I gripped the newly placed bedsheets in my hands as Poppy removed the old ones and I grinned as she fluffed up the pillow like mattress that laid on wooden foundation.
As I fiddled with the sheets my mind seems to consistently wander away from reality and back to the days before our fame as the infamous sibling duo of Velvet and Veneer.
Was I the reason why she was so....Her? I remembered how Floyd's theory of me producing my own essence to replenish his essence which could explain some of her behaviors as we grew up together.
The table flipping, screaming and fighting along with her Codependency on me. It would explain all of it and that could only mean that I was the one to blame for her rapidly depleting sanity as the strings holding it together were being snipped away.
I couldn't help the feeling of guilt worming itself into my heart and it made me feel happy at the same time. At least she could probably get her sense of self back and I wouldn't be able to fuel her fits.
It almost seemed like a win win strangely enough. We definitely needed to spend time apart. I was right...
I did the right thing.. for both of us.
"Ven you okay?" I looked into worried morganite eyes as Poppy took the sheet away from me and started to make the bed not letting her irises leave mine before I turned to make sure Branch was preoccupied by making sure my boyfriend, his brother was comfortable downstairs.
If I was going to gut myself with my all of my entrails on display I would be the most comfortable with Poppy seeing them.
"I didn't want to leave her." I let the tears start to slide down my cheeks leaving cold trails in their wake. Poppy stopped what she was doing and held my hand as she stared at me with understanding compassion written in her pupils.
"But I couldn't watch as she hurt him anymore because I-" I let out a soft sob as her arms wrapped around me and silently pressed herself into me.
"I saw myself all over again and I couldn't let anyone else be hurt the same way I was." I numbly nuzzled Poppy's shoulder as she ran her fingers through my hair. I could feel my heart becoming lighter as I expressed my thoughts and she responded,
"I'm sorry that you've been carrying this all by yourself." I lifted my head and shook my head,
"Floyd knows based on what he saw, but I've never told him about everything and I just feel guilty because you and him have done so much for me-" I broke down and kept my gaze locked onto the floor refusing to meet those warm and kind Himalayan salt colored eyes of hers. I didn't deserve the compassion that they were giving me but I couldn't help but selfishly accept it to make myself feel better about my shitty actions.
"I feel the exact same way!" She says with surprise lacing her tone and I didn't realize I had opened my mouth with a awkward,
"What?" I didn't understand what she meant by she felt the same exact way about me as I do both her and my lover. I haven't done anything besides the bare minimum.
"I mean it's just.. if it wasn't for you or your sister my boyfriend would've never gotten his family back, they would still been bitter at each other and honestly it's strange but I can't thank you enough for bringing them together again because listen." She paused and I could hear the sound of rowdy laughter from downstairs and I felt more tears claw from my eyes and fall.
"Well then I'm glad some good came from that mess then..." I sniffled and twiddled my finger together silently waiting for Poppy to say something only for her to hit me with a rapid,
"Now tell me about your relationship with your sister-" I was shocked and started to babble,
"I mean that's a lot to unpack and something that I should save for a therapist-" my mouth kept rambling on but she put her finger to my lips effectively silencing me as she started to speak again,
"Nope, plus we don't have a... what did you call it... Ah a therapist! But We're going to sit on this bed and talk because clearly it's hurting you to keep this in to yourself and I want to be there for you. I may have only known you for a few days but you're kinda like a brother to me." Her rose quartz gaze got glittery as her eyes filled with tears and I couldn't help myself from hugging her again fully taking in her warmth and her rosy vanilla scent that reminded me of my mother.
"How do you guys not have therapists especially with you know having years of generational trauma from being eaten, colonized and or tortured for years!" I started to exclaim but was met with her finger on my lips,
"Shush That's besides the point, your sister clearly gave you some self esteem issues because you're amazing Ven, you just need the right people to make you realize it. I mean you can sing, dance, draw and sew! That's amazing! But your relationship with Velvet is clearly eating at you and making you feel like you don't deserve any kindness or to even be here with us." She held my face as I sniffled at her endearing words. I contemplated telling her everything and with a defeated sigh I started,
"I guess I should start from when we were little right?" I looked into shiny cherry blossom pink eyes and she nodded her head,
"Oh god, I mean our relationship was always an odd one.." I trailed off to only come right back with,
"She always was in the spot light, talent shows and her social circles were always large meanwhile I was just her annoying twin brother." I remembered those days in elementary school where I was just the creepy little brother who always hid behind his older twin sister.
"I was always in the background just Velvet's weird brother, no one would call me by my name, it was tough you know, just always being in her shadow consistently being shoved to the side." I let out a sob that I had to use my hands to cover as to not draw attention from the brothers down stairs, it was bad enough I was practically trauma dumping on my new closest friend I didn't want to ruin their good time as well.
"Then when we got to high school that's when it got worse, that's when she started to physically attack me." I could hear Poppy let out a quiet gasp and she interlocked our fingers together,
"The first time was the most painful memory I have, I can still hear her screaming about how dare I get the starring role in our school's play as she slammed my head into her dresser, I can still feel the sharp pain as my nose was broken and taste the blood-" I shivered and licked my teeth having a phantom taste of copper in my mouth from recalling that memory. Poppy was in tears now with my retelling of the first time I was attacked but I kept going,
"It eventually got easier as I knew what to expect and how to walk on shards of broken glass as to not set off her hair thin trigger. It got easier to just let it happen instead of fighting back because whenever I fought back I was always grounded." My eyes were puffy and my cheeks were left with a trail streaks that stung as I had ran out of tears. Poppy's sobbed and hugged me tightly and I couldn't stop this clawing feeling from happening as I held her, I could feel her letting out shaky breaths before saying,
"I'm so sorry that you had to go through that, no one deserves that but I'm so proud of you for opening up to me. I hope that you start to treat yourself with the kindness that you deserve." Poppy still held me in her arms and I squeezed back before shakily responding with,
"That's so much easier said than done you know." She brought our foreheads together and wrapped her hair around mine and she looked towards the window and looked down at our intertwined hands.
"Yeah, I still blame myself for my ex betraying me sometimes." I turned her head upwards towards me and looked into her eyes as she carried on with,
"Well that started because I wanted to celebrate our 20 years of freedom from the Bergens and I threw the biggest party ever! It was amazing but I ended up getting all my friends captured and about to be eaten alive. One of which was my ex boyfriend Creek." She sighed with disappointment at the mention of his name and I scooted closer and let her head fall on my shoulder as I put my cheek to the top of her head.
"He was a little self absorbed but I liked him a lot, he was special and he just.... He sold us out to be eaten for his own survival that slimy selfish- grrr." She tightened her hold on my forearm as I felt her anger roll off of her in fierce rage before it melted into a softer love struck expression,
"And when I was at my lowest, Branch was there, he sung for the first time since his grandma died and he was happy! I was so proud of him to come out of his shell and I fell in love with him despite all his mistrustfulness of everything and everyone, I mean we lifted each other up." She smiled at the ground as she nuzzled my shoulder and started up again,
"My point is, sometimes when you're at your lowest, someone who genuinely loves you will help lift you to your highest. I think You need to start trusting Floyd more with the fact that he loves you for who you genuinely are despite your misdeeds and flaws." She lifted her head off my shoulder and smirked at me and I rose a eyebrow at her sudden cockiness before she giggled while whispering in my ear,
"I mean after all you were practically feeling each other up in the bus and I honestly thought if we left you guys alone you would be going at it." I instantly flushed, our tears forgotten as we giggled at how close me and Floyd had gotten.
"Well yeah, I really do love him and want to make him as happy as he makes me." I watched as Poppy stood and held out her hand to me and I grabbed her flamingo pink hand as she lifted me up,
"Well let's make him happy by going shopping!" She tugged my arm and pulled me closer to the door.
I let her pull me out the room as we made our way downstairs and I couldn't wait to partake in this shopping excursion.
I wonder how long this outing will take since I've never been shopping with her or my boyfriend.
I let her excited squeals of joy about picking cute furniture for the house fade into white noise.
I could tell by talking to each other, it made both of our burdens a bit lighter to carry.