.
"What on earth?" Violet gasps as the boys help me into the house, setting me down on the couch in the living room. "What happened?"
Reed ignores her, walking out to grab some ice, so I decide to fill her in, "I have some solid advice; don't play basketball in heeled booties. You will die."
Carter deadpans at my morbid humour, shaking his head while pushing my pant leg up and pulling off my sock. The ankle is a little bruised and swollen, but not horribly so. I'll be fine after a week max, but man walking around is going to suck until it heals up. If dad notices he'll probably insist I use my old crutches again, and that is definitely something I'd like to avoid.
"In other words, he's a hazard," Carter grumbles.
I wave my hands around in panic, looking over my shoulder for Reed," Mind not saying that so loud?"
Violet sighs, plopping down next to me, "You really should tell him, though. I don't want to pressure you, but last night he wouldn't shut up about Theo. Actually, he never shuts up about Theo."
"What about, Theo?" Reed asks, looking suspicious and he makes his way to me, gently pressing the icepack to my inflamed ankle.
"Oh, just about how you have a massive crush on him," Violet says as simply as if she were talking about the weather.
I have to resist laughing when Reed sputters, looking back and forth between me and his sister, "Wow, V. Thanks for outing me to someone I've literally just gotten to know."
I shrug, deciding this might be a good time to show understanding, so maybe just maybe I'll get the same in return some day, "Don't worry about it. I kind of had a feeling anyway... I saw you with that boy at school."
A hot blush streaks across Reed's cheeks at that, "I didn't realize I was being so obvious."
"You weren't, I'm just really good at reading people," I say with a small smile, feeling my heart pound as he looks up at me funny for a second. "So, uhm. This Theo. Is that who I saw you with?"
I hope and pray that what I've said distracts him from whatever he may or may not have noticed in me, and have to stiffen to the point I feel my muscles aching just to hide how badly I'm trembling with anxiety. What did I do wrong? Was it what I said? Something in how I spoke? Have I said something similar before? Is he noticing similar mannerisms? What!? He keeps getting that look, and it's not going to be long before he figures it out.
Just before I can go into full blown panic, he smiles to himself and shakes his head, "Nah. That's Jeremy, he's just a friend at this point. Theo's... somebody else."
"Aka, the boy of Reed's fantasies," Violet tacks on teasingly.
Reed shoots a glare at his little sister, "I'm this close to making you walk home from dance every day for a month."
"Like you would," She rolls her eyes at him, turning to me. "The guy is all bark and no bite."
"Enough of about me," Reed grumbles, finishing up tending to my ankle. "I saw that little scene in the cafeteria today."
Reed winks at me playfully, making me freeze on the spot as Carter awkwardly steps back, while Violet turns on me completely, "What happened in the cafeteria?"
Trying not to wince, I turn awkwardly towards the usually sweet girl who now has accusing eyes as I try to calmly explain myself, "My ex kind of asked me out."
"Kind of!?" Reed exclaims, poking me in the ribs. "V, it was adorable. The guy all out sang to her in front of everyone and practically begged her for another chance. Seems he was a dick, but honestly, if a guy went to that much trouble for me, I'd probably agree to go out with him, too."
"So... you agreed?" Violet asks, eyes looking upon me with nothing but disappointment.
I glance between a confused Reed and a hurt looking Violet for a few seconds before shrugging, "He wouldn't stop pestering me. I... felt stuck between a rock and a hard place. Guess I just figured I'd agree to the date, but there's absolutely no guarantee anything will come of it."
"Depends what he did," Reed voices, looking at me curiously.
My throat clenches as the memories hit me all over again, of that day when I walked in on that and had my heart broken for the very first time. "I don't really want to talk about it."
"If it's that bad, maybe you should drop him on his ass," Violet huffs, looking annoyed and honestly I don't blame her.
I just screw everything up, don't I?
As the evening went on, we eventually ended up in the basement watching movies. I sit cuddled up on the love seat with Violet while the boys sit on the floors between our legs. Carter's getting a kick out of Violet playing with his hair while Reed and I debate which Horrible Bosses movie was better. Somehow, the awkwardness manages to leak away and I begin feeling comfortable with them all, forgetting about Rick and my aunt and my mom and how I'm a big, fat liar.
At least, until dinner time came around. The sound of the doorbell caught everyone's attention, and we listen after Violet pauses the movie and the sound of voices drifts down, causing me and Carter to freeze, our eyes meeting in frozen horror. What are my parents doing here?
Reed helps me to my feet, wrapping an arm around my waist despite my protest and leads me up t he stairs with Violet and Carter following slowly behind. The moment we enter the main foyer of the house, I hear the gasp I was anticipating.
"Theresa? What are you doing here? And what on earth happened to you?" My mother asks, looking both concerned and appalled by the state I'm in.
Reed awkwardly smiles at my mother, talking for me to my surprise, "Sorry Mrs. Carson. It's my fault she's like this. I asked her to come to the courts with me to help me practice and we had a little accident. Oh-- I'm Reed by the way, a friend of your daughter's."
I wince at the word daughter, pulling away and having to brush it off as being caused by the pain in my ankle. I'm in pain, that's for sure, but it has nothing to do with my ankle.
"If you were hurt you should have called me, Theresa," Mom scolds, shaking her head. "Not run off to some strangers house."
"Well, surely we're not strangers anymore, Katherine," Reed's mom ammends, smiling warmly.
Mom shakes her head, throwing on her usual charming smile, "Of course not, Emily. I just wish she'd stop running off without telling me. Who knows who else she's run off with. I'm lucky it was with Reed, such a sweet boy. My daughter has always been quite the troublesome girl, never failing to get herself into some situation or another."
I bite my tongue to stop myself from saying something rude. She knows I detest when she speaks of me like I'm not in the room. I'm right here, yet she just goes on and tells people how much of an inconvenience I am. How problematic I am. Sure, I've gotten myself in trouble a little, but not nearly as bad as most kids. I'm not a bad kid, but she doesn't see it that way. I'm not good unless I'm perfect.
"Well, young lady, since you're already here, you may as well go wash up," Dad tells me with a smile to try to defuse the tension between mom and I. "We've been invited for dinner."
Reed turns to help me, but Carter--knowing my mom hates the way Reed is touching me--quickly offers to take me up. We're half way up the stairs when Emily turn to Violet and looks like she just thought of something brilliant. "Violet, honey. Why don't you lend Theresa a dress to wear to dinner so she can get out of those dirty clothes."
"Lovely idea," Mom chirps, giving me a look that tells me not to make a scene before following Reed and his parents into the dining area.
With a sigh, I let Violet and Carter lead me up into Violet's bedroom, shutting the door with a soft click. I'm sat on the bed and Violet gives me a sad look as she pulls out a few dresses, telling me these are the most comfortable ones she has and the least frilly. I thank her for trying, but it doesn't matter. I may hate the things, but it's only for a couple hours and then I can go home and change. If I can just get through the evening, then I won't have my grounding extended and maybe I can get Lane allowed over again.
Carter excuses himself to the bathroom to wash up while I change. Violet helps hold me up as I change and zips me up before brushing my hair behind my ears so it's out of my face. I look up into her eyes and she smiles, doing that lip biting thing I notice she does when she's nervous.
"You okay, V?" I ask.
She nods, blushing, "Yeah, sorry. I know it's not what you want to hear, but you really are pretty. You look really good as both Theresa and Theo."
I sigh, not actually taking offense. Perhaps because she acknowledges who I really am and isn't saying this to truly misgender me like most others in my life; whether on purpose or by accident. "Thanks I guess."
"You really make me envious, you know? You look good no matter how you change your appearance. Yet, I can't seem to like how I look no matter what I do," She sighs, standing to strip down and pull on a dress herself; a silky looking, form fitting, navy dress that actually is quite lovely on her.
"You're beautiful, V. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, not even you," I say firmly, limping over to her side to wipe the single tear that managed to escape her eye, fixing her make up for her. "And certainly don't be envious of me. I'm not someone anyone should want to be."
"You are," She insists, smiling slightly. "I have so many less things in my way in comparison to you when it comes to being who I want to be, and here I am letting insecurity stop me. You have all these things you struggle with and you're so strong and I don't know how you do it. Your own loved ones tell you something negative and you fight that, you still fight to be who you are. I hear whispers from someone I don't even know and I never want to leave my room again. I know you don't think I should want to be you, but I'd do anything to have your strength and confidence."
I shake my head, hating that she thinks so lowly of herself, "Insecurity isn't something to down play, hun. As your friend, I'm going to help you over come that, especially since you've done nothing but support who I am. I think us meeting is one of the best things to happen in my life in a long time, you know? We can help each other."
Violet smiles widely at that, "I'd like that."
"If you two are done being saps, and aren't going to start making out, I think we should head downstairs now," Carter says, making me glare and chuck a pillow at him.
"Pervert," I huff, making him smile as he offers a chivalrous hand that I promptly smack away, tossing my arm over his shoulder to make him help me out. "Treat me like a lady again and I'll have your nuts on a silver platter."
"Yes, sir," he salutes, making me roll my eyes but smile as Violet giggles, following us out of her room.
"So, Theresa. What is your plan after graduation?" Emily questions, taking a bite of lamb or whatever weird meat they served.
"Uh-"
"She's actually staying local. The University here offers a wonderful medical program. For most of her education she'll be here, only leaving for med school. We're very excited to have a doctor in the family," Mom boasts, making my grip on my fork tighten.
"Oh, really?" Reed's dad, John, says with an impressed look.
She and I have argued many times over this. She's forced me into every advanced math and science class possible, because I've always excelled in school, but I have no interest in the medical field. I don't even think I want to go to University! Lane and I have talked endlessly about how we'd both be happy taking off for the city and living in a small apartment and just working regular jobs. I'm not interested in some high paying career that won't make me happy.
Yet, here she is telling everyone whatever she likes, because she'll fight me tooth and nail until she gets her way. Things always need to be done her way, no room for exceptions. She's been doing this all night, telling them things about me that simply aren't true, but she tries to make true.
Reed keeps giving me worried looks, and even Violet looks mad at my mother. Carter is practically fuming just listening to my mother ramble, saying things about me that are bullshit. My dad looks guilty, but doesn't stop his wife, which I don't really blame him for. My mom can be quite the bitch when she feels embarrassed in front of company. Normally, I'd also be scared, but for some reason I just don't care. I've had enough.
"Actually, mother, I have no interest in becoming a doctor. You know that," I state, not looking up while I stab a piece of broccoli and shove it in my mouth. "In fact, I don't really want to go to University at all. I'm thinking of just moving out and getting a job, working for my money and just kind of seeing where life takes me. Life's more exciting when you stop planning, and just let it happen, you know?"
"Well, that's certainly an interesting way at looking at it," Emily says slowly, glancing between my mother and I in confusion.
"Theresa," Mom says, voice tight. "We've talked about this. You're going to university to ensure you have a stable career... and don't talk with food in your mouth. It's not lady like."
Still not looking up at her, I take another bite, knowing just how much she wishes she could yell at me right now. She won't though, not in front of company, and I'll take advantage of that, "I mean, I'm happy you care so much, mom. But, in the end, it's my life and I don't think that would make me very happy. I think I'll just do my own thing, but thanks for looking out for me."
Her lips part at my display, not knowing what to say. I'm pretty sure in her head she's short circuiting, wanting to lose it on me for being 'disrespectful' and 'embarrassing her'. Right now, though, while I'm stuck in this ridiculous dress, listening to ridiculous tales, with ridiculous things happening in my life left and right, i just don't care any more. I'm nearly eighteen and I am so beyond sick of her trying to dictate my life.
"Theresa, can I speak with you in private for a moment," Mother says through grit teeth.
I simply smile up at her, feigning innocent confusion, "Why? Are we not having an enjoyable dinner conversation? I really thought you were enjoying lying about me to my friends family."
"Perhaps this is a conversation better left for when we get home, girls," My dad says gently, trying to diffuse the situation, but unknowingly make it worse.
I can see both Violet and Carter wince at my dad's words as I tense and try to control the hurt from showing. I need to hold up my brave act, I can't let them figure out why those words would hurt. I can't let them see who I am. Not yet, or I'll lose everything.
"Who wants pie?" Emily chirps, jumping to her feet and scurrying into the kitchen.
Looking between my mother and I, John quickly stands and nods to us, "I'm just going to see if my wife needs a hand."
As soon as he leaves, my mother turns on me in hushed tones, "Theresa! What the hell was that? You are so grounded young lady. Your attitude is becoming too much, I'm just about sick of it."
Crap. I almost had it under control.
"And I'm just about sick of you," I snap, turning to glare directly into her eyes so much like my own. "I'm sick of you dictating my life. I'm sick of you trying to make me into something I'm not. I'm sick of feeling like the real me isn't good enough for you. I'm your kid, love me for who I am, because like it or not this is who you raised and you can't change me."
Tears sprang to my eyes as I stood from the table, shock evident in everyone--especially my mother's-- eyes. "You can't change me... and neither can I."
Without another word, I storm out of the dining room, hearing my parents and everyone else yell after me, but I can't go back. Not now. Now that the dam has broken and the hurt has escaped I can't face them. I'll only say more things that I'll regret and despite how angry I am at my family, I don't want to hurt them. Most of all, I don't want them to truly hate me. I hate how they think, but I don't hate them. I love them and I just want to be loved by them so damn badly; for who I truly am.
As I rush upstairs to Violet's room and strip off the horrid dress, I yank back on my slightly more comfortable clothing, but just as I go to grab my stupid shirt, a hand grabs my shoulder and turns me. Violet stands there when I look back, looking as sad and hurt as I feel. Without any words being exchanged, she eases me into her arms for a gentle hug. She clearly feels awkward about the affection, but she gives it to me anyway.
"It's all going to be okay. Everything will get better, just remember that, okay?" She whispers, making me nod and sigh.
"I know. I just wish it would get better sooner," I whisper back, not really sure why I whisper at all.
Violet hands me a large sweater and a pair of her runners with a small smile, "The shoes will be more comfortable for your ankle than those booties, and the sweater is Reed's. Reed said you could borrow it since you didn't come with a jacket."
Holding back grateful tears, I pull on the offered items and thank her before walking back downstairs. I aim for the door, but my parents come rushing out at the sight of me. My mom catches me first, grabbing me by the wrist before I can make it out the door.
"Now, you stop right there, Theresa. You are not about to storm out on us. You are going to go in there and apologize for that scene back there and then we are going home and having a long talk," She says sternly, my father frowning as he stands near the door looking exhausted.
I hate hurting him most of all, but I can't take this any more, "No. I'm not apologizing for what I said. You were lying through your teeth about me to my friend's parents. You lie about me to everyone. When will you speak of me with such pride, but speak the truth. Why can't you be proud that I've simply got good grades, that I'm good at basketball, that I'm a good person. Stop trying to put me in competition with all your rich friends kids. Love me for me, or not at all. I'm sorry, but I'm done feeling like I have to lie to feel even an ounce of love from you."
With that being said, I snatch my wrist back from her and bolt out the door. I storm out through the yard, turning a random direction once I hit the side walk. Where am I going? I really don't know. I didn't exactly think this through. I could go to Lane's house, but that's probably the first place anyone will look for me. It's predictable and no doubt would get Lane in trouble. No, I can't keep running to him.
A car pulls up alongside me on the road and I turn to yell, half expecting my parents, but stop when I see Reed looking at me through the rolled down passenger side window. "Need a ride?"
Even though I'm sad and getting wet from the drizzling rain, I can't help but smile at him. "I'd appreciate one. Thanks."
Getting in, Reed rolls up the windows and cranks the heat for me, driving forward in silence. We don't speak for a minute as we go and I wish it was comfortable, but something about it just wasn't. I didn't feel like it was a bad silence, but it wasn't exactly like the silences I've learned to enjoy with Lane and Carter. It's different and I'm not sure how it makes me feel.
"I feel like there's a lot more going on with you than I'm aware of," He starts suddenly. "I won't pester you for answers, even if I hope that you do trust me with them eventually. Just know... that Violet and I are here for you no matter what. I didn't like what your mom did back there, and I don't blame you for being upset. Whatever is going on, I'm here whenever you need. Okay?"
I take a deep breath to fight off the lump that forms in my throat, "Thank you, Reed. That means a lot."
"What are friends for?" He says brightly.
Friends. Right.
"So, where to? I figure you don't want to go home," He says eventually, after driving for some time.
I think about it, and even though I'm unsure I'll be welcome, I tell Reed to head down town. There's really no where else I can go to lay low for a bit until things have calmed down and I've collected by thoughts. Hopefully I'm not turned away. I'm not too sure my ego could take dragging myself back through my front door to face my parents after walking out on them like that.
I thank Reed and tell him I'll talk to him tomorrow as he drops me off outside of some coffee shop. I don't want him necessarily knowing exactly where I'm going, I'm not too sure how much he knows. Violet is quite the private girl and I'm not about to tell people about the things she keeps to herself.
Turning down a familiar alleyway, I step up to the metal door and hit the buzzer with the Initials R.S. At first there's no answer and I feel the emotions hit me all over again. If she can't help me, who the hell can? What am I even doing? Do I really know any more? What do I know? I don't know why I'm fighting with everyone, why I hate myself so much, why I'm out in the rain in some alleyway by myself.
Suddenly, I can hear movement above and I look up to see her looking down at me from the fire escape. "Theo?"
A choked sound escapes me at that name as I nod, shrugging because I'm at a loss for an explanation for why I'm truly here. For an explanation for anything at all. I just am, and she seems to see my distress as she frowns, wrapping her robe around her tightly.
"Hold tight, darling. I'll be right down."
(A/N)
This. Is. So. Late.
I'm sorry. There's been so much going on lately I don't even know where to start honestly. There were the family issues I mentioned a while back (Thank you again to those who left messages), there's been money issues, relationship issues. I moved houses. My boyfriend and I broke up this week and I had to move AGAIN. We may or may not stay split idek, so I've been stressed cuz I'm dealing with him, and I'm moving in with my best friend, and I might also be moving across province with her to start fresh. WHO KNOWS. but *laughs hysterically* IM STAYING POSITIVE.
okay, mental break down over. What did you think of the chapter? This one has been added onto over the last couple months so its kind of a mess and what not, but hopefully my writer's block screws off now. I'm pretty sure you all know who Theo went to see at the end lol
So, yeah! Also, I mentioned a summer surprise. If everything goes right I'll have a completely finished book done by summer that will be posted on specific days. The book may feature Dan and Phil (as cameo's not main characters), Theo and maybe some other characters :) It's just a fun summer book to post and yeah!
Love you guys! Hopefully I'm back now!