Y'all, this story is gonna get dark. I came up with it when I was supposed to be sleeping, so just bare with me. 'Kay, onto the trigger warning! TW- Suicidal thoughts, swearing, self-harm, and attempted suicide. On a much happier note, Lloyd is an adult!
Jay's P.o.v.
I stare at the mirror. What did the other see in me? I am weak, worthless, and unloved. No, no! I'm better than this! The thoughts aren't true! That's what Zane told me.
But does Zane really care? I bet he just said that to make you shut up! No one really cares about you! I cover my ears.
"No, NO, NO! IT'S NOT TRUE!" I shout.
"What's not true?" A voice asks. I turn around and saw Lloyd leaning against the doorway, a concerned look on his face. Shit. I feel my face go red.
"N-Nothing." I choke out. Lloyd crosses the room.
"You sure?" He asks. I nod.
"Y-Yup, all good!" Crap, crap, crap! I need to stop stuttering! He doesn't look away from my face and moves a little closer. "I'm just tired. I just need some sleep." I fake a yawn. He doesn't look convinced, but he nods anyway.
"I'll leave you alone, then." He turns and leaves. The thoughts are building up again. I rush to the bathroom. I hate it. I hate doing it. But it's the only thing that makes the pain stop. I grab the razor. I roll up my sleeve. Taking a deep breath, I start.
One. They don't love you.
Two. You're ugly.
Three. Worthless.
Four. Waste of space.
Five. Annoying.
Six. Stupid.
Seven. Disappointment.
Eight. No one cares.
Nine. Weak.
Ten. Just kill yourself already.
Eleven.
Finally, no more thoughts. I rinse out the cuts, wincing from the pain. I wrap the cuts in a bandage and head back to my room. I yawn. I guess I really am tired. I lay down in bed. After a few minutes, I hear Lloyd come by. The floor squeaks as he crosses the room. I remember my wrist. Shit! I never covered it with my blanket. The bed shifts as he sits next to me.
"What the..." Shit. He saw it. I'm screwed. He unwraps the bandages partly. I watch him through my eyelashes. I see his eyes widen. "Jay..." He whispers. I see tears welling up in his eyes. Fuck. I didn't mean to hurt him. I jerk my arm away, curling into a ball. I start crying. I hear him stand, and then the door closing. He doesn't care. He probably left. I feel someone's arms wrap around me. He came back! But.. why? He's probably just gonna laugh at me.
"I'm not gonna laugh." I hear him promise. How did he know what I was thinking? "You said it out loud. All of it."
"O-Oh." I don't say anything. I feel the tears slip down my face, dropping onto the bedsheets.
"Jay... look at me." I roll over and look at him. "You're gonna be okay. I'll take care of you."
"Really?" I ask him. He nods. I hug him. He tightens his grip.
"Do me a favor," He says. "The next time something like this happens, come find me." I nod into his shirt. I don't know how long he holds me, but I eventually fall asleep. When I do, my dreams aren't nightmares for once.
Lloyd's P.o.v.
How long has this been going on? Why does he do this? When did this start? Those are the only thoughts in my mind right now. In my panic, one thing is evenebt to me. Jay thinks he could die and we wouldn't bat an eye. This thought panics me. What if-? No. Don't think that. He'll get better. I close my eyes and focus on clearing my mind. I hold Jay for a while before I fall asleep.
--------------------------------------------------Timeskip----------------------------------------------------------
Jay's P.o.v.
When I wake up, I'm still in Lloyd's embrace. I twist in his grip to look at him. He fell asleep too. I study his face. He has a pretty face, but when he's sleeping, it looks like an angel's. I shake my head, trying to clear my thoughts. Lloyd shifts a little and opens his eyes.
"Hey." He smiles at me.
"Hello," I say glumly. He gives me a quick squeeze.
"Did ya sleep well?" He asks me. I nod. "Good."
"Lloyd! Where did you disappear to? Kai started a fire and he's blaming it on Zane!" We hear Cole shout.
"I better go take care of that." Lloyd sighs. "You'll be okay, right?" I nod. "Good." He stands and leaves. I watch him go. Maybe someone does care.
--------------------------------------------------Timeskip----------------------------------------------------------
It's been a week since Lloyd found out. I made him promise not to tell anyone. He said he couldn't make that promise. He said he'd tell someone if he thought I was gonna try to do something. He keeps randomly checking in on me. I make it look like I'm okay, but I'm just getting worse. But that ends today. I've had the date picked out for a while. I have what I need. I just need to finish the note. I sit down and finish writing it out. I grab the plastic cup with the pills inside. I carefully dump the pills into my hand and put the cup down. I sit on my bed and raise my hand a big. I watch the pills. Just do it already. No one will notice. End your suffering now. I raise my hand up a little higher. Just as I'm about to take them, the door opens. Lloyd's eyes meet mine. I see him freeze. My eyes water slightly. Suddenly, he jumps into action. He races over to me and knocks the pills out of my hand. I watch him silently as he stomps on them, crushing them to powder. He turns to look at me.
"Why?" His voice chokes out. He's starting to cry.
"No one cares," I say simply. "It's all lies, what they tell me. I'm alone in the world." Tears are flowing down his face. I watch him.
"No, Jay, no. You're wrong." He tells me.
"No, I'm not. No one cares. You just stopped me because it would look bad for you guys if I committed suicide."
"You're wrong! I care!" He says, his voice getting desperate.
"THEN WHY DID YOU STOP ME? IF YOU CARED YOU LET ME DO IT!" I shout. I lost it. I didn't mean to yell. Lloyd looks hurt.
"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!" Lloyd shouts back. "I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'D DO IF YOU DIED!" I freeze.
"You- you love me?" I choke. Lloyd's face turns red.
"Y-Yeah." He stutters. There's an awkward silence. "There must be a mistake. Nobody loves me." I say, turning around. Suddenly, I feel Lloyd grip my arm and yank me back around. I look at him in shock. Lloyd leans in and kisses me. I gasp into the kiss. I hesitate, then kiss him back. He breaks off the kiss and meets my eyes.
"If Nobody loves you, then I must be Nobody." I open my mouth to interrupt him. He puts a finger against my lips. "But," He continues, "I'm somebody, which means Somebody loves you." I pull him against me again, smashing my lips against his. I pull away.
"Thank you," I say.
"For what?" He mumbles into my chest.
"For showing me that someone loves me. And for being the person I love most." He relaxes into me.
"I love you." He tells me.
"I love you more," I say, and help him lie down. We fall asleep together, and I feel loved for the first time in months.
Ha, told y'all this one would be dark. However, in the original, the ending was much different. Jay ended up in the hospital because Lloyd never walked in on him, and then Lloyd confessed that he loved him in front of everyone. Maybe I'll write a different ending because I had like ten endings in my mind. Well, um, I still need ideas, just so y'all know. Bye Bye!