Soonhoon 🤍
Hurt and Comfort / Orphaned / Mental Health issues
Long chapter on the way ☝️
—————
Soonyoung just moved in.
A beautiful, very simply yet very elegant two bedroom apartment.
He couldn't contain his excitement, he was very lucky and very happy. Things were finally going well for him, he got the scholarship, which included housing allowance, he got that part time job at the restaurant down town, and his semester was about to start.
Soonyoung was incredibly smart and a genius mathematician, he loved numbers, equations and calculations. Numbers made more sense than anything else in his life. Numbers never lie, never cheat, never fail to give him the correct answers he needed. Numbers were constant, and they were always right ... humans weren't
Soonyoung was left at the doorsteps of an orphanage when he was just two weeks old. He had a hard time living the orphanage life where he wasn't fully understood for his gifts. He moved from one foster home to another, he met some good people and bad ones, was abused and suppressed most of his life, deprived of so many things both materially and emotionally to the point that it became odd to him to receive love.
He was always a bit withdrawn but positive nonetheless, always had a smile on his face and looked perfectly normal, but could never understand affection. Ironically, on the other hand, he understood numbers and equations better than human emotions.
Not that he didn't want it
He did
He craved for it and longed for it but ... life hasn't been exactly fair to him. Throughout his entire life, he only remembers being hugged twice; once by a very nice foster mom he wished she could keep him but couldn't, and another one by one of his teachers when he won a national mathematics competition.
He was always awkward around people but warm and respectful, always kept a smile on and showed nothing but his best manners.
———
When he arrived at his new apartment, his new roommate wasn't home yet, and he did his best to unpack and clean as much as possible before he got back, he was excited to finally meet him snd introduce himself.
The university assigned him here, they were paying so he didn't really have a choice, he didn't choose the place nor his roommate but was happy nonetheless.
He had his own bedroom for the first in ever. It was spacious and cozy, there was running warm water in the washroom and the kitchen, a heater and AC ... he never had this luxury before and he was so excited and happy that he got a warm roof under his head. Unlike the orphanage, no matter what he did, the rooms were always grey and dull and the atmosphere always stuffy and cold.
He was slowly unpacking the couple of boxes he had, everything he owned were in those two boxes and most of them were just his mathematics textbooks.
He took a deep breath as he looked through the window, the plan was to act good, to do well in his studies, graduates with honor and hopefully finds himself a government job where his skills could be put into good use, if not, then teaching math was also okay with him.
He planned to be responsible and respectful toward his new roommate, never start problems nor get into trouble, not that he was a troublemaker anyways, but that was his plan ... live low, live quiet, work hard and enough to earn his day's pay and that's all ... until he graduates.
Four years are a long time but that's all he hoped for, that's all he wanted.
Soonyoung took a look around his room, where he will be spending the next few years, it was cozy and warm and he didn't have much to do with decoration but he thinks he did well enough. It was a combination of white, light grey and a bit of dark blue just plain and simple and he liked it that way.
He was very organized, very minimalistic and particular about his things. He didn't mind sharing but he liked things in a certain way, always clean and in their right place a type of an OCD he developed over the years, always neat and clean.
When he was done unpacking, Soonyoung cleaned the entire place again. He vacuumed his room and the common areas, living room and washroom but didn't dare to enter his new roommate's bedroom. He put everything exactly the way he found them and took out the trash, he then moved to the kitchen where he used his own utensils to make himself a small meal, rice and fried eggs. He cleaned everything again, put it back where it belonged, picked his textbooks and sat in the living room, put the Tv on and was ... studying.
Even for someone like Soonyoung with bright and smart mind, he was like any other one of us, he longed for company and Tv was one way to keep the place alive. It didn't matter what was on as long as there were voices around the place to remind him that he wasn't alone and that being alone isn't so scary ... a self protective mechanism he chose to distract himself from the fact that he was alone
Well,
Until his roommate showed up,
It was about 5 pm when Soonyoung heard the door click. He jolted at first but soon brushed off his shirt making sure he looked decent, stood up form where he was studying non stop for the past few hours, and faced the door with a smile.
When the new boy walked in, Soonyoung was standing in the middle of the living room, a few opened books on the table and a grin on his face. The shorter one, blinked a few time, right, he must have forgotten about that note from the administration a few days ago informing him that a new roommate was moving in today. He shook his head gently and walked in, Soonyoung bowing immediately
"Hello I'm Kwon Soonyoung" he was too polite to begin with and the shorter one only eyed him, he simply nodded
"Lee Jihoon, nice to meet you"
Soonyoung stood up straight with a warm smile and his cat like eyes
"You're a first year student right?"
Jihoon asked taking off his shoes by the door and keeping it in the small cabinet in the hallway
"Yes, mathematics"
Jihoon looked impressed "Wow, okay" he glanced over at the boy but for some reason, Jihoon didn't seem quite interested and Soonyoung wasn't offended. They just met, and Jihoon was nice enough ... right?
"I'm one year ahead of you, I joined a year earlier but I guess we are same age so no need for honorifics"
"Oh" Soonyoung exclaimed and soon nodded with a smile, not that he's bothered by it at all, on the contrary, meeting someone with the same age was perfectly fine ... maybe they could be friends?
"I'm an engineering major, I skipped a year in high school"
Soonyoung still had that smile on his face "You must be very good then" he heard Jihoon scoff but nodded "I am" he sounded proud of himself "And I'm sure you're one of the smart ones too, the mathematics department in this university is no joke"
Soonyoung's eyes hovered somewhere around the room and then landed to the floor "I guess I'm good then"
"Well good for you and ... good luck" Jihoon said before walking up to his room "I'm a bit drunk so I'll be in my room" he motioned in the air "Feel free to ... whatever you want"
Soonyoung blinked a couple of times feeling a bit confused ... drunk? It's 5 pm
But he shook it off quickly and went back to his books, he turned down the volume on the Tv trying to be mindful and considerate, if Jihoon was actually drunk then, he probably won't appreciate loud noises.
Jihoon has been nice enough but distant and Soonyoung understood of course, they didn't know each other and they had no reason to get along, they had nothing in common ... nothing that Soonyoung knew of anyways, so he kept his distance as well and stayed respectful and polite as usual.
His semester started and Soonyoung was on a very tight schedule:
His classes would start at 8am until 3pm everyday and from 5pm to around 11:30pm he worked hard waiting tables and cleaning dishes at his part time job, he would get home past midnight ... wash up, clean up, study and sleep.
He usually, however, skipped eating choosing to sleep over spending more time cooking. He had a lot of snacks here and there, he was allowed to take some food from the restaurant he worked at occasionally but he preferred not to. He ordered when he could and on his day off, every Sunday, he would cook a few meals to save up on time but all in all, Soonyoung was busy trying to balance his life, he wanted to do good, he wanted it so bad.
On the other hand, Jihoon was ... careless.
He barely made it to any of his classes, sleeping until late morning, spending too much time on his computer for something Soonyoung couldn't understand nor dared to ask about and coming back home late almost every night, either drunk, tipsy or smelling like a sweaty party.
Soonyoung continued to stay quiet and minded his own business for a few weeks now, he was neat and cleaned continuously, never leaving anything behind himself and Jihoon appreciated that, not that he was Mr. Clean and perfect but the place always looked nice and smelled good.
A few weeks passed by and it was a Saturday night. Soonyoung came home feeling exhausted, took a shower and flopped on the living room sofa breathing deeply as he remembered that he was free the next day.
He made rice with fried eggs, the simplest and favorite meal of the day for Soonyoung. He was watching Tv silently when he heard the door click, Jihoon was home late again. He took off his shoes as wobbled his way through the hallway. Soonyoung stood up to greet him with a smile but soon rushed to his side when Jihoon tripped and fell to his knees.
Soonyoung gasped and went to his side to help him up ... Jihoon was drunk again
"Oh did I fall?" Jihoon asked looking around with a stupid grin on his face "Sorry didn't see that one coming"
Soonyoung sighed a little "It's okay, here I'll help you to your room"
Jihoon just got on his feet with Soonyoung's help but soon ... he put a hand over his mouth and gagged "Yeah I think ... I think that I ..."
Jihoon didn't have to finish his sentence, Soonyoung knew exactly what the other wanted, he was about to throw up and Soonyoung rushed him to the washroom. Jihoon fell to his knees as he retched badly into the toilet bowl and Soonyoung was by his side the entire time helping him gently. When he was done, Soonyoung helped him up to his feet, got him to wash up and for the first time, entered Jihoon's bedroom.
It was fairly tidy and surprisingly well organized and maintained giving the extract opposite situation of its owner but Soonyoung cared less about how the room looked like and just got Jihoon to his bed.
Jihoon whined and groaned loudly before he flopped on his bed and Soonyoung felt bad for him honestly ... Jihoon was obviously a very smart guy and he was just wasting his time doing nothing and getting drunk.
"Did you at least eat? You can't be drinking on an empty stomach"
Jihoon finally laid down on his bed, his cheeks a bit flushed and lips pouty "I ate ... a lot" he mentioned "I had steak hum salad, crackers, fries and dips ... vodka, rum, whiskey..."
Jihoon was stating everything he ate that night, obviously too drunk and it only made Soonyoung chuckle "Okay, okay I got it ... you ate a lot and dunk a lot, you really shouldn't be drinking this much, you're still too young" Soonyoung mumbled to himself basically not looking for an answer.
He removed Jihoon's socks and accessories, and was about to cover him up when Jihoon suddenly yanked him in the bed with him. A tight grip on Soonyoung's shirt pulling him down fully on top of Jihoon
Soonyoung gasped and immediately tried to pull away but Jihoon pulled him back again.
"Stay" Jihoon ordered but it only made Soonyoung panic, the boy wasn't used to skinship and human interactions not to mention drunken ones but Jihoon's request sounded more of a plead than a request.
He sounded broken
"Stay ... please" tightening his grip around Soonyoung's back pressing both of them against each other. At first, Soonyoung wanted to break free but he soon realized that Jihoon will be out soon and he can simply leave once he's asleep. So for now, he accepted his fate being stuck on top of Jihoon.
Soonyoung breathed uncomfortably but Jihoon was warm ... and he was never this close to anyone before so he might as well enjoy it?
He closed his eyes for a bit, taking a deep breath ... so this is what it felt like huh? He said to himself as he blushed at his own thoughts. He liked the closeness and leaned into it, Jihoon drunkly squeezed him one more time and Soonyoung felt like a ripe tomato. He blushed madly at what was happening right now and simply waited for the moment to pass. Jihoon probably wouldn't remember this the next day anyways.
Soonyoung can't lie ... he relaxed against Jihoon, letting his head rest over the other's chest, his hands on both of his sides gently grabbing into Jihoon's shirt. He curled himself for a while, and couldn't help but smile sadly and ... cry
He cried silent right there while being pressed again Jihoon's drunken self. He hated himself for being so ... different and weird ... he should be pushing the boy away by now why isn't he pushing himself away from him? He's been deprived of such emotional support for so long that he had to use his drunk roommate to simply get a hug?
What kind of a sick person was he?
Soonyoung wiped away his tears and slowly slipped away from Jihoon's embrace. The boy fell asleep a while ago actually but it took Soonyoung a bit more time to push himself away. Before leaving, he glanced down at Jihoon's sleeping figure and sighed, shit ... what just happened?
He turned the lights off and rushed out of the room.
The next morning was a bit awkward. Soonyoung didn't know if Jihoon would remember what he did last night but anyways Soonyoung decided that he won't be making a big deal out of it.
So when Jihoon woke up all groggy and dizzy, he didn't bring anything up until Jihoon did
"I don't remember much about last night but ... thank you" Jihoon said sipping on his morning coffee, his head in his hand as he rubbed circled around his throbbing temples
Soonyoung shook his head "Don't mention it, you should stop drinking too much though it's not good for you"
Jihoon scoffed "Yeah ... probably" he glanced over at where Soonyoung was sitting at the dining room table with his textbooks again
"My friends are ... fun but don't worry, we are all planning to pass the semester so that was our way to say goodbye to partying until exams are over"
Soonyoung looked up and nodded but didn't say anything
"Listen hum" Jihoon stood up walking over to Soonyoung's side "I know you helped me and everything but ... NEVER enter my room without my permission again" Jihoon sounded serious and Soonyoung froze for a second
"S-sorry I didn't mean to invade your privacy but I thought that ..."
"You thought NOTHING" he sounded really cold and ungrateful ... Soonyoung was slightly hurt and upset
"You're the one who asked me to stay"
Jihoon raised an eyebrow, "Well I was obviously drunk"
Soonyoung sighed and decided not to take the conversation any further ... he nodded "I'm sorry ... it won't happen again"
"I trust that it wouldn't ... you keep your distance and I'll keep mine, that's all I'm asking" Jihoon sipped on his coffee again and walked away. Yes, Soonyoung understood, perfectly understood that Jihoon was nothing but a cold hearted jerk. He sighed again and went back to his books.
Soonyoung sat in his room and just couldn't stop thinking about the way Jihoon pulled him into his embrace that night, it was so comfortable and warm ... wait no, Jihoon was nothing but a jerk, they definitely weren't close, he just shook his head and went to bed.
A few weeks have passed after that incident, the two went on with their lives. Exams were taking place and Soonyoung was too busy to notice what the other was up to. Everything seemed too quiet and Soonyoung appreciated it as he was studying hard. He eneded up passing with flying colors as expected, Soonyoung put his report card on his desk feeling proud of himself, he was on the right path to achieve something for himself ... finally, no matter how hard everything was for him, he was proud.
He sat on his desk, a gentle smile on his face as he massaged his own hands. His arms were hurting, burning even. The continuous work, washing dishes and waiting tables, studying so hard with long equations and written reports with little sleep and so little food. Soonyoung knew that he needed a break, he needed to rest for a bit and he was lucky as the university allowed them a one week vacation after the exams were over.
He still had to go to work, but couldn't complain.
He came back from his part time job that same night and couldn't wait to wash up and sleep until late in the afternoon the next morning because he had no classes. He made some hot noodles and was sleepily slurping on them when Jihoon came back home ... drunk ... again.
He barely made it half way through the hallway and switched his destination to washroom.
Soonyoung looked up, but since their last conversation, he decided not to get involved this time. He heard as Jihoon vomited his heart out in the washroom and sighed deeply. A while later, the noises stopped but there was no sign of Jihoon anywhere. He cursed himself and walked up to the washroom and peeked inside to find Jihoon shocking on his own vomit.
"SHIT" Soonyoung cursed loudly and run inside to help Jihoon breathe "SHIT" he panicked and pulled Jihoon's body up in a sitting position, patted his back harshly and soon, Jihoon coughed and vomited one last time into toilet bowl. He was struggling for oxygen for a while but regained his breaths a while later.
Soonyoung then helped him stand up and wash up, his clothes were all soaked both with water and vomit and Soonyoung helped him take them off. Passing by the kitchen, Soonyoung got him a cold glass of water which Jihoon took gratefully and asked for another one.
Helping him to his room, Soonyoung stopped at the door ... right, he wasn't allowed to enter but Jihoon couldn't possibly walk on his own. Jihoon picked his head up and saw the hesitation looked on Soonyoung's face, and he softened "Please don't" he managed to mumble, his voice broken and tired "Don't go" ... "I'm sorry please don't leave me"
Soonyoung frowned, looking down at the shorter made his heart clench. He sighed deeply and pushed the door open, he didn't know why Jihoon was so protective over his room, it's not like Soonyoung was going through his stuff or anything. He walked him slowly to his bed. Oh! do I need to remind you that the boy was shirtless? Soonyoung threw Jihoon's dirty shirt in the laundry basket in the washroom before helping him to his room.
Jihoon was breathing deeply, he looked tired and miserable as Soonyoung laid him down on his bed
"Do you really have to drink this much?"
Jihoon scoffed "Exams are over"
"Pity reasons for pity actions" Soonyoung said under his breaths not really wanting to cause problems with the other. Jihoon was shorter than him but his body was quite strong and muscular. He eyed his firm biceps and tight abs as he slipped him in a clean shirt
"Like what you see?" Jihoon said sarcastically and Soonyoung was hit by a wave of hot blush across his face "Don't be silly" he said, almost hissing like a cat and trying to sound indifferent.
He stood up a second later and was about to leave when Jihoon stopped him
"I'm Sorry" He apologized, "Please stay"
"Stay? So you can yell at me again later?"
"I won't, I promise" Jihoon closed his eyes for a bit trying to rest his throbbing headache, he heard Soonyoung sigh and took a seat next to his bed on the floor.
Silence took over and Soonyoung found himself fidgeting with his arms again, his joints hurt and his stomach growled at him. He just started his first meal of the day a few minutes before Jihoon bursted in all drunk and miserable, he couldn't finish his food and exhaustion crept all over his body.
He quickly glanced up at Jihoon who was staring down at him
"What?"
"You look pretty up this close"
Soonyoung scoffed and shook his head "Whatever ... Anything else? I'm tired and I want to go to bed"
"There's a bed right here" Jihoon motioned to the free space next to him, openly inviting Soonyoung to share the small space with me
"I'm not getting in bed with you" Soonyoung bursted making it clear that he had no intentions of doing that
"Suit yourself"
Soonyoung shook his head and stood up again "I'm leaving, you're obviously fine"
Jihoon was quick to grab Soonyoung's arm "A little bit more please" he pleaded, his eyes all weary and broken
"What's with you really?" Soonyoung asked, his tone a little harsher than usual and the grip around his arm softened ... Jihoon moved away
"Sorry ... nevermind"
Jihoon said, eyes dropping to the floor and flopped back to his bed.
Soonyoung was confused and cursed himself once again as he sat back on the floor "I'll stay, just don't yell at me in the morning" Soonyoung said softly as Jihoon laid back on his bed, his eyes slowly and weakly fluttering and staring at Soonyoung.
The other was sitting on the floor and occasionally massaging his arms and shoulders obviously too tired himself. Soonyoung ended up sleeping on the floor, the sensation wasn't new to him, foster care wasn't always so comfortable.
The next daylight broke and Soonyoung slowly woke up. It was still too early and he had no classes so he was glad to have a few more extra hours of sleep. He was still sleepily trying to open his eyes and push himself off the ground when a warm sensation took over him. He wondered what could it be? He opened his eyes to find Jihoon sleeping by his side ... on the floor. He was awake and looking at Soonyoung, a hand ruffling Soonyoung's hair softly
"What the ...?" Soonyoung exclaimed and moved away slowly blinking in confusion
"Good morning" Jihoon greeted and smiled a little "Sorry I just ... I don't know"
Soonyoung sighed "I don't understand you really"
"I lost my mother about a year ago" Jihoon suddenly confessed "My world kind of went upside down" he tried to explain but stoped soon after "I started drinking a lot" ... "I'm sorry, that's not your problem I know, it can't possibly explain my behavior, I guess I just wanted someone to stay with me for a while"
Hearing well, ... half of the story, Soonyoung kind of understood where Jihoon was coming from. He softened a little but didn't know how to feel about this, he can't deny that he's attracted to the way Jihoon kept ruffling his hair and the way he hugged him the other day
"I'm sorry" Jihoon apologized again and Soonyoung sighed shaking his head slightly
"Don't worry about it" he slowly stood up ready to leave "Just try to take it down a bit with the drinking, it ... scares me a little"
Jihoon nodded "I'll ... try" watching as Soonyoung left his bedroom. He scared him? Jihoon sighed ... of course he scared him, coming home drunk almost every night, vomiting his heart out ... shocking on his own saliva? He couldn't blame him for being scared.
Soonyoung left the room, took a deep breath and cleaned the dining room table where his food from last night was still there. It was still early so he wanted to catch up on a few more hours of sleep before his shift at the restaurant started. His joints were still aching and he simply slept the pain off, he knew that if he didn't rest properly, he'll be having a hard time at work later.
Coming back from work that same night, Soonyoung was exhausted and damn hungry. He didn't have anything to eat since last night and he didn't eat as well because of the scene Jihoon made. Right, where is he by the way?
Soonyoung walked inside their shared apartment and Jihoon was watching Tv. He looked up at him from where he was sitting on the sofa and greeted him with a soft smile. Soonyoung just nodded and walked to his bedroom, he soon came out from the washroom after taking a shower when he heard Jihoon calling him for the first time since ... ever
"Soonyoung?" The boy looked up with confused eyes "I made dinner and saved you some, please eat"
He did? Soonyoung blinked for a second and nodded, he felt glad and relieved, he was too hungry and too tired to make a proper meal anyways.
He walked in the kitchen and saw what Jihoon cooked. Wow ... the boy could really cook
"You actually made this?" Soonyoung asked and Jihoon nodded "Yeah, I know a thing or two about cooking"
"This is really delicious ... thank you"
Jihoon smiled "Sure, you need to eat more, you're too skinny" the last part was almost muffled and Soonyoung scoffed "And you should stop drinking"
"Yeah yeah" Jihoon waved him off as Soonyoung continued to eat, surprised by his roommate's cooking skills. He finished eating and he ate ALOT, he doesn't remember eating this well in a while "Thank you for dinner Jihoon, it was really good"
Jihoon was still focusing on the Tv "Anytime" he said knowing that he owed the boy more than just a dinner
Soonyoung cleared the dishes and cleaned around the kitchen and ... stopped by Jihoon in the living room "What are you watching?" He asked
"Not a clue, some guys were left on some island to test their survival skills"
"Sounds like fun" Soonyoung said but saw as Jihoon pouted "Not really"
Soonyoung sat by his side watching whatever was on and started fidgeting with his hands again. Jihoon eyed him "You were doing that last night too, does your arms hurt?"
He asked out of the blue and Soonyoung nodded "Yeah" he sounded a bit sad looking down at his hands, they were shaking a little, no wonder, he barely got a second to rest today with so many customers coming in and out, he had to be quick, cleaning, washing and serving.
He flinched when suddenly, Jihoon extended his hands to hold Soonyoung's. The boy looked up in confusion but couldn't read Jihoon's expressions. He suddenly just brought Soonyoung's arms closer to him, extending both of them forward. He let his fingers travel up and down Soonyoung's forearms and massaged them a little
Soonyoung didn't try to push him away ... why didn't he push him away? He's not used to being touched or ... "OUCH" Soonyoung's line of thoughts was broken when he felt his muscles aching sending an electric like feeling down his spine
"Sorry" Jihoon apologized but didn't stop massaging Soonyoung's forearms "You have a muscle spasm" he announced "It will only get worse if you don't get some rest some time soon, you'll get cramps too"
Soonyoung nodded wincing a little as Jihoon continued gently massaging his arms "How do you know?" He asked soon after
"My mother was a doctor" Jihoon said nonchalantly as his gaze dropped somewhere beyond Soonyoung "She used to teach me stuff like this when I was younger, I used to study a lot ... like you, and get cramps often" he glanced up at Soonyoung and the boy looked a bit sympathetic
"I'm sorry about your loss" he softly said, this was their first actual conversation since they moved in together
"Thank you" Jihoon mumbled softly
"If there's any consultations, I never had a mom, or a dad in fact and I guess everything tuned out to be okay"
Jihoon looked confused, he glanced up at Soonyoung "I didn't know"
Soonyoung smiled "Yeah well we never actually talked before"
"True that"
Soonyoung retreated his arms away from Jihoon's gentle grip, twisting his own wrists a bit "Thank you, I'll try to get a few days off from my part time job, we don't have classes as well"
"Yeah it's best to try ... and Soonyoung?"
The boy looked up "If you ever want to uuhm ... you know ... talk?"
Soonyoung smiled and nodded "Yeah that'll be great"
Soonyoung left to his room soon after that, thinking ... his roommate wasn't a jerk after all.
Since that day onwards, Jihoon was a little warmer and a little more pleasant to be around. Soonyoung welcomed the small conversations the two occasionally and casually had and they started hanging out more whenever time was on their side. Even though Soonyoung had little to no time, he really enjoyed running into Jihoon every night when he came back home all tired and exhausted.
Soonyoung wasn't able to get those days off from his job though, and his hands were still sore, but as time went by, it wasn't just his arms ... every bone in his body was either beaten up or bruised.
He tried to keep up with the routine for about seven months now, he started university in the fall and it was almost February now. God he hated the cold, winter this year has been harsh, and he barely could keep up. With classes, being a mathematician needed a lot of focus even for a smart guy like him, work and ... taking care of himself, which he hasn't been doing honestly. Coming home so late and leaving so early, he barely had time to sleep, to eat or to catch up on his studies.
It was Sunday, his only day off and he couldn't leave his bed for a long time. He pushed himself tiredly toward the washroom, he washed up quickly and splashed his face with cold water over and over. He took a deep breath and went back to bed, he couldn't see Jihoon anywhere and figured he probably was still sleeping.
Soonyoung felt terrible and for most of the morning he just stayed in bed, half asleep. He was feeling his body throbbing and aching, every muscle at a time, at some point, he felt like everything was on fire. He tried to sleep it off, but he kept drifting in and out and felt even more exhausted.
It was only a few hours later when he heard his name being called, the voice was as if someone was calling him from the bottom of a well, too far away and too distant. He twitched a bit and slightly opened his eyes to find the source
"Soonyoung?" His name was being called and he didn't have it in him to reply, he looked up and there he was ... Jihoon?
He had a worried look on his face as he hovered a little by his head.
"Hey, Soonyoung ... are you okay?" He asked but Soonyoung only whined a little looking away, "You usually wake up too early but you didn't come for breakfast ... I called you but you didn't answer ... I just wanted to check on you"
"Soonyoung?" He called again when he realized that his explanation probably didn't reach Soonyoung's ears, he pressed his palm against the boy's forehead and his worry grew even bigger
"You're burning up Soon" he mumbled knowing that Soonyoung was far from listening to him "Shit" he stood up, rushing the washroom and getting a wet face wash cloth and run back to help wake up Soonyoung. At first, Soonyoung was too sensitive, whining over the cold sensation against his skin but soon, relaxed and leaned into it as he started to slowly wake up.
He opened his eyes to meet Jihoon sitting by his side
"Hi" Jihoon greeted the obviously tired boy, a hand pushing through his hair to press the cold wet against his heated forehead and cheeks again. Soonyoung swallowed weakly and tried to sit up and Jihoon helped him gently
"How are you feeling?" He softly asked and Soonyoung smiled a little "I feel fantastic thank you"
Jihoon scoffed "Yeah I can see that" but his eyes were all shades of concerned
Soonyoung definitely wasn't doing well "Soon, I have a friend, he's a medic maybe I should give him a call?"
"Is he one of your drinking buddies?"
"Somehow" Jihoon said "Not exactly but I trust him"
Soonyoung didn't say anything at first and reached out for the bottle of water Jihoon placed for him by the night stand "I'll be fine"
"I'm sure you'll be" Jihoon agreed of course "But a little boost never hurts Soon, you're on fire and it's not breaking, it's been a while ... please?"
Soonyoung was too tired to have an argument, he laid back on his bed. His body was all sorts of bruised screaming at him from different directions, not to mention that everything just felt too hot and uncomfortable. He weakly nodded feeling himself getting sucked back into the darkness again with no energy left in him anymore than the few minutes he just spent with Jihoon.
From the corner of his tired eyes, he saw Jihoon quickly reaching for his phone and talking to somebody. Voices were muffled by then and was too overwhelmed to process what he was saying ... but did Jihoon always looked so dependable? He remembered the night when Jihoon hugged him tightly, he was drunk but still, it definitely felt so good. He suddenly just wanted to be held like that again, comforted and ... why is he thinking of Jihoon?
He blinked a few times, Jihoon finished his phone call and said something but Soonyoung was soon consumed by his exhausted mind. Jihoon looked worried the last time he saw him, he didn't want to worry him ... he just wanted to cuddle for a bit, feel Jihoon's warmth around him, hold his hand and ruffle his hair like that morning ... was it too much to ask? He wasn't sure, he never asked before, growing up, he was never too emotional, never felt anything beyond a handshake and he wanted a little more.
He wasn't really aware of his actions but he extended his hand out for Jihoon's to hold "Soonyoung?" ... "What's wrong?" He leaned over, if he wasn't worried before, he's definitely worried now. Soonyoung was in visible pain and reaching out to him?
"It's okay, you'll be okay" he cooed, holding Soonyoung's hand tightly and sitting by his side on the bed, Jihoon run his other hand across Soonyoung's face, brushing his cheeks and gently ruffling his hair
"You'll be fine, help is on the way" Jihoon's heart was beating faster than normal, he was too worried and too ... nervous?
He tried his best to keep Soonyoung comfortable as he waited for his friend ... Seungcheol. He heard the knock on the door and run to get it. Seungcheol wasn't alone, DK showed up with him. Jihoon didn't ask any questions and just guided the two inside.
Jihoon was relatively silent the entire time, Soonyoung struggled to stay awake and Seungcheol did his best to be gentle as DK helped him here and there. Seungcheol was a paramedic and DK was training to become one soon, the trio were friends for a few years now, growing up in the same area and then attending the same universityl. Seungcheol adjusted the IV drips on Soonyoung's forearm, and checked on y mn his vitals one more time "It's slowly dropping, he'll be okay after getting some rest and food ... he really needs to eat Hoon" the older turned to Jihoon who was standing a few feet away from him nervously waiting.
"He's almost malnutritioned" DK added looking at the shorter. Jihoon looked worried but not surprised "He wasn't eating well recently"
"Just recently?" Seungcheol asked a bit confused "Thin is not recently Hoon"
Jihoon closed his eyes wishing that this wasn't true, things got quiet as he sat on the floor a bit far away in the corner of Soonyoung's room. DK and Seungcheol joined him a bit later after making sure Soonyoung's vitals were in check
"You care about him Hoon don't you?" DK asked and Jihoon looked a bit distant, his mind clouded going back and forth ... he nodded slightly
"No wonder" Seungcheol chuckled a little "He got you to stop drinking, we've been trying for a long time and then he came sweeping you off your feet"
Jihoon suppressed a smiled and looked anywhere but at them "He didn't ... sweep" he sighed and shook his head "I just want him to get better"
"He'll be fine" DK said "He needs to go on a careful diet for a while, he should eat well and take some time to rest"
Jihoon nodded "I know, I already told him but ... he has a lot on his plate"
Seungcheol nodded trying to understand what was happening "So what are you going to do?"
"Nothing" Jihoon said almost immediately "I'm not doing anything, he's ... I don't know where to even start"
"I didn't know where to start with Jeonghan and look at us know" Seungcheol said sounding soft and considering
"He's kind ... and naive at times, he's too innocent and has nothing in mind but working hard to make something for himself"
"I know you can give him that future in a snap of a finger" DK said and Jihoon bit his lips, he were right, he nodded mindlessly
"It's nothing but a drop in my dad's money pool, he probably won't even begin to notice"
"Then what's stopping you?" DK asked and Seungcheol gave him the same look.
Jihoon looked away "I just want him to get better"
When Soonyoung woke up a few hours later, it was almost dark outside ... he glanced over at the window and felt as if he wasted his only day off sleeping. He blinked weakly as he felt his body too stiff and almost didn't notice the couple of tubes he was hooked up on. He stared confusedly at them, and looked around for Jihoon but jolted by the strange figure that was sitting not so far away from
"Hi ... it's okay I'm Seungcheol, Jihoon's friend, he called me to help, I'm a paramedic ... he's here I'll call him okay? Sorry for scaring you"
Seungcheol tried to explain himself in one go seeing the way Soonyoung's heart rate suddenly jumped to the roof the he disappeared for a while to call Jihoon.
"Hi" Jihoon greeted the second he walked inside Soonyoung's room "How are you feeling?"
Soonyoung sat up slowly, his eyes lingering in the distance behind Jihoon to the two figures behind him
"Sorry, DK and Seungcheol are my friends from long ago, I asked for them to help when you ... you were very sick"
Soonyoung took a second to process and then slowly nodded "Thank you" he muttered to both Jihoon and his friends
"You're still weak" Seungcheol said softly "You need some time off work and uni to rest for a while, I can write you a note?"
Soonyoung blinked and nodded gratefully "Thank you" he mumbled again looking a bit more relaxed.
"So ... you're the ones responsible for Jihoon's late drunken nights?" He asked, a bit of sarcasm in his voice
"Nope" DK replied "We are the ones who've been trying to keep him off alcohol for so long and were completely dumbfounded when he stoped on his own saying that his new roommate didn't like it"
Soonyoung blinked at them and back at Jihoon ... did he really stop because he simply asked him to? He was a bit confused but glad nonetheless. He smiled a little and felt a blush hit his face ever so delicately
"I didn't know that" he confessed
"Well, I stopped a while back let's leave it at that" Jihoon said and urged the other two to simply shut up. Soonyoung was still tired and having guests right now wasn't ideal, so Seungcheol made sure everything was okay and didn't leave until Soonyoung ate the food Jihoon and DK made for him when he was asleep.
"I can pass by tomorrow evening for another checkup just to make sure everything's fine" Seungcheol informed taking the IV needle off Soonyoung's arm. It is funny to say but Jihoon friends weren't all too bad ... they talked a little and they seemed like really nice guys and their jokes around Jihoon showed him just how close they were.
Soonyoung nodded "Thank you Seungcheol, I really appreciate everything you've done for me"
The older smiled "Sure ... you're one of us now, maybe we can see you again sometimes, Jeonghan would love to meet the one who got Jihoon to stop drinking"
Soonyoung again smiled and nodded "Jeonghan is taken by the way ... by me, so when you meet him, you can look but you can't touch"
Soonyoung chuckled and scoffed almost uncontrollably "What?" He exclaimed with a funny expression on his face
"Just saying, you'll understand when you see him but when you do, remember he's mine"
Soonyoung scoffed again "Okay, I guess"
Seungcheol laughed and soon left with DK, Soonyoung was still too tired there but his fever was breaking just fine, he ate well and took his the medicine Seungcheol prescribed for him and now that it's just him and Jihoon alone again, it was too quiet for a while
"I didn't know you stopped drinking because of me"
Jihoon looked a bit shy, his eyes landing everywhere except on Soonyoung "Yeah I felt bad for coming home drunk all the time and you having to take care of me and hear my nonsense, at least before you came here, I wasn't hurting anyone"
Soonyoung nodded that kinda made sense "I guess" he mumbled
"You need to take a few days off work" Jihoon stated and Soonyoung nodded "I know" he sounded disappointed, like not going to work was the worse thing that could happen
"You don't need to worry about anything" Jihoon anticipated Soonyoung's worry, it's about money right?
Soonyoung sighed looking away for a bit "I'm not worried"
Jihoon was sitting by Soonyoung's bedside, he scanned the boy's face and couldn't control the way his hand gently run across Soonyoung's cheeks and tucked his curly bangs behind his ear.
"I guess I've always been the opposite of you" ... " I grew up with a silver spoon in my mouth, I've always had everything I wanted and more, my father is a tycoon, he owns half of the import and export companies of the west coast but unfortunately, he never was around when I was growing up ... I was lucky if I saw him a few times a year ... I was closest with my mother, she was a kind doctor, always warm and she understood me, it was always just me and her until, ironically, she got sick ... you'd think that doctors don't get sick but it's not true ... I'm sorry I lied before, I know that I said it's been a year since her death but she passed when I was thirteen, my father only came for the funeral and stayed for exactly two hours before leaving again and when I saw him a few months later, he was already remarried"
Soonyoung sat up trying to meet Jihoon's eyes but they were lingering somewhere far away, lost in a trance of his own memories
"Gosh I hated him, still do, his love language is money and he gives me ALOT, more than I'll never need and been spending it on bars for the last few years ... until I met you"
Jihoon finally glanced up at Soonyoung, his eyes nothing but a soft sympathetic gaze "I'm so sorry Hoon"
He shook his head "Yeah, life is like that sometimes" Jihoon smiled "Bottom line is, you don't have to worry about anything"
Soonyoung's soft gaze never left his face "Thank you" he mumbled gratefully "I'll pay it back for sure"
Jihoon chuckled "I don't ..." he sighed "I don't need you to pay me back Soon" Jihoon realized that his fingers were still playing around Soonyoung's cheeks "You're still warm, you should rest"
"Is it too much if I ask you to stay?" Soonyoung asked too softly and Jihoon shook his head "No, of course, I'll stay"
Soonyoung moved away a bit giving Jihoon a bit of space next to him on the bed. He laid down with his eyes still fixated on Soonyoung
"I guess I am the opposite of you" Soonyoung muttered, using the same opening line Jihoon used "I've never had a family and never had money, I was just a poor orphaned but smart kid, I still am" he chuckled sarcastically "All I ever had was my little smart brain, I'm good at calculations and that's all, I understand numbers more than people ... My EQ is very low, I did everything by myself since a very young age and didn't need anyone else, I find myself looking for small bits of affection whenever possible"
Jihoon frowned a bit worried and sympathetic "Like ... a hug?"
"Yeah" Soonyoung bit his lips "Like a hug, or ..." he stopped to look up Jihoon's face, his eyes had some sort of a sparkle in them, a sparkle he came to be mesmerized by ... he swallowed hard.
"Or ... a ruffle, or even a pat ... I can't relate emotionally simply because I had very limited physical contact"
"I buried myself in alcohol and you buried yourself in equations"
Sad but true, Soonyoung nodded "I keep myself busy just to avoid ... feeling so empty"
Jihoon smiled a little "Well not anymore" he said, Soonyoung's face a bit confused until Jihoon let his finger fall once again over Soonyoung's cheeks brushing them softly and felt him relax into it almost immediately.
Soonyoung closed his eyes "I guess so" he muttered, his whole body leaning into Jihoon's warm touches, he felt so warm and fuzzy inside like he's being drifted off on a cloud. He was already exhausted and it only took him a few more minutes to completely fall asleep.
————
It's been a few months,
And a lot has happened since then
Soonyoung was trying to go back to sleep but was fidgeting way too uncomfortably
"It's okay, it was just a nightmare Soon, I'm here" Jihoon's voice was calm and soothing "I'm here"
"I know" Soonyoung was sleepy and tired, trying to shake the tingly feeling that crept all over his skin away. He felt Jihoon's warm hand going up and down his back and he took deep breaths resting his head against Jihoon's chest in a comforting position that he couldn't quite get enough of.
"You're tired" Jihoon placed a soft kiss on Sooonyoung's temples and rested his chin on top of his head
"I am" Soonyoung replied sounding groggy and a bit on edge
"Then try to relax and sleep" Jihoon kept gently caressing Soonyoung's back and softly ruffling his hair ... one thing about his boyfriend was that he's super clingy, and it's even worse when he's upset or tired but Jihoon loved how vulnerable and sweet he was no matter how clingy Soonyoung got, they were each other's comfort place and it never got any old.
"Do you think Jeonghan will be okay?" Soonyoung asked with concern in his tone
"Is that's what you've been dreaming about?" Jihoon asked and felt Soonyoung nodding under his chin
"What did you dream about?"
"Seungcheol and Jeonghan breaking up, you yelling at me for something I can't understand, like it's all my fault, then you left and I felt really cold ... I felt like I was freezing to death"
Jihoon tightened his grip around Soonyoung's body on top of him "That's never going to happen you know right?"
"I know" ... "I guess seeing Jeonghan cry got into me"
"But you're all warm now right?" Jihoon asked rubbing Soonyoung's back lightly
"Yeah" Soonyoung glanced up looking for that spark in Jihoon's eyes ... there it is, he smiled
Jihoon leaned over to place a kiss on Soonyoung's forehead "And don't worry about Seungcheol and Jeonghan they'll be just fine ... Seungcheol is an idiot that's all"
Soonyoung sighed "Didn't look like it to me"
Jihoon sighed "Well, I promised I wouldn't tell anyone but I guess it's too late now"
Soonyoung pressed his arms on the bed and picked himself up, trapping Jihoon on both sides in the process "Tell me What?"
Jihoon looked a bit embarrassed but not really, like he was holding it in for so long "Seungcheol is planning to propose to Jeonghan"
"WHAT?"
"He's just too nervous trying to plan it right for Jeonghan, that's why he's been a bit distant ... he just needed time to put everything together and Jeonghan thought he was seeing someone else ... hence the big fight and Jeonghan crying"
Soonyoung's face was all levels of confusion, excitement and ... shock
"W-when?"
"It was planned for next week but since the fight, Seuncheol moved it closer"
Soonyoung gasped "Yeah like WHEN?"
"Tonight"
"TONIGHT?"
"It's probably over by now, Seungcheol was too anxious"
Soonyoung was shocked beyond words, he blinked and smiled "Wow"
"Yeah ... now that you know that everything's okay, can you go back to sleep?"
Soonyoung blinked like he's still processing "What—- NO I can't go back to sleep"
Jihoon giggled cupping Soonyoung's cheeks brushing them softly like he always does then pulled him closer for a passionate late night kiss "How about now?" He pulled away his thumb fell from Soonyoung's cheek to brushing his newly bruised lips.
"Are you kidding me? ... NO"