8 months later...
Song: Life Goes On by Agust D
I finished packing up my tote bag and double checked my pockets to make sure I had grabbed my phone before leaving my apartment. It was still incredibly warm out with no sign of fall in sight but I actually loved the heat, so I relished being outdoors.
I stepped out onto the sidewalk and nodded my head towards the bodyguard that was hanging out in front the convenience store. He didn't openly acknowledge me but instead followed me at a distance as I walked down the street. It was a beautiful evening and I loved the warm breeze on my skin as I slowly traveled down the bustling street.
When I finally arrived at the little dance studio, I jogged up the sagging concrete steps and through the front door. Since it was still early evening, there were a few people coming and going through the quaint little lobby area. I smiled and nodded my head at a couple of them as I made my way to the main studio.
It was a gorgeous space with a huge window that showed a good view of the trees lining the street. I smirked as I remembered the first time I had seen Tae in here and how rudely he had slammed the curtains closed in my face.
It felt like a lifetime ago.
I breathed in deeply and began my stretching routine to the upbeat playlist JK had created for me. I swore that man never stood still. He was always participating in the next popular trend and finding the best new music. I had no idea how Ness kept up with him. It took a special person to vibe with JK's hyper personality but his girlfriend had proven more than worthy.
I had just finished warming up when the studio door swung open and Jimin came rushing in.
"Hi hi, pretty Sabrina! Sorry I'm a bit late. Got tangled up at a photoshoot," he apologized as he removed his mask.
I grinned. "You can make it up to me by finally teaching me the Filter routine!"
He sighed dramatically. "I already toooold you! I'll never teach you that choreo! It would be much too dangerous in your hands!"
I rolled my eyes and tugged up my leggings before moving to stand next to him in front of the mirror.
"Excuses. But, whatever! Let's get to it."
He laughed at me before grabbing my hands and pulling me around in front of him. "You're in a really good mood today! How about we just have some fun? You want to do Butter?"
"Yes! But it has to be the Megan Thee Stallion version and I wanna learn the 3J part!" I said excitedly. He reluctantly agreed and we got to work, sweating and laughing together for the next couple of hours.
Once we had exhausted ourselves, or more like I was the one who exhausted herself since Jimin had the stamina of a god, we both ended up sitting on the floor just talking.
The past several months had been a complete rollercoaster for me and I don't think I would've healed as well as I did if it weren't for Jimin and JK. They had been a constant presence in my life, always checking in on me and lending a shoulder to cry on when I needed it. Outside of Penny and Lyle, they were the best friends I could've asked for. I still remained friends with Jin, Hobi, and Namjoon, but the two maknaes were the ones I was closest to.
I had completely cut off contact with Yoongi and Tae and the members had respected my need to distance myself. They never spoke to me about either of them, which I was grateful for. I didn't feel pressured or guilt tripped into reestablishing my relationships with either one of them. The remaining five members gave me the grace and freedom to come to terms with my feelings in my own time and I loved them for that.
After the break with Yoongi, I had sunk into a deep hole of despair and loneliness. Despite knowing that it was for the best and that I did the right thing for me, the whole thing still ate me up inside. I had even contemplated leaving South Korea but Lyle helped me realize that this was my home and I couldn't keep running.
And he was right. Seoul was my home. It had the only real support system I'd ever known in my entire life. I was grateful for my found family, but I mourned for everything that could've, should've, been. I burrowed deep into my depression and stayed there until I was rudely awakened.
The first day of Mr. Cha's trial rolled around and I found myself shedding my desolation in favor of a burning anger. The trial was highly publicized so I couldn't avoid mention of Yoongi or Mr. Cha if I tried. But it was the way that Mr. Cha acted as if he did nothing wrong that really got to me. He claimed that he was only acting in the best interest of BigHit and Yoongi.
Worst of all, he tried to boast that he was actually successful in rooting out a false soulmate, since mine and Yoongi's bond was no more. Arguing against that claim was hard to do and I felt nauseous as I watched the prosecution try.
I had insisted on watching the proceedings, so Jin had come over to sit with me during the bulk of the trial. He ended up having to restrain me from throwing my phone at the TV every time Mr. Cha's lawyers tried to defend him with another bogus lie. Ultimately, that slimy bastard was convicted and sentenced to fifteen years behind bars.
After the verdict was read, I released the breath I was holding, along with all of my fear and regret. I vowed from that day forward, that I would begin living again. I would keep the promise I made to myself and be happy.
I didn't leave the love of my life just to wallow forever. I owed it to Yoongi to find myself once again.
As usual, Bang PD's prediction about ARMY came true. Well, mostly true. The fans were indeed pissed that I wasn't around to support Yoongi during the trial but to my surprise, a large faction of the fandom were actually incredibly empathetic.
They mourned for Yoongi's lost soul bond and ran a vicious smear campaign against Mr. Cha's defense. They were bloodthirsty in their demands for justice against Mr. Cha for tearing Yoongi and his soulmate apart. While I was incredibly heart touched, I was also still leery since several fan accounts had sprung up dedicated to finding Yoongi's lost soulmate. Some of them wanted to find me and reunite me with Yoongi but others simply just wanted to out me. The last thing I needed was to face the fandom's wrath for breaking Yoongi's heart, even if he had broken mine first.
And so I kept my head down and embarked on a journey of self-discovery. I began dancing again and even went back to the English school to pick up a part time teaching position. The days grew longer and the weather turned warmer, and much like the flowers outside of my apartment, I bloomed once more. I laughed with Lyle, hung with Penny, danced with Jimin, and did karaoke with JK.
I ended up having a sit down with the five of them and telling them all about my past with Hunter. We all cried and railed against god that night. I was so emotionally exhausted after that, I ended up sleeping for almost eighteen hours straight. But it was so cathartic and it brought me even closer with the guys.
Penny and I were in a great space as well. I had been so afraid to lose her friendship that I spent several sleepless nights thinking of the best way to apologize to her. But it turned out that I didn't need to. She showed up at my apartment a few weeks after mine and Tae's ill fated night and before I could even greet her, she crashed into me and held me tightly.
She was the one who apologized for not telling me about Tae in the first place and then confessed to me that Tae had broken down and told her all about what happened between us. I was frozen, unsure of what to say but of course, Penny never failed to shock me.
As I was floundering around, searching for the right thing to say, Penny looked me straight in the eyes and with a deadpan voice asked, "But was it good? Cause I'm ready to fuck his brains out but I'll kick him to the curb if he sucks in bed. I don't have time for that shit."
I choked on my own spit and ended up laughing so hard I almost passed out. We then spent the rest of the night bonding and telling each other our secrets. It was one of the best nights I'd ever had. I loved Penny more than the sun itself.
Surprisingly, I hadn't heard from Hunter at all. Perhaps my security detail had deterred him, or maybe he deemed me not worth the trouble and went back home. Either way, I was glad to be rid of him again. I didn't need to worry about my horrible ex while I was trying to heal myself.
I peered down at my phone and realized that Jimin and I had been hanging out at the dance studio just talking and having fun for hours. With a tired sigh, I stretched my legs out and moved to stand up but Jimin stopped me by scooting closer.
"Sabrina, you know that Yoongi hyung's finale concert is next weekend, right?" he asked tentatively.
"I do."
Only a few short months ago, I would have panicked and avoided Jimin if he had brought up Yoongi, but I actually felt at ease. The familiar feelings of hurt and sorrow didn't sink into my stomach when I thought about him. I still felt sad, but it was a nostalgic kind of sad. I needed my space away from Yoongi in order to heal and I finally felt like I was.
As much as I needed to leave Yoongi behind, I couldn't leave Suga/Agust D. Did it hurt to stand on the sidelines as he released his first real solo album and then tour? Asbo-fuckin-lutely. But it would've hurt more if I missed out on it. When the album was first announced, I turned off my notifications and tried to ignore it. But I couldn't not know. I ached to be a part of his new chapter. And so I did the next best thing and I tuned back in to follow his every step.
When the album was released, I cried myself to sleep listening to it on repeat. And my god, the music videos were almost the death of me. The things I would let the Haegeum Yoongi do to me were simply too filthy for words.
But it was the Amygdala MV that took my breath away. The song itself was already too much for me but as I watched him relive his worst trauma on screen, I turned into a sobbing puddle of Sabrina. And then I saw the briefest flash of a journal laying open in the dark room that he was trapped in. I paused the video and zoomed in, reading the writing on the first page.
"Dear Aein...where are you? I need you."
Those words were my breaking point and I became inconsolable. Unfortunately for him, it was Hobi who chose to come sit with me for the MV release. He graciously peeled me up off the floor and laid with me in bed until I finally sobbed myself unconscious. After I had spent a week or so playing the album on repeat and crying myself to sleep every single night, I finally came to terms with my emotions and allowed myself to feel and heal.
I was also still seeing Ms. Song independently and she proved to be a great help to me. She let me know that my choice to remove myself from a hurtful relationship showed great maturity. She also assured me that my feelings were valid and made me do the work to understand myself as well. I owed her a lot.
Jimin clasped my hand. "Namjoon told me that you asked him for a ticket. Are you really going to go?"
I smiled softly and wound my fingers around his.
"Yeah, I think I am. I'll never forgive myself if I miss it."
Jimin grinned widely at me and he let out a joyous whoop before pulling me to stand up with him. I laughed at his excitement and gave him a hug.
After a moment, he pulled back with a slightly more serious expression. "But...are you going to talk to him?"
The corner of my mouth tugged up as I slowly nodded.
His eyes widened as he took a moment to absorb my answer and then he screeched happily before dancing around in place.
I laughed along with him as I marveled at how I didn't feel anxious at the prospect of seeing Yoongi again. In fact, it only made me more confident in my decision. I was finally ready to see where fate would take me and I just hoped that he was as well.
------------
A/N:
part 2 of the double update!
HOW ARE Y'ALL FEELING?!
did i take you on a ride?
also much of what sabrina had to say about yoongi and his album are my original thoughts from the real me typing this right now.
i'm devastated that he is leaving TOMORROW! i knew it was coming and it's all going to be okay but damn. I'm sad. he's my comfort and my number 1 inspiration.
i also sobbed when i saw the comment that one army left on his last live. y'all know the one. i won't repost it here cause it hurts too much but i wish only the best for Lisa Elliot. army loves you!
until 2025 we'll be waiting for you yoongi
Future's Gonna Be Okay