Time Capsule
Chapter 28
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Niall...
"Screwed up bastard!" I shouted as I hurled a rock at the water.
I was in the woods, at our spot, and I had been here all day. I wanted to hang out with Annabelle, but she had plans with Melanie. But it was better off that way. I needed to clear my head and be alone for a while.
The whole week with her had been great and terrible. Having my best friend back, and just getting to hear her laugh and watch her smile, has been amazing. But on the downside, every time I looked at her, I couldn't help but think of everything I had done. I remembered the times I cornered her in the bathroom and touched her in inappropriate places. I remembered all the cruel names I called her, and the crude things I said to her. Every time I stared into her eyes, I remembered the fear that she would look at me with as she pleaded for me to stop. Every time I caught a glimpse of her wrist, I imagined her curled up in her bathroom, slicing at her fragile skin. Every time I saw the bruises and choke marks on her neck, I remembered when I choked her here, and all those times I left unwanted love bites. All with the lousy intention of forgetting my own misery.
And worst of all, when we are in my room and she lays on my bed, I see the pictures in my mind. They come to life in my brain and I see her getting raped and tormented by those pigs.
It's tearing me apart.
It's eating me alive.
She always notices when I had thoughts like this. I spaced out and looked physically distressed, so she pulled me back and would say I need to forgive myself. As much as I wanted to, for her, I couldn't. All I saw myself as was a monster. I couldn't help it. I had been having terrible nightmares every night, imagining her getting tormented. Sometimes it was me, sometimes it was them. But no matter what, they were always just as bad. Her screams, her pleas, her begging me to stop, or to save her. I'd wake up in the middle of the night and want nothing more than to go over to the guest room and hold her. But I didn't deserve to. I didn't deserve to hold her in my sleep for comfort. I didn't deserve to lay in the same bed as her when I used to want to do dirty things to her in one. I didn't even deserve to be spending time with her and for her to be giving me a second chance after the horrid stuff I've done.
I don't deserve it.
A sliver of me wanted to push her away. She deserved a better friend. Someone that wasn't an asshole that has done so much irreversible damage. But the bigger part of me, the part that's a selfish, needy fucking bastard, wanted to keep her close and never let go. That stupid part was obviously winning.
She's lying to you, Niall. She hates you. You ruined her life. You ruined HER. And she hates you for it. She's too good of a person and feels bad for you.
Shut up. Just stop it.
You know it, Niall. You are a monster. You are filth. You are the trash at the bottom of a waste bin. You are nothing but a disappointment to the human race. You deserve to rot.
"Stop it!" I screamed through the forest as I crouched down, covering my ears.
I had been dealing with this since I found out. My mind attacks itself and my subconscious, and I can't stop it. I feel like I was going crazy, which maybe I was.
I needed to release some anger or something. I think the main reason that I couldn't let go is because I knew those assholes were still roaming free without punishment. Maybe if I released some of my anger on them, some of the guilt would go. As stupid as that sounded. I just felt like I needed to make them pay for what they did to her, and I wasn't doing any justice by letting them get away with it.
But Annabelle.
I didn't want to scare her with my violent side.
Being the way I was for the past few years, my anger got the best of me sometimes. For the first two and a half years, I got in about 3 fights a week. Some of them were just me being angry and needed to release it, so I'd start random fights. Some were provoked by other people who ticked me off. I'm not proud of it but at least it gave me some practice for what I'm going to do to these assholes.
But I didn't want to scare her though. She's obviously been hit by those bastards, which made me want to kill them more, and I didn't want her to fear me again after seeing my violent side. According to Liam, Louis, Harry and Zayn, it was pretty scary. And that was coming from a group of guys who have had their share of fights.
I'd just have to do it when Annabelle wasn't around. I didn't want her to see it.
With those thoughts in mind, I threw the clump of grass I had in my hand, and stalked out of the woods to my car. I needed to head home and plan out the best way to go about this.
Those assholes were going to pay. And then after they did...
I needed to figure out how I was going to pay...
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Annabelle...
"So, how's Niall been?" Melanie asked me as she took a bite out of her ice cream.
"He's been okay, I guess." I shrugged.
It was Saturday and the two of us were sat in a cute little ice cream shop in town. She wanted to take me out as a little celebration for getting Niall back.
"He's been okay, you guess? That doesn't sound very enthusiastic." She questioned, furrowing her eyebrows. "Isn't this what you wanted? You have your Niall back. You should be more ecstatic."
"No, believe me, I'm over the moon to have him back, and we've been catching up and having a lot of fun. It's just that...I don't know, he seems kind of...distant. Like, we'll be laughing and talking and then he'll get quiet and looks like he's thinking hard about something. And all these emotions will flash through his eyes and I need to bring him back to reality."
"Hmmm." She tilted her head in thought. "Well, I mean, just two weeks ago he realized what he was doing to you. And only one week ago, you reunited. He probably still has a lot of guilt. He did do some pretty terrible things to you, girly."
"Mel, he doesn't just have guilt. He hates himself. I can see it. He thinks so low and horribly of himself. He thinks he's some sort of monster or evil creature. His self inflicted hate is eating away at him, and it breaks my heart. I hate seeing him so torn up. His smile hides nothing, and on top of that, he's like a ticking time bomb waiting to explode. He's so angry at them and wants to kill them so bad. I'm afraid he's going to snap and get himself in trouble." I ranted.
All week at school, everyone had been hesitant to come near me. Ever since Niall's outburst at Nick, Logan and Connor, everyone had been confused and trying to figure out the sudden change in Niall. He'd been trying to hide his anger and emotions because he knew how afraid of them I am, and how I didn't want him talking about them, but I could see it there. When we hung out after school, even though we had fun and talked like old times, it felt like he was not really there. It almost felt like he was questioning too much whether he deserved to be spending quality time with me after what he did, that he was sabotaging the time spent.
"Just give him some time." She spoke softly. "He'll be alright, he just needs some time to adjust. For a really long time he thought you were dead. He blamed himself enough as it is, and now with this, it pushed him over the edge. Give him a little time." She repeated.
"Alright." I mumbled while looking down. "I guess it just bothers me that I should be the one giving him a hard time, not himself. If I can forgive him after the hell he gave me, then he should be able to forgive himself."
"That I can agree with. Plus, I still owe him a good pop in the jaw, so let me know when that's allowed for me to do." She half joked, causing me to snort out a laugh.
"Other than Niall though, how have you been?" She asked quietly with a serious expression. I knew she meant my dad.
"Fine actually." I smiled reassuringly. "I've been staying in Niall's guest room for the past week. I haven't seen my dad since last Thursday night. I've been having a good week with Niall and wanted a break so I wouldn't ruin my happy mood."
"That's good." She smiled with relief. "What excuse have you been using?"
"I told Niall that my dad was gone for the week and I didn't want to be alone after...what happened." I whispered. "I need to go home tonight though. I've been putting it off too long."
"Annabelle! Are you crazy?!" She whisper shouted at me. "Your dad is going to kill you. You can't go back!" She stared at me with wild eyes.
"Mellie," I sighed, "he's not going to kill me. I just need to go home, alright? I'll be fine. I've been doing it for five years, right?"
"When are you going to tell Niall?" She questioned.
"I'm not going to tell Niall..." I looked away and trailed off.
"Wait, what? Why not?! You've been telling me for years that you wished Niall were here to help you, and now he is, and you're not gonna tell him?!"
"Yeah, M, that was before things happened the way they did! If he had just come back normally, then I probably would've told him. But if you haven't noticed, things kind of didn't go the way I had planned. Plus, he's got too much on his mind and he already hates himself enough. If I tell him what my dad's been doing to me while he was gone, he'll only blame himself more." I sighed.
"I get it." She nodded understandingly. "But he's going to find out eventually. I mean, your dad gets a wee bit outta control sometimes. When you come into school limping and stuff, Niall's going to figure it out. And you can't blame it on the guys at school either. I already know him, and he's going to watch you like a hawk at school, so those guys won't have a chance."
"I know, I know. Like you said, I'll give him some time and then I'll tell him. I'll be fine."
She huffed and got up to throw away our ice cream cups. "Alright then. Well, come on. I got us tickets for a movie."
"Oh cool, what are we seeing?" I asked as I followed her out to her car.
"The Fault in Our Stars."
"Ugh, do we really have to see that?" I sighed as I slumped my shoulders.
"Hey, when the trailers came out, you wanted to see it. Now it's out, what's the difference?" She tried defending her movie choice.
"That was months ago. Since then, Niall showed up and my problems have amplified. I don't exactly want to sit and watch a movie about someone else's life when mine is just as, if not more, screwed up." I said honestly.
I had nothing against the movie, and I did in fact want to see it, but not now while my life was a mess.
"Do you want to see something else then?" She asked politely, but I could see she was a little disappointed.
"No, it's alright." I sighed. "Let's go see it."
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"Bye, M, I'll see you Monday, okay?" I said to my worried friend as I exited her car.
"Alright." She nervously sighed. "If it's really bad, you call me...Actually, you know what? Call me either way when it's over. Otherwise, I'll be worried sick all night."
"Okay." I reassured her.
"Oh, and if it's too bad, you call Niall and tell him you can't hang out tomorrow. You will come over my house and I will go all nurse on you. Alright?"
"Yes, Melanie, now go home. I'll be fine." I gave her a comforting smile, which she returned.
"I love you, Annabean. Stay strong." She whispered. I gave her a wave and she pulled out of my driveway.
Once she turned down the street, and I couldn't see her car anymore, I turned and looked up at the horror house. The house I've been avoiding all week. I walked up to it, and ever so slowly opened the door. All the lights were off, but that still didn't bring an ounce of relief, or ease a drop of fear. I took slow steps and barely even flinched when the kitchen light turned on. I knew all too well that it would.
"Well look who it is. The daughter that can't even remember where her own home is."
For some reason, that didn't make me scared. It made me angry. This wasn't my home. This stopped being my home the day they called for a divorce. This was just a house like structure that held horrid images and scars. A sudden burst of confidence flushed through me, and before I could lose it, I whipped around to face him.
"Why did you tell Niall I was dead?" I asked sharply. I had been wanting to ask that question since the day Niall told me in the hallway, but I'd been too afraid to.
He looked surprised and taken back. Half from the fact that I actually spoke up to him, and probably half because I discovered his dirty little secret. The shocked look wiped off his face, and a devious smirk replaced it. "Ah, Niall. Isn't he that little brat you used to run around with?"
"Don't talk about him like that!" I yelled but was swiftly silenced by a sting ripping through the left side of my face.
"Don't talk back to me, bitch!" He spat. "I told him you were dead because I didn't want the little shit clogging up my mail box with his shitty little letters! Plus, you're a worthless piece of shit that doesn't deserve friends. So I got rid off him. You are just a worthless whore and you technically are dead because you're not even a living person, you're a worthless punching bag." He screamed.
His words instilled a pain in my heart. I half believed his words but I also knew they were nothing but lies. The fear was paralyzing me too much to decipher what was truth and fact.
"Now, speaking of being a worthless punching bag, let's get to it then." He smirked.
Before I could even process his words, a hard blow pushed me back to the stairs. The pain in my stomach and back made me breathless for a moment. He grabbed my hair before dragging me up to the top of the stairs. He stood me up on my feet, and before I could question what he was doing, I was forcefully pushed backwards and tumbled down the stairs. Loud screams erupted from my throat and a few loud cracks were heard. One crack was from my ankle, and a few came from separate parts of my arms. I had managed to roll into a ball to protect my head and ribs as I tumbled down.
"Who do you think you are not coming home for a whole week?! Do you think you're fucking royalty, you scum?!" He screeched at me.
He continued to throw out kick after kick, blow after blow. After sometime, he picked me up off the ground by my shoulders and held me up to the wall. He harshly, and intentionally, brought his knee up to my ribs. He did it over and over until he finally heard the loud crack he was aiming for. I sucked in a jagged breath and could smell the vodka oozing from his mouth. He dropped me to the ground, satisfied with himself, and left the house. Just like that.
Strangled screams escaped my lungs. I laid still and flat on my back, completely unable to move at all. Agonizing screams continuously echoed through the house. Breathing hurt so bad, but the short and quick breath intakes I was taking wouldn't stop.
Oh gosh, this hurts so bad.
I have broken so many bones before, but never so many at once, and never as bad. I was pretty sure my ankle, collarbone, arm and two ribs were broken. To say I felt like I was dying was an understatement.
I wanted to get my phone out of my pocket to call Melanie. I wanted to crawl to Niall's house and have him hold me in his arms. I wanted to find a way out of this life. But I couldn't move.
The only thing movable was my mouth and eyelids, and even that hurt like a bitch.
My phone buzzed in my back pocket.
I had to get it. I had to. If he came home and I was still here, he would surely go for more. I was right out in the open. Perfect spot for him to go at me.
Of course, my phone had to be in my back pocket. I slowly moved my arm towards my butt, and it didn't hurt that bad since it was the other arm and collarbone that I broke. But when I turned my body the slightest inch to get my phone from under me, the most pained cry broke through my voice as fire ripped through every cell in my body.
Hey Annabean :) Is everything alright? How are you doing?
I hit the call button and let out an agonizing cry as I lifted the phone up to my ear.
"Annabelle?! Are you alright?!" I heard Melanie's frantic, yet comforting voice, break through the speaker.
"Mellie," I croaked out, "can you come and get me please?"
"Of course, babe, I'm on my way!" She sounded even more frantic, and now more worried on top of it. "What happened? What's wrong?" She asked as I heard her car door open then slam.
"I think it's broken." I choked out and then let out a loud cry.
"What! What's broken?!"
"Everything."
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