I don't know how long I laid there, curled into myself listening to those sinister words replaying over and over. It could have been five minutes or five hours for all I knew. But at some point, I felt myself breaking out of my paralysis. Maybe hearing his nasally voice over and over again had finally sparked a reaction within my subconscious. Or perhaps I had just laid there long enough to become desensitized. But something inside of me snapped and I had suddenly had enough.
I unfurled my body from its fetal position and lurched forward on my belly, snatching up my phone, and deleting the voicemail. I blocked the unknown number before tossing my phone away from me. Slowly standing up, I turned to face myself in the mirror.
My red rimmed eyes were puffy and my hair was rumpled all to hell. I looked like dog shit, but somehow I felt stronger than I had in a long while. I stepped right up to the mirror and brought my hand up to mirror Sabrina's hand. We looked at one another for a long moment, our light hazel eyes peering into each others.
I watched myself swallow as haunting memories started to resurface. But with a savage strength that I didn't know I had, I shoved them back down into their locked box. I refused to go backwards.
I had let him define my past, but I would not let him dictate my present, nor my future. I had lost myself for too long; it was time to move forward.
I watched myself as I gritted my teeth, my eyes shining with determination. I was strong. I was allowed to feel. I was safe.
Shaking myself loose, I turned and grabbed my phone, searching for the very last song that I had danced to before the accident. It wasn't one of Yoongi's songs, thank goodness. I didn't think I could handle hearing his voice in my current state. I wasn't sure if I would fall down crying or go kick his door down to finally have a long overdue screaming match with him.
I removed my shoes and I took my hair out of its tousled braid, shaking it loose. I wanted to feel free.
Song: Blind Faith by Johnny Manuel
https://youtu.be/3HzXbBbx78U
I queued up the song and moved to the center of the room. I nervously flexed my fingers and hoped I would be able to remember the choreo but as soon as the music started pouring through the speakers, my body began to move of its own volition.
I tried to be my own savior...
As I began to slowly dance around the room, I felt my limbs releasing their tension. I bit my cheek in concentration, determined to nail every move.
So I'm flying on blind faith...
As the chorus hit, I flew forward into a flying leap that I forgot I knew how to do. Each correct movement sparked a bit more confidence in me.
I don't look back on where I've been...
The bridge played and I pirouetted breathlessly, feeling my toes ghosting against the smooth floor.
Every day I get a little bit braver...
As the song came to an end, I lifted my arms over my head as I leaned forward in an elegant arabesque.
Silence filled the room and I straightened up, breathing heavily. I felt a small tickle on my cheek, and reached up to touch my face, surprised to find it wet. When did I start crying?
Tears were making steady tracks down my face but I just let them. Bottling every single thing up was impossible-especially after everything that had transpired in the past 24 hours.
I was tough, I had to be, but I wasn't unbreakable. I was only human, and I needed someone to take care of me from time to time too. I just wanted to be loved.
Was that so wrong?
I wiped my face with the back of my hand and went to grab my shoes when I heard a noise behind me. I whirled around and saw Yoongi standing just inside the doorway, with his hands in his pockets. We quietly stared at one another before I turned back to gather my things.
After pulling on my shoes, I grabbed my phone from the audio table and went to Yoongi's side. I looked up at him and found him watching me carefully. I blinked at him, assessing him right back.
Fuck it all, I needed my soulmate.
Wordlessly, I dropped my bag at my feet and stepped up to him, wrapping my arms around his torso and hugging him tightly. He flinched when I made contact and his arms dangled awkwardly at his sides.
"Please Yoongi. Please. Just this once, please hold me," I pleaded quietly, my face buried in his chest.
I felt him inhale sharply before he wrapped his arms around me and held me tightly against him. I closed my eyes and embraced the warm feelings that coursed through me, pretending that we were just two people who loved one another.
After a long moment, I started to pull away, afraid that he was getting uncomfortable, but he jerked me back, holding me even tighter. I gripped the back of his shirt, feeling the tears start to fall again. I began to sob quietly into his chest and he brought his hand up and stroked the back of my head gently.
"Shh, it's okay," he murmured.
He began to rock us back and forth on our feet, trying to calm me. "It's okay. You're okay, Brina," he said.
B..rina?
I tensed up and balled my hands into his shirt as I pulled back to look up at him. He looked taken aback at my sudden mood shift, his eyes searching mine.
"Don't call me that," I begged him, my voice cracking.
His brow wrinkled. "Why?"
"Please, just d-don't," I whispered hoarsely, squeezing my eyes closed.
"Okay, I won't," he responded softly.
I nodded and stepped back from him, clearing my throat. "Are you done working?" I asked, averting my eyes.
"Yeah."
"Okay. I'm ready when you are," I told him as I grabbed my bag from the floor.
He hesitated, as if he wanted to say something further but he thought the better of it. Instead, he silently took my hand in his and led me out of the studio, down the hallway, and into the elevator.
The car ride back to the dorm was quiet and he refused to let go of my hand the entire way there.
-----
The day of Yoongi's showcase arrived quickly. He had to be up and ready to go by 4:00 AM.
I groaned as Yoongi's alarm screeched loudly and shoved my head under my pillow. I had just managed to just get comfortable again before Yoongi ripped the covers away from me.
"Nu-uh, little girl. Get your ass up," he ordered in his deep, sleep roughened voice.
"Nooo! I'm not even going there with you! Why do I have to be up so early!" I cried.
Yoongi flipped the lights on, making me hiss, as he said, "Because you're only arriving 45 minutes after us."
I reluctantly sat up and rubbed my eyes. "Fuck you, Min Suga..." I mumbled.
I yawned and slowly opened my eyes to find him standing above me, staring down at me with a smirk. "Maybe later, little girl."
I gulped as I felt my face turn five different shades of red. He snickered and moved to his closet, grabbing some clothes before leaving the room.
I glared after him and got up a minute later, stumbling out into the hallway to Jin's room. I pawed through my clothes, trying to find something to wear later that night.
I pulled on my signature black leggings and a plain grey T-shirt, and stuffed my other outfit into a small tote bag.
I wandered back to Yoongi's room and went into his closet, yanking down the first hoodie I saw and shrugging into it. Yoongi was a slim man, so it was snug over my curves. I wished I could wear one of Kookie's giant ass hoodies but I didn't think his girlfriend Ness would appreciate that.
I snagged one of Yoongi's beanies and pulled it over my head, just as he came back into the room. He had showered and dressed in black jeans and a long sleeved graphic tee. He raised an eyebrow at me in his clothes, but he didn't say anything.
I left him behind, and headed to the kitchen, looking for a granola bar. I blinked as I found Namjoon sitting at the bar scrolling on his phone.
"Morning," I greeted him.
"Hello Sabrina," he replied tiredly without looking up.
We both kept to ourselves as we waited for Yoongi to emerge from his room. Things between Yoongi and I had been surprisingly ... good. The past two days were peaceful, even. He didn't bring up my mini breakdown in the studio and I didn't have any more crying sessions. I had also not received any more unknown calls or messages, so I was beginning to feel at ease.
For his part, Yoongi was actually acting decent towards me. He didn't give me the cold shoulder and made sure I was feeling healthy. I thought I could even feel my soul warming inside of me, like it was thinking: finally.
He had also told me a bit more about his showcase. Apparently, he was going to perform a short set-list of about six songs as part of the Year with BTS campaign. The show would end with a short preview of a documentary about the creation of his first two solo albums and briefly make mention of a possible third.
I couldn't lie, I was freaking excited. I told Yoongi such and my heart soared as I was rewarded with a smile. It wasn't quite his full gummy smile but we were getting there.
"Joon-ah, the driver is almost here," Yoongi announced as he walked into the kitchen with his bag.
Namjoon nodded and got up from the bar stool. "Sabrina, your driver, Mr. Lee is going to be here around 4:45. He will come up to the dorm and get you. Once you get to the venue, he will escort you back to the waiting area where you will be given a staff pass. Make sure you bundle up and wear a mask just in case someone is taking unauthorized pictures, okay?"
I nodded, stifling a yawn.
Yoongi walked towards the door with Namjoon, but before he left, he turned back to me. "See you soon, Sabrina."
I smiled and gave him a tiny wave as they slipped out.
I finished my granola bar and left my bag at the door before I wandered over to the couch and flopped down. Jokes on Yoongi, I was going back to sleep.
A little while later, I found myself surrounded by security and staff as I got out of the car and made my way into the back entrance. It was a little overwhelming having so many people around, crowding in on my space.
I was escorted down a long tunnel and into a waiting room where Yoongi, Namjoon, and a bunch of other staff members were. Namjoon nodded his head at me and Yoongi glanced at me but didn't say anything right away. I had a feeling that he didn't want to talk openly in front of so many people, so I didn't take it to heart.
For most of the day, I stayed seated on the sofa, watching the staff run around in a flurry of activity. I felt useless and in the way, so I tried to stay back. I was feeling slightly uncomfortable with the constant looks I kept getting from the various staff members. I knew they had all signed ironclad NDA's but it didn't stop them from staring nor did it require them to be friendly.
Of course Namjoon was around, but he was often pulled into conversation with one staff member or another. Yoongi had several breaks in between rehearsal, eating, and hair/make-up to sit with me and make sure we had our soul touch but I felt a little bit like an outsider.
With an hour until show time, I made my way to the bathroom and changed into my outfit. I had chosen something a bit sexier, maybe just maybe hoping to catch Yoongi's attention.
I slipped on tight skinny jeans with distressed patterns and holes in the thighs and paired it with a black lace bustier tube top. I painstakingly separated my curls and worked them until they laid down my back in sleek waves. I went heavier on my eye make-up, adding a sultry cat eye but keeping it toned down with a nude lip. I pulled on my chunky converse and assessed myself.
Not too shabby.
When I came back into the waiting room, Yoongi was being escorted out. His eyes landed on me briefly and he looked away before whipping back around and slowly looking me up and down. His eyes darkened and he looked like he was ready to pounce on me but he was led away by his group.
I bit back a smile and walked into the dressing room, finding it mostly cleared out. I stood there awkwardly, unsure of where to go. Namjoon was nowhere in sight and I didn't want to bother any of the staff. I was about to exit through one of the side doors when Tae came jogging into the room.
"Jagi! There you are! I thought I missed yo -HOLY SHIT you look amazing!" he exclaimed, coming to a stop in front of me.
I blushed and thanked him shyly, causing him to give me a sultry smirk. He snatched my hand and tugged me along behind him.
I laughed, feeling relieved that I wouldn't be alone as I let him pull me along. We made our way to the side stage, arriving in a private viewing area that the general audience wouldn't be able to see into, but Yoongi could see us if he came to the edge of the stage.
The lights dropped and Yoongi walked out slowly, rapping the opening bars to The Last. And holy hell, who let him come out dressed like that?! He was wearing white baggy pants and a long sleeved white shirt. He had multiple chains dangling from his neck but it was the gloves. I don't know why, but when rappers wear gloves...it turned my insides into a blender. His hair was slicked back from his face in a messy wave and silver hoops dangled from his ears.
He ended his a cappella rap and addressed the crowd, thanking them for coming and promising to have fun with them during the show. He then lowered his head as the opening strains of Daechwita rang through the arena. He raised his eyes to the crowd and launched himself forward as the first verse began. I just stood there, utterly captivated by him.
That wasn't my soulmate, Min Yoongi up there. No, that was Agust D. Sexy, self assured, Agust motherfucking D!
My eyes were glued to him as he swaggered around the stage, his body taught with arrogance. I had never been in more awe of him.
When he came to a stop and the music dropped into People, my breath caught and held for the entirety of the song. Tears pricked my eyes as I swayed with the music. This song was everything to me.
Then the lights flashed and the music switched to Cypher Pt. 3, causing my heart rate to skyrocket. The roar of the crowd was deafening as Namjoon and Hobi entered the stage from opposite ends. While Hobi and Namjoon were rapping their parts, I watched Yoongi strut around the stage ad libbing in the background.
Suddenly, I felt arms wrap around me from behind and I froze until I remembered that Tae was with me. I smiled and looked back at him, bringing my hands up to hold his arms. He began to roll his body to the beat, moving me along in front of him. We shimmied against one another as the song went on. I went extra hard during Yoongi's part. As he rapped his famous Hong Kong line, my arousal spiked. Oh my god, I needed him on a visceral level.
Without thinking, I leaned back into Tae and ground against him, feeling the beat and Yoongi's raspy ass voice flood my system with desire. Tae moved his hands to my hips and swayed with me, tucking his chin into the crook of my neck and breathing heavily against my ear.
The rap line then moved into UGH! and I lost all my senses watching a sweaty Yoongi cockily rap into his mic. I felt Tae move my hips with his as Hobi's part came on and I let it happen, my attention fully on Yoongi.
I felt a slight tingle of unease at our closeness but I ignored it as Yoongi moved into Interlude: Shadow. We had stopped moving but Tae still kept his arms around me, holding me to his chest. I didn't move away, unsure of where I would even go, and told myself that it was fine.
Yoongi then closed with Agust D and as he stepped onto the middle of the stage, I felt myself sweating. I had never been more turned on in my life. His absolute ownership of the stage went straight to my core. If I was wet during Daechwita, then I was Niagara fucking Falls watching him perform Agust D.
When the second verse started, it seemed like Yoongi was more angry and rigid than usual. His fast as fuck rap went even harder and his facial expression looked murderous.
As the song finished, he leaned up and went to drop his mic, but he didn't just let it fall, he spiked it, uncaring if it broke, before he turned his back to the crowd and sauntered off stage.
Of course the audience went nuts, but I felt troubled. Tae was still clinging to me, so I removed his hands and turned to him. "I need to go find Yoongi," I told him.
He just stared at me blankly so I tried to move around him but he reached out and grabbed my wrist.
I turned back, confused. "Tae, what are you doing?" I yelled at him over the screams of the crowd.
He didn't respond, just squeezed my wrist tighter.
"Ouch! Tae, let me go!" I ordered.
A strange look passed over his face as he continued to clutch my wrist. I tried to pry his fingers loose with my other hand but he held fast.
I yelped as he yanked me forward, his hand coming up to grab my hair while the other still gripped my wrist. He held me in place as he stared down at me, a dark look in his eyes.
"Why are you trying to leave? You belong with me," he said in a dangerously soft voice.
"Tae...you're scaring me," I breathed.
He frowned and then blinked rapidly, as if he were coming out of a trance. His eyes widened and he quickly released me, stumbling back in shock.
"Sabrina...jagi...oh my god...I'm so sorry, I don't even know what came over me..." he whispered, his eyes wide with horror.
I rubbed my wrist and backed up a step. What the hell? I had never seen Tae act that way.
He looked to be on the verge of tears as he stared at me with huge eyes. I swallowed, feeling pity for him. He seemed genuinely upset.
"Hey, it's okay. You probably just haven't had enough water or something, it's okay," I reassured him with a small smile.
He nodded miserably and looked down at the ground.
"I...have to go. But please...text me okay? I promise, it's okay!" I told him.
He let out a breath and nodded before shuffling around me and walking off dejectedly.
I shook my head and jogged out of the stage area, making my way back to the waiting room. I paused when I saw several people filing out of the area. My eyebrows crinkled in confusion as I slowly made my way forward. Was something happening?
One of the staff members came up to me and pointed back towards the waiting room. "He's asking for you."
I bit my lip and nodded as I went up the door. I knocked softly before entering.
It was quiet, empty of all staff members. Confused, I looked around until I spotted Yoongi standing off to the side, leaning up against the wall with his arms crossed. He looked at me blankly before he moved to the door behind me and flipped the lock.
"What's going on, Yoongi?" I asked uncertainly.
He slowly turned back around, his eyes catching and holding mine. There was a cold fire burning in them and it was directed at me.
He stared me down, breathing heavily. "What do you mean, what's going on? I should be asking you that. In fact, I have asked you that. You just keep lying," he said slowly, in his deepest, raspiest voice.
I gulped. What was he going on about? I could feel his menacing aura emanating towards me in vicious waves and it frightened me.
He cocked his head. "Nothing to say hm? Fine. I'll ask this then: did you have fun with Tae?"
What?
Oh...
Oh no.
He saw me with Tae in the viewing area...then he must have seen us dancing... oh shit...
But I had never seen him so mad before. He usually didn't care if I hung out with Tae. What the fuck was going on?
Unless... wait... was he jealous?!
My mind was whirling, and I had no idea what to say. I felt like anything I said would be the wrong thing.
"Yoongi...please. It's not what you think," I pleaded.
"Not what I think? Did you forget that I can feel your emotions? I could fucking feel your desire. It was all consuming. And imagine my surprise when I finally find you and see you grinding your ass on Tae, letting him feel you up. At. My. Fucking. Show!" he growled out menacingly.
Yoongi's eyes were wild--he looked out of his mind.
My eyes widened and I instinctively took a step back from him. But that was the wrong thing to do.
Predators will always chase prey.
He lunged forward and grabbed my upper arms, yanking me up against his body. His right hand dug into my waist and held me steady as his left hand crept up to wrap around my neck.
His thumb traced over my skin and stopped on my pulse point, pressing down against its rapid staccato. I was trembling in his hold, my mind going blank.
"Are you scared of me?" he murmured.
"...no..." I breathed. I knew he wouldn't hurt me.
He leaned down until he was eye level with me, his breath fanning over my face and smelling of whiskey.
"Seems like you need a reminder of who you belong to," he drawled as he brushed his nose over my cheek.
He leaned back and looked at me, his grip tightening ever so slightly on my neck.
"Mmm, my naive little girl. I think it's about time I fucked some sense into you."
-------------------------------------------
A/N:
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAH
KEKEKEKEKEKEKEKKEKEKEEKEKKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKKKKKKEEEEE
do you hate me right about now?
well you SHOULDN'T! I gave you a very quick update!
ALSO HAPPY 10TH ANNIVERSARY TO BTS! I LOVE THEM SO MUCH!
anyway. vote or they don't fuck
but just know that if and when they do fuck, you should start clutching your pearls now. I've got a filthy outline for the next chapter, y'all .
vote or I delete it all
PS: I learned how to threaten my readers from the fantastic rmthighenthusiast
if you arent reading her stories, you're wrong. also shout out to chimparkmochii
read her shit too, its great!