HP Fanfiction Help (closed for catch up)

The Hogwarts Games: In Ruins

By @Fantasy510

I really think that this has a lot that I love merged together:

•The Hunger Games has a slight base for the plot:
If Voldemort came into rule, I loved how you considered a presidency similar to that of President Snow! Although that dude does end up laughing up blood, so....

(The minute I read 'Attacked by a Manticore', I thought you better not take Annabeth away!)

•The titles seem to be in a similar style to those of The Heroes of Olympus:

I love how you have given the perspective of many of the centre characters, their thoughts and feelings.

•Etc...

The story is just *flips table* full of surprises! I have 'no regrets' reading this book!
You've created such hysterical yet Sirius scenes!
At points I couldn't help but burst into a fit of laughter and then I'd realised what was happening and beg for mercy on the Longbottoms, Creeveys, etc.
For example- "I'm doing this in the name of glory" just the way you made me picture that had me rolling on the floor!
But honestly I feel that cup is 100% rigged!

Whilst it's a great story, I just think you should stop using 'And' as a sentence starter, try using 'Plus' or 'As well as this'. I know this mainly only happens in the first few chapters but I thought I'd still correct it.

'As well as this' I feel like you are using too many short sentences through out the story, perhaps try a few more lengthy sentences?

I think you have an amazing story, siriusly! Keep it up! :-)

- BELLFLOWER_