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(V...
So, there is something I have noticed. When you write, you like to use the word "flounce" a lot when talking about how Alessia moves. I personally don't have a problem with it, but all I can think of is this:
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It's not a bad thing but these darn cartoons are the death of me.
Okay, here's the real review.
There is an element to this story that I really like, and it has everything to do with what Houses you Sorted your characters into. So, Slytherins are typically known to be sly and manipulative, and Gryffindors are known to be more impulsive and bold, and the thing I love you made the Gryffindor some sly shite and the Slytherin... I don't want to say bold, but she's really sarcastic to the point people can't even tell if it's actual sarcasm anymore, and that's pretty Gryffindor I guess.
The point is, I'm so glad you show that a Gryffindor can have Slytherin traits. It just makes me so happy. Cunning and resourcefulness isn't just reserved for Slytherins, and it's great that you gave those traits to a Gryffindor. But that can also lead into a problem.
Alessia seems to be almost too Slytherin. Like, I don't know a lot about her, but I am getting some serious Slytherin vibes. I'm not saying to change her House, but you should also show the more Gryffindor side to her as well.
And I like how you have portrayed the Marauders. Like you said in your AN, I'm sure they weren't super friendly with everyone. And I'm sure that they weren't friendly with Sharon. And in my unprofessional opinion, I don't think they'd get along with her very well either. I mean, she isn't being the most friendly.
Speaking of, things don't seem to be going so well for Sharon right now. If she has to get on a first name basis with the Marauders, then why is she being so salty with them? Like, she wants to get the whole heartbreak plan over with, so she should be putting forth some sort of effort. While her pessimism is totally understandable, I just don't know how she'll manage to get them to be her friend in a month.
With that said, I hope you don't rush into it. Don't have her suddenly go, "oh, okay, I'll be nice now." I don't think that would go over well with the Marauders. James might think she's finally coming around, but be sure that there is some suspicion if you do go that route.
Your grammar and spelling isn't really an issue, and I do enjoy your writing style. All of your information flows together nicely, and everything is written very well. I think your style of writing is very nice, and I found myself completely submerged into your writing. :)
Something I have mentioned to a previous user is that you don't have to justify your readers of what you've wrote. You don't need to tell us why you haven't introduced a character or why the chapter was short. You don't have to explain anything further in your AN; let your writing speak for itself. Also, readers sometimes skip really long author's notes, so if you have something important to tell everyone, keep it short so that we can't skip it.
I enjoyed the titles of your chapters. And when I got the whatever chapter was titled "Food, Glorious Food," I literally started singing that song inside my head and now it's stuck there. I need to get THIS SONG OUT OF MY HEAD JEEZ.
So, to end this review on a high note, I urge everyone reading this to check out Pawns because it has a very intriguing plot line and interesting characters. You'll love it, or your money back!*
