"Mr. Schue? I have something to say," Finn said the next week at Glee Club as Mr. Schue gave him the floor to talk. "Something happened to me and I can't really get into it, but it's shaken me to my core," Finn said. "Oh, my God, he's coming out," Puck commented. I however wondered what in the world this could be about. "Why, yes. There is a man who's sort of recently come into my life and that man is Jesus Christ," Finn said. "That's way worse," Puck said annoyed. I however thought it was great that Finn had turned to religion. "And I know there's others in here who dig him too. And so I thought maybe this week we could pay tribute to him in music. You know, pay tribute to Jesus," Finn grinned. "Sorry, uh, but if I wanted to sing about Jesus, I'd go to church. And the reason I don't go to church is because most churches don't think very much of gay people. Or women. Or science," Kurt said shaking his head.
"I don't see anything wrong with getting a little church up in here," Mercedes said. "I agree. I've had a really hard year, and I turned to God a lot for help. I, for one, wouldn't mind saying thanks," I smiled a bit. "Thanks for what? That it didn't come out a lizard baby?" Santana quipped as I gave her a look. "Whenever I pray, I fall asleep," Brittany said. "Well, guys, maybe our song selections don't have to be about Jesus. We could do songs about spirituality," Mr. Schue smiled.
Puck rolled his eyes. "You got a problem with Jesus?" Finn asked. "Oh, I got no problem with the guy. I'm a total Jew for Jesus. He's my number one Hebe. What I don't like seeing is people using J-Money to cramp everybody else's style 'cause it seems to me that true spirituality- or whatever you want to call it- is about enjoying the life that you've been given. I see God every time I make out with a new chick," Puck smirked. I shook my head at him. He was going back to the same old Puck that I couldn't stand. "Okay, okay. That doesn't make any sense, in fact, it's stupid," Rachel said. For once I agreed with Rachel. "Are you calling Mr. Billy Joel stupid?" Puck asked as he got up "At this time I'd like to continue my streak of doing only songs by Jewish artists. Hit it," he said as he then began to perform 'Only the Good Die Young'.
I smiled a bit listening to him as he sung the song. The song definitely applied to my situation, especially from last year. Puck then jumped up to sing to me. "You got a nice white dress and a party on your confirmation," he sang to me as I danced a bit to the song, slowly falling back into love with him. I danced around with Mercedes actually enjoying myself once again in Glee Club. It was strange how Puck performing somehow made everything wrong in my life not matter. We all clapped for Puck.
He followed me out of Glee Club that day. "I saw you were into my performance," he grinned a bit. "It was...sweet in a way," I said carefully as he stepped in front of me. "Look..I don't know what I did to make you avoid me but whatever it is I'm sorry," Puck said. "It's not your fault," I told him seriously. "Then what is it?" Puck asked "Seriously, you didn't just blow me off for nothing." I sighed. I wasn't ready to have this talk with Puck, not yet. "I really like you..." I told him. "And I like you. I don't see what's so hard about this," he said "Just let me get to 3rd base a couple of times a week. Come on, you know we're right for each other." He leaned in to kiss me. I backed away. "I can't..." I said emotionally as I rushed off leaving Puck confused.
The next day at school the news about Kurt's father being the hospital spread all over the school. "He had a heart attack," Mercedes told me. "Oh my Gosh...is he going to be okay?" I asked. "The doctors seem to think so but he's in a coma right now," Mercedes said. "I feel so bad for Kurt," I frowned. Kurt had been such a good friend to me last year and I had met his father a few times. Mr. Hummel was a good man and really cared for Kurt. "I was wondering if you could help me out with a song I want to sing for Kurt at Glee Club practice today?" Mercedes asked. "Of course," I smiled. "Great," Mercedes said as she handed me the sheet music so I would be prepared to sing background.
I entered the choir room that afternoon to see an emotional Kurt. Tina hugged him first. I walked over and put a supportive arm around him before sitting down next to him. Finn came into the choir room upset. "What the hell happened?" Finn asked Kurt. "My dad's in the hospital," Kurt said. "I know. My mom just called me. I feel like I'm the last one to know," Finn said upset. "I'm sorry, Finn. It didn't occur to me to call you, because he's not your father," Kurt shot back. "Yeah, well, he's the closest I'm ever going to get, okay?" Finn frowned pausing before saying. "I know it may not look like what everybody else has but I thought we were sort of a family." He sighed. "Look, I guess I just- I didn't like overhearing other people talking about it in gym class," Kurt then removed his bag to let Finn sit on the other side of him. Finn tried to be supportive of Kurt which Kurt rejected.
I couldn't help but feel bad for Finn once again. All he was trying to do was be there for Kurt and Kurt seemed to be shutting him out. It wasn't unlike how I had been with Puck. Guilt was the word I would use to describe how I felt. "Hey, guys. Our thoughts are all with Kurt and I know it's sort of hard to really focus on anything else," Mr. Schue began as he entered the room "Mr.
Schue?" Mercedes asked. "Yeah?" Mr. Schue said. "I've been struggling, trying to figure out what I wanted to say to Kurt all day and I realize I don't want to say it, I want to sing it. This song is about being in a very dark place and turning to God. It's a spiritual song, Mr. Schue. Is that okay?" Mercedes asked as she got up. "It's fine," Mr. Schue assured her. "Tina, Quinn, can you help me out, please?" Mercedes asked as Tina and I got up to sing background for her on 'I Look to You'.
The song was a beautiful choice Mercedes had made to let Kurt know that he wasn't alone. Everyone clapped for Mercedes after she finished and Kurt seemed to be emotional. "Thank you, Mercedes. Your voice is stunning, but I don't believe in God," Kurt said as we all were shocked. "Wait, what?" Tina said confused "You've all professed your beliefs. I'm just stating mine. I think God is kind of like Santa Claus for adults. Otherwise, God's kind of a jerk, isn't he? I mean, he makes me gay, and then has his followers going around telling me it's something that I chose as if someone would choose to be mocked every single day of their life. And right now I don't want a heavenly father. I want my real one back," Kurt said.
"But Kurt, how do you know for sure? I mean, you can't prove that there's no God," Mercedes said. "You can't prove that there isn't a magic teapot floating around on the dark side of the moon with a dwarf inside of it that reads romance novels and shoots lightning out of its boobs but it seems pretty unlikely, doesn't it?" Kurt said as I shook my head. "Is God an evil dwarf?" Brittany asked. I had enough of listening to him say things like this "We shouldn't be talking like this," I scolded "It's not right." "I'm sorry, Quinn," Kurt apologized to me "But you all can believe whatever you want to. But I can't believe something I don't. I appreciate your thoughts but I don't want your prayers," Kurt said as he left the choir room.
My heart sank for Kurt. Of course, I didn't appreciate his talk about God but he had a point. There were a lot of churches that did say being gay was a choice acting like it was something people could control. I didn't believe that, not for a second. I believed the Christian way was to treat others with kindness and respect. Besides that there was nothing in the bible that God himself said being gay was a sin, that's a fact. The bell rang as we exited the choir room. I wished there was more I could do for Kurt but I knew there was nothing I could really do to change his mind.
I was preparing a song for Glee Club that I thought would be perfect for this week. I had chosen 'Amazing Grace'. I grew up singing the song in church and the lyrics were more true to me than ever before. I had turned to God last year and my faith save me in more ways then one. I got up at my Sunday mass to sing the song I was hoping to do for Glee Club.
"Amazing grace how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost but now I'm found was blind but now I see. 'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear and grace my fears relieved. How precious did that grace appear the hour I first believed. When we've been there ten thousand years bright shining as the sun. We've no less days to sing God's praise then when we first begun. Amazing grace, how sweet the sound," I sang feeling every word I was singing.
I was looking forward to Monday to get to perform that song for the Glee Club. "Guys I have some bad news," Mr. Schue sighed as all took our seats at Glee rehearsal. I sat in the back with Brittany. "We can no longer sing any spiritual songs in Glee Club. We had a complaint made by one of the students," Mr. Schue said as we all looked surprised, well other than Kurt. "Last week we were too sexy. This week we're too religious. We can't win," Tina said annoyed. "Now I know what Miley feels like," Brittany said. "The real tragedy here is that I found the most perfect spiritual song to sing this week and now it's been torn away from me like Sophie's daughter," Rachel said annoyed.
Of course Berry would make this about her. I rolled my eyes a bit at her. Sure, I had found a great song that I wanted to sing too but I wasn't going to sit here and make what happened about myself. "Guys, you can still sing whatever songs you like that sum up your feelings about God, about spirit. You just can't do it on school time," Mr. Schue told us. "I hope you're happy, Kurt," Santana snarked. "Having the week of my life, actually," Kurt said sarcastically. "Guys, back off Kurt, okay? He had every right to speak his mind," Mr. Schue said. "Look, Kurt, we're sympathetic to what you're going through but siding with Miss Sylvester isn't gonna do anyone any good," Mercedes said. "It's doing me some good. Now I don't have to sit around listening to all you mental patients talk about how's there's a God when I know there isn't one," Kurt said.
There he went again making me feel even more mad about what he had to say against God. I decided to ignore it. He was dealing with enough with his father in the hospital. I prayed for his father to get better hoping somehow, someway my prayers were helping Mr. Hummel. That weekend Mercedes, Rachel, Finn, and I headed up to the hospital to see how he was doing, to pray over him hoping it would help.
Rachel was singing 'Papa Can You Hear Me' from Yentl hoping it would help Mr. Hummel. Kurt wasn't pleased to see us praying over his father and asked us all to leave. I sighed, obeying Kurt. We weren't trying to force our religious values down his throat. All we wanted to do is try to help his father out any way we thought would help him.
That weekend during the game Sam who was on the football team had gotten badly injured by the other team's quarterback. His shoulder was dislocated which meant his season in football was over, at least for now. I felt sorry for him. From what I could tell Sam seemed pretty nice. Football seemed to mean a lot to him. "Maybe it's not a bad thing. Wasn't being a football player keeping him from joining Glee Club?" Santana said. I shrugged. Santana might have a point. I could only hope he would join Glee Club now.
Monday morning rolled around as we all sat in Glee Club still saddened about Kurt's father. "I know things have been pretty morose around here this past week but I want to celebrate some good news for our little family. Let's hear it for Finn, on getting back his quarterback job and leading the Titans to a win in their second game of the season," Mr. Schue smiled as we clapped for Finn. "Too bad that Sam kid had to have his arm basically ripped off for it to happen but it's good to have you back in the saddle, brother," Puck smiled.
Kurt then raised his hand. "Mr. Schue, if I may?" "Yeah," Mr. Schue said as Kurt got up. "Um, I wanted to thank everyone for your kind emails and queries about my dad but for your information, his condition remains the same. I need to express myself so with your permission, Mr. Schue I've prepared a number for the occasion," Kurt said. "Of course, Kurt," Mr. Schue said as Kurt got up in front of all of us. "On the day of my mom's funeral when they were lowering her body into the ground, I was crying. I mean, that was it. It was the last time I was ever going to see her and I remember I looked up at my dad and I- I just wanted him to say something- just something to make me feel like my whole world wasn't over. And he just took my hand and squeezed it and just knowing that those hands were there to take care of me- That was enough. This is for my dad," Kurt said emotionally as he sung The Beatles classic 'I Wanna Hold Your Hand'.
I think we could all feel the emotion Kurt had when he was singing the song. I could feel the tears forming in my eyes as Kurt completed his performance. Kurt also cried after finishing the song. The bell rang as most of us were frozen in our seats, not exactly knowing what we could do to ease Kurt's pain. We tried the only way we knew how but Kurt was very anti-religion. I think most of us were at a loss on what to do.
The next afternoon at Glee Club Finn was up performing 'Losing my Religion' which had most of us in Glee Club confused. I looked at Mercedes who also looked upset with Finn's change of heart. "I thought we couldn't sing songs about religion," Tina said confused. "Evidently, we can't sing about faith but we can sing about losing faith," Mercedes said confused. "That's sort of what I want to talk about today. Earlier in the week, Finn, it seemed like you felt differently," Mr. Schue said. "I used to think God was up there looking over me. Now I'm not so sure," Finn said upset.
I was incredibly confused over what must have happened to make Finn feel this way. Finn had never been super religious. I had no idea what had made him get so into religion but whatever it was he seemed over it. I wanted to talk to him but Berry seemed almost annoyed when I was walking over to him to try to speak about what was going on. So I gave up and headed home, hoping that somehow, someway things were okay for Finn.
Kurt came back to school the next day in a very happy place. "It's my dad...he got up out of his coma," Kurt said emotionally. "Kurt that's wonderful," Mercedes grinned as she hugged him. "I wanted to apologize to you both....you were trying to help when you were praying for my dad. I was making this about me when it wasn't," Kurt sighed. "It's okay," I said. "No...it's not. What you did was so nice. I shouldn't have turned you away like that. I was talking to my dad about how I felt bad about turning you away and how I shouldn't have done that and it awoke something in him," Kurt said. Mercedes and I were speechless hearing that.
"I don't believe in God but I wanted to offer up a song for us all to sing together as my way of saying I'm sorry," Kurt said. "Okay what song?" I smiled a bit. "'One of Us' by Joan Osborne," Kurt said. "I think that's the perfect song," Mercedes grinned. We all changed into our costumes of white for the number as we performed onstage in the auditorium. I stood with Kurt and Santana. Tina sang the lead at first. Finn sang the bridge as we all joined in on the chorus. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. What if God was one of us? Just a slob like one of us? Just a stranger on the bus tryin' to make his way home, tryin' to make his way home," we sang as I was over with Finn and Brittany on the left side of the stage as we ended the song smiling, feeling more unified as a group than ever before. In some ways, it was like we found our way.