy this book and if you think that someone else will enjoy it also. Thank you and much love my choco babies ^_^
Dmitry Point of View:
"You are not getting away that easy Dmitry, so it's better you don't even think about asking for forgiveness before telling me what happened five years ago. I was really trying to let this all go and move on until you were ready to talk, but now that you have opened that door, I am not about to let you close it without finding out everything that happened". The seriousness of those words stop me in my tracks and the look on his face is letting me know in no uncertain terms, that he is not going to accept anything less than what he is asking for and I can't say that I blame him. I have been putting this off for far too long with the excuse of 'I need him to take out all of his poison before letting him know anything'. In reality, I was running away, I didn't want to tell him, I didn't want him to know that I was weak and a failure. But I used that tactic, expecting a different result, one where he would have caved and just let it slide without me going into many details, yet it's clear to see that that approach did not work, therefore, its time to put it all out there even when fearing the worse.
Though I must say, I don't even know where to start with all of this, but I guess the beginning would be the logical route. After a few minutes of debating with myself, I gaze over at him and nod, "You are right. It's best if it's all out...not because I believe it will change the outcome of our situation, even though I wish it would, yet it is time enough for me to be honest with you. But, can we step into my office please, I don't want your family to hear this conversation. I've been punched enough for today and I really don't want to piss your dad off". There is a moment of hesitation then he nods and follows me into my office. Sitting, we face each other, him in one of the large sofas, while I'm in an armchair. The silence seems to stretch on forever, neither of us making an effort to say anything, I guess just like last time, we don't want to shatter the little peace that has befallen the room.
But one can't be silent forever, so it finally breaks when I get up. He gazes over at me curiously as I begin taking off my shirt, "Dmitry, what the hell? Why are you taking off your clothes? Are you seriously thinking about sex right now?" he asks with disbelief, getting up from the chair to stand behind it putting some distance between us. I ignore his outburst and continue taking off my shirt; when I am completely naked from the waist up, I turn my back towards him and wait for his reaction when faced with what I've been hiding for years, "Oh my God!" he gasped in a horror-stricken voice. "Oh my God. What happened to you, Dmitry? Whats all those? I didn't see them before".
All of his questions come out in a low distress voice, but I ignore them as I shrug my shirt back on and turn to face him...to face the truth. I know all too well what he was faced with and I can tell that he is horrified by the look in his eyes. Already healed discolored surgery scars from semi-deep gash bullet wounds on my middle and lower back -four bullet wounds to be exact-, there is also a couple on the back of my right legs and one in the calf of my left... in total, seven bullet wounds adorn my body, with a good amount of surgery scars toss in the mix. I know he didn't see them before, we were always too busy devouring each other whenever we made love, so it's not surprising that they escaped his notice. If you look at my back, there is no hiding the evidence of what happened, but then again I never wanted him to find out; if he did, he was going to ask questions I was afraid and unwilling to answer, but it's finally out there, no turning back.
I smile over at him, he didn't return the smile as he steps from behind the chair towards me, "Those are bullet wounds, right? For the love of God Dmitry, who in the world did that to you? Why did they do it?". Concern was written all over his face, it's quite heartwarming to see him change from being angry to worry in seconds, it shows that even when he is angry with me, he still feels something for me. It may not be love, but its something positive. I can't help but smile again as I answer, "Its a long story baby, but don't be so alarm, they don't hurt anymore, its been too long a time and they have long ago healed. They may look bad, but they don't bother me anymore, they haven't bothered me in a long time".
"I am not worried about their appearance, what I want to know is when you got them and who did it", he grits out gazing up at me with wide questioning eyes. I walk over to the chair I previously vacated and made myself comfortable once again before giving him my full attention, "Its a long story, Zion", he slashes his hand through the air in a dismissive manner, "I bet it is, but we have all the time in the world to get through it. You can start anytime you want, I'm listening" he insists.
With a nod, I begin, "Ok, I...I think its best to start at the beginning...", "A very good place to start from," he mumbles, looking over at me expectantly. "Yeah...well, it all started back in Russia when I was younger and more trusting of peoples morals and values. Big mistake when dealing with Olaf, he and I went to school and university together and we were what you will call, rival/friends. We were always competing against each other, in every possible area, but we were friends. Back then I took it as a harmless rivalry, a rivalry that pushed us towards our goals and purpose, and it was great until I begun to succeed and he didn't" I pause a bit when he moves to the chair facing me, before continuing.
"It's not that he couldn't succeed, its just that he didn't want to put in the work and effort to do so. He wanted everything easy, not wanting to invest time, blood, sweat and tears into making something of himself, but I never saw that then, all I saw was a friend that needed help, so I helped any way I could. He wanted money, I gave him money; he wanted to invest in a business, I was more than happy to foot the bill because I wanted him to succeed as well, that is, until I found out that he was using the money to fund a lavish lifestyle of party, sex, and drugs. Later I found out that he also was involved with an extremist group. A group that was founded by him and two other, a group that perverted all morals to fit their agenda, a group that didn't hesitate to commit heinous acts to obtain what they wanted. Truth be told, it was disgusting and I could not believe that he had fallen so far down".
"When I found out, I confronted him about it, tried to make him see reason...long story short, he didn't, so I took away all the monetary support I was once happy to give," sighing I get up and walk over to window looking over the garden. "Let's just say, he didn't like that, not even a bit. He got angry, told me that I was going to regret it and disappear for a while. I didn't hear from or of him until half a year later when he appeared on my doorstep, asking again for money. When I saw him, I couldn't believe that he was the Olaf I knew in high school and university. He had completely changed, gone was the smiling carefree guy, gone was the guy that took pride in his appearance, gone was the guy who cared. Truth be told, I didn't recognize him until he called out to me; he was overly thin, dirty, and dressed like a leader straight out of some cult movie. But most notably was his expression, his eyes were dead as if there was nothing but an empty shell left behind".
"As I said before, he came asking for money for a new 'Project', I refused, letting him know that under no circumstances would I help fund his hate group...", I pause, momentarily unable to go on without remembering the look of absolute anger and hate on his face. For the life of me, I couldn't fathom why he had thrown his life away, I was angry and disappointed in him for wasting his life and talent, he would have been great if only he had put all of his intellect to good use, but instead, he chose to waste himself on hate. I just couldn't..."What happened after Dmitry? And what was this hate group he was apart of?", his voice interrupts my inner monologue and I turn facing him again.
"Well, this time his reaction was on a totally different scale, he became incensed and came after me with a knife, almost stabbing me with it, I defended myself and left him in a pretty bad shape. There was just no way, I was going to be threatened to fund his lifestyle and sick agenda, no way in hell. After that, things got worse, I had to get security to remove him from my property several times and when that got tiring, I called the police and had him arrested, before something worse happened", the look on my Zion's face was one of shock and confusion, yet he says nothing, waiting for me to continue.
"After his arrest, I thought that it was all over, but no such luck; his family are quite wealthy and prominent, they got him released on bail and his sentence was, six months probation, three months of community service and a year of anger managing therapy. What I didn't understand, was his single-minded obsession with me, his family has a great deal of money, they are still a very wealthy family in Russia, he didn't need me. But he didn't seem to want their money; he wanted mine and was pissed that I didn't want to freely, hand it over". My baby sits back down and made an observation I made years ago, "I hope he got help from those court-mandated therapy sessions because his actions were like those of a very unbalanced person".
"He was indeed in need of mental help and I thought that therapy was going to help him find himself again, unfortunately, it didn't. And I was a fool to have not realized that he had already lost himself, and to make matters worse, he had people around that made him believe his actions were okay. The group he founded had many people supporting his way of thinking and his way to handle situations, so he didn't see anything wrong with what he was doing. By the way, the group he founded was against immigrants. Most people thought they were all talk and no action, come to later find out, their motto was, 'Foreign Blood Soils the Land', which in their minds justified horrible acts. They did horrible things, they burned down several immigrant family homes after raping, torture and brutalizing every one of them, including children and the elderly, even their pets were disposed of."
"Oh my God!" he gasps, horror written on his face, a hand covering his mouth, "That's beyond horrifying" his voice comes out shaking. "It was, even more so because it came from someone I thought at one point I knew. I would have never thought that he was capable of such acts, well, I knew that he had become violent, but I didn't know it had gone that far. We pretty much stop communicating after I found out about his lifestyle and group, even so, it was still a shock after all they did came to light. As I said before, people assumed they were all talk and were discontented with the inpouring of immigrants, yet at the same time, people had no idea they were committing such unforgivable acts".
"By day, they peacefully protested and send petitions to stop immigrants from moving into Russia, but no one would have ever guessed that by night, they morphed into their sick twisted version of justice. Not only that, to make an even more solid case against immigrants being bad for the country, they also killed, raped and brutalized Russian citizens, pinning the blame on immigrants, th...," "Stop! Please, just stop. I don't want to hear any more. Their actions were beyond reprehensible...pure evil and it makes me sick, my heart hurts just thinking about it. What they did was just horrendous. I don't even want to imagine how those poor people felt while watching their family be slaughtered before their very eyes before they themselves were slaughtered. And for what? For absolutely nothing. I just can't fathom something so horrible".
His voice broke a little at the end of his sentence as one of his hand rub against his chest. I quickly walk over to him, lightly tapping his shoulder to get his attention. Heart clenching at the brightness of his eyes when he lifts his face up towards me, which indicates that he was holding back tears, he is quite sensitive when you talk about these type of subjects. "Don't cry, please don't cry," I whisper, refraining from really touching him, if I do, I wouldn't be able to stop myself from pulling into my arms to comfort him. But I am not sure if he will be okay with my touching after such a long time without contact, so all I can do is watch as he tries to get his emotions under control. I shouldn't have spring all of this information on him, but I need him to know where I am coming from. Moreover, I did promise myself and him that I was going to tell him the whole truth, so no turning back now, but if I have to stop, so he can recover, I will.
"Zion, if you want me to stop, I will. We can always talk later," he quickly moves his hand in a dismissive manner, wiping at his eyes, "I'm fine, sorry it's just...I can't fathom how some people could be so inhumane with their fellow humans, it's just...please continue," he sighs before falling quiet. I gaze down at his lowered head for a pause before nodding, "Alright, but please tell me if it's becoming too much. Deal?", he nods several times, "Deal, please continue," he voices softly. He has always been so sensitive to the pain of others, he is the type that would quickly bury his emotions if its to make others feel good. He is also the type to get angry or sad on someone's behalf, even if he doesn't know them, that is one of the things that I love about him.
And I should have remembered this when I came back and not acted so stupidly, but then again, I did remember it, just not in the way that I should have, but that is water under a bridge now, no possibility of going back to mend my foolery.
Sighing, I shake those thoughts and continue, "Okay...as I was saying, they did horrible things, but before all of their horrible deeds were discovered and after his so-called 'therapy', which I doubt he attended, I never heard about him for quite some time, until a year and a half later. For some odd reason, he set his eyes on me, again. Death threats were sent to my house and office almost daily, two of my properties were vandalized, two others were burned to the ground, I'm pretty sure that it was done by his minions. But the worse act of all...the yard-keeper and his wife, Viktor, and Alina, who helped my dad raised me after my mom died, were killed at my country home. Not satisfied with that, they killed the two dogs that were with me from the time I was a child," pausing, I take a breath before continuing with my story.
"The police were involved once again and begun a nationwide search for him and his main group, but they'd been out of the spotlight for quite a while, using their minions to do their bidding. They were very secretive, so no one knew the exact number of members in the group; most of them could have been hiding in plain sight and no one the wiser. He and those who were well known couldn't be found, even by the people in my employ who were professionals. Their leads always led to a dead end or to a lower member of the group, but no luck finding him and his core group. Meanwhile, things just continued to get worse, even my ex-lover at the time was involved...he was brutally raped and beaten to a pulp in his apartment...he survived, but a month later committed suicide. The caught the ones that did it, but I couldn't help blaming myself for it".
"Oh my God! That is so awful, too awful, Jesus Christ...I'm really sorry you had to go through something like that Dmitry, but I am even more sorry for the people who lost their lives, all due to that man deranged selfishness. It is so awful, but you can't blame yourself for what you couldn't control," he whispers. "I...Thank you, Zion, your words mean a lot," I whisper back, touch by his words of kindness. He doesn't know how much they mean to me, I always try not to think back on what happened all those years ago, but sometimes I can't help it and every time I do, I blame myself for it. Maybe, if I had given him the money, all of those things wouldn't have happened or maybe he would have done even more terrible things, but not knowing is what kept me filled with guilt. I know my baby is right, its common sense after all, but sometimes I can't stop thinking that three people and two innocent animals, died because of me.
"If I had given him the money, maybe...", "Please don't do that to yourself Dmitry, it wasn't your fault. It was all his fault, he was an unstable person who didn't seek the help he needed while people around him validated his insanity. He was going to do all of those terrible things with or without your money because he had people there feeding into his delusions of grandeur and entitlement. Moreover, I have a feeling that he didn't need your money. You said he had a great number of followers, whom I am positive were supporting him financially, its always that way in cults. So you see, it wasn't exactly your money he wanted, it was something more, something deeper and holding money over your head, was the only way he could justify his actions towards you. What he wanted exactly, only he has the answer to that; maybe, it was as you said earlier, he was angry that you were no longer the supportive friend as you were before, maybe he was angry that you gave him an ass whopping and had him arrested, or maybe it was just plain old envy and jealousy".
"Those negative emotions can lead people to commit heinous acts, you represented all he did not accomplish or couldn't be on his own, and maybe that was what, in part, pushed him even more over the edge along with his mental issues. Honestly, who can tell at this point, but one thing is certain and you must always remember, what he did is not your fault and it will never be, so stop holding yourself accountable. He was a grown man, so he and only he should be held accountable for his actions," his words this time...I'm speechless, once again he is completely right and I will hold onto those words every time that guilt wants to come knocking. I have a lot to feel guilty about, my treatment of him five years ago and in the past months and I will hold myself accountable for them, but as he said, there is no need for me to be accountable for Olaf's actions.
And I will work hard to rid myself of that guilt once and for all, I didn't kill anyone, Olaf did, so there is no need for me to take the blame, even though I still feel horrible about it."Thanks again ba... I must admit that sometimes its hard not to blame myself for the death of the people that helped raised me, Viktor and Alina, my ex-lover Alexander and my dogs. But I know you are one hundred percent right, maybe he was, in fact, envious and or jealous of me, but I never saw it that way until now that you mention it. Could that have been his motive? I really don't know because I never asked, I always assumed, it was all because he was spoiled rotten by his family. He did, however, mention on several occasion years ago when we were at university, that his family would always compare us and insist that he be more like me. He hated them, especially his father. Back then, I was baffled by the hate he had for his parent, I had been to his house more times than I could remember and he was always nice to me, but with all that happened, you never know. He didn't give much detail on the subject and I didn't pry for more".
"In college, we both played hard, but when it was time to get serious, he didn't want to. I always had the ability to retain and understand any information, so school and university were never as difficult as it was for others. He was just as smart, but didn't care about anything other than partying, I think he wanted to spite his family, he continued like that until we graduated, well, I graduated, he just left the university. He and I only attended the same school and university, due to the hard work of my dad, who wanted me to attend the best school. Even though I attended that school, I knew my parents were not rich, I was there on a scholarship, for both school and university I attended. Olaf and I were in no way of the same economic status, his parents were wealthy while mine were hard working lower-middle-class family, so I never understood why he didn't take advantage of that status to make something of himself".
"He had so much potential, it was a waste for him to throw it away so carelessly as he did, but enough about that, I have digressed way off topic, nothing can be done about his choices now...It took time for me to heal after all he did to me. Months ago, I've slowly begun to stop guilting myself into believing that everything back then was my fault", "I'm glad" he says, with a half smile. I am feeling quite lighthearted at the moment, yet at the same time, I can't forget reality, three people are dead, murdered senselessly and nothing I do or feel will ever bring them back and that is one reality I can't escape. I may not feel as guilty as I once felt, but...breathing deeply, I clear my mind as much as possible before continuing.
"The police arrested a woman and three men who claimed responsibility, though I am sure that there were more than four involved in all those crimes, I guess those were the four who were sacrificed for the greater good of the group. I guess it was better to send four lowly minions to the gallows, than having the police find out where they all were hiding. Their arrest didn't make the pill of Viktor, Alina, Alexander, and my dogs' deaths any less hard, to swallow. And when my guilt became too much, I decided to get away from Russia for a bit. Just a quick break to feel normal again, moreover, Olaf left me alone after that, but that didn't take away my anger and hurt. I was angry, in mourning and at my wit's end, so, I decided to come to the US with the excuse of taking care of my businesses here. My family didn't like it, especially my dad, but he never said anything to stop me, I guess he understood my pain. He too had at one point gone through the same pain, when my mom died".
Before he could ask about it, I cut him off, "She died when I was nine years old, drowned in the bathtub, one of those freak accident; she tripped, hit her head and fell into the tub, unconscious. The tub was filled with water for her bath, so she drowned. My dad blamed himself for years because he was laying out on their balcony listening to music, he didn't hear a thing. When an hour passed, he decided to check, because she didn't take more than an hour for her baths. Yeah, quite a number of people asked why didn't he checked earlier, but it was her ritual from the time the met, throughout the week she took showers, but Saturday morning, while we were still asleep, was her day for a long relaxing bath and beauty treatments".
"My dad's timing was too late, by the time the EMT got there, she was gone, declared dead on the scene". I can tell that he wants to say something, but I don't want him to, I prefer to not go down that path today, so with a smile, "Its okay Zion, no need for you to worry. What happened to my mom was a long time ago and I've already accepted it, even if I wouldn't have wanted it to happen. I don't think missing her would ever stop, especially for my dad, but I know she would not have wanted me to continuously mourn her death...", "Stop saying that its okay, because you and me both know that it's not okay. Yes, death is a part of life, but I can tell that the loss of your mom still hurts you, I can't even fathom the shock you were put through at such a young age...to not only lose your mom but the people that helped raised you must have been horrifying and I am so very sorry for your loss, Dmitry." Gosh, it seems that today, all that I have been hiding, has started to spill out and strangely, I'm okay with that.
"Some days it feels like it's been forever since she passed, others, feel like it was yesterday...she was an awesome mom and it hurts that she is gone, but I don't think anyone hurts more than my dad. Since my mom died, he has never even tried to rebuild his life, maybe now that he has the joy of his granddaughter, he can try again...I really appreciate your kind words, Zion, I really do. Thank you," I can tell he wants to say something else, but I quickly go back to the story. "So yeah, I came to the US and only returned to Russia when I needed to handle business Niko couldn't and visiting my dad and the rest of the family. That went on for a time, then a year and a half later, I met you and fell in love. Chasing you with single-minded purpose, intend on having you, you fought against it until you couldn't deny me anymore and said yes," the way he quirks his brow, indicates that he didn't believe that last part.
"You may not believe me Zion, but that does not change my answer. I fell a deep connection to you from the moment I saw you, I needed you at my side and didn't stop until I got you. Everything was perfect, I was in love with you and you were in love with me, nothing could have been better. Well, making you mine with my last name attached to yours would have been a dream come through and I planned for it, but...I wanted it to be on your birthday, that was why I went to Russia that week. I wanted to get my moms' ring resize, it was going to be your engagement ring; taking care of business was also on the list, I wanted to free up some time for the two weeks getaway that was already planned for the both of us. I really wanted that day to be special, so I planned everything perfectly even the smallest detail, it..."
"You really want me to believe that Dmitry? Really? Dmitry, if you loved me so much and was going to propose, why did you do such a horrible thing to me then? Why did you treat me worse than the dirt under your shoes?" he whispers his questions, gazing up at me with a pain fill expression. I hunch down in front of him, forcing him to face me, "I did it because I had to Zion, it was the phone call. All because of that bloody phone call, I didn't want to, but I had to". He sits up straight, "Phone call? What phone call?" he asks again, this time a little louder still gazing into my eyes. "The phone call that changed everything, the phone call that turned that day, into the worse day of my life...it happened before you came to the apartment, which by the way was my home at the time, I had no other apartment or house. Before those incidents in Russia, I rarely traveled to the US and when I did, I used one of the pen houses in the hotels".
"After we met and got serious, I shopped around for a house to call our home, it was going to be my wedding gift to you, I had already picked it out, it was going to be your wedding present. But there was a phone call before you came to see me, a video call rather...they had abducted my dad, he fought back but was still brutally beaten to the point where his face was barely recognizable when he was pushed in front of the camera. They were going to kill him if I didn't pay their ten million dollar ransom demand. I had no problem paying to get my dad back alive, I had already lost my mom when I was little, the people that helped raise us, so there was no way I was going to lose my dad. And money was not a problem as long as he came back alive. But they didn't stop there, he wanted to make me suffer even more, for quote on quote 'Ruining his life'".
"He was out for blood and knew right where to strike to get it. He wanted the money to let my dad go, he also wanted me to choose, I...", "Choose? Choose what?" he asks. Sighing, I face him, "Choose...your death or mine", "What? You're kidding right?" he asks again, eyes widen in disbelief. I shake my head in denial, "No Zion, I'm not kidding. He wanted your life or mine and he was not playing around. I never thought he was going to reappear, I wasn't prepared for what came next. Apparently, a couple of people from my security team, aka, the ones who were supposed to find him, were members of his cult and were the ones giving him all the information he wanted. While I was in Russia doing business and re-sizing my mom's ring for you, he made his moves. Basically, he wanted my money and my happiness. If I didn't comply, he wanted my death".
"There was no way I would have ever allowed my dad to die, he could have asked for a hundred million and I would have given it to him to spear my dad's life, and most importantly, I would have rather died than you getting hurt. I couldn't trust anyone but Niko and Ivan at that moment, we didn't know who were the rats, we only knew that they were there and they were ready for anything. I know for a fact, you were going to be killed if I didn't give in to their wishes. So I quickly made the decision, called my lawyers and the banks setting my affairs in order, then waited for you..." I pause a bit, then, "I swear on our princess's life, I was going to tell you to leave the moment you stepped in, but when I saw you...I needed to have you, I couldn't bear the thought of dying without experiencing the joy of holding you in my arms, of your body beneath mine for the last time".
"I couldn't resist when you kissed and touched me, your scent and willingness to please me drove me wild with a need like no other and I couldn't get enough. They say when a man knows his death is imminent, he is driven with the need to procreate, I tried to resist, I really did, but I just couldn't. The only thought crashing around in my head was, 'If you have to die, you need to take a part of him with you'. That day was the worse day of my life, I had the ring right there, ready for you to say yes, but my hands were tied. I couldn't run the risk of you or your family dying because of me, especially when people I cared about were murdered before by him and his group. I wouldn't have been able to bear it if you had died and I live".
"So I did the only thing that made sense to me at that moment. Because I only had that moment, I took you selfishly and I couldn't stop myself once we were passionately joined. My roughness that day was, love, need desperation, frustration, and anger. I was desperate to show you how much I love and need you, frustrated and angry at my impotence," shock is clearly written on his face, his eyes wide and his body stiff as a board. But this all need to be out in the open, once and for all, "I had to make love to every inch of you, marking you to your very core, though I didn't know that our princess would have come from it. But I'm happy she did, she is the greatest gift of love you have ever given me and I can't begin to tell you how much I appreciate you carrying her for us both. Yet that day, all I cared about was loving you for the last time, with everything I had. As we made love, I tried to tell myself that the threats were tricks or fiction of my imagination and I was succeeding, that is, until I saw two mask covered figures slip inside the room with guns drawn and ready, with a piece of paper that said, 'Choose'."
"Their guns were pointed at your back while a laser beam of a rifle, from God, knows where pointed at your abdomen. I had to get you out of there and I had to do it quickly. Being that disgustingly mean, horrible and intentionally hurtful, was the quickest way to get you out of that room to safety. Everything I said was like acid to my throat and a stab to my heart, I couldn't believe I was saying such things to you, the man I loved with my everything. My heart felt like it was being ripped from my body, but I had to do it, to keep you alive. Anything to keep you alive. I couldn't place your life in danger, especially with a sniper somewhere in the surrounding area, ready to shoot at any given time," I pause trying my best not to relive that day, but it still came flooding back, even as I bite the inside of my mouth until it bleeds.
As I taste the coppery essence of my blood, I can't help but think of how helpless, scared and angry I was, of how all the money I had could not save me at that very moment, of how I was going to leave him and my family behind. It was horrible. Indeed, that day was fucking horrible and for as long as I live, I would never forget it.
Well, Dmitry finally fessed up about everything, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. Love and kisses my choco babies, muax, muax, muax ^_^.