Freddie's P.O.V.
Rehearsing went well today. Unlike yesterday we mastered our new track in one shot and made it through the day without a single argument. I was glad of that, happy to be in the studio with the boys, it took my mind off everything else that had been poisoning my mind for the last 24 hours. That's why I felt a little deflated when it was time for Brian to bugger off.
"Right boys, I'm off in a few minutes. I'm sorry alright? I'm sorry. You'll find out everything in a few weeks. I promise." He grovelled.
Yes. It does tend to take a few weeks to figure out if you really like the person you're dating, doesn't it, Bri.
"Freddie? Could we...have a chat?"
That took me by surprise, I looked at his half smile. Was that his attempt of sympathy?
"Of course, darling." I couldn't completely clear my voice of suspicion.
I followed him into the mixing booth where he let me sit down first, closing the door behind us and he sat next to me.
As much as he frustrates me at the moment I still couldn't fight my mind when it started to make raunchy images in my head of the two of us alone in this small box of a room.
"Is everything okay?" Brian asked in a small voice, "I'm sorry that I didn't take you seriously earlier, I know now that you meant everything and you're passionate about it...it just shocked me, that's all."
His words had me let out a sigh of relief, he did understand me, at last.
"I'm not as great as I'd like to be Brian but don't worry. It's perfectly okay, dear, I'm a fuck machine, if I were you and you were me, I wouldn't have believed you either." I allowed myself to smile, in a way, Brian was almost...innocent.
The curly haired babe chuckled, "You know you can talk to me about anything, Fred? Even if it's ridiculous I'll listen to you. Try and help. I know that it's not just that situation that's on your mind. I've know you for a long, long time, I know when there's something bothering you. Just keep that in mind, okay?" He put a hand on my shoulder and gave my a sincere smile.
I smiled back at him although my heart felt low, he knew there was something else but he was the last person I could tell. I couldn't tell him that it was him bothering me. Couldn't tell him that it was not being his boyfriend that was bothering me.
It wasn't like I could tell him that I like him, not even being sure if he would ever speak to me again, or the fact that I wanted to quiz him about the possibility of him liking men that was bothering me.
I felt helpless.
I put my hand over the top of his and tried to smile back at him, restraining myself from interlinking my fingers with his.
Instead I just squeezed his hand, "I know dear. And I will. It's just something I have to handle on my own. I'll be fine." I struggled to make eye contact with him as I lied.
He squeezed my shoulder and took his hand away, standing up, "You better be. I'll see you tomorrow." He smiled and winked.
He winked.
I had to stop my childish side breaking out into something that resembles a clapping, excitable 18 year old with a crush and they just winked at me. Of course he didn't wink at me because of that. It was just a 'I care about you' wink.
Not a 'I like you and I want you in my bed' kind of wink.
I watched as he left the studio. I didn't know if that chat made me feel better or made me feel emptier. It was nice to feel like I don't have a grudge against him for the moment but it was shit knowing he knew something was wrong with me and not being able to tell him.
I heard a soft knock on the door and looked up, I smiled, "Alright Deaks?" I asked, motioning for John to sit down if he wanted to.
"Yeah I'm alright..." he smiled, sitting down, "What about you?"
"I'm confused..." I said quietly.
"Why?"
"Brian knows there's something bothering me other than what happened last night and our petty little argument this morning...but I can't tell him that he's the reason for the darkness clouded over me." I sighed.
"You really are in a pickle Freddie, aren't you." John sighed.
"Oh, darling, tell me about it, I'm going to go fucking grey I swear."
Deaky shifted in his chair to face me, "Okay, what about this. Tell him what's wrong. Tell him everything. But don't say that it's him."
I cocked my head to the side in confusion.
He read my expression and explained a little more, "So you tell him that you like someone, but you're not sure if they like men, it's getting you down, they're all you think about, but you're scared of progressing, asking them if they like men or admitting to them that you like them. You don't say it's him, act as if you're talking about somebody else. But then ask for his advice. Ask him what he thinks you should do. You might get a little more information out of him."
That was clever. Very clever.
"That's a great idea Deaky! But then what do I do? I'll be at another dead end!"
"Umm...well, let's climb that hurdle when we come to it shall we? Do what I've just said first and then we'll assess the situation." He raised his eyebrows at me.
I'm going to ask John for advice more often. He's bloody marvellous.
"Fred? Did Brian speak to you?" Roger asked after he tapped on the door with a drumstick.
I nodded, "Yes he did, why?"
"Oh, no reason." Roger walked back out smiling.
John giggled as if he knew something, I got up and followed Roger.
"Roger." I said sternly, awaiting my answer.
"What? He chuckled.
"You told him to talk to me, didn't you." I said, rather than asked.
"Yeah. He was being a coward!" He shrugged.
I couldn't argue with that, "He understands now...about my whole 'waiting' game. He just doesn't understand I can't tell him what else is wrong because-"
Roger cut me off, "Because he's what's wrong."
"Yes..." my voice trailed off.
"We're going to figure this out Fred." He walked up close to me and whispered in my ear, "And we're also going to figure that out." He slyly pointed in John's direction.
I smirked at him, "Indeed we are."