"Where the fuck were you Viviana?" He approached me with bitterness. The music in the background has made my heart race louder, the amount of men in the club has frightened me.
I am scared of Joe and at the look on his face, brought my legs into a melting weak sword that can no longer be used against a thing. I didn't like to make him enraged and I've always tried to stay out of trouble. Especially when it comes to Joe.
Joe was pathetic and out of his mind as well. I never betrayed his words or got out of the line. I said yes to everything as long as that meant Joe was quiet with no threats and insults that went out of his control. I stayed quiet about every single thing.
"I was getting ready home..." he frowned. Horrible excuse I know, but I also knew I had a strong power over him. It's been 6 years, Joe can't just kill me with a little mistake.
"So you've been getting ready the entire day? Don't fucking mess with me, Viviana." I had nothing to respond with. He was right in the end. I was out, giving myself to a man that he did not permit to. It's one of our rules and I've broken it without him knowing.
1. A stripper in the club, a prostitute to the people I choose for you.
2. Make me happy will make 'you' happy.
3. You can't have sex with a man when I have no clue who it is or don't agree with.
4. You can't quit.
And it was enunciated that I had already broken rule 3.
"I'm sorry...let's just cut this okay?" I tried calming him down by holding his hand. "I'll go on the stage, do the show like nothing happened." I know I was wrong, it's so unfair.
{}
"Joe please!" I yelled from the top of my lungs.
"I can't do this anymore!" I cried holding onto his hands. "Please stop this! I promise to love you again! Just stop using me like some toy..."
"Do you rather stay on the streets? With no money? No food? No water? If you don't help me out I can't help you either, Viviana..." my mom hated me. My mom is never going to wait up for me anymore. I turned twenty, and I've been gone for three years. Not a call has been heard from me.
Nobody is ever going to like me going back to where I belonged. I had no one anymore.
I only had Joe.
I can't live by myself.
I was wasted. I was fucked, I was a mess to everyone. I couldn't look up at people the same after what I've gone through. I was there just as a toy and I can't imagine people looking at me any different than that. I was destroyed.
I can't go anywhere.
Joe is my only and last choice.
I would have been useless if Joe didn't use me like this. I don't know what and how to do this and that.
I'm ruined. There is a part of me that I can't fix or go back in time to hold onto. No happy memory was left in my hands and even if there was, Joe had turned it black and filled it up with darkness and awful words.
There was nothing to look for. No past neither a future. With Joe, I was told to be quiet and do what they wanted. With Joe I was told if I don't do this, this will happen to me, that will happen to me. I was living my life afraid and defenseless with Joe. I was terrified from looking behind, I was traumatized from imagining to live better.
I ran further and further. And I stayed still in the same location from 3 years ago.
No matter how much I tried. I stood still.
In his hands. In his control. In everything.
{}
I stood in front of him with tears running down my face, I rubbed the pain off my cheek, but there was no way I was able to rub the pain off my heart. I was embarrassed, I was humiliated.
In front of everyone.
The music eventually stopped and nothing was able to be heard other than our conversation, his sudden slap on my skin, and the harsh loud voice he was shouting at me with. It broke everyone.
"I can't deal with you anymore." A warm tear left my eye. My eyes were burning and I couldn't manage to cry any more than this. I was disappointed. Not in me. In him. After all this time? After all, I did and put myself through? That's what I get? A thank you, but go fuck yourself away from my life now? That's it. After ruining me day by day? This was it?
"You denied me...You've broken my rules, and you know I fucking hate that."
"Oh, so you're just going to take your hand away from my life?" hot tears stream down my cheeks. "After fucking my life?" My voice squeaked in more pain to every memory I got to spend with a guy like him. I am ready to let it go.
But knowing he didn't get what he deserved for ruining me to build himself a successful lifestyle has stabbed me over and over again.
"I fucked your life?" A brow of his went up with a scoff. He asked with interest and that look on his face made me sick to my stomach, the sadness that has been drawn on my face over the years still didn't mean a shit to him. He was acting like I was the villain here. Like I was the one who stabbed him in the chest and ran off to God to forgive me for my sin. "I saved you if that's what you mean by fucking your life. You were embarrassing, Viviana."
"I was embarrassing?" a pant left my lips. "In what situation was I embarrassing, Joe? In what year? In my senior year of high school? When was I embarrassing to you?" I kept asking and asking, but the look on his face was the only embarrassing thing there. "Was I embarrassing when I got raped by your friends, Joe? If you want to open up old memories then fine. I can do that, but I am not going to let you use me ever fucking again." I wiped my tears.
The end has finally arrived between us both.
An end to the young Viviana, the Viviana now, and the Viviana to the future.
"You can't quit." he hissed. "Have you forgotten our deal, Viviana? You can't fucking quit."
"A person who broke rule number 3 can also, break rule number 4." I shrugged watching him approach me closer. His eyes dropped soft and I knew damn well he was trying to act as ignorant as possible. I don't know how many employees he used like me here, but I was sure I was the only one who had the most customers and success in this place, losing me would bring him back to the ground and he knew that pretty well it's his loss.
"Okay. Go ahead." he pointed out at the exit door and shrug. "Go live your life." he mocked. "Live it happily ever after, but put one thing in your head. You will crawl back to me. You can't get rid of me and you know that well enough."
The tone in his voice showed me a side of truth in his words. I would never crawl back to him, but getting rid of him out of my life is impossible.
I turned my heels around and took responsibility for my life again. I will not need him. I can start a new life, I can search for a new job, a new home a whole brand new life. He gave me an end and I'll take it no matter what. I can live.
I want to live.
I walked towards the door without bothering to look back, but somehow when my eyes noticed that there was these two pair of dark eyes from earlier in the morning I did want to pause for a second. It was Alex Lennox.
His eyes were as dark as ever, the gaze he looked at me with was sharper than any attention I'd gotten from anyone in this place. It was unstoppable and full of confusion and to what I assumed, he was probably here for the show I was supposed to give on the stage. It turned out, our argument was the show to everyone's eyes.
His shoulders flexed to the tiniest slight of my eyes connecting with his. I was able to tell he wanted to start a small discussion with me about being his personal prostitute as he just got the chance to confess it again, I just got fired and needed company to keep up my wallet full so why wouldn't I agree with him? Right.
The pain and the swollenness in my red eyes, the embarrassment that pleased every clue heart here has told him to stay in his place.
Which I'm thankful for.
It was enough drama.
Enough of shit.