Chapter Four
Kandee's POV
I stood motionless, completely shocked that he was kissing me. Matt's lips moved against my motionless ones as confusion kept me from reacting. I was unsure of whether I liked it or hated it, my mind was racing as I tried to understand what I was feeling. Matt pulled back, realizing that he was the only one participating in the kiss. His eyes searched mine, they showed fear. It was as though he was waiting for me to scream and freak out or something.
"Shit! Kandee I'm sorry I don't know what I was thinking. Why am I so f*cking stupid?" He said in a rush. His eyes widening as I began to visibly shake. He stepped away from me, his eyes darting from me to the door.
I felt tears threatening to overflow from my eyes. Deep breaths, Kandee, take deep breaths. I thought to myself. It's going to be alright, you'll be alright. My heart had felt a spark of something that I thought had died long ago, love. But it couldn't be real, it had to have been my imagination. I couldn't possibly still love Matt, could I? After everything he had put me through, all it took was one kiss and my defenses began to crumble.
Matt was pacing and mumbling all kinds of nonsense, his words barely registering in my mind. "Matt would you-stand freaking still for once! You are on my last nerve at the moment! Just shut up and stand still!" I snapped, my words coming out harsher than I had intended.
Matt halted almost instantaneously. Now I needed answers, but I couldn't decided what to address first. So I just settled upon getting answers for the obvious things first. "Why did you kiss me? And I don't want any stupid remarks got it?" I asked crabbily.
"Yes I've got it." He grumbled staring at his feet.
"Why did you kiss me? I thought you hated me? Is this some kind of joke? What the hell are you thinking?!" I questioned running out of breath as I rambled off inquiries.
" I don't know why I kissed you! I do hate you but at least feel some kind of emotion. All you do is cry and mope. It has been eleven years! It is time to pick up the pieces and move on! I know you miss your parents but by acting like this, you only hurt yourself and every one around you! They are dead you need to move on! Do you even realize that maybe I still love the old you? The girl who smiled and laughed! But you never smile anymore!" He shouted at me like it was so easy to see.
"I buried the old me the same day I buried my parents. She is dead and gone and it is your fault!" I sputtered as my tears finally broke loose. "You turned your back on me when I told you! You called me a parent-less freak! That's when the part of me that loved you died!" I sobbed as I remembered how bad it had hurt to watch him walk away from me. He had said so many horrible things, yet losing him killed me inside. It was hard to smile knowing no one loved you because you were a freak.
Matt uttered the five words that formed the final nail in my coffin.
"You are better off dead." His voice was icy cold and filled with anger as he turned and walked out of my bedroom. He had crushed what little will to live I had left. He didn't ever realize the effect those five words had. The power they held. The life they would end.
I stumbled to my bathroom knowing that it would all be over soon. The blade glistened as it sliced trough the thin skin of my good wrist. Blood poured down my hand and pooled on the floor as I sank to the ground. I felt darkness surround me and all I thought was I'm going to be with mom and dad.
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