HP Fanfiction Help (closed for catch up)

The Secret Marauder

ADragonIsMyAnimagus

This has a really good plot, and I love the idea.

However, there are quite a few things you can improve on. Firstly, you may want to watch your grammar and spelling. If you say "Er..." It's just er. It isn't "Errrrrr". Also, if you write something after the quotation ends, there isn't a period, there's a comma. For example, if I said:

"Er... I don't know," Charlie blushed a deep red.

But if it was like this:

Charlie blushed a deep red and said, "Er... I don't know."

See the difference? If you still don't get it, you may want to request a chapter on this with our other book, Grammar Help. ;)

Secondly, keep the characters in character. For example, the Marauders wouldn't care that much about being late for class. If anything, they would be overjoyed that they were late - fashionably so. You can do what you want with your OC, but just try to keep the already in HP characters the same. :)

Going along with that, make sure that the places are described to have the same basic items as in the original.

When was she sorted? That was her first year, correct? You just start the second chapter with how the light glistened through the curtains in the Gryffindor common room, but when did this happen??? Try to put more description about that first, and then get to the rest.

Also, first paragraph. You're jumping around between 1st person and 3rd person. Like, first it's I, and then it's she, and then it's back to I. Try to make it a bit less confusing.

Last paragraph of the first chapter, what misgivings? You never said anything about Sirius or James' misgivings. They seemed really happy and joyful.

Wait, she's a Metamorphagus? Isn't that really rare? Why does nobody seem surprised about this? I think that lots of people would be freaking out, try to write that in.

How does she know Lucius' name? What just happened?

Wait, now she's a chaser? I would have thought beater after the whole pushing away the bludger with her hand thing.

Also, she seems a bit like a Mary Sue, try to give her some faults.

That's all I have to say. Overall, it's a great idea and I love Jessi's character. Just try to make her less Mary Sue-ish.

Good luck! 💋
-crtvtrc

By the way, I make these comments as I read, so excuse me if it seems a bit weird. Thank you! 💚