As Ben works to come to terms with Lizzi's bombshell, he withdraws from me. I pretend it doesn't bother me that he's been spending more time with her. He keeps telling me that he's trying to do the right thing and I don't want to be selfish or jealous.
I can feel him pulling away, but I'm powerless to stop it.
It's difficult for me to be apart from him, but I know how he feels about his own dad... and he was clear that there's no way he's going to do the same thing to his own child. I just hope we can figure a way through this together before it tears us apart.
On Friday, after not hearing from him in two days, I wake up and give him a call.
"Hey" I say softly when he answers.
"Hey." His tone is flat and distant.
"How are you doing? You coming to uni today?"
"I'm cool... nah, I told Lizzi I'd go and see her. She's been really sick..."
"Oh, ok. Well, can I do anything to help?"
"Thanks, but it's cool, I've got it."
"Ok... are we ok?"
"...Yeah, fine. I'll speak to you later."
"Bye."
Deflated and emotional at the distance in his responses, I take my time get dressed and head into class.
At uni, I decide to get a cheeky coffee before class starts. I've not been sleeping well, and I never really need an excuse to drink coffee. As I wait patiently in the queue, Lizzi's friend, Sam approaches me.
"You're Holly, right?" I nod.
She looks uncomfortable. "Do you have a minute? I really need to talk to you."
"Erm, I've got class in a bit..." I reply, unsure.
"It won't take long, I swear." She gestures over to a table, and we take a seat.
"Look, if this is about the stuff with Lizzi and Ben, I don't really feel comfortable talking about it..."
"It is, but... it's not what you think. She'd kill me if she knew I was doing this, but she's gone too far. I love Lizzi, but she tends to fuck with guys for the hell of it. She picks the ones that have issues and then uses it to her advantage. At first, it was kind of funny... seeing these guys fawn over her and give her whatever she wanted, you know? But then, she messed with this guy, Adam... and he fell for her big time. He came from a messed-up home and probably had some mental health problems that hadn't really been addressed. Anyway, she did her usual thing, but he loved her, so he let her just ruin him. And when she'd had enough, she dropped him and... well, he couldn't handle it. He tried to kill himself. Luckily, he was found before anything... and when Lizzi found out, she just laughed and called him pathetic. I felt so bad for him..."
"What does this have to do with Ben?" I ask carefully.
"When Ben dropped her first, Lizzi was fuming. He was her cash cow, her way to get high and drunk... and when he dumped her, she vowed revenge."
"Sam, what are you getting at?" I ask, my anger clear.
"She told us she was going to pretend she was pregnant, convince Ben it was his and then hook him back in again. She said he has daddy issues and wouldn't want to leave the baby without a father."
I can feel the anger rising within me. "That's fucking ridiculous... Ben will realise she's not pregnant soon enough. What's the point?"
"She's going to pretend she's had a miscarriage or something, hoping that by that time, he'll be locked in and feel like he needs to stay with her. Once she's had enough of him, she'll drop him... and fuck all the consequences. But I can't sit by and let her ruin someone else's life again for her own amusement."
I sit at the table in shock, trying to process it all.
"How... what can I do, Sam? Ben's going through hell right now."
"Expose her. She'll be on a bender tonight at a party off campus. Get him there and you'll see her off her face."
"That doesn't prove she's not pregnant..."
"No, but it's enough to get her to confess, I'm sure of it."
She stands and grabs a napkin before scribbling on it in pen. "Here's the address - I didn't tell you a thing."
I exhale deeply. "Thank you." She nods and leaves. Unable to focus on class, after that bombshell, I leave uni and call Leila to fill her in.
"Are you bloody kidding me?!" Leila shouts, when she's all caught up.
"I know... I can't believe it. Who could be that vindictive? It's horrible."
"How is Ben?"
"I'm not sure, I've barely seen or spoken to him... I thought we were ok, but then he's been spending all his time with her - no doubt doing everything he can to be there for her and the baby. He's so desperate to be different from his dad..."
"So, what are we going to do?" She asks and my heart swells.
"You'll help me?"
"Of course! We need to take this bitch down!"
"I need to convince him to come to this party..."
"Ok, I have an idea... it's a terrible one, but it might just work."
"...I'm listening."
"What if he thinks you're in danger?"
"Terrible idea, he'll lose his mind!" I say angrily.
"Yeah, he will... and he'll drive straight to find you... only to find that you're fine and she's a fucking liar."
"Hmm... it's risky."
"Yeah, it is."
"And he'll be mad at me..."
"So mad..."
"Fuck it, I'm desperate – let's do it."
"Ok, so here's my grand plan, I'm going to tell Ben that some guy at uni invited you to some party in Hendon. He'll think it's out of character, and I'll agree, saying that you've been really sad and not yourself. You needed an escape. And that I tried to get in touch but haven't been able to reach you."
"It's a good plan..."
"Thank you," Leila replies, proud of herself. "But I feel bad..."
"This is for Ben... no time to feel guilty" I say but feel deceitful.
***
Ordering an Uber, I reach the party around 9 and get confirmation from Leila that she's told Ben. It's at an old disused warehouse, which I wasn't expecting. I loiter outside but can see from the people walking in and out, that this isn't the sort of party that I'm used to. Everyone is wasted, and many of the partygoers don't look friendly. My phone starts ringing, and I can see it's Ben. I cancel the call and exhale deeply before turning my phone off. I hope you get here soon, Ben, I think to myself. The quicker I'm out of here, the better.
I walk in and immediately feel out of my depth. The building is filled with more people than I expected. There's a DJ at one end of the room and around the edge, I can see pockets of people, either snorting or dropping some sort of drug. As I scan the room, I see Lizzi, she's in a group of others, including Sam, and she's dancing in the centre of them. I move back, desperate to keep my presence here secret.
I feel a tap on my shoulder and turn to see a guy in his early 20s with dreads. I immediately feel a little on edge.
"Can I get you something?" He asks and as he smiles, I can see how discoloured his teeth are.
"No, thanks, just waiting for someone..."
"Oh yeah? I do good prices; how much are they charging?"
"Oh, no, not waiting for - that's not - I" I flounder, trying to think of the right words to say.
"Holly!" I hear loudly behind me, and I spin to see Ben. He looks furious. I'm grateful to see him and as he nears, I can't help but pull him into a big hug, sending the shady guy packing.
"What in the fuck are you doing here?" His eyes are wide, and brows are raised in anger.
"I'm so sorry..."
"Look, I know I've not been around much, but I'm just trying to do the right thing! You don't have to come here to get me back!"
"That's not what I'm trying to do! I'm so sorry to do this to you, Ben, but I didn't know what else to do." I move to the side and gesture over to Lizzi, who is snorting something off her hand.
His eyes darken as he sees her, and he charges across the room in record time.
"LIZZI! What the FUCK is this?!" I stand behind him, watching at his hands fist into balls at his side.
She's so out of it, that it takes a second for her to bring us into focus.
"Ben...? What are you –"
"Do you want to tell me what the hell you're doing? You're pregnant! Are you fucking stupid?"
"She's not pregnant!" One of her mates giggles behind her and the realisation hits Ben. He looks like someone's just winded him.
"So, you were just fucking with me?! Are you insane?!"
"Ben, I can explain –" she looks briefly behind him, to see me and her face changes.
"It was her! She brought you here! She's trying to get between us!" She says, venomously.
"What are you talking about?! There is no us! She's my FUCKING GIRLFRIEND! I was trying to do the right thing by you... for the baby! I'd never leave her for you!"
"Why not - you did once..."
He laughs maniacally. "Are you serious?! It was for the drugs! Not for you!"
He turns to walk away, and Lizzi directs her attention to me. "So, you're gonna take him back again, even though he's been fucking me?"
He turns and walks back to her.
"You disgust me! Don't you dare suggest that I've done anything other than be supportive over the last few weeks! Don't talk to her, don't think about her, don't even look at her... do you understand me? Or I will RUIN you."
He turns back around, grabbing my arm and pulling me out of the club. When we get outside, he releases a guttural scream and kicks a bin, sending it flying.
"Baby, it's ok, it's gonna be ok..." I coo, and he grabs me into a hug. His grip is strong, lifting me a little off the floor.
"I'm so sorry for bringing you here, her friend told me this morning and I wanted you to see it yourself."
"Why didn't you just tell me?" He asks, his voice barely a whisper.
"I didn't think you'd believe me..."
He nods. He looks sad, but also relieved.
"I can't believe she would do that..."
"I know, she's evil." I agree, bringing his head to my shoulder.
I don't really know how to feel about it all... I'm honestly just so glad you weren't here with someone else... I thought I'd lost you again..." he says, releasing me.
"Baby, I'm so sorry I had to lie to you to get you here. But I promise you, you'll never lose me again. I love you."
"I love you more." He says, his eyes pricking with tears.
I smile, my own tears brimming to the surface. "Not possible."