***
Marupok ka ba?
If yes, then this chapter is dedicated to you.
It's not wrong and it will never be.
But never forget to love yourself!
EUNICE GRACE TAN
"Are you sure about this anak? You're going to transfer?" Mom caressed my hair.
We're sitting across dad, and he's just staring at me. Alam kong iniisip niya kung anong dapat gawin ngayon. I told them that I want to transfer to another school. Somewhere far from Andrew.
Ito nalang kasi ang naiisip ko na paraan para maging okay kami pareho--to leave.
"Yes my. Sure na sure ako." Pinatong ko ang kamay ko sa hita niya at ngumiti.
I lied. I will never be sure about this decision. Wala nalang talaga akong maisip na ibang paraan maliban sa pag-transfer. Kasi kung meron man, I will not consider this option.
Napamahal na ako sa school, sa environment at sa mga tao doon. And leaving will mean that I need to adapt to new environment, new people.
"If you're going to get into another school, then we better leave for States." My eyes flew to dad.
What the hell? States? That's not what I meant!
"Dy lipat lang ng school. I didn't mean to migrate!" Tumaas ang boses ko dahil sa pagkabigla sakanya.
Going to States will be too much! Oo alam kong may bahay kami dun and other properties pero ayaw ko doon. I still prefer living here in the Philippines.
"Then do you have any university in mind?" Humaba ang nguso ko sa tanong niya.
University? Uhm wala. Hindi pa ako nakakapag-isip kung saan eh. Pero kung papayag man sila sa gusto ko, hindi ako pipili ng school na nasa Manila. I would choose to study somewhere far from here, far from him.
Umiling ako.
Dad laid his back on the couch, and crossed his arms. He's scrutinizing me!
I bet he really needs to do that. Para kasi akong isa sa mga investor na may proposal sakanya, kaya ganyan nalang siya kung umasta. Dad doesn't agree with something or someone in an instant. He'll think about it thoroughly. Both of them, mom and dad.
"Your mom and I will talk about it first. For now, enjoy your break." Pinanood ko siyang tumayo at umalis sa harapan namin ni my.
See!
"Let's have dinner first." Tinapik ni mommy ang balikat ko tapos tumayo na din siya at umalis.
Sana nga lang pumayag silang dalawa sa gusto kong mangyari. Because knowing the two of them, they wouldn't let me do something like that--transferring to other university. Why? It's because my current univ, is their Alma Mater.
Saksi ang paaralan na ito sa pagmamahalan nilang dalawa, at sa mga marami pang memories nila during their college years.
But I hope they will consider it. At kapag pumayag sila, I want my transfer to be a secret. Ayaw kong may makaalam kahit pa si Trisha. Kasi kapag nalaman nila, panigurado na ang sasabihin nila kaya ako lilipat ay dahil sa nangyari sa amin ni Andrew.
I don't want to be the center of their attraction, again. Ayaw ko na bukambibig nanaman nila ang pangalan ko at mga parang bubuyog sila na nag ba-buzz sa tuwing makikita ako. I'm tired of that!
My phone suddenly vibrated and Thunder's name on my phone appeared on the screen.
Hi, how r u doing? Don't forget your dinner.
Thunder, he's always there for me. But I am being unfair to him. Sakanya ako tumatakbo kapag nasasaktan ako at lagi siyang ready na makinig sa akin. Pakiramdam ko ginagamit ko lang siya para makalayo ako kay Andrew. And I don't like that feeling.
He likes me. I don't want to make it look like I'm taking advantage of that.
I want to move on all by myself. That's why I am leaving all of them, and not only Andrew.
I'm fine. You too! Don't forget yours.
Pinindot ko yung send icon at binagsak ang katawan ko sa sofa.
Bakit kasi na kailangan ko pa maranasan 'to? Hindi ba pwede na ma-inlove na hindi ka masasaktan? Talaga bang magkapareha ang salita hurt at love?
Can we just be in love with someone without being afraid of that one day, we might be hurt by the same person too? It's too ironic!
Kaya ata yung iba ayaw ma-experience ang ma-in love eh! Takot kasi masaktan. Tama naman sila eh. Nakakatakot talaga. Sobrang sakit lang kasi, to the point na nakakabaliw!
"Eunice," napabangon ako bigla sa pagtawag sa 'kin ni daddy. Nakita ko siya sa labas ng kusina, nakatayo lang doon tapos nakatingin sa akin. "Dinner's ready." He continued then went inside again.
Huminga ako nung nawala siya. Whooh! Akala ko naman nakapag-decide na siya. And I unconsciously held my breath, as I watched him look at me. Tapos sasabihin niya lang pala na ready na yung dinner!
See nakaka-baliw! Nakaka-paranoid!
*
"Ruth told me na nakalabas na daw si Andrew kanina." Bigla akong napahinto dahil sa sinabi ni mommy.
Hearing his name made my heart skip a beat. Then suddenly it started beating wildly. The hell?!
Tinuloy ko ang paghiwa ko sa pork adobo at kunyari wala akong narinig, specially yung pangalan niya. Bakit kasi kailangan pang banggitin eh.
"Eunice," napatingin ako kay mommy. "Matigas ba yung karne? Bakit grabe kung hiwain mo?" dugtong niya.
Nanlaki yung mga mata ko dahil sa sinabi niya. My jaw dropped when I looked at my plate. Poor pig, na-triple dead na!
"Hehe. Opo, medyo matigas my." Pagdadahilan ko at tsaka ngumiti. Ngiting-aso.
Argh! See?! Dahil narinig ko ang pangalan niya, hindi ko man lang namalayan na buong pwersa ko palang hinihiwa yung karne. Kahit 'di naman talaga matigas!
"Bakit yung akin hindi naman?" Singit ni daddy sabay hiwa nung karne na nasa plato niya.
Argh! Daddy naman eh!
Pinagpatuloy ko nalang yung pagkain ko. Pero mukhang nananadya ata ang mga magulang ko dahil narinig ko nanaman ang pangalan niya. This time, it was dad who mentioned his name.
"Yeah. Ed, told me. Bagong gupit pa nga daw si Andrew e. Tapos nagpalagay daw ng side burn. Gwapings daw yung anak niya parang hindi galing hospital pag dating sakanila."
I looked away and rolled my eyes. Kinontrol ko ang paghiwa sa karne dahil baka mapansin nanaman ni mommy.
But I found myself imagining Andrew having a clean cut and side burn just like what dad said. Damn! He's freakin' hot!
Just by imaging how he looked like made me bite my lower lip. Ang gwapo kasi! Kahit imagination gwapo! May side burn pa!
"You okay sweety?" Dad asked. When I looked at him, he got his forehead creased while staring at me.
Oo naman okay ako. Why?
"Yep. Why?" Okay naman ako ah. Aside from the fact that my heart's pounding because I imagined how Andrew looked like.
"You're biting your lip." Tinuro pa niya yung labi ko.
Holy shit! I immediately parted my lips and smiled at him.
"Oily kasi dad. Dahil sa ulam." At sana kumagat siya sa dahilan ko. Isang dahilan na walang kakwenta-kwenta!
Bakit kasi ang bopols ko magpalusot?!
"Oily? Di ko naman nilagyan ng mantika 'yan. Natural oil nung meat lang, so it isn't that oily." Napapikit ako sa sinabi ni mommy.
Great! Just great. Wala talaga akong lusot sa mga magulang ko. Kanino ba ako nagmana pagdating sa reasoning? Bakit ang hina ko?!
Both of them are good at reasoning and logic. So what happened to me?!
Dinaan ko nalang ulit sa ngiti. Both of them smiled back at me.
At para makaiwas na ako sakanila at sa posibilidad na banggitin ulit nila ang pangalan niya, minadali ko na yung pagkain ko. Hindi ko na din sila hinintay, umakyat na ako sa kwarto.
The moment na maisara ko yung pinto, tinuktok ko na agad yung ulo ko.
"Kainis ka! Ang hina mo mag-dahilan! Argh! I hate you self!"
"Why so rupok ha? Why?!" I pointed finger to my reflection at the mirror.