sleep to dream │ season 1
PILLS, EAT, DRINK, NO RELASPE.
Y/n was slowly regaining her composure after the traumatic incident that had occurred four days ago.
She needed this space from Vinnie, shielding herself from his unpredictable behaviour that had a habit of attacking her voice and emotions. She was well aware of the chaos that seemed to follow her everywhere, and her recent near-death experience had only exacerbated her frustration. Still, it didn't necessarily equate to love; it just meant she was understandably angry.
In her own way, Y/n believed she was trying to be realistic about the relationship. She was the one who had to face the aftermath, who had to confront the consequences. It was her reality, not Vinnie's, which only deepened her confusion about his sudden disappearance from her life.
She sat on her bed, having just finished taking her medication, which helped to stabilize her tumultuous emotions. As she immersed herself in a colouring book, there came a knock at the door. Y/n looked up, her gaze shifting towards her father. "Did you take your pills?" he inquired, his concern etched in his voice.
"I feel great, Dad" She pointed out with a smile on her face; ever since that had happened her mother hadn't said a word to her thinking that it was too embarrassing for her to have a kid who was downing drugs and winded up passing out because of it.
Her dad stood at the door nodding his head, and eyeing everything in the room counting this as his first time in his daughter's room in a while. "Any word from Vinnie?"
Y/n bit her bottom lip a little with a nod to her head not hesitating to tell a lie about what was really going on between the two of them. "Um yeah, he's been getting ready for college..."
"Fantastic, you both can get through it."
"Yeah, Totally" She muttered through her teeth grabbing a crayon and continuing on the colouring that she was doing, since she was high and didn't really have anything else to do because her anxiety to walk to school today was over the roof.
The silence echoed through the room as if someone was smoking and the smoke was going through the air. "I should get going, try this again." Y/n stood up from the bed already dressed, wearing a green tank top that showed some of her black bra, jeans that had a brown belt to match; a grey sweater, multiple necklaces and wearing a lot of her clothes at once it was something that she liked to do.
Gabbing her jacket from the closet she went over to the door making her way downstairs. Emmy was already at school with Y/n being the last to leave the house already.
Approximately ten minutes later, Y/n decided it was time to depart. Stepping out of her house, she closed the door gently behind her and descended the front steps. The chilly air nipped at her skin, sending shivers down her spine, akin to a sudden, intense storm of goosebumps.
Each exhalation escaped her lips like a visible puff of smoke, creating an ethereal mist around her in the frigid air. The symphony of car horns and the hustle of the South Side neighbourhood enveloped her, creating a backdrop of urban sounds as she embarked on her journey.
Y/n stood still, her gaze lost in the distance as the car horns echoed through the brisk, windy air. Her attention snapped back to reality when she noticed Vinnie's car approaching slowly. Nervously biting her lip, she watched the vehicle's approach and halted her steps.
She approached the car with caution, leaning down slightly as Vinnie rolled down the windows for her. "I'm sorry," he said, his voice filled with a mix of regret and yearning.
"Fuck you, Vin," Y/n muttered softly, her teeth sinking into her bottom lip as she wrestled with her emotions. He was the one person she had truly loved, even though he didn't seem to care about her, and that inner turmoil weighed heavily on her. She wanted to feel it in her heart, not just in her head.
"My dad's in the ER again," Vinnie interjected abruptly, causing Y/n to fall silent. Suddenly, her assumptions about him being dead or unfaithful seemed trivial. "It was a drug overdose, but he's going to be okay."
Y/n opened the car door and slipped inside, feeling a rush of regret for her initial reaction. "Shit, sorry," she mumbled, settling into the seat beside him and closing the door.
Vinnie leaned forward, pressing a gentle kiss on the top of her head. He cupped her head from behind and rested his forehead against hers. "I listened to all those voicemails," he confessed, referring to the countless messages she had left him, full of fear and anger over not hearing from him. "I'm glad you're okay... And I'm not dead, or cheating on you with some rich, stuck-up blonde bitch."
A chuckle escaped Y/n's lips as she leaned down to kiss him, and Vinnie eagerly returned the affection, his hand gently running through her hair as she held onto his shoulders.
༶
Mandy, Y/n, and Ian strolled down the bustling street, a sense of relief palpable in the air. Mandy held onto Y/n's hand tightly, her head nestled on Y/n's shoulder as if seeking solace and assurance that her friend was alright, considering the recent events.
Y/n had taken the time to fill them in on the details surrounding Vinnie – his explanation for his prolonged silence and the backstory of everything that had transpired. She had recounted it all, ensuring they understood the complexity of the situation.
"Well, at least you didn't almost get pink eye, on on top of passing out." Mandy joked pushing her shoulder a little bit while they continued to walk, the cold freezing over all three of them. "I was like, girl, you are not using my eyeliner if you have a pink eye to Addison McQuillan; and then she was like, well, then, you're not my friend anymore."
She smiled a little bit turning and looking into Mandy's eyes. "Oh well, wow...that wouldn't be fun"
"Not at all, Ian?" Mandy called noticing that the boy wasn't paying attention to her at all. "You're not listening, are you?"
Ian had this kind of smile resting on his lips, one that said that he found someone that he liked. "No sorry,"
"What's wrong with you?" Mandy asked letting go of Y/n's arm with both of the girls stopping to look at him. "I mean, you totally aren't acting normal after the other day; when you got your gun back."
"I slept with someone, who wasn't Kash." He confessed to both of the girls.
Both Y/n and Mandy furrowed their eyebrows looking at him. Y/n smiled for her friend as she patted his shoulder almost in a congratulations counting that Kash was about a couple of decades older than Ian; unlike Y/n who was dating someone only two years older than she was.
"Well, detes, please? Who?" Mandy started questioning.
Ian seemed to almost tense up at the thought of telling Mandy who it was, and maybe Y/n. "I can't tell you both" he confessed, "He's on the down low, you know."
"Not really, but yeah" Y/n smiled nodding her head, as Mandy entwined their arms once more and continued to walk to their place. "I like secrets, they tell everything about someone."
"Yea" Ian nodded his head eyeing Y/n knowing he was going to tell her way before he winded up telling Mandy for many reasons.
Mandy and Y/n winded up walking Ian to work before both of the girls got time to their self's before Y/n had to go off and help Kevin and Veronica with whatever child they were choosing to adopt from the foster care. "Where's Lip?"
"Lovely Karen, But he has to go to this thing with the SAT guy taking him to UOC" Y/n mocked with a sigh to her lips, with the girls walking back to Y/n's house the snow still surrounded the streets of Chicago slowly melting and leaving sometimes the backwash of slush looming on the blackened concrete. "He truly loves her, Karen not the UOC guy"
"Ian told me he was pretty worried about you?" Mandy rocked her shoulder almost teasing her about everything between her and Lip. "And you really continue to fuck with Mr Big Dick"
A laugh came from Y/n's mouth shaking her head, "Oh wow; that is one way to put it yeah" Biting down on her bottom lip a little bit, "We kissed, a couple weeks or months ago...I'm not really sure, and- he made things official with Karen after that."
"Yeah but she is still fucking every guy that comes her way" Mandy slut-shamed not even putting it into the nicest term someone was able to put it into. "You know, she rolled her eyes at me the other day; just because I looked his way like, desperate bitch."
"I mean...It's fun to have someone to hate, but there's no reason" She outrightly spoke turning to Mandy shaking her head and not agreeing. "I mean, hating them really fucking hating them..."
"There the girl is I've been trying to get out, looks like all you needed was Karen" Mandy joked, since the two of them knew each other; Y/n was more of the listen-other talk than talk to them.
Mandy was never like that, she was the one talking and if you didn't like what she had to say then you shouldn't be her friend. It's not that Y/n was shy to do this, she was always open and out there when it came to making friends, but she hated meeting new people because they came and then judged her for who she was.
Mandy didn't give a fuck about what a new person had to say about her. Y/n was more sweet and innocent with the things she struggled with, even if it meant the manipulation of others; which is where both of them met between the lines.
"Lip at UOC what about you?" Mandy questioned the girl flipping her head in the direction waiting for the right answer that she wanted to hear. Mandy loved Y/n's artwork, it was just something that fit her; it always had the right amount of emotion inside of it, hurt, anger, anxiety, happiness and even sometimes recently love.
When they were in classes together, Y/n would wait for that clock to let them out of school while all she did was draw at the time of every second going by waiting to be released. She didn't smile towards Mandy not knowing how she felt about truly leaving everything she knew behind just to chase her dreams.
"Not sure yet," she told the truth, not knowing where she wanted to go. "I just can't think about it now yknow, too much"
"Sure" Mandy knew the truth, she didn't want to leave any of them behind just for herself not knowing if she could go back to the Y/n that was hurting more than anything being just by herself.
༶
Mandy's conversation with Y/n had been stuck in her head all day since she had made the comment about her going to University or even a College; because of the fact that her mother and father couldn't care less about what she did with her pasttime only that she didn't wind up dying because of it.
Lying on Vinnie's chest while the boy stroked the top of her head; both of them were naked under the covers with his mom not home all day today. "College? Do you want to?" Moving away from him he started to use her hands as pillows instead of the real pillows that were behind her. "I mean, that's miles away from everyone...and half an hour's drive, I don't know..."
"Why?" Y/n was genuinely confused about why the thought of College was now being brought up to her even though she knew, only a year and a couple of months left until she was supposed to be out for college.
"What would you major in?"
"Art, Writing...I don't know something like that" She confessed sitting up on the bed a little bit and getting more serious about the conversation going on. Feeling like he didn't really care what she was doing with her life, and only that she was there with him in the moment.
Placing a hand on her bare hip while her boobs were out of the blanket and seen by him, moving his thumb slightly against her skin. "You're so sexy" he changed the conversation; Y/n had noticed how good he was at doing that to her.
Biting onto her bottom lip Vinnie just watched her do it tilting his head at the sight a little bit. "I'm guessing you have to go home?" He questioned the reason why she was sitting up ignoring their main conversation.
"I don't have to go home yet," Y/n leaned into him a little bit, before connecting their lips. Vinnie backed up and got up from the bed putting pants on and finding a teeshirt in all of his drawers. "Unless you want me to go home, Fuck- do you?"
"No," Vinnie had shaken his head, convincing her that she was the one making more of going home than him. "I just know you have a lot always to do at those Gallagher's house and whatever,"
Looking at him getting ready to take her home, Y/n had furrowed her eyebrows not knowing why it was feeling like she was going crazy inside of her head; because of the fact he just wanted her gone.
"It's nothing today..." She lied back to him getting up from the bed and walking over to him wrapping her arms around his neck and dragging him down a little so that she could press a kiss into the side of his face. His hand went around her bare back, holding onto it softly. "How's your dad doing?"
The feeling of tension filled the air like smoke causing her to shake her head not knowing why she had asked that knowing it wasn't the best. "Sorry I made it about me" Y/n apologized, looking up at him.
"No it's fine," Vinnie moved her off of him so that he could continue getting changed knowing that she was trying to waste time by distracting him with conversation. Vinnie started to make his way away from her.
"So?"
"It's nothing, you need to worry about" Vinnie pointed out, Y/n knew the relationships had worked two ways, where both of them had to care about what the other was going through and that was what she was trying to do. "You already got relapsing to worry about,"
"I'm fine" She was almost offended by the tone he had in his voice showing he didn't think she wanted to stay clean. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm just tired Y/n" Vinnie mentioned, rubbing his eye a little bit. "It's not your fault you have all these problems" Furrowing her eyebrows, she didn't know where this was coming from. "I mean, I already have to deal with my dad's shit, and then you pass out because of shitty pills"
Shock almost laced all over her face at the words coming from his mouth. Maybe she was the one who messed it all up, he should've freed himself from her beast before it attacked him. "Can you not take it!?" Y/n questioned raising her voice a little bit, "Fuck you," The fool was coming out from him.
"Can take take it, Y/n!" Vinnie raised his voice; pointing his finger. "Your a fucking crazy bitch, and you know that! You keep manipulating me!" A laugh came out of her mouth as if he was joking; while tears slowly formed in her eyes burning from trying to hold them back placing her hands on her hips and looking around.
She didn't want to hear his plead, or him explaining why everything was so hard on him more than her. Because she had her own problems, she had always had her own problems; it wasn't like there was a game happening right now.
Plopping down on the floor, and holding herself. Vinnie went silent, Y/n wanted to know what he was thinking everything that he was thinking; he walked over to her sat down next to her on the floor and held onto her body almost as a silent sorry for everything he had just said about her.
Kissing the inside of her neck; which caused butterflies to rise from her stomach and bee's to try and get them away but it wasn't something she was able to help. "Don't touch me..." She muttered, even though she was slowly leaning into everything that he was doing, Dragging his hand down her breast and kissing her neck. "Vin-"
"I'm sorry" He apologized, "Let me show you," Falling for it, she turned her head and he kissed the tears that were falling down her cheek, leaving trails of shimmer on the sides of her face glistening because of the tears that had fallen down. "I love you..."
It felt like since he was two years older than her, he was still older than her meaning he knew what he was talking about. Inside her mind that's how it worked, she was sick and because of that, she made sure everyone did what she wanted them to do. That felt powerful, and since he called that out on her; it hurt her.