The next morning, I call Leila and agree to meet at the gates near the front of the park, which is a short walk from both of our houses. Ben's message is still invading my thoughts as I get ready. Why didn't he reply? Was he hoping to do something together instead?
I groan. Men are so confusing. Trying to push all thoughts of him out of my head, I decide on an outfit for the skate park. I bought some great new outfits during yesterday's shopping excursion but since we're just off to the park, and this isn't a date, I opt to keep it casual with converse, stonewashed boyfriend jeans, and a simple white t-shirt. The jeans sit perfectly on my hips, highlighting my curves. To dress up the outfit, I add a belt and take a little more time and effort with my make-up, settling on smoky kohl-lined eyes, mascara, and some lip balm, leaving my long hair down.
On the walk to the park, I think about Pete. With his messy blonde hair, chiselled features, and big blue eyes, he wouldn't look out of place on the Fendi stage at Fashion Week. I definitely find him attractive; I like that he's confident and we have a lot in common, which is great. But Ben is consuming my mind. I'm surprised by the intensity of my feelings – it's not something I've experienced before. Especially since I don't really know him. I've had crushes before, and I've certainly had boyfriends, but this feels... different. And I'm not sure I like feeling so out of control.
Leila arrives a few minutes after me, looking great in jeans and a short vest and hoody, showing off a strip of her lean stomach. When we arrive, the skate park is pretty empty, except for a few young children and their parents. Mark joins us about 10 minutes later and he and Leila take themselves off to one of the "fun boxes" for a chat. Alone and bored, I decide to listen to some music.
A gentle tap breaks me out of my Foo Fighters coma, and I look up to see Pete standing in front of me. Smiling, I hit pause and remove my headphones.
"Hey!" I say, surprised by my own excitement to see him.
"Hey Holly, I hope I didn't disturb you?" He's dressed in a pair of ripped blue jeans, trainers, and a red t-shirt, gripping a skateboard in one hand and what looks to be a coffee in the other. He looks really good, and my mouth dries a little at the thought.
I shake my head. "No, you're ok."
I scoot along the bench to give him enough room to sit. "Thanks. I hope you've not been waiting long. Feeling a little worse for wear today - the drinks got a bit out of hand last night."
"Ah, hence the giant coffee." I reply, nodding to the large cup. He grins.
"Absolutely. So, are you ready for your first skateboarding lesson today?" He takes a sip of his drink, and my eyes widen in fear.
"Lesson?! No one said I'd have to do it!"
Pete laughs and runs his hand through his hair. "Just kidding! Unless you decide you want to have a go later."
I run the back of my head across my brow to suggest relief and he laughs. Taking another sip of coffee from the cup, he places it down next to me, along with his keys, phone, and cigarettes. I glance down at the packet and, noticing me looking, says "Help yourself."
I blush. I really need to start buying my own. He stands, board in hand and I watch him head over to the run.
Feeling comfortable, I take a sip of his coffee and then a cigarette from the packet. Once lit, I put my headphones back in and watch Pete as he makes his way around the banks. He artfully carves around the different elements and starts to flip and grind along the way. It's pretty impressive. I look around to spy Leila or Mark, but they're nowhere to be seen.
Scrolling through my music library, I decide on The Kid Laroi and, as s I finish the last of my cigarette, I feel a presence to the right of me. I turn quickly, assuming it's Leila and Mark but instead, find Ben sat beside me. I quickly remove my headphones.
"You're already looking the part as a skater wife," he jokes, his eyes fixed into the distance.
"What are you doing here?" I ask, surprised by his appearance.
"I just thought I'd pop by, check in on my boys. It got a little messy last night." He still doesn't turn to face me, which sets me on edge.
"Too many drinks?"
"Mmm... something like that." His failure to elaborate irritates me.
"So, what happened?"
"Why do you ask so many questions?" He replies, seemingly annoyed.
"Why do you dodge so many questions?"
He laughs and stretches his legs out.
"We had a few too many and got into a bit of an argument." He admits, shifting in his seat.
I can't help but ask another question. "What about?"
He ignores my question and pulls out his cigarette.
"So, are you mates again?"
He lights up and groans. "Fucking hell. I dunno? I guess so." He runs his fingers through his hair and stands.
"Gonna go and say hello to Pete - enjoy your Kid Laroi."
His words dance heavily around my head, and I watch as he gains Pete's attention. I can't hear their conversation, but it looks pretty heated. Before long, they seem to have made up and Pete passes over his skateboard for Ben to use, then walks back to me, red faced and glistening with sweat. He takes a seat and begins to chug the now cold coffee.
"You were great!" My voice sounds overly enthusiastic, and he laughs.
"Thanks! I hope I didn't bore you."
"Not at all - I enjoyed it. Plus, I got to listen to my music at the same time, so win-win."
He laughs again but moves his eyes over to the banks. I follow his direction to see Ben meandering through the obstacles. He looks so relaxed as he rides up and down, cresting the edge of fun boxes. He's not as skilled as Pete, but he's definitely more of an enigma to watch. My eyes stay glued to his movements, and I soon realise I've ignored everything Pete's said.
"Sorry Pete, say that again" I reply, removing my focus from Ben.
"I was just saying I really enjoyed getting to know you on Friday. We should hang out together again soon." I nod but don't say anything. I'm not sure how I feel about him yet, and spending too much time together would only confuse the situation.
He offers me another cigarette and I politely accept. We sit and talk about music for a while, and he critiques my choices. We giggle a lot and I feel him relax his arm around the bench. As I glance over to the run, I notice Ben staring at us. His eyes have this overwhelming power over me, and I can't help but feel exposed.
Leila and Mark arrive back from their excursion, with swollen lips and blushing cheeks that cause me to smirk.
"Where have you guys been?" I ask, trying not to make it obvious that I know something has been going on.
"We... err... took a walk around the woods. Did you know there's a lake here?" Leila fumbles her words and looks flustered. I smile gently to try and set her at ease.
"I remember visiting it as a kid - I think it's more of a pond, but I remember it was beautiful."
Leila smiles and tucks a stray piece of hair behind her ear as Mark squeezes her in a half-hug. It's cute.
Pete and Mark start talking about something funny that happened during a previous park visit. As I listen to their story, I'm drawn to Ben's lonely appearance on the rails. I decide to walk over to him and as I get closer, I can see he's deep in thought.
"Hey... who knew you was a skater boy?" I say lightly.
"What do you want, Holly?" He bites, aggravated by my intrusion.
"Nothing, just thought you could use some company." I perch myself onto one of the rails and he scoffs at me before grinding to a halt.
"What's up?" I ask.
"Jesus, another fucking question..." He sneers and I can feel my cheeks flush with embarrassment.
"I'm just trying to -"
"Shouldn't be over there on your double date?" he motions his head towards the others.
"It's not a double date. I just came with Leila... why do you give a shit anyway?" I respond, my tone slighter higher than I would've liked.
He laughs coldly. "I don't."
"Ok..."
"Listen Holly. This isn't 21 questions, we're not friends and I'm fresh out of give a fucks, so I'll see you around." His remarks are harsh and make me feel insignificant.
I nod and walk back over to the rest of the gang. We make polite small talk for a few minutes, but I can't shake the conversation with Ben. Rather than risk any further humiliation, I feign a headache and leave.
On the walk home, I listen to some music again to take my mind off of his words. Desperate to get home, I take the short cut through an alleyway by the train tracks. As I head through, I notice two shady-looking guys up in front. I continue to walk on with my head down, and as I pass through, feel a hand on my shoulder. I turn to face them as another hand pulls the headphones free from my ears.
"Hey, we were talking to you." said the taller of the two shady gents.
"Do I know you?" I respond, intimidated but also put out by their rudeness.
"Not yet, but I think we will soon..." the smaller guy adds and sucks on his teeth.
"GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF HER!" a voice explodes from behind.
I turn to see Ben walking towards us, chest heaving, hands clenched into fists and eyes dark. He squares up to the tallest guy and raises his arms to incite a fight.
"Alright Ben, we didn't know she was -"
"Just fuck off, you pricks... and don't ever talk to her again."
The two nod and walk off, talking under their breath. He watches them leave, chest still heaving and eyes full of fury.
I lift my hand to his arm, but he shakes it off. "What the fuck are you doing walking down here on your own?" He asks, his breathing shallow and his eyes dark with anger.
"I was trying to get home. Were you following me?"
"You're lucky I was! Who wears headphones down a fucking alley?! You've got no fucking idea Holly! Those guys..."
I calmly interrupt. "I've lived in South London for the last 7 years; I can handle myself. Why are you following me?" I ask again.
He pulls his hand through his hair to move it from his left eye and sighs.
"I, erm... fuck... I just wanted... to say sorry... for what I said."
I notice just how uncomfortable he looks and imagine he doesn't often apologise.
"Ok." I reply and shrug.
He looks confused. "Is that it? No more questions or witty remarks?"
"Not today - I'm fresh out of 'give a fucks'."
He smirks.
"I'm walking you home." His tone is demanding, and I just can't say no.
We continue on in silence and when we get to my house, I turn to face him, to see him deep in thought.
"So, thanks for saving my life," I say, trying to lighten the moment, "...or something like that."
He nods and gives a half-smile, which makes my pulse rise and my knees weak. "I'll see you around."
As he walks off, my mouth opens and before I can think I shout, "So that's it?"
He stops ands turns back to me, his intensity cutting through me like a knife. "Not a chance, tiger." he replies, walking around the corner and out of sight.
I stand for a moment, leaning against the door to catch my breath.