'Uhm..'
'Maybe we should wake 'em up.'
'I didn't need to see this.'
I awoke by multiple voices. Slowly I opened my eyes and immediately saw Clint, Jeff, and Minho.
'Finally.' Minho sighed but then smirked.
I and Newt were in the exact same position as the night before. Newt was still asleep, which I didn't blame him for.
Just then I realized I wasn't wearing pajamas, so if I got out of bed the Med-jacks and Minho would see me. It wouldn't bother me really much, but I'd rather not.
'Can you guys get out for a second?' I asked.
Minho glanced at me. 'Okay.' The three boys walked away and I got out of bed. I took a look at my left wrist. The cuts weren't as bad as on my right, that was obvious, but it still didn't look good. Quickly I got dressed, which again, I managed to do.
'You can come in.' I told Minho and the others.
'Why didn't you wake him up?' Minho looked at Newt. He was almost completely under the blanket, except for his eyes and blonde, messy hair. He looked amazingly cute.
'He's sick.' I sternly said. 'And what're you even doing here, Minho?'
'Checkin' on Alby.' He motioned at the leader. Alby was still on the bed, but he was calmer than before and I hoped he would wake up soon. 'Until I saw you two.' Minho added.
My eyes caught Logan walking into the med-hut like he had done several times.
'Yes?'
'Can you treat my hand?' Logan quietly asked.
'Sure. Sit down.' I motioned at a chair in front of me. 'What happened?' I asked before he even showed me his hand.
Logan put his hand in front of me and showed me his palm. The finger marks were more visible right now.
'It happened before I fought Newt. They never treated it and I was scared it might get infected.' Logan mumbled.
I nodded and started cleaning the marks.
'Do you want a band-aid?' I asked.
'No, I'll be fine.' Logan said. 'Thanks, Nora.' And with that, he walked off.
'What was he doing here?' I heard someone groan. I looked next to me and saw that Newt was the one talking. His eyes were still closed.
'He was hurt.' I replied.
'So I did hurt him.' Newt almost sounded proud.
'No.' I answered. 'You didn't.'
Newt didn't respond and I assumed he fell asleep again.
'Come get breakfast, Nora.' Clint said.
I let out a sigh and looked at Newt. 'Fine.' I eventually said. After getting some food I joined Logan and Minho.
'Morning.' Minho smirked.
'Shut up.' I glanced at Minho. He let out a laugh and continued eating.
'Is Newt awake?' Logan suddenly asked.
'Not yet. Why?'
'I wanted to talk to him.'
That's why I liked Logan. Though he had some issues with anger, he still cared about the people he hurt. Even Newt.
'He'll wake up soon.' I responded. Logan nodded and finished his food.
'I'm gonna see him.'
'Don't get in another fight!' Minho shouted at Logan.
'Nor!' Chuck sat down next to me. 'Good morning!'
'Hey, Chuck.' I smiled. 'How're you?'
'Good!' The kid replied. I let out a laugh and ate my food.
'I'm gonna see if Logan and Newt didn't end up fighting.' I smiled at Chuck. 'Bye!'
~
'You don't forgive me, do you?' I heard Logan say. I didn't mean to overhear their conversation, but I kind of did.
'Not yet.' Newt decided.
'I care about Nora just as much as you do, Newt.'
'Just as much? Wow. Are you in love with her too or something?'
'No. Jezus Christ, Newt! I only want what's best for her.'
'Well, so do I.'
'And you think the two of us fighting is gonna make it any better?' Logan asked.
Newt didn't reply for a few seconds. 'No.' He finally admitted.
'We're only making it worse, Newt.' Logan started talking quieter than before.
'Okay, you're right.' Newt talked quieter too. 'Something was wrong last night.'
'What do you mean?' Logan wondered.
'I woke up and she just.. randomly hugged me.'
Does he know about the cuts? No. There's no way he found out about that.
'That's normal, right? Couples do that.' Logan said.
'No, no, no. It was different.' Newt muttered. 'It was a very long hug and she held me very tight. I almost thought she was crying.'
I wasn't crying, Newt.
'We'll check on her.' Logan decided. 'I'll go get her.'
I took that as a sign. Quickly, with a blank face, I walked into their sight. 'Hey.' I said as casually as possible. 'Didn't fight?' I let out a fake laugh. It sounded too fake.
Logan frowned. 'You overheard us.'
'I might've done that, yes.' I sat down on a chair and fidgeted with my fingers. Newt sat straight up in the bed and Logan was sitting on a chair next to me.
'I'm gonna check your wrist.' Logan decided. Newt didn't say anything and watched how Logan unwrapped the bandages. Again, I looked at the ground, not wanting to see the damage.
'They're already looking better.' Logan announced. I didn't reply and waited for him to put the bandages on again. When he did, I finally looked up.
'You're doing really good, love.' Newt smiled.
No, I wasn't. If only they knew what was on my other wrist.
Logan didn't smile yet. 'The other one too.'
'What?' I looked at him.
'Your other wrist. The left one.' He looked at it.
'What about it?' I asked nervously. I didn't want them to find out. They were proud of me and I wanted to keep it that way. I didn't want them to find me weak or anything.
'Show it.' Logan ordered.
I bit my lip and looked down without saying anything.
'Nora.' Logan sternly said.
Again, I didn't respond. Logan started tapping with his foot. This isn't going the right way.
'Come on, Nora.' Logan said.
'You already know what you're gonna see, so why would I show you?' I muttered it so quietly, I wondered if they even heard it.
'Nora, please.' Newt added.
'You can't force me.' I mumbled. 'And you already know what you're going to see.'
The three of us were silent until Logan roughly got up from his chair and walked over to me. Without hesitation, he rolled up my sleeve and I immediately pulled back once he let go.
'You did it again.' He realized.
'What a shocker.' I muttered.
'Show it, Nora.' Newt said. 'Please.'
Slowly, while still looking at the floor, I lifted my arm and showed the cuts. Without making any eye contact I waited for them to say something, but they didn't.
'Are you angry now?' I asked.
They waited a few seconds before they responded.
'A little, yes.' Logan admitted.
'Why do you keep doing it?' Newt asked. The tone in his voice was stern, but also sweet and worried.
I shrugged. 'I can't just stop.' I felt tears form in my eyes. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry.
'Get here, love.' Newt motioned at the seat next to him. Slowly I sat down next to him.
'What makes you do it?' Logan asked.
I shrugged.
'Please talk to us, love.' Newt wrapped his arm around me and pulled me closer to him.
'Multiple things.' I murmured.
'Why did you do it yesterday?' Logan asked a more specific question.
'I felt guilty. You fought because of me and both ended up in the pit. Newt didn't sleep for two nights, only because I lay on top of him. And then he got sick.'
'You think it's your fault I'm sick?' Newt asked, trying to understand.
I shrugged. 'A little.'
'Don't think like that. None of this is your fault, okay? Nothing.' Newt said.
'Why'd you do it before that? When it got out of hand? What was the reason?' Logan asked.
'I hadn't cut myself in a few days and that was good, but it made me tense. I was anxious and when Alby suddenly started screaming and I dropped a bowl, I felt even more guilty. Out of a sudden, I started seeing Adam's face too, and thought I was turning crazy. But maybe I am turning crazy.' I paused. 'All the emotions had balled up in me and I needed relief.'
Newt tightly wrapped his arms around me and I noticed tears falling down my cheek. Newt didn't say anything and just hugged me and rubbed my back.
'And why did you do it the first time?' Logan asked. I wondered if he would ever stop asking.
Newt let go of me again and hesitantly I answered Logan's question. 'Do you remember when I suddenly collapsed?'
Logan thought for a second. 'Yes.'
'I lied about that. I said I didn't know what happened, but the truth is, I got some memories. The day after, I couldn't stop thinking about it and needed relief.'
'So that was the first time you did it?' Logan wondered.
I hesitated. 'Not really.'
Logan and Newt frowned. 'When was the first time?'
'Before the maze.'
I could literally feel Newt tense up next to me. 'You did it before you ended up here?' He repeated.
'Yeah.'
'How old were you?' Logan asked.
'Ten.'
'Ten?' Logan roughly got up from his chair. 'That's not normal! Didn't those stupid creators do something about it?!'
'Logan.' Newt motioned for him to calm down. With a sigh, he sat down again.
'We really need this to stop.' Newt started. 'We know it's hard for you, but whenever you feel like doing it please come to us, really. Literally anyone. It doesn't matter if we're asleep, sick, or hurt. Just tell us. No matter if you feel like we can't help you, still ask for help. Always.' He paused. 'We all care about you, Nora. We all want this to stop and I know you want to stop too. I get how hard it can be for you, but I know you can do it. I'm really proud of you for telling and showing us.' He paused again. 'I don't care what I have to do to make you stop. I'll sleep next to you every night, stay with you the whole day, talk to you whenever you want to, and comfort you when you need it. Just anything you would want me to do.'
Stunned, surprised, grateful, but also happy by what Newt said I looked at him. His eyes were so pure. He actually meant it. This was the exact reason I loved Newt.
Newt wiped some tears off my cheek that I hadn't even noticed falling. Then he wrapped his arms around me. Without hesitation, I firmly hugged him back.
'I love you.' I whispered in his ear.
'I love you too.' He quietly said.