chapter playlist ⏯
• dirty laundry - all time low
• somebody special - nina nesbitt
• you and me - lifehouse
———
a week later-ish
gemma clark
gemmaclark
gemmaclark thinkin bout you
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shawnmendes great picture, gemma!
edithjoness lol @shawnmendes you sound like a grandma
———
I knocked on the door and rocked back and forth on my heels while I waited. My oversized hoodie fell over the line of my shorts, my hair hung loosely in a messy ponytail, and my glasses were perched on my nose. I got out of bed just to come over. Dedication.
The door opened, and he leaned against the door frame with a smirk on his lips. His hair was a little disheveled and his eyes were a little tired, but he was just as beautiful as any other day.
"I knew you'd come over," he said, crossing his arms.
I rolled my eyes. "Don't fancy yourself. I'm just bored."
"At ten o'clock at night. Sure, whatever you say," he replied, opening the door to let me in. "Maybe you're just in love with me."
I shook my head as he shut the door. "You? No way. Not my type."
He chuckled. "What's your type? Cheaters? Or criminals?"
I playfully punched him in the arm. "Guys who don't make fun of me; that's my type!"
He grinned and took my hand in his, pulling me back to him. "Hey," he said, making me look at him. "Thanks for coming."
I smiled and shrugged. "Couldn't resist. There's a slight chance I'm in love with you or something."
He rolled his eyes, letting go of my hand. "So, what do you wanna do?"
I shrugged, as if I hadn't been thinking about making out with him the whole car ride over.
"Don't care. Just came to be with you," I told him. That's true.
He smiled a little. "Well, you're lucky. I'll be here all night."
I laughed a little. "No way."
He nodded, grinning and running his fingers through his hair. "Yep. Just for you, Clark."
Then we both sort of looked at each other for a moment, and I wanted to kiss him so, so badly. I wonder if he feels it like I do. Every time we're this close to each other, it's like there's some sort of magnetic pull forcing us to be closer.
He looked at the ground, breaking our gazes.
"Sorry," he said, a little sheepishly. "If I looked at you any longer, there's a good chance I would have kissed you."
"What's wrong with that?" I asked, not being able not to grin. I took a few steps back to lean against the wall.
He laughed a little, filling in the space that I had made by stepping towards me. "So that's cool with you? If I kiss you?"
"Are you joking?"
He shook his head quickly. "Well...things are really unclear between us right now. I know that I like you, and that you like me, but that's just about all I know. I don't know what we are. And I don't know if you want me to kiss you or not."
He had a solid point. But I think the statement "I am in love with you" definitely justifies kissing.
"I'm clueless," he added quickly, making me laugh. "And I like you so incredibly much that I don't want to ruin it by doing something stupid that you don't want me to do. And once again, this whole situation is just..it's all really blurry, if that makes any sense at all."
Perfect sense.
I let the words sit in the air for a moment, then I looked up at him, and he looked at me, and all of a sudden my face was getting hot. I looked at my feet shyly.
I could either just shrug off this conversation, or I could do what we both want me to do.
"May I clear things up?" I asked him, regaining my composure. He nodded, smiling a little. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and gave him a smile that was supposed to appear confident, but appearing confident when you're the most insecure person on Planet Earth turns out to be quite the task. We both laughed a little, until the smiles faded and I got nervous again.
Does he even like me? Am I sure this isn't a prank?
But I put my worries aside and I just did it, standing on my tip toes to kiss him. He seemed surprised at the contact, but nonetheless, he kissed me back, his hands hesitantly resting on my waist. He pulled me a little closer, and I fell back on my heels, relaxing under his touch. I couldn't help but smile a little. This is such a dream.
It was so innocent. I could still feel his nerves, and I'm sure he could feel mine. The way my fingertips were hesitant to touch his hair, and the way he looked at me when we were done, seemingly worried that I would somehow hate him after that. A small moment where he lacked the confidence he should have.
"See? It's easy," I said softly with a smile, attempting to break the tension. "You just have to make your move."
"Well, you're always making the moves, Clark," he said quietly, our faces still close together. I smiled a little.
"Someone's got to," I replied, dropping my arms while not being able to hide my grin. He rolled his eyes.
"You make me nervous."
I raised an eyebrow. "Do I? Because I am the least intimidating person I know."
He chuckled. "You're just so...cool. Like, infinitely cooler than me."
"Oh my God, says you, Mr. Worldwide Superstar. If there was an award for Being The Coolest Guy In The Universe, you know you would win."
"If there was an award for Being The Most Amazing Person Ever, you know you would win."
I shook my head, still smiling. "This is definitely the dumbest conversation we've ever had."
He laughed. "True. We should probably just quit while we're ahead."
I nodded in agreement. "I'm with you on that one."
There was a moment where we communicated through smiles. We looked unreasonably happy for a random Wednesday night at ten o'clock.
"Did you eat?" he asked, tilting his head to the side a bit.
"It's ten o'clock."
"So?"
"Yeah, I ate. Did you?"
He nodded. A moment of silence fell between us.
"What'd you eat?" he asked. I chuckled at his feeble attempt at conversation.
"Um, mac and cheese. I'm really good at making it."
"Is that sarcasm?"
I shook my head. "No, I'm actually like, a really good mac and cheese chef."
He smiled, obviously amused, and although I was sort of trying to be funny, I was also serious. Mac and cheese is one of my best dishes.
"You're definitely going to have to make it for me one day," he said to me, leaning against the wall all cool-guy-like.
I nodded. "Of course," I replied, sharing his smile. "But it's just the kind from the box. In case you were expecting...well, something that requires actual skill."
He chuckled. "I know not to expect anything cooking-related that requires skill from you, Gem. Besides, you not being able to cook is actually dead last on the list of things that bother me."
I smiled a little. "That's a relief. I've been at home, trying to make dish after dish because I was so worried you would hate me if you knew how bad of a chef I was," I said, my voice overly-sarcastic.
"You're a comedian. Who needs a chef when you have a comedian?" he asked rhetorically into the air, responding to my sarcasm with more sarcasm.
I smiled contently.
We then started talking about school and work and the bland every day topics that we already talk about, well, everyday, and after this whole long conversation, we had ended up in his room. I was sitting on his bed, and he was sitting on the edge of it, strumming a melody on the guitar. I was completely enthralled in this, content with the absence of words and the presence of music. He started playing Slow Dancing In A Burning Room, and I could feel my eyes light up. He played and played, and I just listened, feeling my anxieties fade away, feeling myself actually relax. I could get used to this. I could stay like this all night.
But, like a flood, I suddenly felt my tired eyes' fatigue. With every blink my eyes got heavier, and it took more to keep them open. He's making it so easy to just fall asleep. And fall in love, on top of that.
"I learned that for you, Gemma Clark," he told me when he was done, looking up. I had somehow managed to stay awake through the whole thing. I smiled back at him.
"You're amazing," I told him, looking at him admirably, not being able to even think of a witty, clever response. "It was beautiful, and you're beautiful, and it all just...works out perfectly, really."
He chuckled. "You're tired."
"You're good at observing."
He smiled, shaking his lead and getting up to set his guitar down. "Sleep here."
My heart jumped.
"No, it's okay," I said, yawning and looking at my phone for the time. 11:42. "I should leave anyways."
He sat on his bed next to me, so we were closer than before. "Well, I respectfully disagree."
I laughed. He smiled, and I could feel myself giving in.
"I respectfully don't care," I replied, and he rolled his eyes. I stood up to leave, and he followed me out of his room.
"Why am I in love with someone who is so unbelievably lame?" he questioned, and I couldn't help but smile a bit.
"What happened to me being the recipient of the Most Amazing Person Ever award?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest.
"You still are, but you also win the Lamest Person Ever award."
"Those two seem pretty contradictory, in my opinion," I told him, and he shrugged.
"Well, good thing I make the rules here."
I chuckled. "Whatever you say. I've gotta go."
I turned to leave, but in one swift motion, he grabbed my arm, pulling me back to him and kissing me. I barely had time to gather my thoughts.
It was pretty smooth, I'm not going to lie.
I was still a little awestruck when he pulled away, especially because he kept our close proximity. "I'll see you later. I'll call you so we can talk on your way home." He spoke as if I was supposed to be able to form a coherent thought after that.
I smiled a little, running my fingers through his hair absentmindedly. "Why would we talk on my way home if we just talked like...right now, for like, two hours?" I yawned.
He smiled softly, brushing my hair behind my ear. "Look at how tired you are."
I yawned again. "Yeah, so?"
"I'm certainly not going to let you fall asleep while you're driving, you loser. What, you can't spare fifteen more minutes to talk to me?"
"What if we run out of things to say?" I'm
never going to leave at this point.
"Then you can turn up the radio and I'll listen to you sing along."
"I'm going to hold you to that."
"Fine by me."
I laughed, stood on my tiptoes to kiss his cheek, then stepped towards the door. "I'll see you around, Mendes."
He watched me, leaning against the kitchen countertop as he did. "I'll see you in my dreams, Clark."
I rolled my eyes but couldn't help laughing. "You're such a dork."
"Says you."
I gave him a look. "I'm really leaving now."
"You sure? Because there's still an empty spot in my bed for you."
I laughed. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't tempted. I had to remind myself that we weren't even technically dating yet. "Careful; you're coming on a little strong there," I warned him, biting my lip to hide my smile.
He crossed his arms, quite satisfied with this whole situation. "I thought you were leaving."
"I am. I'm leaving, and I'll talk to you later," I told him. "And tonight's rendezvous, while brief, was really fun. Goodbye."
He grinned. "You really are a dream come true, Gemma Clark."
I didn't quite know what he meant by that.
I smiled a little. "As are you, Shawn Mendes."
And then I left, and I sorta wished I would have stayed.
———
a few days after that
Shawn put his hand on top of mine, then quickly pulled it off. Even though the room was crowded, his shy smile made me forget about everyone else.
"Sorry. I forgot," he said, and I smiled. But my smile became melancholy as the red from his cheeks faded.
"I don't like pretending," I told him.
He nodded. "I know."
"But I like you."
He nodded again. "I know."
I chewed on my nails, which I only did when I was actually stressed. What am I stressed about? Everything.
We were "out." (we're sitting by ourselves, unbothered by everyone else) Brad and Edith are somewhere talking to people, as they always were. I was extremely content just being here with him, although I wish we were alone. But we can't just hang out at each other's places every single day. I mean, the only reason we go out is just to say that we did. It makes me feel like I did something productive, even though it's actually the opposite, but once you go out, you have a nice, long grace period where you don't have to go out again for a long time. After tonight, I have a good week and a half of rejecting anyone's pleas to go out. As if I have people knocking down my door to go out.
Edith always calls, saying the two of us just need to go out with her and Brad, even though the two of them abandon us to talk to people. I think Edith thinks we're like, falling in love because we have each other's company over here all alone. Edith doesn't know that this is an unnecessary step in the falling-in-love process, because she doesn't know that the process has been completed. I didn't tell her.
"You look really nice, by the way," Shawn said, interrupting my thoughts. "I don't think I told you earlier."
I smiled. "Thanks."
I didn't look particularly nice. I mean, I guess I'm wearing actual nice clothes, and I straightened my hair for once and put on some makeup, which is different than what I usually look like. I don't really leave the house too much, so sweatpants seem acceptable for most days.
"What are you two chatting about?"
Edith approached us, and Brad came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. She was still unnoticeably pregnant.
I shrugged. "Nothing."
She nodded slowly, as if she knew we weren't talking about nothing. I felt guilty that I didn't tell her about Shawn and I. I didn't know if I should tell her, since I don't even know what I would tell her. We technically are still just friends, so what's new? She knows that he apologized and we're back on good terms now, she just doesn't know the extent of the apology. I just told her we're going to take things slowly and see where it goes. Not technically a lie.
"You guys truly are the life of the party, hm?" she said next, and I gave him a knowing smile. "I mean, if this isn't the most fun couple of people I've ever met."
Couple. Is that what we are?
"This is fun for me," he replied. "I like Gem a lot more than anyone else here, so I'd rather just stay here and talk to her."
I fake-gasped. "Wait, you like me more than this room full of strangers and people we barely know?"
He grinned, and I caught a glimpse of Edith rolling her eyes. Brad was smiling. He was amused.
"You definitely should be honored," Shawn told me.
I put my hand over my heart. "Why, of course."
"You two are so..." Edith trailed off, looking for the right words.
"Cool?" Shawn offered.
"Weird?" I suggested.
"Perfect for each other," she decided, ignoring us and nodding as she said it. "That's what you are. You're both incredibly odd, but also incredibly attractive."
We laughed.
"Thanks?" I said. "Although I would personally argue that I'm closer to average attractiveness than incredible attractiveness"
Edith rolled her eyes, and before she could say anything, Shawn leaned over so that I could feel his breath on my ear.
"I respectfully disagree," he whispered, and he was grinning. I laughed and shook my head.
I looked back at Edith and Brad, who were just looking at us now. Edith's head was tilted a bit to the side, as if she was trying to understand, and Brad, of course, was smiling.
"Don't feel like you have to stay here for us," Brad said, breaking the silence. "I mean, no offense, but I'm fine with just Edith, if you guys want to go somewhere and finally agree that you should be dating."
I gave him a look.
"Or whatever," he quickly added.
You're kind of right.
"Yeah. Maybe we'll do that," Shawn said, looking over at me. I rolled my eyes, even though I wished we actually would.
Edith looked at me too, her eyes lighting up. "Well, don't let us stop you! Go talk! Somewhere peaceful, maybe."
She was all too excited about something that already happened. I'm happy that I don't have to let her down, but still guilty that I kept her out of it.
"We do this every single time we go out, do we not?" I said.
"Yes," Edith replied with a soft smile. "You do. But it's sort of one of the hallmarks of you two. We always know you won't stay for long, but it's just nice that you come out at all."
"You know, It is kinda late," I said, looking at my phone screen.
Shawn agreed. "It is. And you have school tomorrow. It's probably best if we just head out now."
I rolled my eyes at the thought of going to class tomorrow.
Edith was grinning. "Yeah, you probably should." Then she stood on her tiptoes to whisper something in his ear, which made him smile and laugh.
"No she doesn't," he said softly, just to her.
She nodded. "Believe me."
He looked back at me, and for some reason, I blushed.
"See? She's all red in the face," she told him.
"I don't know what you're talking about, but stop," I said, crossing my arms.
Edith smirked. "Fine. You two go have fun. We'll see you later?"
I nodded. "Of course. You two have fun."
She took Brad's hand and waved with the other, and their fingers interlaced as they turned around to head back into the crowd, the crowd I desperately tried to stay away from. My favorite person wasn't in the crowd, so I don't see the reason to go into it. I guess there's something to be said for socializing, but for a girl with some serious anxiety, just being in this room was enough socializing for me, for a good week.
"Gemma."
Shawn's voice pulled me from my thoughts.
"Yeah?"
I looked up at him as we walked, wanting to take his hand but knowing I couldn't. He smiled a little.
He just looked at me, then shook his head.
"Nevermind," he said.
My hand brushed against his, and he finally just took it, firmly holding it.
"I don't want to pretend either," he told me.
I nodded, then sighed. "I know. But we don't really have any other choice."
He looked down at our hands and seemed to think about it. "I don't know. Maybe...maybe things aren't as complicated as we make them."
I sighed. "Respectfully, I disagree."
He smiled weakly, then let go of my hand. We didn't speak again until we were back in his car.
"Why?" he simply said, looking over at me. It was just me and him again; no one else to judge us or see us.
"Because," I replied, as if that was an answer.
"Is it because of Jake?" he asked. "Is it too soon?"
I shook my head quickly. "No, it's not Jake. It's not Jake, and it's never going to be Jake. It's...it's you."
"What do you mean, Gem?" he asked, a little impatiently.
"It's just..." I started, then stopped. I know what I'm going to say is stupid. I know he's going to reassure me it's not true, but it is. I know it is, and maybe he doesn't even know it, but it is.
"Okay, maybe it's a little about Jake," I admitted. "But it's mostly about you.
I hated being this girl. I hated being insecure. But I just can't stop myself. It's unattractive, and it just makes me feel so damaged. And I know he knows, because he tries to tell me things he think we'll make me feel better. Little messages about how great of a writer I am, or how pretty he thinks my eyes are. The tiniest things make the biggest difference.
"I'm...just not good enough for you. And I know you're going to say that's not true, but it is. Once people see you with me, as more than friends...I just don't want your reputation to suffer because of mine," I told him. Not that I had a particularly bad reputation. But I mean, come on: Jake Dempsey's ex. That's who Gemma Clark is. And now she's the whore who goes from guy to guy. And now Shawn is the guy who fell for my games; the games that drove Jake away and the games that will inevitably drive him away as well. That's who we'll be, to everyone else. A bomb that will detonate one day, but not just yet.
It felt like a punch to the stomach, and I was the one who said it. Because it was true. Because I'm just "that girl who Jake Dempsey dumped." (Which isn't even true, for the record.) Shawn is Shawn, and he's a million different shades of amazing, but I'm virtually one-dimensional. To everyone else, I'm simply an ex-girlfriend. I know I'm a lot more to him, and that's what should matter, but still. It's not me. It's about him.
"Gem," he simply said.
I looked out the window. I hated being like this. But I couldn't help it.
"You're crazy, Gemma Clark," he said, looking over at me. "You are absolutely crazy if you think, for one minute, that I care about what anyone else thinks. That I care about how a bunch of strangers feel about us more than I care about how you feel about us."
I tried to smile.
"I feel good about us," I told him.
"Me too. Screw your reputation and screw mine. Who cares what anyone else thinks?" he said. He looked at me like he really meant it. "I don't know about you, but I've been pretending I don't feel anything for you for three months. But now you know, and you feel it too, and why should we hide it? I just...we don't deserve that. You don't deserve that, and I don't care what you say. I'm in love with you, Gemma, and if I don't act like it, then I'm just a liar."
He's so sweet when he's disagreeing with me.
I quickly leaned in, put my hand on the side of his face, and kissed him; just so he knows that I like him too. Because I'm inevitably going to say something he's not going to like, and I don't want this moment to go by with him thinking his feelings aren't reciprocated. Because they are totally and completely reciprocated.
When we separated, he gave me a sympathetic smile.
"You're gonna say no," he said, running his fingers through my hair as he looked at me.
"A little more time, maybe," I suggested. "Who even knows where this is going to take us? I mean, we're not even dating."
"I will happily take you on a date, Gem."
I smiled. "I know you will. But, I don't know...I kind of like this. I like being the only ones who know. There's something a little fun about sneaking around, don't you think? It's a little Romeo and Juliet," I said, and he gave me a look.
"You do know how Romeo and Juliet ends, right?"
I laughed a little. "Hello, you're asking an English major if she knows Shakespeare," I said, making him roll his eyes. "I don't mean the suicide part, obviously. Just the sneaking around for true love part."
He smiled, shaking his head. "Is that what we're doing?"
I laughed. "That's what I'm doing," I told him with a shrug. "I don't know...I mean, everything is just so public all the time. With Jake, it felt like we couldn't even walk out the door without someone watching," I said, and he nodded. "But with this...it's only you and I. There's no outside judgement or opinions or pressure. It's just us."
"And I'm not saying it should be like this forever," I said. "Because I very much want to tell the world how crazy I am about you—"
He grinned, his face a little red. "Shut up."
I ignored him. "Maybe just not yet. You know how I feel about you, and I know how you feel about me. That's what matters, right?"
He nodded slowly. "I guess. But just...the last thing I want you to think is that I don't want anyone to know about us. Like I'm ashamed of you or something. Because that isn't and will never be the case."
I smiled a little. "I believe you, I suppose."
He tilted his head and looked at me doubtfully. "I'm serious, Gem."
He knows I'm not good with the ~emotional~ stuff.
"I know," I replied, a little more defensively than I should have. "Look, I'm just giving you your chance to back out, okay? We're new, and you've never known me like this. You've known friend-me, not girlfriend-me. And I don't want to make us all official if it turns out you hate girlfriend me, because then you've burned bridges that weren't even worth burning."
He ran his fingers through his hair, looking ahead, not speaking for a moment.
"You don't get it, Gem," he said.
"Don't get what?"
"Me."
"I don't get you? How so?" I felt as if I could read him like a book.
He didn't respond quickly.
"Hm?"
He looked over at me. "You're not...I'm not like your other guys. I'm not anything like Jake or Alex or whoever. When someone is actually invested in being with you, there really isn't the possibility of them hating you as a significant other. I'm not going to up-and-leave one day because you have a single flaw. Everything isn't so...life or death. I'm going to want you when everything is perfect, and I'll want you when it seems everything is going wrong. There's no backing out; at least not for me."
I smiled weakly. He was sweet. I can tell he really means what he says. It's relieving, to say the least.
"Okay," I simply replied, because what else do you say.
"Let's give it some time," he said, nodding. Giving in. Maybe he knew that us publicly holding hands and kissing would mean that the people would barrage me with questions and insults and maybe he knew that my anxiety-ridden heart couldn't handle it just yet. I haven't even fully processed this relationship yet. I just don't want either of us to be overwhelmed. And I really don't want him to regret this.
"You're sure?"
He smiled weakly. "Of course, Gem. It makes sense, anyways. We're not even dating," he said, the last bit sounding a little bitter on his tongue. I didn't press on about it, though.
"Home?" he asked, looking over at me and starting the car.
I nodded. "Home."
It's been a little over a week since this whole ~relationship~ started, and seeing him almost every day has made it challenging to not think about him. We're new, but we're not, because we already acted the same way for months, minus the kissing and such. So it sort of just feels the same, except a lot better. He's so much better with every day. Like, I obviously thought he was attractive before this, but now, I'm questioning how I ever thought there was a guy out there that I would like looking at more than him. He's gloriously irresistible, and he's (basically) all mine.
His curly hair begged my fingers to run themselves through it, and his lips were unbelievably hard to resist. I could write a book about his eyes, and how they made me feel a million ways at once, and how simply beautiful they were. Underrated, that's what I would call his eyes. The world should be talking about his eyes. Headlines should be written about his eyes. Poetry.
You know, I may try that. Mental note.
When we got back to my apartment, I begged him to come inside, grabbing his hand and attempting to pull him out. He was smiling reluctantly.
"You have class in the morning. If I come with you, you won't get to bed early enough," he told me with a relaxed smile. I knew he was right.
"You're lame," I told him, crossing my arms over my chest. He still sat on the driver's side with the door open, and me standing in the space between him and the door.
"Says you," he replied, giving me a passive look. "Maybe get some sleep for once in your life, Gem."
I pretended to be mad even though I knew he was right and I had no reason to be mad.
"We only spend every waking moment with each other," he added, his smile reappearing.
True.
I groaned. "Fine. I'll get some sleep, I guess, if you want to get rid of me so badly."
He rolled his eyes, but took my hand in his and gave it a squeeze. "Goodnight, Gem."
I smiled to myself. "Night," I told him, our hands separating. "You'll regret this, by the way."
He smiled weakly, and nodded. "I already do."
I leaned over and kissed his cheek, and as I pulled my head back, he put his hand on the space between my neck and my shoulder and pulled me back to him. He looked me in the eyes, then kissed me. It was a real kiss; no hesitation. His hand was steady on me, and there wasn't a single trace of a lack of confidence. I'm not sure how he so frequently paralyzes me when he kisses me goodnight, but that seems to be the common theme here. How could he do this and then not stay a while? Like, come on.
We separated and just looked at each other for a moment, then we both started laughing.
"I'm really, really happy that I have you," he told me in a brief moment of sincerity. "And as long as you know that...that's what matters."
I couldn't help but smile. My heart felt undoubtedly full.
"Ditto," I replied, my smile getting bigger. "I'll see you later?"
He grinned too. "I'll see you in my dreams, Gemma Clark."
I rolled my eyes. "Shut up and stop saying that."
"Night, Gem."
"Night. Drive safe."
"I will."
"Text me when you get home."
"I will."
"But don't text me while you drive. Only when you're walking inside."
He laughed a little, shaking his head. "I know, Gem. Stop worrying about me and get some rest."
I gave him one last peck on the cheek before flashing him a smile. "Night."
He grinned too. "Goodnight, for the one-millionth time."
And with that, I turned to go inside, and he left.
And I realized, very quickly, that he's rapidly becoming the reason I wake up in the morning.
———
ahhhh i finally updated!! it's a miracle!!
okay, i can't even begin to stress how completely overwhelmed by everything i am. i don't think i've ever been so stressed; between five honors classes, two math classes, volleyball, homework, the freakin ACT, all of my stupid extra-curricular things, girl drama between friends, keeping up with my family, and the LIST GOES ON AND ON. is anyone else just at maximum stress capacity, or have i just bitten off way more than i can chew???
i don't know...i'm going crazy, that's for sure. anyways, how are you guys?? can we just like, have a conversation? let's just be chill. i need chill.
➡️ ok ladies (and gentleman?) what are we jamming to currently??
lauv and julia michaels have this incredibly song called "there's no way" and i'm obsessed.
also, olivia obrien's "i don't exist,"
and for some reason, "invitation" by why don't we.
ok wow i am tired and very very very sleep deprived, so i'm gonna zayn. love you all & thanks so so much for reading!! you guys are so amazing <3
xx-maggie