"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry," Lena gets out between hiccups. At least she finally quit sobbing like a toddler.
"Hey, no need to apologize."
Kelly chimes in, "Kara's right, Lena. You don't need to apologize for this. You've been under enormous stress and surrounded by emotional triggers."
Lena nods as she sniffs and wipes away her tears. She checks the time to see how long this meltdown lasted. She needs to start working. She needs to knock it off with these imbecilic emotions and get down to business. "Well, then allow me to apologize for having to get going. I need to log in to get ready for some meetings today. I really must go."
Kara's face drops. It's almost like she can see the physical manifestation of Lena shoving her emotions down. The only time she's remotely seen this was at the water fountain in the park when Lena was trying to insist on going home.
"Lena, maybe you should just take a bit more time-" Kelly starts.
"I can't. I've been taking too much time off as it is." Lena abruptly stands and heads to her bedroom to get changed and ready. She doesn't see the look of immense guilt and hurt on her girlfriend's. She just rushes out of the room to get as far away from the situation as possible.
Kelly just watches on, concern etched on her features. She turns to her friend. She has to toe the line; she can't not help her friend. "Kara, give her some time to let the emotions settle, but then you need to talk to her about your feelings."
"I- I can't burden her with that- not right now."
"Kara..."
"Kelly, I can't. The last time I told her about how I really felt... about what I wanted... she ran. I- I can't lose her, again."
Kelly gives her a look full of understanding and concern. She lets out a deep sigh. "Do you want to talk at all today?"
Kara nervously fiddles with her hands as she looks towards the noise coming from the bedroom. She shakes her head no.
"Alright... I'll see myself out. I'll have the psychiatrist send the meds to the pharmacy Lena identified in her intake paperwork. Please make sure it does get filled. She doesn't have to use it if she doesn't want to, but I want you guys to have it as an option."
Kara nods in understanding. She stays seated on the couch as Kelly takes her leave. Just moments later, Kara sees Lena come back out in business formal and a face full of makeup. If Kara weren't so fragile, she would have had the confidence to tell her how beautiful she looks. Instead... she just watches on.
"Darling, I'll be in my study for most of the day. Help yourself to whatever. I granted you access to the elevator, so you can come and go as you please." Lena doesn't even wait for a response before she walks into her study and shuts the door with a resounding thud.
Kara silently moves to the ensuite bathroom. She turns on the shower before huddling on the floor with her back to the door. She cries as silently as she can manage.
********************
Across town, Alex and Sam take their time in the morning in a heavy make out session. Alex loves waking up to Sam in the morning, especially in her own bed. They were both delighted when Sam read the text from Lena to take the day off again to just 'enjoy' each other. They decide to laze in bed in the morning. Alex cooked them a later, late breakfast. Both are content in remaining in their little bubble.
"So what do you want to do today?" Alex asks playfully.
Sam hums with a mischievous twinkle in her eyes. "Depends on what you are hoping for, babygirl."
Alex's eyes can't help but to drift down Sam's body of their own accord. All it does is make Sam smile wolfishly. Alex swallows visibly before she even attempts to get any words out, "Sh- should we plan some dinner with Lena and Kar?"
Sam doesn't let it bother her that she keeps tempting the woman to no avail. She promised to be patient, and she will be. "That's a great idea. I should check in with Lee anyways to make sure L-Corp is still standing." Sam gets her phone from the living room and dials. She frowns when Lena doesn't answer. She sends a quick text asking Lena to call her back when she has a chance.
Alex takes this opportunity to text her sister to make sure that she is up for dinner plans with them. She knows that while Lena has been struggling, Kara still needs to deal with her trauma. She gets the auto response that she's out on a run and will reach out later. Alex rolls her eyes. Her sister always seems to have an endless amount of energy.
"Did you hear back from Kara?"
"No, she's out on a run. Lena?"
"No, which isn't usual when she's working. She typically always picks up my calls incase it's urgent to business matters."
Alex shrugs, "Maybe she's ignoring you since she gave you the day off."
Sam has some feeling that something isn't right, but she shakes it off. Maybe Alex is right. "Maybe we should head out for a walk?"
Alex smiles brightly at the suggestion. "Sounds perfect."
The two get ready and head out for the day. They meander more than anything, picking paths at random. They settle on a bench overlooking a lake, just enjoying each others company. Alex has her arm slung around Sam with Sam's head resting on her shoulder. They soak up the calm.
"Is that your sister?" Sam says out of the blue.
Alex squints as they see a blonde woman running towards them. "I think it is." She hardly ever runs for this long unless she has a marathon, and she doesn't have a marathon. Alex waves her down, and it takes a while to catch her attention.
"Kar! Hey!" Alex yells out.
"Oh! Alex, Sam. I wasn't expecting to see you."
"Us, either. How far have you been running? Didn't you leave in the morning?"
"Oh, yeah. I did. I'm not sure..." Kara gets distracted checking her smart watch for her stats and to pause her workout.
"Kara, is- is everything okay?" Alex asks tentatively.
Kara pretends that she didn't hear the question. "I- I should get back to my run. I'll catch up with you guys later?"
Kara's already put her headphones back in before Alex can utter a single syllable in response. Alex furrows her brows in confusion as her sister literally runs away from their conversation. She's already fully aware that something is majorly wrong.
Sam picks up on it, too, and is already calling Lena again. No answer. Sam continues to call over and over again until she can get the woman to answer the damn phone.
"Sam, is everything alright?" Lena sounds very concerned.
"I should be asking you that. You haven't called me back, or even texted."
"Well, I gave you the day off. I'm not going to talk work with you on your day off."
Sam makes eye contact with Alex and wordlessly indicates that something is wrong with Lena, too. "Well, if you had responded, you would know that I was just trying to make dinner plans with you and Kara."
There is a pause. "Oh. Well, I assume you got in touch with Kara then."
"Actually, no. We just ran into her in the park. It seems like she's been running for hours, and she literally took off before we were finished talking with her. What's going on, Lee?" Sam can hear Lena moving around as well as her calling out Kara's name. "You didn't know she had gone?"
"Well, no. I've been in my study working. I gave her access to come and go as she pleases."
"Lena, what is going on? Clearly something is up with you and clearly something is up with Kara. What happened?"
"Nothing. Nothing happened. I had my session with Kelly, and I went to work."
The tone in Lena's voice tells Sam that more happened during the session than Lena is copping to. "Sweetie, I'm coming over." Sam is quick to hang up before Lena can even protest. She turns to look at Alex and lets out a heavy sigh.
"I get it," Alex assures her before she can vocalize it. "Go. I'm going to try to hunt down Kara."
"Text me?"
"Of course. You, too. I'll plan on you staying at mine, but if you need to stay with Lena..."
"Thank you, Aly..."
"You don't need to thank me, Sammie. We need to take care of them. I'll text if Kara needs me to stay."
The women hug each other, and Sam gently kisses Alex's cheek. Both women are feeling a bit hopeless, but they know they need to keep helping the people they love. When they part ways, they have a hard time letting go of the comfort they find in each other.
********************
Lena admits Sam in the elevator to come up. The moment the doors open, Sam starts lightly teasing her, "So you give your girlfriend access to your place, but your best friend and CFO still has to be buzzed in?"
Lena's biting her fingernails and pacing.
"Lee?" Sam's immediately concerned.
Delayed, Lena finally responds. "Well, she lives here now, so she should be able to come and go."
"Wait... she's moved in with you?"
Lena looks up for the first time. The moment she lays eyes on Sam, her eyes well up in tears. Her voice breaks, "Well, theoretically. Maybe... possibly not anymore."
Sam takes Lena's arms in her hands to get her to stop chewing away. "Come on. Let's sit down." She guides her to the couches and settles before starting in. "When did you two decide to move in together?"
"Just the other morning."
"Okay, so why do you think she changed her mind?"
Lena struggles not to fidget under the understanding gaze of her best friend. She has to break eye contact in order to get anything out. "My session this morning... it... it brought up some things. I had another panic attack. I- I thought I would finally make some real progress, but... but Kelly started asking me about Edge. Kelly gave me the rest of the session off. I felt so stupid, Sam."
"You're not stupid, sweetie."
"I know that, Sam. Objectively, I know that. But I felt stupid. I still feel stupid. None of this has bothered me for years. And now, it's like it just happened. I just pushed it all down and got ready for work. I can't afford to let the company free fall while I stupidly get debilitated by my stupid emotions all the time."
"Have you talked to Kara at all since?"
Lena's eyes snap up, filled with worry. "No..."
"Why don't you try calling her, honey? Check in. Something seemed off with her, too."
"Wh- what if she decided that I'm not worth all of this. I mean - come on, Sam - who wants a partner who has a panic attack on the daily? Who wants a partner who can't get herself under control anytime something remotely happens."
"Lee, I highly doubt Kara is going to judge you when she experienced what she has experienced. Not talking to her... that's not going to help whatever is going on."
"I'm not going to force her into anything, Sam."
"This isn't forcing her into anything. But communication is key. You know this, sweetie. Open the line. I know you, Lee. I know you want to be there for Kara like she's been there for you. The only way to do that is by talking to her. Maybe something was said between Kelly and her, and she's trying to process on her own since you were working."
Lena suddenly feels a huge wave of guilt. Kelly was still here with Kara when she started working this morning. Maybe Kara had an informal session after Lena started getting ready.
"Hey, hey. I know that look. You needed to focus on yourself this morning. You still need to focus on yourself, but you can't if you are too busy worrying about Kara. Let's just take this one step at a time. Okay?"
Lena just nods. She doesn't quite buy into what Sam is telling her, but she can accept that Sam is likely more level headed right now.
********************
Kara starts her run sometime midmorning. After pulling herself together in the shower, she decides that the best thing she can do is get out of Lena's way. She throws on her running gear and takes off. And she keeps going... and going... and going... Normally, Kara mouths along to her favorite playlist for distance runs, but she barely hears any of the songs. She's too caught up in her head. She just keeps hearing Lena saying 'I've been taking too much time off as it is.'
The reason Lena has been taking off so much time is because of Kara. She would have gotten back to work if Mike hadn't come back, and Lena wouldn't have had to deal with Edge again. In fact, Lena probably would've bounced back a lot faster without Kara's involvement at all. She should have just left the park the day that Sam and Alex schemed to bring them together. While Kara absolutely and completely is enamored with the woman, it probably would have been better for Lena if they had just let each other go.
Kara's spiraling thoughts just go deeper and darker with every foot strike on the pavement. She gets lost in these dark and stormy clouds in her head, and no matter how faster she runs, or how hard she pushes her body, she can't get away from them. She almost completely misses Sam and Alex in the park, but she is jittery when she sees them. She doesn't want anyone to know what is going on. She runs out of there the moment she has a chance to escape. She has no clue how long she's been running at this point, but she has no intention to stop despite her aching feet and muscles.
Alex has to resort to a dirty trick in order to hunt her sister down. She pulls out her phone and logs into her sister's tracking app for her runs. Her password is always Streaky123. She needs to teach her how to make better passwords, but in this case, it works in her favor. Alex pieces together the route that Kara is taking. Her eyes widen when she sees the distance her sister has logged today. She's been making the same loop repeatedly, so Alex plans to intercept her on the path.
Kara doesn't even notice her own sister in the middle of her path until she practically runs into her. Unfortunately for her, it means that Alex can clamp her hands on Kara's shoulders to prevent her from taking off again. Kara feels completely exposed under her sister's penetrative gaze, and she complies with her sister manipulating her body to start leading them to Kara's loft.
The moment they are both in the door, Alex lets out a heavy sigh. "Kara... what's going on?"
"Nothing," Kara tries to make for the bathroom, but Alex steps in her way.
"I'm not buying that. Did something happen last night?"
Kara shakes her head.
"This morning?"
Kara shifts her weight from foot to foot.
Bingo. "What happened this morning, Kara?" Alex tries to ask as gently as possible. Kara's so skittish that she needs to tread carefully.
Kara starts to sniff and soon tears are running down her face. Alex is quick to scoop her into a tight hug. "Lee... sh-she had another... panic attack with Kelly. Then..."
There was a long pause. Alex prompts her, "Then?"
Kara takes a deep shuddering breath, clawing at Alex's back to keep her close. "It's like a flip switched. Sh- she said that she had been... been away from work for too long. She just- got up and left the session and then hid away in her study. Alex... I'm the reason she has been away from work so long."
Alex momentarily feels a burst of anger come forth in her tone, "Did she actually blame you for missing so much work?"
Kara shakes her head vehemently. Alex realizes that this is just the product of Kara spending too much time thinking on her own without expressing her feelings.
"Oh, Kara," Alex sighs. Kara has burst into sobs in her arms. "Lena is a big girl. She made her own decisions to take those days off of work. I know you didn't ask her to either. I highly doubt Lena is blaming you... and even if she is, I will talk sense into her because this isn't your fault, Kara. Do you hear me? None of this is your fault."
Before Alex knows it, she is guiding Kara through a panic attack of her own. Alex hears Kara's phone going off, but she just lets it ring through to voicemail as she tries to calm her sister's nervous system. In the back of her head, she hopes her girlfriend is having better luck with Lena.