If I had to sum up the amount of fuckery I was in this morning. My production manager called me while I was in the van on the way to the venue and broke the news that everything that could possible go wrong went wrong.
Honestly I couldn't even be upset knowing my luck. Of course the police were there, of course the building manager didn't pay rent and of course they locked down the entire venue with our equipment in it and we couldn't rehearse. It's just my luck that we'd be out in the street, attempting to shine projection on someone's car window. Then at the peak of 'fuck me' mountain, we don't even have an approved rough cut, and it's two days before we go on live television... that's unheard of. Not to mention I was tired as fuck this morning because I had this horribly fucked up dream about Prince.
So in my dream, I came to his house early. Earlier in my dream I had to get the tapes and stuff to drop off to the studio for some odd reason I took Prince's clothes to the custom laundry service. Anyway I heard a noise so I followed it and i'm pretty sure we were at Paisley Park because it looked like a room he had just decorated. (Paisley is almost done and Prince is going crazy with interior design) but anyway I saw with my own eyes that he was sitting shirtless in a chair with a really hot, naked black chick just like grinding on his lap, another chick was kissing his neck, he had his hand between another girl's thighs, his other hand another chick was sucking chocolate off his fingers and ANOTHER girl was getting ate out by another girl at his feet! Honey, I shot up in the middle of the night like I had a nightmare and as much as I wanted to slap him out his sleep, I decided to focus my frustrations elsewhere.
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3:43 am
I looked down and saw Prince's face twist in disgust, he took a whiff of the air before his face rested in annoyance.
"I know she ain't." he mumbled to himself before opening his eyes. "Of course you are."
"Why are you awake?" i hissed in a whisper
"Why did you bring pizza into the bed?" he hissed back, narrowing his hazel eyes at me.
I grabbed the small container off the nightstand and held it out to him. "I also brought ranch dipping sauce."
He glanced over at the clock then back to me. "Wha- How did you even get pizza at this time?"
I shrugged, dunking my pizza into the annoying small sauce container. "Just know I got it.."
I held out a slice of pizza to him and he stared at it before snatching it from me and taking it into his own mouth.
I beamed, watching him chew with a full mouth. "I love you." Then I stuffed a piece into my own mouth.
_____
So other than the terrible news this morning, we eventually got in the building and were able to start rehearsal.
I readjusted my butt on the stairs, seeing as they were cold as all types of polar bear balls but I sat here by instinct. I liked to be as close to my fans as possible.
I recrossed my legs, laying my mic next to me. "Why is it a fire hazard to have some stairs up in here?"
"Because if i'm trying to run out of here," Hannah slow motion ran over towards the stairs and showed me how someone could run into it. "See.."
I just shook my head. "Honestly, if you run into some damn stairs...like yo'...like....you got some other problems."
This whole show is about intimacy and connecting and showing that i'm not different than anyone in the audience and they're no different from me. This isn't supposed be the typical Jasmyn experience. It's supposed to be me up close and personal. I wanted them to see the sweat, and the tears, and just be overwhelmed with emotion.
Everyone was trying to tell me no I shouldn't do this and I should do that and blah blah blah, I honestly wasn't listening. No one can tell me how I want my show. I have my hand in everything, I am completely critical and very particular and no one can see what I see in my mind. No one can hear what I hear, and I'm gonna try to tell my band and my stage production staff what I want but majority of the time. I show up, and it's not what I want.
I dropped the subject regarding the stairs, as it was furthering my headache that had been a progressively getting worse since I stepped foot into this studio, and hopped back up on the stage and went and sat on the piano seat next to Prince while they were setting up the candles on the stage. I was still a little mad at him over the whole exes thing but I have an entire show to worry about, his exes were the least of my worries. I got him now anyway.
Prince was just as into the production of this show as I was, throwing in his input and directing some of the stage production, for the most part I take his advice, sometimes we clash but again all is fair in love and show production.
I latched onto his arm and placed my chin on his shoulder, as he jammed on the piano with his band onstage.
I poked my bottom lip out and pouted. "You smell really good."
He snickered. "What?"
I snuggled my nose into his shoulder and took a big whiff. My God he smelled so damn good!
He laughed, shrugging me off his shoulder. "Stop, you're so weird."
My eyes widened. "First off you don't even have the right. That fucking stuffed monkey you leave in the stool in the studio is some weird shit."
He cut his eyes at me. "Were you not the one that walked in the studio, sat down, took both my hands, and looked me in the eyes with ALL seriousness and said, I don't know how to tell Scarlet she's adopted."
"She is adopted."
"She's a cat!"
I crossed my arms over my chest. "So!"
"Remember the time you bought sparkling water-"
"Nope!!" I cupped my hands over my ears, not wanting to remember my stupidity.
"Because you thought i-"
"Shutup!"
"It was actually sparkly."
I held my finger up in defense. "In all fairness, that's false advertising."
"Jasmyn..." he said as if he was talking to a child.
"You can't just say sparkly if it isn't sparkly."
He just shook his head. "No...no.."
"What?!" I watched as he stood up from the piano, closing the cover on the keys before kissing me on the temple. "If it says sparkly, I'm gonna expect sparkly water."
"Common sense isn't a flower that grows in everyone's garden."
"You know..." I chuckled. "...out of all the words that in the English language...I could never string any of them together to accurately explain how much I wanna hit you with a chair."
He shrugged, tossing his coat over his arm. "Je voudrais te frapper avec une chaise."
I stared at him for a minute. "......Man fuck outta here with that shit, I don't speak croissant."
His eyes widened like they usually did when he was angry, not gonna lie my heart skipped a beat for a minute. Before I could blink, Prince tackled me out the piano seat. I squealed when my back hit the ground, and I was quickly attacked with his tickles.
"Stop! Stop it!" I pulled and yanked at his hands but he was too strong for me. We rolled all around the stage, our laughter filling the venue.
"Ugh! Get a room." Hannah yelled from the apron of the stage. We both froze, looking up in Hannah's direction.
"Now ain't the time Clint Beastwood." Prince sneered at her as he helped me off the ground.
"Man!! Jas, girl why is he even here? Ain't this yo' show? Aren't you supposed to be at a mini man march?"
Prince twisted his face in disgust. "Ain't you supposed to be find yo' way back home, ET."
I shot up off the ground. "Okaaay...." I looked down at my watch. "Yall go ahead and break. David is supposed to be coming in for rehearsals in a few."
He pouted his lips. "But I don't wanna leave."
I rested my hands on my hips. "You've been onstage all day...let someone else play with the instruments."
He pulled me in by my waist, his face inches away from mine. His scent engulfed me, I will never get enough of his cologne.
"It's not the instruments I don't wanna leave."
He brushed his lips against mine, before chuckling at my all of a sudden weak and wobbly knees. I turned my lip at his arrogance but his lips crashed into mine before I could get too sick of him.
He sucked his bottom lip as if he was trying to figure out my chapstick flavor. He's such a weirdo sometimes.
"Strawberry..." his tone turned bright. "Classic."
I pushed him off, I couldn't event control my laughter. What the fuck?! He smiled watching me cackle like a madman. I could see everyone cringing at my laugh... except Prince. He pulled me in by my chin and began pecking my lips again. He planted one big one on me before he started to take his leave off the stage.
I focused back in on my work and just as I was about to curse his name for closing the piano when he knew was about to use it, I was suddenly whipped around and I felt the softest pair of lips on me.
It was Prince of course but this kiss was different, very different. It scared me a bit.
"I love you" he stroked my cheek, biting his lips waiting for me to say it back.
I snickered. "I love you too boo."
"Are you sure?"
Although his face didn't look it, if you knew him like I did and looked in his eyes. You could see the sincerity in his question.
I took his chin in my hand. "Of course."
As I was staring into his eyes, it was different. It was easy to get lost in them and that has always been the case but now it was as if I was able to look deeper within his soul. He seemed a lot more vulnerable as of lately, especially since the hospital incident. When he finally left the stage my emotions quickly flipped back into business mode, I decide to go take a seat in the front row to see how everything was coming together.
I looked around, inspecting the entire venue as my band was warming up. I was excited for this show. Prince and I are gonna perform "My Favorite Part" and "Strange Relationship" (for obvious reasons), just as a little gift to the crowd. David Bowie is also coming and we're gonna do his "Young Americans" medley from The Cher Show which I loved when I was younger and totally wanted to recreate it. Stevie Wonder is coming, Patti Labelle, Paul McCartney, everyone and I mean everyone I've ever worked with is coming to be apart of this show.
Mainly, I was excited for the stuff they couldn't see yet. When the ceiling decor comes down this place is going to be beautiful.
I propped my cheek on my fist, watching Matt take the piano off the mobile ladders. I couldn't help but notice the candles on stage. It was something about those candles I didn't like. It's not looking how I pictured it.
"Those candles don't look right love." David spoke up.
I squinted, nodding. "Yeah... I was about to say that." I popped my gum that was once in Prince's mouth but somehow ended up in mine. We're disgusting I swear. "I don't like 'em."
"........They're really white."
"Yeah" I cocked my head to the side. "Why aren't they off white."
"It's probably the color of the wax they chose, it's probably real wax on the outside.."
"That's why it looks fake probably.." I flipped my hair out my face. "because it's so white....the candles are usually cream."
He pointed towards the stage. "The girls look more free with the lights off.."
"Yeah but the lights are gonna be on." I smacked on my gum trying to decide my next move. "I think it might just be better without the candles, it's not doing anything for me."
One of the stagehands came over, wiping the sweat off his brow with his hat.
"Take them away." I directed, my attention still focused on the stage.
He sighed heavily. "I mean we just put the-"
"Well I don't like them." I turned to him raising my brow. "Take them away."
My work ethic is very cut throat, if you can't do what I need done and do it right then I don't need you. Point. Blank. Period. I'm not as bad as I used to be though. I was terrible.
__________________________________
Dangerous Woman Tour Rehearsal, 1981
"Uhh....." I chuckled, struggling to keep my smile. "You know I hate you right."
He kept that stupid smile on his face. "Yeah I-"
"Oh you smilin', gettin' fired is funny?"
_________________________________
Grammy's Rehearsal, 1985
"Jasmyn the lights are-"
"You got one mo' muthafuckin' time to be up in my face or I will..." I stuttered, my last shred on sanity slipping away. "Imma just knock ...the skim milk out' cha fuckin picnic."
_________________________________
Essence of Me Tour, 1983
I felt the tears finally seep out of my eyes from the built up emotion, this song was bringing. Run, a song I wrote when I was in an extremely dark recess of my mind.
"Light up... Light up.." I creased my brows in anger, as I continued belting the song. The light were supposed to change from the dark blue to the bright house lights so I could see everyone.
"Louder, louder....And we'll run for our lives...Somebody's gettin' fiiii-reeeed." Then I snapped back into the song's proper lyrics and yes, I did fired Jaden that day.
__________________________________
Being petty, is just one of my many talents though. You know, I started off as a little black girl singing in church, a lot of these girls think they got started off quote unquote "singing in church". They actually started off screaming in church and people would just applaud for them because they were little kids. I've always been my most confident on the stage, my most comfortable is when I was on stage. That's one huge thing Prince and I have in common, is that music is spiritual. It's second, if not first, nature.
That's the one thing in my life that I know for a fact, I can do right. I remember right before I got the call to do this show, I got one from Madonna. And I first got the call from Madonna about joining her onstage along side other new big female names in the industry, my first thought was, How did she get my new number? My second thought was yes, because for me to be in the presence of all those great women I knew that it would be a learning and humbling experience ... for them.
I obviously didn't pick her, I chose to do my own show because from watching her ass perform. She don't do nothing but hoe onstage and be out of breath the whole fucking time. I just don't have time, her career don't make sense, don't make change, don't make dollars. So I try to surround myself with the greats so I can study them and because great as well.
"You know love, it's a combination of the various styles i've written...plus it's got uhh..little reference to artists. I've always listened to...Smokey Robinson, um..John Lennon, Niel Young, Prince, they're all on there somewhere."
I nodded, entirely fascinated by his take on music. "I remember a couple of years ago, when we were at the club, you mentioned if you worked with Iggy again, which you've done, you said you wanted it to be something extraordinary."
He laughed. "Yes."
"Do you think what you're doing right now is extraordinary?"
He chuckled, propping his ankle on his knee. "I don't know if i'm qualified to say that. I know that I like it a lot and I feel that with your art, that's very important." He tapped my temple. "Remember that love...but uhm." he cleared his throat. "What I think could be extraordinary is this tour that i'm doing as i say i think its a return to the theatrics and level of dramatics that i was doing in the seventies. However, I feel that I've pushed it further into the dramatic area rather than just theatrics."
I squinted. "Musically as well?"
He nodded in agreement. "Musically as well because i'm using songs that i've never done on stage as well-"
"Like!" My eye got wide in excitement.
"I'm not telling you."
I groaned. "You're no fun."
He bursted into laughter. "So i've heard."
I loved talking about music with David, his mind is just on a whole other spectrum when it comes to art. Same with Prince, it's like they see the world in an entirely different way compared to the rest of us.
"You also said, when we were talking about the Let's Dance album, you felt that it was a little tentative and you said something to the extent of..." I bit my lip trying to find the words. "The next one's gonna be very simple, direct."
He smiled. "Yeah, I said i was going to be sort of a-"
"Protest album." we said in sync, then bursting into laughter at our sudden synchronicity.
I put my hands up in defense. "I just wanna know-"
"I didn't even realize I had said that, that's very-that's very interesting. That obviously stayed with me in some way because this album almost reflects what I said then." He nodded, seemingly proud of himself. "Well that's good."
I topped over in laughter at the fact that he accidentally followed up on his words from the last album, Hannah came rushing in and she looked like she was about to rip the happiness from my throat.
Hannah sighed, preparing herself for the multitude of reactions she might get. "Don't be mad Jasmyn we have a little bit of a problem..."
I groaned to the sky. "Aw come on man, I just started to relax."
"We should probably make our way to the dressing room first.."
I rolled my eyes, hoisting my self from the ground. "Let's go..."
I mentally prepared myself for the very worst, so the blow wouldn't hurt that bad.
It didn't work, I damn near threw up when I heard that the costumes won't be here tomorrow because they made them all wrong, so now we won't have costumes until show day. But I need them for fittings and tailorings and such.
I ran my fingers through my curls. "No, no, no, we have to have them here by tomorrow... And..." I creased my brows trying to swift through the assistant's thick French accent. "What does it matter, what I'm-Can I please speak to your supervisor?.....Thank you." I covered the reviever. "We're holding."
I turned around and I saw Michael enter carrying a basket. "Hi!"
I jolted. "Oh!! My God, what are you doing here?"
He creased his brows in confusion, "You invited me."
I slapped my forehead in a realization. "I totally forgot..." I waved my hand dismissively. "Just sit on the sofa, give me a minute."
As I was arguing with Gianni Versace, himself. Prince decided to waltz in. I didn't look up but I heard his once laughter turn dead silent. I felt the tension in the room.
He walked over and grabbed me by my waist, placing a spine tingling kiss on my neck. As much as I wanted to melt in his arms I couldn't, I was too mad and way too stressed.
Prince pressed his lips against my ear. "What is he doing here."
I slipped out his grip and waved him off. "Not now, I got a crisis." I grabbed the clipboard off the coffee table and read off the dancer's measurements. "32-24-32."
He hissed. "I asked a simple question."
I scrunched my face in annoyance at him, turning my back to him. "35-26-34."
He tapped my shoulder, but I refused to turn around. I could hear his heel tapping mercilessly. It was increasing my annoyance. What was his problem?
I tried to walk to the other side of the room, to somewhere not as close to all the noise he was making. "But I don't, hmm... Oh, who approved that size?!." I rolled my eyes. "I said 32-28, not 08...who's the small anyway?"
"Jasmyn..." Prince hissed, you could tell he was getting angrier and angrier. I pointed to my vanity seat, sending him away so I could focus for the next few minutes. My adrenaline was running high, my hands were shaking I was so stressed.
"Well, let me just check that with what I got here, all right see Tina's bust size was a 32- not 22..yeah the number was-" I cringed as Prince started making a lot of intentional noise, tapping his finger incessantly on the counter. "Yes i'm still here I-" I stopped and glared at Prince, asshole knew exactly what he was doing.
If looks could kill we'd both be dead.
I returned to my call, we never took our eyes away from eachother. "I'm sorry, as I was saying the measurement is wrong, and I'm sorry but that's... " I growled. "Excuse me, I'm sorry, I'm gonna have to call you back, I've got another problem to deal with.. "I slammed the phone back on the hook and turned to give Prince the attention he so desperately wanted. "What are you doing?"
He slammed his hands on the Vanity, standing up. "We need to talk?"
"We can talk later...when we get back to the hotel. I'm working right now."
He closed his eyes, trying to calm himself. As if he had the right to be mad. "I asked you a simple question."
"Look baby..." I chuckled, trying to keep myself stable. "You're not listening to me, I don't have time to stop.
"Come on Jas, you don't have what, two minutes?
"I don't have two minutes!!"
"What?!" he turned his attention to Hannah. "Hannah, does she have two minutes?"
"Don't bring other people into this!" Frankly, his little attitude was pissing me off. I knew what he was mad about but I don't have time for it right now.
"Then answer my question!!"
I exhaled, clenching my fists together trying to maintain the last shred of sanity that I was holding onto. "Look, I cannot do this right now, okay, I've got a major crisis to deal with, would you just go home, I'll talk to you later."
"Jasmyn.." he said in a warning tone.
I raised my brow and glared at him before snapping. "EVERYBODY GET THE FUCK OUT THE ROOM!"
The room was frozen, my hands were full blown shaking at this point. I screamed so loud my voice cracked. "I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT!!"
As everyone practically fled the oncoming war scene, I knew I had lost all professional credibility with my crew. When the last person closed the door behind them, I turned my attention back to Prince.
"Fuck do you want?"
"I want my question ans-"
"HE'S APART OF MY CAREER SO HE'S HERE TO BE IN THE SHOW! HAPPY NOW!"
The room was silent, his sudden silence made me livid.
"Here's your chance to apologize to me." my voice shook with rage.
He twisted his face in disgust. "For what?!? Asking you a simple question...it'll be a frosty day in hell."
"You had no right coming in here with that lil' attitude..bing mad at me when you know i'm already stressed over work. You saw I was doing something but your" I poked him in the chest as hard as I could. "SELFISH ASS, put your feelings before my career."
"Yeah, well excuse me for wanting to know why my girlfriend has her ex-boyfriend, who treated her like shit may I add, around all of a sudden, boy what an ass am I for being a little curious."
"Business is business man."
He looked as if I had slapped him in the face. "Business is business huh?"
"Wh, Prince what do you want from me? You want me, you want me to quit my job and stay in the house waiting for you to come home everyday.. so you can feel secure? And just like you had a life before me. I had one before you too."
He exhaled shakily, his anger peaked just like mine. "But atleast I don't flaunt mine in your face."
"NO! WHY?!? because you're smart. You hire them to be apart of your band and you treat them as employees, but I know what goes on behind closed door. I'm not a fucking idiot, you've done it before."
"WILL YOU LET THAT SHIT GO!"
"NO! BECAUSE YOU FUCKING DID IT!"
He groaned, his voice softening. "Is this about Susannah?"
I exhaled, flopping down on the couch. "Prince. I cannot keep having this same fight over and over again, Prince, no, you're, you're, you're making this too hard."
He scoffed. "Oh I'm, I'M making this too hard." he signed, flopping down in the vanity seat. "Okay, what do you want me to do?
I clutched a pillow to my chest, my voice barely above a whisper. "Just leave me alone for a while."
He looked over at me with wide angry eyes, before storming out the room, slamming the door behind him.