It was tearing his heart in two, hearing her cry out for him to come to her, but he couldn't. He was evil and had done terrible things, and he was afraid he would hurt her even more. Besides, he had agreed to go back to his Asgardian prison so he figured this was the best way to leave her behind. It was just so hard to leave her so broken, maybe he should go say goodbye...
As Loki fought with his mind, he flashed back to the night he buried Ksenia. He had taken her from Natalia after wiping her mind and set out into the forest. Tears flowed from his eyes and froze before they hit the ground as he dug into the freezing cold earth. He had been so happy before, and even started to dream of a life with Natalia and Ksenia, but that reality was ripped away from him by the greed of the Red Room. After he wrapped her in the golden shawl and placed her into the grave, he told the baby he had barely gotten to know goodbye for the last time.
When Loki ascended back to Asgard, he made a beeline for his room, wanting to be alone with his newly darkened mind. Waiting for his return, Lady Sif was already there to find out what had happened.
"Leave Sif, now is not the time."
"Loki what happened? Did Ksenia..." The look Loki gave her was all she needed to know. Loki collapsed into her arms and she let him grieve.
"Loki I am so sorry, can you talk to me?" She asked him.
He pulled away and headed to his window. Gathering himself, he told her. He needed someone else to know. "It was all too much for her. I got her back to her mother, and she died in her arms. Then I died in front of them both. I took her memories away Sif, she will never remember her daughter, or even me for that matter, but I will remember her into eternity."
Sif walked up to Loki with tears in her eyes. She understood his sorrow though not as deeply. "Could I see her?" she asked hesitantly.
"See who Sif? Everything I've ever loved is gone, there is nothing to see."
"I want to say goodbye to her."
"I already buried her in that wretched forest, she's gone!" he yelled.
"Then let us go and check on the mother, she must be terribly confused after you took her memories."
Loki hadn't thought about that and he wanted to kick himself. Natalia was out there all by herself with no memory of what had happened for her to get there. She would remember taking down the Red Room, but not why. He agreed to go back to make sure she was okay.
The two made it to Midgard with no problem and Loki led the way to the compound. The whole walk there, Sif couldn't help but notice the frozen blood along their path. Though she wouldn't ask, she knew Loki had been through an ordeal. When they made it to the compound, they saw the burning building as it was collapsing in on itself. They also saw the back of Natalia, watching the flames rise as she backed away from it. She then ran into the forest with a backpack over her shoulder. Loki was pleased to see that she now had the energy to run and he wished he could see her face one last time, but that final glimpse of her fiery red hair was all he could handle.
"She's fine, can we go now please?" Loki asked tiredly.
He looked to Sif to see her hesitant look and knew what it meant. With a sigh, he nodded to their left and led the way to where he had buried Ksenia. Upon arrival, it looked as if the grave had been disturbed, like a wild animal tried pushing the stones off but were unsuccessful at reaching what had lied within. Loki kneeled down and replaced the stones carefully as Sif knelt beside him. She had closed her eyes as she whispered her goodbyes. This mortal child had affected her in a way she could have never imagined.
After being there for about any hour, the two finally left and made it back to Asgard. As they prepared to go to their separate rooms, Sif went to give Loki a hug and he forcefully pushed her away with fury in his eyes.
"Don't you ever speak a word of this again Sif! Everything I have ever loved is gone and if you so much as mention her or Ksenia ever again, I will run my sword through your heart!" Loki then turned and headed for his chambers.
Sif was not angry with him, only worried. That mortal woman and her child had affected him in a way she had never seen before. As the months and years went by, she saw a drastic change in Loki. He had become more dark and she never imagined that the man who had tenderly cared for a mortal child would turn against her own race and try to kill his own brother.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Natasha saw the raven haired god and instead of feeling happy to see him as she thought she would, she was filled with anger. She walked over to him and as he turned she slapped him across the face, and hard.
"I deserved that," he muttered.
"Why did you leave! Did you hear me calling for you?! I needed you Loki and you abandoned me, again."
You abandoned me, again... Those words hurt him more than he would care to admit.
"Natasha, I'm sorry."
"You're sorry? Loki I needed you, I needed you to help me understand what was going on. Darcy tried to help, but she wasn't there! She wasn't there when we were running for our lives, but you were, and you just left."
"I know Natasha but I tried. I heard you calling for me, but I couldn't bring myself to face you after all I have done to you and your world."
Natasha softened, understanding where he was coming from.
"Loki, yes you have done some bad things, but now you can help fix that, you can change."
Change; change into what? First he thought he was a son of Odin, and then he was found to be the son of an evil race. He didn't know what he was anymore.
"What do you want me to do Natasha! Say sorry for murdering thousands, for trying to enslave the human race, for trying to kill my brother, for trying to kill Odin, ruler of Asgard... No one is going to accept me!"
"Loki don't..."
"Don't what? Would you even accept me? Would you go away with me and this wretched excuse for a planet?" Loki was furious as he felt the ice flow through his veins.
"I, I loved you once Loki but I can't go with you. There are too many questions I need answered first..."
"You loved me once." He said flatly, "but not anymore?" The hurt in his eyes brought tears to her eyes.
She avoided his question. "Where is she Loki, I need to see where she is, please." She begged. She desperately needed to see Ksenia's grave to try and find closure.
Loki snapped right there as his heart broke. She didn't love him, that's all he heard. He should have known, he should have never given her the memories back and none of this would have ever happened. He would have been sitting peacefully back in his cell instead of plummeting back into the darkness of his mind. Something then took over as his eyes started to turn blue.
Natasha took a step back as his heart turned to ice. He looked at her with cold fury in his eyes, "Ill teach you to reject me."
Natasha knew what was coming and acted fast, she sent a powerful kick to his abdomen and connected just as he shot a freezing cold blast at her. Her kick sent him over the edge of the tower and his icy blast sent her sprawling across the roof. She knew he was gone as she laid there feeling as if every cell in her body had turned to ice. She was too cold to move as she shivered from the blast and the cold night out on the roof to even check that he was gone.
Natasha was only laying there for a few minutes when someone strong picked up her freezing body and held her close. She greeted the warmth with a sigh and then looked up to see herself in Thor's arms. Holding her with one arm, he dropped his hammer to the ground and took his jacket off and wrapped ghostly pale girl in it.
"He was here, wasn't he?" he asked his teammate, knowing that Loki had done this. Tears filled her eyes as she nodded yes and he held her close to warm her up. They stayed like that for a few more minutes with him comforting her, and her comforting him.
"Let's get you back inside," he said after her lips turned from blue to pink again and her pale white skin started to gain some color.
"Thor I can't, I need to leave." She said just barely above a shaky whisper.
"Why Lady Natasha? Surely you do not mean to go after Loki."
"No, not Loki." The heartbreak in her eyes made Thor realize that something was really wrong. He set her down and sat Indian style right in front of her.
"Tell me then for I will not judge or utter a word unless given permission."
She could tell he wanted to help her, and then she broke.
"My daughter," she said with a sob as tears began to flow uncontrollably.
Thor was in shock. She didn't think Natasha had any children, or could even have one for that matter. He said nothing as he grabbed her hand, willing her to continue at her own pace.
"She was taken from me, taken from this world. Back in the Red Room, that's what the injection was. It helped me carry her but they wanted to take her away and train her to be like me. I ran away one night and they cut her out of me too early Thor!"
By this point, Thor had several tears coming from his eyes. He could not imagine how someone could do this.
"I got her back, but for only for short while, she was so sick."
Something stirred in the back of his mind as she told her story, reminding him of something.
"I wish I could see her eyes one last time, they were beautiful. I've never seen another color like them..."
She was cut off as Thor interrupted. "Purple," he said when the memory hit him. Natasha looked up at him in shock.
"Thor how..." she began.
"Purple, the baby, Ksenia, her eyes were a brilliant purple," Thor said.
In shock, Natasha stood up on wobbly legs, not knowing how to process the information. She stared down at the god as he tried to remember. When he got up, he looked her dead in the eyes.
"That was her name, wasn't it," he said matter of factly.
Still in shock, she couldn't get any words out. He had met her; he had met her baby girl and he didn't even know it.
Staring at the speechless woman, he knew he was right. "I only saw her for a few minutes, Lady Sif was climbing down the tower when I spotted her and pulled her into my chambers. I inquired about the child and was amazed by her eyes. Sif told me that she had to protect it and get her back to her mother as she was very sick. I helped her escape and then never heard a word about the matter ever again. But how..." he wondered, "how did she get to Asgard?"
Finally collecting herself, she asked him a question instead of answering his. This could be her shot.
"Thor, I need to speak to Lady Sif, she might have the answers I'm looking for. Please Thor, please, you have to help me." She was practically begging and it scared Thor. He had never seen the assassin so upset and vulnerable before.
"She might know where Ksenia is buried, I just need to see, I just need..." He cut her off as he wrapped his arms around her to calm her down.
"Natasha, it will be okay my friend, I am sure Lady Sif will be happy help. I still don't understand how the child came to be under Sif's care though."
"Loki," she muttered through the relieved sobs. Thor stepped back from Natasha and looked at her with so many questions. How could his brother be involved?
"He used to visit me while I was in Red Room, as you already know. He was so kind Thor, so gentle. We had plans to try and run away from the horrors of Ivan and his men but it was too late. I overheard Ivan speaking about taking Ksenia from me when she was born so I ran that night. Loki wasn't there but when I reached the cave, I went into labor. Andrei found me then and, he, he took her. I killed him and took her back. I was running for my life and then Loki found me taking shelter in a cave. Ksenia was so weak, so sick from the cold that I begged him to take her to your world and he did. He loved Ksenia almost as much as I did. I don't remember too much after that but Loki rescued me after the guards took me and we ran once again for our lives. After I killed Ivan, Loki was there with Ksenia in his arms, and..." she found it hard to continue but she made herself. "Loki was there with Ksenia in his arms and I was so relieved; but I knew something was wrong by the way he was holding her away from me. He gave her to me and I held her as she took her last breath. I begged Loki to kill me, I begged him and he refused so I tried to do it myself."
Thor was in shock the entire time she told the story. He had no idea that his brother could love like that but it made him proud. Thor kept encouraging her to continue even though the revelation that she wanted to kill herself still unnerved him. He knew though that she needed to let it all out.
"The stupid adrenaline shot that still pumped through my body made me heal too fast so I couldn't die by my knife. I kept thinking that I had to find another way, but then Loki took my memories. I begged him to and he did. I know now that it must have hurt him so much, I even imagine that I'm the reason he turned bad."
Thinking back on it, Thor recalled how soon after he had helped Sif escape, Loki turned into a completely different person. He wouldn't tell Natasha this of course, but it now made sense.
"Natasha, it will be okay." He pulled her into another hug as he thought that this was probably the first time he wasn't afraid of her.
As he pulled away, he saw her smile for the first time that night. "I will leave now and tell her to meet you. Where would you like this meeting to take place?"
"Russia," she answered. Knowing he couldn't talk her out of it, he simply nodded and prepared to swing his hammer.
"And Thor? Thank you." The thanks in her eyes was enough for Thor but to hear her say it with such relief made him happy.
"Promise me one thing though Lady Natasha," he asked the red head. She gazed back at him in question.
"Promise me that you will go back to bed and get some rest. I fear that you will need it on your long journey. So please, rest for tonight and begin your quest tomorrow with a clear mind."
She nodded in agreement and to his surprise, hugged him. As she backed away, he promised to keep her secret as swung his hammer and shot into the sky.
Keeping her promise, she shakily made her way back to her room, teeth chattering from cold the entire way. All she wanted to do was to climb back into her bed and finally sleep peacefully. When she got back to her room, she was bummed to remember that her room as well as her bed was still a mess from the fight with Bucky earlier. Sighing in frustration, Natasha made her way to her bathroom and got into the steaming hot shower. It warmed her up a great deal and she wanted to lay in there for hours, but her stab wound to her leg had opened again sometime in the last few hours. Regretfully leaving the warmth, she turned off the water and stepped up to the sink to pull out the sutures for the second time that night. She still felt so cold but she closed the wound and then quickly dressed herself and headed back to Darcy's room.
Climbing back into bed next to Darcy felt amazing to her sore and cold body. She started to get the feeling back in her toes when Darcy woke up.
"Hey red, you done sneaking around?" Darcy knew that she had left as she did sometimes during the night.
"Yeah Darce, I'm done sneaking around," she responded sleepily.
"Where did you go?"
"Somewhere, now go to sleep Darcy. I'm not talking to you until I get some sleep." Natasha was exhausted and didn't feel like talking. She was finally relaxed and her mind was at ease knowing that she would soon have some answers.
The room was silent for a few moments until an annoying voice piped up again. "But what if you told me before you went to sleep so you wouldn't have to wake up and tell me in the morning."
Natasha started to get annoyed and ignored the girl. Almost falling asleep, she was disturbed again.
"How about now?" Darcy asked her, not able to resist.
Natasha then brought her feet up and pressed them into Darcy's exposed side. Darcy gave a yelp and hurled herself onto the floor away from the freezing cold assassin feet as goosebumps rose from her skin.
"What the hell Nat! Your feet are freezing!" Natasha just glared at her and then pulled all of the covers to her side and disappeared beneath the warm bundle.
"Fine," Darcy said as she rose from the floor and got some more blankets from the closet. She wrapped herself in them and then rudely plopped back into bed next to Natasha. She turned away from the redhead to go back to sleep and then Natasha did it again.
Fining it funny now herself, Natasha put her feet into Darcy's back up underneath her shirt and laughed when the girl fell off of the side of the bed from shock.
Hearing the red head genuinely laugh, Darcy started to laugh as well and then climbed back into bed. "Goodnight Natasha," she said.
"Goodnight Darcy."
..."What about now?" No response came and then Darcy saw the rise and fall of Natasha's chest as she slept. Darcy felt happy seeing how relaxed she looked for once, but she had a feeling that a new chapter was about to begin. Something was going to happen and she would be damned if she didn't go with Nat as her trusty sidekick. Darcy then drifted back to sleep while trying to think of a codename to call herself. She wanted to become an agent.