Horns by -accioclary (I seriously hope I put the dash in the right place...)
Before I start, I just wanted to say that you are one of my favorite writers on this website, and I think all of your writing is absolutely amazing. I love all of the ideas in your plot shop, and everything you've written and this one isn't an exception. Okay, review time!
So, Pansy Parkinson. She is such an underrated character; I'm so happy that you have written about her in this light. You have taken the stereotypical, bratty Slytherin and shown all of the sides of her that we didn't get to see in the books because they weren't written in a POV that could've. Now that I've gotten that out of the way, I'm going to move on to your OC Lauren.
She is a really cool character. Normally I don't like reading about characters like her who just snog guys in their spare time, but she is so complex, and it's beautiful. She is conflicted about her feelings for Elijah and Pansy, while still being a friend and giving Pansy advice and feeling bad when she hurt Elijah's feelings. She is so much more than the typical fanfic biotch, and it's great.
I have admit, when I first started reading, I thought she was just going to be one of those characters that you hate to read about because they're so predictable and boring and perfect, but she is far from perfect, and that is why I like her so much. All of your characters have really great qualities and you write them so beautifully :)
I like how observant she is. She likes Pansy enough to remember her movements and know that something is wrong and it's the sweetest thing. And did I mention that I like seeing Pansy portrayed as a normal person. I don't think I did...
I also like how she is aware of her feelings because typically with characters like her they are so unaware that they have a crush until someone else walks in and takes their crush away. I also really like Lauren because of how Slytherin she is. Like, she told Umbridge off in the best way; I about died reading that. Even Umbridge didn't know what to say.
Okay, your grammar and spelling is good, but there are a few little issues with formatting. Some of your paragraphs aren't entered correctly, if you know what I mean. Everything is smashed together in some places, and it's hard to read. It happens a lot when you have dialogue, so you should watch that. Make sure to keep consistent spacing throughout.
And I love all of the drama that you have packed into these five chapters. Straight from the titles, I knew I'd enjoy reading what you've wrote, and I did. Honestly, your titles are hilarious. And your story is amazing, and did I mention Pansy...
And I love your writing style. You write beautifully in a way that is not cluttered and is easily read and understood, so thank you because I like understanding what I'm reading. Sometimes, people toss random information everywhere, but you are consistent, and I always know exactly what you're trying to get across.
Okay, this review is shorter than most of my other ones, but that's because you don't have many things that need addressed. This is a beautiful story (all of your stories are) and keep up the good work.
"HEY GUYS, IF YOU WANNA READ A GREAT FANFIC, I HIGHLY SUGGEST THIS ONE AND ANYTHING ELSE BY CLARY." Jessica said as calmly as Dumbledore in the Goblet of Fire movie.