ROCCO
It's been two weeks since Adaline was admitted into the hospital. It's been a complete and total blur, never left her side once. Couldn't find it in me to leave, even after she woke up. The need to watch her every minute of the day has taken over. Every other aspect of my life is suffering but I couldn't give a fuck, about any of it. The only thing I care about is making sure nothing like that happens to Addie ever again.
The thought of someone hurting her has my blood boiling and the urge to kill someone takes over. Knowing John Webster is still out there has me needing to pull him apart, piece by piece and I'll enjoy every second of it. I have thought of every possible way of doing it and I think my plan is perfected. I just need to find the fucker but that is in motion as well. He doesn't know who he has fucked with, and I'll take great delight in showing him.
No one hurts what's mine.
The day has finally come, Addie is being discharged from the hospital. Physically, she is looking at lot better her bruises fading, and she is able to move better. Physically she is healing but I doubt she will ever be fully okay mentally. The terrified, blood curdling screams that she produces during the night are the only glimpses into the horrors that she has endured.
"Are you even listening to me Rodriguez? I need to know when my sister is going to arrive home." Daniel commands sounding stressed.
"I've told you this before, she isn't going home to you. She made up her mind and will be staying in the Manor with me. Addie needs time to process everything, and you'll only fuck up your relationship with her more if you try and force her." I speak lowly into the mouthpiece.
Addie is on the other side of the door packing and I don't need her to worry. This is already a lot for her to handle. She doesn't need to have to take her brothers feelings into consideration as well.
"I'm her brother! I should be the one-"
"Addie doesn't want you to take care of her. When she is ready, she will speak to you but until then, stay the fuck away." I demand, cutting him off. I don't wait for him to reply before ending the call.
Daniel's feelings are not my concern. He needs to fucking grow a pair and think about someone other than himself. Walking back into the room I mask all feelings of stress and anger with a small smile which I know doesn't reach my eyes.
"Everything okay?" Addies small timid voice fills my ears.
"Everything is perfect, are you all set?" My question has her nodding.
With a curt nod and a small smile, I grab her things and let her lead the way. What I don't expect is when she grasps my hand as we walk out, lacing our fingers together. It's the first proper physical touch we have had, and I'd be lying if I said it didn't cause my heart to jump. It's a big step, Addie was never one for physical touch before but now with everything that has happened I was worried she would never let me touch her again.
Baby steps is what this is, but I'll take it. I'll take anything I can get with her. We bid the nurses goodbye and head out to our car. Bruno insisted that he would be our chauffeur. His point, I'd hadn't slept for weeks, and we didn't need to get into another accident before we even left the hospital vicinity.
The man does have a point.
"Good to have you coming home ginge!" Bruno smiles brightly as Addie, and I get into the car. The smile that Addie sends him shows her appreciation that he isn't treating her any different.
When we had the conversation of where she would feel more comfortable, her main concern was my men- who had become a second family to Addie- would treat her differently. That they would view her in a negative way. I had promised her that would never be the case and I'm so glad Bruno has been able to put her at ease.
"Back to the Manor boss?" Bruno calls out from the front seat.
"Yeah, back to the Manor." I confirm and we decent into a comfortable silence.
I glance at Addie to see her eyes glued out the window, watching the scenery fly by her. I often wonder what she is thinking about. The subject of therapy has been brought up a few times and each time she forced the subject to be stopped. The last time the subject was broached she near enough screamed at the nurse to leave the room. I'll take the hint and not bring it up just yet, but she needs some sort of outlet. Since her argument with Daniel, Addie hasn't mentioned anything else about what happened to her while she was taken. The doctors have prescribed her multiple different drugs to try and keep her stable, but I was informed that it would be best for them to be kept out the way, just in case. The thought of Addie trying to kill herself again has my heart breaking.
It's a huge reason why we choose the Manor, a lot more eyes and ears but also Addie expressed that she feels more comfortable there. If I'm being honest, I feel it's best we are there too. I won't lie, although I'm glad Addie is coming home a massive part of me is terrified as well. I don't deal well with feelings, never have and I really want to be there for her without fucking it up.
I can't fuck it up.
It's not long before we are back in the Manor and a sense of calm overcomes me, the first since Adaline was taken. We are finally home; I could smell Gina's cooking as soon as we walked in, and it placed a smile on both Addie and I's face. I think Gina may have been the deciding factor for Addie in coming back here. The last time we stayed here she gravitated to her like a mother. I suppose Addie doesn't know what it really feels like to have a mother figure and Gina well, she was never able to have kids, so she has taken up the mother figure within the family for everyone. Most of my men don't have family on the outside so this is it for them, Gina has near enough adopted all of them and I know she loves it.
"Why don't you go up to our room and settle in, I'll bring us up some food soon. Just got to sort some things out down here first." I usher Addie upstairs before anyone can notice we are here.
"Thank you." Addie sends me a grateful smile before heading up the stairs to get comfortable. Large groups of people, especially men make her feel very uncomfortable. I want to ease her back in gently, this is her home now and it will feel like that but in order for that to be able to happen she needs to trust everyone again.
Baby steps.
A loud sigh is released from my chest as I bask in the feeling of being home. A large weight is off my shoulders, we have made it home. The battle may be won. Addie is safe, but the war has only begun. The news that Webster is still alive has not reached Addie and i still need to figure out when best it is to tell her but that can wait just now.
"Oh Rocco! I'm so glad your home, is Addie settling in okay?" Gina asks as she wraps me in a motherly hug. I pull her in for a longer hug, not realizing that I really needed one of her hugs.
"She is upstairs just now. I need to speak to everyone before she comes down. When you have a minute could you go see her. I think she could do with seeing you."
"Of course, I will Rocco. How are you doing?" Her question has me faltering ever so slightly.
How am I doing?
Fuck if I know.
"I'll be okay now that we have her back." I answer truthfully, Gina nods her head before patting my shoulder and leaving me in the kitchen alone.
It's not long before the kitchen fills with every one of my men that work in and around the Manor on a regular basis. I will only need to say what needs to be said once, it'll filter down to everyone that needs to hear it, I'll make sure of it. They all gather around me, all having questioning looks gracing their faces, we don't usually have 'team' meetings, especially not in the fucking kitchen.
"Right, I'm going to make this quick, I understand you are all busy and quite frankly so am I. Adaline is going to be staying here indefinitely. You are all aware what happened to her when she was taken. With that said, all of you better treat her with the up most respect. For the first week at least, you will only speak to her if you are spoken too, you are not to be alone with her and I swear too fucking god. I hear that anyone has upset her. I will shoot you myself. Do I make myself fucking clear?" I ask and when I am satisfied with the nod of everyone's head, I dismiss them.
They know my threats are not empty. I have proven that on many occasions. I also am not trying to ostracize Addie, but I am aware that she hasn't met a lot of the guys who frequent here and it's not like I can ban them from being here. This is also their home. In time I hope that she can feel safe around them, but I know that isn't going to happen overnight. I hope that with time my men will look to Addie like a leader, just like my father's men did with my mother. I know Addie has it in her, but it all takes time.
I just need to have patience.
~~~~~
ADDIE
To say I'm overwhelmed is an understatement. I'm exhausted and my mind is running a hundred miles an hour and I can't stop it. I feel like the walls are closing in around me and I feel like I can't breathe. Come on Addie, get it together. This is a safe place; you aren't there anymore. This is a safe place.
I have to keep reminding myself over and over again. Chanting the words in my head to try and deter my thoughts from turning too dark.
Deciding it's probably best I try and wash away the last month. The hospital showers were fine, but I never felt clean, no matter how long I stayed under the spray of the water I still felt, dirty.
Stripping out of my clothes, I avoid catching a look at myself in the mirror. My bruises are fading but they are still there. They have gone from black and blue to shades of yellow and green. They will eventually fade to nothing, and my broken bones will heal but I will never be fixed.
Not really.
I used to think I was broken but now I am damaged beyond repair. One man has single handedly ripped out everything good about me and for what? Because I wasn't his kid. Because my mother decided to stay with a monster instead of choosing a better life for her children.
I will never forgive her for what she made me endure.
The burning temperature of the water is welcoming. The sting that hits my back has me hissing in pain, but I stay under. I let the water scold me, the pain almost makes me feel something.
Ever since I woke up, I have felt I don't know, I guess the only way to explain it is numb. I had thought it was all the drugs I was on but it's not. I feel like I am nothing but the only time I can actually feel anything is when the water is far too high in the shower or when I dig my nails a little too hard into the palm of my hand. Pain is the only thing that I feel. It reminds me that I am still alive, and I don't know if that's what I want anymore.
I don't want to leave Rocco, but I also don't know how I'm going to survive this.
The bathroom door opening catches my attention, my heart rate accelerating but it calms when Rocco comes through the door. I wonder how long I have been in here for. Time seems to pass me by, and I have no recollection of what I've done. Depression does that too you I suppose.
"Jesus Christ baby that water is roasting! Look at the state of your back." Rocco hisses, the water hitting his arm as he turns it off. Wrapping my body in a fluffy towel. My back is stinging slightly but I welcome the pain. Pain is better than not feeling anything at all.
I remain silent which has Rocco sighing as he leads me into the bedroom, my warmest pjs laid out on the bed. The gesture has me smiling, Rocco doesn't usually do things like this but it's nice to know he is trying to make me as comfortable as possible. I dry myself before I cover myself in the clothes laid out. Keeping Rocco's eye contact the whole time, I feel like I could get lost in his eyes.
"Baby please stop hurting yourself like that, your back is red raw." Rocco pleads, running his fingertips up and down my seared skin. The action has my eyes closing, it's a mixture between pain and pleasure.
"It's the only time I actually feel anything Rocco." I admit quietly.
Shame spreads through me like wildfire. I completely understand what I am doing to myself and its pathetic. Self-harm is a weakness, but I can't stop it. I also look forward to it, it scares me as much as it brings me comfort.
He doesn't say anything, but he does cautiously wrap his arms around me. I have grown used to him touching me again. It didn't take that long if I'm honest, he is the only person that I trust. I know he is taking it at my pace and if I asked him to stop, he would.
"I don't want you to keep things like this from me. It's you and me against the world spitfire. We will get through this, together." Rocco promises me, pressing a kiss to the top of my head.
I let my eyes close really wanting to believe that is true. I really hope that with Rocco by myside I can survive this. I guess only time will tell.
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Hello darlings!
Thank you so much for reading!
Sorry I have made you wait for the chapter. I have been in a writing funk. I don't know if this is the best chapter, but Addie is finally home.
What are your thoughts of the chapter?
If you could vote and comment it would mean the world! Thank you! xox