Not Enough ~ Avril Lavigne
...
Tasha sighed as she ran the damp cloth under the lukewarm water, wringing it out gently before stepping over to Loki. His armour already off, and his undershirt soaking with blood. "Can you take this thing off?"
Loki nodded, leaning forward as he pulled the garment over his head, not taking his eyes off her. Tasha ignored his green eyes as she examined the wound on his shoulder, gently wiping the damp cloth along it. Part of her wanted to dig into the wound and cause him pain, but she knew she couldn't ever hurt Loki. She wasn't a monster.
Did she consider Loki a monster?
No.
She wanted to believe he had changed, but in that short a period of time...
"I never told you what happened when I went into the abyss." Loki started after a few moments of silence.
Tasha sighed, "Loki—"
"I thought I was dead. Maybe I was. I was in darkness for — I don't even know how long, until Thanos found me. He tortured me, not only physically, but...Thanos found out about you. He... he used you as leverage. Yes, I wanted to rule Midgard, but you were always my priority."
Tasha snorted in response.
"Thanos threatened that if I failed, he would hunt me down and make me watch as he killed you. That's why even when I wanted to stop — I couldn't. He showed me your death over and over again until I agreed to do what he said!"
"And I forgave you for that! I forgave you for New York! And I was there for you after everything! Even after New York I was still with you! I would've died for you—"
"That's why you had to believe me dead!" Loki raised his voice. "When Thanos comes after me—"
"Whenever you speak, all I hear are excuses for your actions."
"Tasha... please listen to me."
"Why should I?"
"I had to protect you — "
"Look — I'm not having this conversation with you. As soon as I can get off this stupid planet, I'm gone, and you will never see me again." Tasha promised, turning away from him as tears fell down her face.
"I... I —" Loki fell silent as he took in her words, feeling his heart crumble. "If that is what you wish."
"What I wish?!" Tasha scoffed. "What I wish?! All I ever wanted was to spend an eternity with you — that's all I've ever wished for in my life and you — you ruined it! You chewed me up and spit me out when you were done with me." Tasha sighed as she rubbed the tears from her face. "Your intentions may have been partially pure, but you chose being King over me. It's as simple as that, Loki."
"Nothing is ever simple when it comes to you!" Loki yelled before he sighed. "Why can't you see that I love you?!"
"Because you lied! You always lie, Loki! Do you think I enjoy being this person?! I fucking hate it! I hate feeling so scared whenever I'm around you. I never know if that when I were to let myself care, whether you'd catch me or if you'd let me fall. Our love is tragic, Loki. Because of you."
Loki reached for her arms, not stopping until Tasha was against the wall and she had no choice but to let him hold her. It was cold and uncomfortable as the anger simmered through her body turning into a sadness that broke both of their hearts.
"Is this how it's always going to be?" She asked sadly as she leaned her head on his shoulder.
"I know it's hard for you to believe, but everything I did, I did for you— and yes, I was selfish in my actions to rule Asgard. I shouldn't have — I should've stayed with you. That decision will haunt me for the rest of my life, but I will spend eternity proving to you my love."
Tasha slowly pushed him away, her face void of emotion as she spoke. "It's not enough. I wish it was, Loki. I wish —" She turned away from him. "Maybe we just need to leave it at that."
She left their the room then, taking a deep, shaky breath as she leaned against the bathroom door once it was shut. It killed her to push him away, but he couldn't expect her to forgive him after everything...
Could she forgive him? The thought had crossed her mind each day she had spent with him, and each time she felt her heart sink further into despair. Could she forgive the one who hurt her more than anyone else had?
Could she forgive the God of lies?
It was not only Tasha who asked herself this question, but Loki himself asked her at one point, and she was taken aback by his forwardness.
"Will you ever be able to forgive me?"
This was two days after Tasha had spent away from him as much as possible. She kept to herself, only leaving her room to eat or drink. On the third day, Tasha came out of her room to grab herself a glass of water, and when she turned towards her bedroom, she was surprised to hear Loki's soft voice.
She stopped dead in her steps, her heart racing at his question. Can I forgive him? The question ran through her mind over and over again as she stood facing away from him. With a deep breath, she turned around enough so she could look at him. For the first time, Tasha didn't look at him warily. No, instead she looked at him with a shred of hope in her eyes — a usual dull green, now slightly brighter with life showing in them.
"Ask me tomorrow."
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A/N: HIII KEEP YOUR IDEAS COMING PLS I NEED ALL THE HELP I CAN GET 💜 I HOPE YOU ENJOYED!
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