Part Two.
Hours and hours later...
If there was any break you caught in this god forsaken death trap of schoolwork, it was that it was getting somewhat easier working through all the assignments the more you go along. You weren't sure how much you were actually learning and retaining, but at least you were completing the work pages a little faster. It's just tricky feeling uncertain whether the answers are right or not.
You had to keep reminding yourself that technically, as long as you weren't failing any classes, you shouldn't worry too much. At this point there's no need to try harder than what you had in you. The day you can shove all of these papers back into your teachers' hands and allow Leo to drop all his worry for you will practically feel like an early birthday.
You move to find a more comfortable position again. Grabbing a textbook and piling up the pillows behind you, you lean back and try pulling your legs up enough to write on the page. The couch might've been more comfortable, and the desk two feet away from the bed probably would've been more conducive for work, but you could swear sitting at that desk for hours and hours throws you into depression, and after practically running away from Leo before he left you never felt like leaving the room again.
At least you were finally starting to see a dent in your work.
"I told you if you were gonna keep staying up late I was gonna keep coming in here and forcing you to eat."
You jumped and looked up to see Leo leaning in your doorway. Despite the scolding, his expression was more playful. Yours was closer to mortified as you sighed and pressed a hand over your wildly beating heart. "Stop doing your ninja sneak on me!" In the back of your mind though, you were so glad the tone of this conversation started out so much lighter than the last one. One of Leo's eye ridges raised slightly, a little more serious since you didn't acknowledge what he said. "Leo, I already–"
"Don't say you ate because you didn't eat when you came home and I know you didn't take a break while I was gone."
"I don't have time, I still have half of this worksheet to finish." His look of silent admonishment makes you laugh a little. Such a mom face. Not that I would know, haha... "Come on. We compromised, I've been going to bed consistently at 12 AM."
"That is still not a good thing!" Leo exclaims, walking in and closing the door. When he stopped by the foot of the bed, you briefly noticed something hanging from his hand before he was momming at you again. "You have to get up way too early to go to bed that late."
"It's not bad. I still make it to school on time and get work done."
"At the expense of taking care of yourself. It doesn't mean you get to skip out on eating either."
"How do you know I didn't eat while you were gone?" You challenge, eyes narrowing.
"Because I'm sure I know exactly what will happen when I do this." He sets the brown paper bag you hadn't notice in his hand directly on the bed in front of you, proceeding to cross his arms. You just stare at it, then at him in confusion about what that was supposed to do.
Then that heavenly, warm aroma hits you hard.
Murakami's.
The smell wafts through the bag and makes your stomach rumble almost instantaneously. You practically felt a gaping hole open up on your insides. Since when was this hunger there?
"'Ate while I was gone' my shell." Leo sasses, taking a seat across from you. Although talking after he revealed the hot food to you proved in vain.
Oh my goodness that smells so good. When was the last time I had Murakami's?
Focus, Y/n! Must finish work!
Who cares about getting work done for future when could eat pizza gyoza right now???
. . .
"Damn it Leo, of all the turtles I would've expected to distract me from my work!"
He only grinned as you snatched up the goody bag. "Hey, don't get mad at me because I take care of my girl." He leaned slightly forward, that rare glint of pride in his eyes. "You can't outmaneuver a ninja."
"You must be very pleased with yourself." You say before pulling out the first gyoza and immediately launching it into your mouth.
"You're eating, so, yes, I am."
"Mhm." You shook your head at him mockingly, already rummaging blindly with your hand towards the bottom of the bag for the next.
A few gyozas later and Leo had moved over to your side instead of staying sat across from you, shamelessly nestling into your side while you ate. When you silently offered him a gyoza to his lips, he smiled and ate just a couple more himself. You hadn't realized how low your mood had been until you started feeling better from finally eating. That, and Leo laid up against you stripped away your irritability. "... I'm sorry. I don't mean to stress you out."
Leo's smile appeared as he balled up the empty bag and easily tossed it into the trash by the door. "It's not your fault. You know I have to look out for you." He nuzzles the back of your head with his nose, brushing some of your hair and ear. "And I'd rather be looking out for my family than anyone else."
The half bite of your pizza gyoza got caught in the back of your throat. He was using that word again. And it seemed more intentional this time. You didn't know why it still perplexed you. It's like your brain just stops processing every time you hear him say it.
You had to clear your throat in order to finish chewing the food, missing the way Leo smiled before finding your hand.
"Can we get ready for bed?"
You took in a breath and swallowed the last of the gyoza. "Fine." You sighed, still not looking at him. Moving aside your assignment and textbook, you playfully kept up the routine. "Only because it's almost bedtime."
"It's about to be 2 AM, Y/n."
"What?" At this, your head whipped over to the digital clock on your nightstand. Sure enough, it relayed that it was about ten minutes till.
"I'm sure your insane amount of coffee intake has nothing to do with your confusion."
You roll your eyes, turning back to Leo's all-knowing expression. "It was not an insane amount."
"You've done a Donnie level of coffee chugging today."
You huff at his stubbornness, knowing it was useless to try and convince him you weren't neglecting yourself that badly.
You felt the need to glance at clock again, just to make sure still said 1:50. How didn't you realize it was two hours past? Leo said the mission would be done before midnight if– oh crap. "Wait, what happened? How come you're back so late?" You whipped back to Leo again, suddenly checking all over his body for scratches or bruises or any tell-tale gashes. You couldn't believe you had nearly forgotten about it...
"Hey, don't worry, I'm okay." Leo set a hand on your cheek to settle you. "We all are. It just, didn't exactly go as planned."
One could really say it didn't at all. Nothing was able to be recovered from the Kraang database in time. The mission became more about stopping Slash and Newtralizer from stealing anything else dangerous from TCRI. Even that change of plans proved unfruitful with those gadgets they used to transport around in a snap of a finger.
A do over plan was already starting to hatch in the back of Leo's mind. Donnie had said with as far as he got he didn't find anything about you on their servers, but it didn't necessarily mean it wasn't there. Between the army of Kraang, and Slash and Newtralizer being the worst nuisance, he didn't get very far. But maybe the technodrome would offer them a better shot at hacking into their technology unnoticed and uninterrupted. And it's less likely the team would run into those two ticking time bombs at the underwater base a second time.
"How bad is it?"
Leo looked over to you, in love with those doe eyes even when they were filled with worry and sympathy. "I don't know yet." His thumb traced aimlessly across your skin. "It was precautionary really. So, it might not be anything. And if it is we'll figure out how to handle it. Slash and Newtralizer got in our way, like I expected."
"Wait, the... the alien newt is called Newtralizer?"
The leader's partially annoyed expression melded into slight amusement. "Yeah... Just by us anyway."
"Hm. Mikey, right?"
His smile grew wider. "Actually Donnie named him."
"Wow, they keep surprising me today." You mumbled to yourself. Leo only moved his hand to hold beneath your chin. This got your attention, causing you to rest a hand of comfort and sympathy on his arm connected to you. "I'm sorry they screwed things up for you. I bet you had an amazing plan, too."
"Well you know I'm not one to brag, but yeah I did."
"Hm. I can go beat them up for you if you want."
His eyes twinkled slightly at such mischief. "You would do that for me?"
"Oh yeah. They're both in some serious trouble once I get my hands on 'em."
"That would be amazing to see. I don't think you'll be able to find them though. The second I mentioned your name back there they took off running."
You laughed, breaking the tough girl act. "Oh, good. I was wondering how my street cred was doing."
He chuckled too now, eyes closing. It was the least disappointed he looked since coming back. You couldn't help grinning; your first time today. The second his laughter died down and he opened those eyes to you, you propelled forward and met him in a loving kiss. His slight jolt told you it took him a bit by surprise. You placed both hands on his face and departed, only to re-angle your head and kiss him again. You felt the sigh leave his body, feeling elation, and some pride because of it. His hand had fallen from your chin and cupped around the side and back of your neck now, knuckles caressing strands of hair along the way.
Your lips were so soft and generous to him. Where he always prioritized watching out for everyone in this household, he drowned in the overwhelmingly soft sentiment of being taken care of, because of you. As you pulled his face further against yours, he snapped out of his daze just enough to reciprocate. He moved against you, matching your affectionate movements with a longing fervor. He could swear the smoothness of your lips only softened the more you kissed him. The more your mouths lovingly intertwined, the less sullenness he had to stew in. Sometimes he truly wondered how he did this whole leader thing without you.
Maybe a minute later you pulled away, only enough that your lips weren't caressing anymore. Leo's face was one of bliss and relief. He immediately rested his forehead against yours, closing his eyes. Yours remained open to watch him. You hardly ever saw him tired, but in this moment he looked halfway drained. You really hoped none of it was because of you. At the same time, you didn't want the mission to have been that bad either.
Unsure for a moment, your right hand moved from his cheek, sliding down his neck slowly before landing on his shoulder and rubbing circles there. As affectionately as he did for you earlier. His skin was warm, too.
"Really though, I'm sorry it didn't go well."
His smile has never left, only twinkling at your words now. His eyes partially open to see you. "It's okay. I'm here with you now."
You smiled back, and pecked his snout, glad to see him relaxing. "I meant to take a shower before bed. You wanna go in first?" You suggested as a possible way for him to release any left over stress.
"I already did after heating the food before I came in here. But while you're in there I can get the bed ready."
"You don't have to worry about my stuff, I'll do it."
"I don't mind. I just wanna lay with you for a while." His hands were suddenly at the back of your waist and pulled you flush against him. He snuggled his face against yours, grazing your ear with his nose. Which is what actually made your face flood with red. He really was getting tired.
Leo wasn't afraid of physical affection when it came to you. He told you himself how you've helped him become more confident than he used to be, and you guessed his uptake in initiative in the relationship since you two have met was because of that. But asking for affection or attention, letting himself be needy like this, it was less than common. And it usually pointed to one thing. Whatever mission he just came from must've made him put a lot of pressure on himself. And things going wrong would've made it worse, which meant he was really due for some reassuring hugs and comfort. The sooner you two can tuck in for the night, the better.
Despite all this, you couldn't keep the smile from your face as all his snuggling adorably buried his face into your neck. "O-okay. I'll be quick."
"Take your time." He mumbled against you, making you very glad he couldn't see your face at the moment. He waited a few seconds before pulling back to peck a kiss to your forehead, and letting you go.
He was just too sweet for his own good...
Quickly you gathered some things and headed to the shower. Being around your blue-eyed boy always calmed your spirit and relaxed your bones– but the bones in your back still wouldn't completely do so after slumping over schoolwork for hours. Between the desk and your bed you would need to see a chiropractor by the time this was over.
Lethargy started to hit fast on the short walk to the bathroom. These five hours of sleep were gonna be heavy ones for the both of you. At least showering now meant you wouldn't have to spend as much time getting ready in the morning.
You pull the string of the hanging light on before closing the door, then set your nightwear on the sink when walking in. It was an impressive bathroom for being so makeshift and modified over the years. The sink was clearly installed in a place it wasn't really made for; the shower head and toilet, too. But with an old abandoned bathtub strategically placed and some other additions to the room it worked well enough.
The only mirror wasn't above the sink, but was some half-cracked full-length standing up beside it that was probably commandeered from a junkyard, too. You always wondered when and how they got the tub down here. And just what age Donnie started dumpster diving and engineering enough to get this whole thing set up. You never got around to asking.
You stripped a couple layers off, in a bit of a rush since temperates were gradually declining, which meant even more so down here in the lair. Luckily, somehow the water down here could get just as hot as needed. To a dangerous point, really, but it would certainly be helpful for the winter about to come.
Hair taken care of and dirty clothes discarded onto the bathroom chair, you reached up to take off Leo's necklace. The silver chain and blue pendant were laid out on top of your night clothes, glinting in the modest lighting.
You had always remembered to avoid the mirror. Usually it was nearly impossible not to think about whenever you came in for a shower. Maybe it was because it was late at night now and your brain wasn't as alert like in the morning. Maybe you were still thinking about the soft moment you had with Leo, or you were distracted by the charm resembling the cutest looking blue turtle that was just hanging around your neck. But you made the mistake of catching your reflection in between the vines of cracks along the side of the glass, and the sight made your stomach drop.
It was possibly the very first time you saw yourself fully since what happened in the summer. And your body was so much worse than your jaw. Seeing everything at once made you freeze in that spot, staring endlessly. You must have forgotten what the other scars looked like. Even if they weren't that different from the ones all over your arms, it was like something new seeing the ones littering over your stomach and thighs. It had been easy forgetting they were there once healed; it wouldn't be easy to unsee them now.
Some were as thin as the scar on your cheek, others were thicker, depending on whose blade was used and how.
You really had lost weight. It was much more obvious without the hoody on. Maybe not as drastic as you looked five months ago,
but it made you understand that much more that your body wasn't the one you knew; that it wasn't really yours anymore. It was still what they made out of it, beat through it, and carved into it.
And oh, that carving. You had never forgotten it was there, but you were certain you had never ever laid eyes on it until now. It was unignorable; a fleshy mess of colors. Still, it was much more precise and articulated than the other scars. She had put much more work into leaving this one, weaponizing her armored gloves to the best of their ability. It must have been really tricky, considering the detail of the Japanese characters perfectly written into your shoulder. Somehow that made it look scarier.
You heart lurched, your stomach writhed with anxiety at the culmination of disappointment and trauma before you. You could actually feel the physical pain of the shock ringing through your body. Yet there was no movement in the glass, no outward reaction.
The bruises were long gone, enough that it truly looked like they were never there. But suddenly you could feel them again, all at once. Every throbbing pulse point from head to toe weaving a sickening pattern of black, blue and yellow. You always covered so much of yourself up now. All to avoid this. All the time devoted to healing, and the mere glimpse of your body still threw you into another dark spell. Would all of this still be here in another five months?
Like a ghost, you turned and climbed into the shower, movements that were hardly your own. You barely noticed the cold water spring out at you before it warmed up. The shock was shielding you—not completely—but enough that you could just barely wonder why you weren't a mess on the floor having a panic attack right now. All you could do was try and ignore the shaking, and ignore how something was wildly tearing apart your mind right now.
Come on, Y/n. You were fine just two minutes ago. Your head scolded harshly. Hot water bounced and ran down your skin. You leaned toward the comforting temperature, and tried to get a better grip on consciousness. A gentle breath in, then out. You weren't passing out so it must have been working, but you couldn't feel it. All your senses understood was the slightly heavier beating of your heart. Why wasn't there anything else?
Maybe it was just the caffeine.
It's not always a good mix with anxiety, after all. It's why you didn't make a habit of drinking it before. Too much coffee wasn't good for anyone. That was it...
You took a quick shower, as quick as was possible before rushing to get out. The warmth the steam created was usually nice, but the water surrounding you suddenly wasn't so appealing. And the modest space was inexplicably feeling just a little too small. Too alone.
You didn't exactly get relaxed like you had hoped. So instead you just got clean, making sure to never look down at your body, and rushed back to your room as soon as possible.
—
It was an ungodly hour to be up so early. But you weren't really tired as you walked out into lair. It was pretty dark. The TV wasn't on and the only light source was the stove light coming from the kitchen. The quietness was eery though. Silence was beyond rare in this household but the gaping emptiness of the atmosphere made you question if you had gone deaf in your sleep.
Until you faintly heard it. Something that was so indiscernible it was hard to tell what direction it came from. You stood still in the middle of the walkway, looking about.
Behind you, dark whispers crept along the floor, or maybe it was more of a hiss. You turned around, spying the shadows dancing slowly across the ground. The tendril-like figures move closer and closer toward you, nearly reaching out. Naively, you stood there in watch. Something somewhere made you aware that maybe this was kind of strange. But something else—maybe the same force—was blocking your brain from an appropriate response. You just observed the creatures– creature? And wondered rather curiously, those wouldn't hurt me, would they?
You turned over your shoulder to see if the misty presence would come from behind, too. You weren't sure whether it made sense or not that you saw nothing when you did. The whispers quieted to nothing, making you look straight ahead again to find out why. But they were gone.
Instead, Karai was standing there. Casual, yet body alert in the nearly unnoticeable way her training would require, because she could be never be caught slipping. Not by you. And she knew that.
Her head was tilted downward so a shadow darkened part of her face. But the recognizable red around her eyes and coating her mouth made her plain to see. At first it appeared she was glowering, angry. But there was the slightest twitch upward in her lips. The utmost indulgent, one-sided smile of pleasure resting below menacing eyes.
The light fixture above her, several feet away was the only one that flickered. Back and forth, on and off it went until her expression became less amused with each dim, eyes more deadly. The last flicker took her away and placed her directly in front of you, right up in your face with her signature blade pressing into the side of your neck. You gasped, unmoving other than barely being able to crane your head away from her as much as possible.
It was everything you had been dreading. Her within an arm's distance from you, standing here in the lair. Her poisonous voice echoed off the walls while she calmly began spewing mind-twisting lies and threats at you. The entirety of your body clenched, bones locking like someone had clicked lock on a car key. Her smile of enjoyment was back in full force now, her nails achingly digging into your arm and piercing dark eyes burning a hole through you.
Suddenly the black fog shot back out from every direction, emerging from the cracks and crevices aside and behind you. They shot out like a dozen hungry snakes, whispering so loudly now that the overlapping noise was closer to a growl. Your limbs and neck were seized in a crushing grip, threatening to break you into pieces in a matter of seconds.
But instead, you cried out from a harsh slam of pain rocketing through your body. The sudden force to your backside knocked all of the air out of you, and there was no getting it back. You were pressed against something solid, limbs still being squeezed with no mercy. When your eyes opened, you first saw the black swarm wrapped around you, effectively pinning you to— the chair.
Where had the lair gone? The living room couldn't have just disappeared.
But it had. All familiarity of your sanctuary had faded into something else. A new darkness.
And then there was...
him.
He towered above you, like they both would. It was just like how it was before, except for the distortion. It was like you were looking at them through a blurred lens. Maybe it was the dizziness, perhaps the dehydration or blood loss. All you knew was their lips would move yet you heard nothing. Nothing but wordless echoes and ringing.
When they stopped moving or talking to watch you, waiting, you had less than any idea of what to do or think. It wasn't long before electricity crackled in your vision, completely overtaking it. It burned through layers of skin in seconds, creating a raw sensation and smell that engulfed you.
Your face twisted in agony, mouth opening to let out a pained scream. Even after the crackles subsided your skin was still on fire.
Suddenly everything hurt again. Not just the anguish of electrical shock, but the familiar feeling of the way your bruises and bones would ache and throb came back in full force, too. Your eyes could barely part enough to see his fist raising in time. White knuckles, hardly scathed in comparison to their victim.
You remember always feeling everything more intensely whenever he raised his fist. His blows always hurt more. Karai's held such hatred and rage, her armor adding its own special flare of inhumanity to the strikes– but his was just pure force let loose, only intending to break down the body while hers helped break down the soul.
Your body was in full on survival mode. Disoriented still, your hands blindly clawed towards your neck, searching.
Your body was starting to shut down. From the electricity, from two people's sheer amount of force going through your face, stomach, and powerful exhaustion. The blond man's hand gripped your head and shoved it back harshly against chair. It hurt your neck and the back of your head. You couldn't move, but could barely make out a bright glow in the edge of your vision.
It was coming from those black-gloved fingers. All this time, you hadn't remembered this part. Not until the nauseating waves came crashing back into you as they gripped a fire stoker.
No wait– that's right, it's something else on the end. The red hot glowing shape of a Japanese word etched in fire. She came forward, lifting the black metal to your level. The closer she came, the louder the sizzling of bright orange grew.
"No, no!"
That sensation you had nearly forgotten returned, of scorching heat pressing over your bleeding wound before the actual branding metal could even touch.
"NO!" You sobbed, lashing out and catching something rock hard with your arm.
It wavered in place for what felt like hours, burning your wound just by proximity.
"Hm. How about the other shoulder instead? Wouldn't want to write over the message, and this way you'll have matching scars. Symbolism and all that."
But it wasn't actually a choice, nor a warning.
She wasn't stopped this time. The orange, glowing clan symbol floated across your pattering chest slowly, glowing foreign symbol landed It sizzled and and crackled wildly, emitting a horrible smoke once pressing into your shoulder.
If your screams contained anymore words, they were indiscernible. You lunged forward, sitting straight up as your half asleep body still wanted to run.
Much stronger arms wrapped around you. They used almost enough force to keep you still as you undulated uncontrollably.
You fought blindly, but were more restricted as Scott's hands held your arms to your sides. It was a firm enough grip to keep you from lashing out, but confusingly gentle, without so much crushing force trying to bring you under his control... They only used enough strength to stop your lashing out. These arms around you felt more like a hug.
"Y/n, it's okay! It's just me!"
Your body still resisted, pushing at whatever you could to get away. Your throat was bleeding raw now as the fire against your skin replicated tenfold through your screams.
"Open your eyes! It's me!"
They were still restraining you, but something kept changing. The arms around you were strong like you thought, but they didn't hold the same threat in them... It wasn't Scott's anymore...
Enough external contact made you finally awaken. Frantic eyes finally ripped open and you were immediately disoriented by not seeing a wall of torture tools stashed in a dark basement around you. The lamp was still on in your room; you could see faint light illuminating the door just across from you. The only thing you could do so soon was look around. What you saw was vaguely familiar outlines around the room, and a barely discernible silhouette of someone backlit by the light source, much too close to you.
Your arms shot out from beneath their grip and pushed at them fearfully. "Get away!"
"Y/n! Baby, it's me!" Leo shouted desperately, loosening his hold around you now that you weren't on the attack anymore.
You recognized that voice, but not as either of the ones you were just hearing. Something told you you didn't have to be afraid of it. You stared longer, backed up so far you could easily fall off the bed, until you were able to make out the figure's features now as you came more and more out of the nightmare state. But a shudder of relief shook your body when realizing he wasn't either of them.
You were still breathing heavily, panting like you had run a marathon without any stops or a drop of water. Leo stared back at you with wide eyes. Your breaths were becoming high, breathless wheezes now as you tried to calm down.
The feel of soft bedsheets beneath your fingers helped pull you back, and your hand flew quickly across your chest. The burn wasn't there anymore... none of it was. The rawness, burning or pulsing bruising. There was just the waning pressure of where you felt those things a moment ago.
But– there was no way. It was too real to not have happened...
Leo watched you press a hand tight over your chest, becoming more concerned by the second. "I– Breathe. Can you breathe?" His hand wavered tentatively, inching back to himself.
What happened to the shadows? The electrocution? The branding iro–
A sob racked your body, cut off by your other hand clamping over your mouth with a vice grip. The worst pressure wrapped around your head as the visual recollection of the bright orange iron floated towards you. It made your stomach roll, from a memory that was never a memory until now...
Please don't get sick, please don't be sick–
You shoved your hand more harshly over your chest now, in order to force the rapid pounding beneath it to stop. The edge of your palm rested just over the bottom of the carving. It gave you the sudden urge to sink your nails deep into it. You needed to get rid of it. You need it gone, you needed to tear it out. All it was was a door for her to crawl back through...
You had fallen back into another dimension again. An obscured sound was heard, trying to break through to your ears. Soft hands brushed up and down your arms firmly, snapping you back to the present. The room was brighter now. You distantly recognized that Leo must have turned it up to the next setting; things around your room were actually familiar again.
You didn't realize you had actually stopped breathing this time until he said something.
"Come on, Y/n. In and out for me. You're okay, I'm right here."
Smashing into a different reality was jarring enough. Figuring out how to start breathing felt like too much to add onto. But you found his instructions helpful when your eyes reopened and the dark edges of that other world slowly unsunk it claws from you. You vaguely registered Leo nudging your hand from over your mouth.
"There you go, again."
You were still shaking. Your heart might not have been as frantic as before, but there still were those quick and unignorable pitter pats, as if it the pace of constant panic were its regular resting tempo.
You finally understood that you weren't in that frigid room anymore, in a cold chair, being burned alive. You were sat upright in your comfy bed, with Leo's hand touching you gently, his voice filling your senses with a calming energy.
Your head was much clearer, but your stomach still felt sick.
With a helpless shudder you collapsed into him. You came away from the edge of the bed and took solace in the open space he left. Your nerves were still too unsettled and you needed his embrace around you to keep you grounded in this world.
You had really thought you were there. That they were right here.
A pair of arms slid around you, testing how tightly they could hold you. You didn't make another move after you had wrapped your arms around his waist and placed your head over his protected chest. Your eyes squeezed closed as you concentrated on controlling your heavy breathing. It was quieter, not as fast, but it still made you feel in a frenzy with how deep and unpaced they were.
Time completely lapsed. There was no telling how long he let you sit there and cling to him while the quiet settled. By the time he spoke again, it felt like just a few seconds, but you could tell your senses were still off and it was probably much longer than that.
"Do you want to talk to me?"
You don't know if you've ever heard his voice that soft before. You opened your dry mouth, breaths finally slower. You didn't dare to talk or think about any of it, but knew maybe he meant you could talk about anything else, to help distract you. But you couldn't speak. You knew that, so you just laid on him while he held you so tight.
Moments later, he reached up to cup your face. He couldn't see you, just the top of your head since you were pressed to his chest and looking downward. His thumb naturally brushed back and forth when you didn't shy away or protest. Immediately it ran over the wetness streaming down your cheeks. You flinched, knowing he felt it and curled further into him.
He frowned, still for a moment as his heart sank further into his chest. Leo began rubbing your back, up and down, slowly and soothingly. You knew it was to let you know he was here. Always with you, just him.
The frazzled buzzing in your senses took time to die down. Your arms loosened some from their tight hold around his back. When you figured out what you wanted to say, it took a moment, then two, for you to work up the courage to find your voice.
"D-do you know what it means..."
"What?" He prompted softly.
You lifted a hand, hovering over the spot he so tenderly patched with the medicinal leaves a few weeks ago, unwilling to truly touch it.
He went into a baffled silence. It was more than surprising that you were asking, now of all times, or ever. After months of refusing to even look at it... At this point he truly believed you would never ask. While he read it clearly, too much swarmed his head every time he saw it to realize it was still such a mystery to you.
So Leo reached up and closed his hand around yours. You flinched again in surprise, senses still out of sorts, in the way anyone's would be waking up in the middle of the night. Let alone from all that. But you let him pull it away from your shoulder and resume stroking up and down your arm slowly.
"Maybe it's better you don't know... at least, not right now."
You didn't respond, to argue nor agree. It definitely wasn't an ask to know, but you knew it was how you thought. The foreign words weren't out there for you, or even just her. Leo had read them and known their meaning...
You weren't sure you ever wanted to find out.
"It's almost 5 AM."
He was still gentle, only offering the information so you would know. But a stab of fear at what the mention of time suggested made you speak louder this time. "I'm not going back to sleep."
"Okay." He accepted, continuing to trail his hand where it would help soothe you. "Do you want to sit in the living room? Get some more room to breathe?"
"I... I don't want to move."
You were aware enough to know that you would literally fall apart if you tried to stand. It was more comforting to curl into him further, blocking out the rest of the world. Luckily he understood.
"Alright." He was moving, reaching to grab something while still holding onto you. You looked to see him offering you the water bottle from the nightstand. "Drink some water, it'll help you feel better."
You stared at the object he held for a moment longer than normal. You swallowed dryly, becoming aware of the unease of trying to put anything in your stomach right now, then shook your head.
Leo more hesitantly set the bottle back down. As peaceful as he was, you felt his worry, too. How confused he was. You were, too.
It took around an hour for his soothings to settle you enough to let your exhausted body fall back into sleep. You relaxed in stages, unfurling just enough that you weren't so rigid, but still very attached to him. Eventually you felt comfortable enough to close your eyes. Or maybe you were just too tired to realize they had closed. Then just like that, he helped you pacify into sleep.
Leo stayed awake, shaken by the sudden relapse– really by how drastic it had been. Leo hadn't seen a reaction that bad since they first brought you home. The way you clasped your hand so tightly over your mouth, and the other was practically clawing over your chest... between the shoulder wound and where the pendant of the necklace sat.
He didn't know what to think. Part of him felt his own senses were still coming down, but he just couldn't think. Why would you have this bad of a nightmare after having none for so long?
. . .
You hadn't had any before this... right? All the nights before were peaceful, you barely stirred. Getting roughly five hours of sleep every night had guaranteed that. It was just about his only relief when it came to your latest sleeping habits.
Leo sighed, further sinking into the pillows as he cradled you. It was the first in all this time he had to wonder if he was in way over his head. He just couldn't understand how you were okay and joking around with him before bed, then woke up a mere couple hours later, turned into this. It was an absolute miracle you got back to sleep as it was, but he could guess part of it was a system crash from the caffeine intake.
You seemed to be deep into sleep now, probably not waking up on your own for a while, especially after going to bed late. Leo still had half a mind to stay up until then. The more reluctant part of his consciousness creeped over to his own room, where those long discarded energizers still sat beneath his bed. But no, you were just discussing with him how glad you were he wasn't drinking them anymore. He wasn't about to jump right back on them, and honestly, he didn't want to.
Leo peered over your head to consult the clock. It was just past six now. You both would have to be up in the next hour. And on second thought, he was definitely awake enough to stay up for the day, no caffeine necessary. So he scooped you fully into his arms until you were balled up in his lap and wrapped up in his arms. He didn't bother turning the lamp back down. He just held you close, for both your sakes, staring at the door in thought as the early morning went on.
—
The rudest, most triggering sound woke you from your sleep next. An alarm clock.
The classic blaring beeping from the digital clock too close to your head.
The more each screech brought you out of the peaceful hollow of darkness, the more it felt like you were entering a different world. Like you had existed on another plain of existence than you had hours ago. You wanted to stay where you were just now, in the black nothingness where it was finally quiet. No stimulation or feelings or exhaustion. Just... peaceful... nothing.
The alarm was still going off though, making you groan. "No..."
Who even set that?! Make it stoooop...
There was some shuffling at the door, then a moment later the beeping was finally gone. Almost immediately your brain started to fall back into sleep, but the movement around you reminded you of another presence.
"Y/n? Hey." Part of the bed sunk beside you, then you felt your pillow being tugged slowly from over your face. Instantly your arm shot up and over it, keeping it where it was and from letting any light into your vision. "Are you okay?" You groaned as you stopped falling into the nothingness. "I know. I turned off your first alarm but you can't sleep anymore or you'll be late."
The more the familiar voice spoke the further you were pulled out of your tranquil sea of blackness. It was saying something about school, which was immediately unpleasant. It shot you back to the real world and your responsibilities that existed there. You wanted nothing more in the universe than to stay where you were for days without moving.
"I can't do this..." you mumbled, morning voice cracking as you squeezed the pillow around your head, so ready to pass out again.
"Y/n, let me see you, are you okay?"
Wait, why would he ask that? And why was the voice getting shaky?
Something soft was on your arm, not moving much, but also another sensation pulling you further into the real world and closer towards the halls of Roosevelt.
Nothing in the world seemed more frustrating than getting out of bed for school right now, but staying in bed also meant explaining to Leo how you just couldn't handle leaving the lair today. And Angela. And the principal. Which reminded you you didn't have the choice to take a mental health day. Even if you lied and called in sick, it would only contribute to your late workload. The understanding that it was going to be like this for the rest of the semester was more than unappealing. So you groaned louder while shoving the pillow over your face harder, muffling it so the pretty voice wouldn't think it was him you were frustrated with. Then you shoved it away and pushed yourself upwards.
Your eyes barely opened, but you saw the stripe of blue over green failing to focus. "Hi." You croaked in the most non-irritated way you could muster. Not that you were mad at him, but you just knew it would be one of those days filtered facial expressions and kind intonation would require too much energy to bother with.
"Do you feel okay? Is there anything wrong?"
You were just aware enough to understand his voice was speaking again, and then the long stretch of nothing, until you felt your own head falling to the side. You were just about to snap back upright in time before a hand was on your cheek and holding you up. The colors of green and blue reappeared.
"Huh? Oh, yeah. Yeah." You mumbled quickly. You blinked rapidly, forcing yourself to go towards the shock of almost falling over to wake yourself up enough before you could fall over again.
"Are you sure? If you still feel bad or... You– you didn't sleep much."
"Mhm." You agreed. Your palm rubbed at your eye so the blurriness would go away. When you were just awake enough to hold yourself up, your eyes reopened again, then you looked over at Leo and reached out for his hand. "Morning, Fearless." Your hand squeezed, the most energetic greeting you could manage before getting up and dragging yourself into the morning routine.
You couldn't recall much that happened after that. For the most part you moved sluggishly throughout the morning, still waking slowly by the minute until it felt more like pulling teeth. You rushed to shove all of your folders and papers into your bag while the clock ticked another minute by. Next thing you really remember, you were sitting in your Algebra class, ruffling through what must have been a million papers in your backpack to find last class' homework that was due.
You were certain you finished it last night, but not of where exactly you put it afterwards. With all the stacks and subjects you had organized, they were all jumbled up after you packed them into your bag this morning. On top of that, you didn't have any late work to hand over either since you hadn't bothered with this class again since the last time you handed in a stack's worth of assignments.
The worksheet must've been in a folder you overlooked at home, or perhaps somewhere on the floor or underneath the desk where you missed it. Though, for all you knew it was in your bag amongst stacks on stacks of paper and you were just searching too quickly as your teacher stood there, waiting for you to find it. The longer you looked the more the social anxiety distracted you, until you just sighed and bit the bullet.
"Can I give it to you next time?"
The teacher doesn't seem too pleased, but nods and silently moves on to the next row to collect their homework. The apathetic look on her face was almost enough to make you snap. As if it weren't obvious you were struggling to do your best here. You already felt like a failure yourself. Turning work back in was supposed to be the easy part.
There wasn't enough energy in your pinky finger for containing all these feelings, let alone your body. As it was you weren't even sure how much you paid attention as class went on. You were awake enough to be at school but your brain had yet to truly be in the 'on' position. Why didn't you drink any coffee before you left the lair? And how come there was none to be found in this giant school?!
You were more than happy to leave that class when the bell rang. Half of the day was gone but it was hard to tell if that was a glass half empty or half full statement. You stop by your locker again to put up your bag since you wouldn't need it next class, and more importantly, to check the vending machine for any energy drinks. At least a candy bar if anything else.
Your bag gets shoved inside a bit too harshly. You couldn't wait to go to Culinary and sit down. All this energy exerted just to keep yourself standing up was becoming a bit much. Today lunch wasn't until after Culinary, your third class, so you'd have to wait till then to take a nap, but for now you had four minutes until next class to shove your head in your locker and close your eyes.
It was actually quite comforting, leaning your exhausted bones to rest against the metal. With your head all the way inside there was a noise barrier which made all the chatter softer, and the darkness inside the locker was a welcome comfort opposed to bright hallway lights.
A couple minutes later a vibration woke you up. You sighed, eyes still closed as you searched through your jacket pocket. You pull your head from your locker once finding your phone, and read Leo's name above the new text message. It was a nice shifting of gears from thinking about algebra and mental illnesses in Health class. You found yourself trying to remember if you saw Leo before you left this morning. There was always a hug and a kiss (maybe more like a few as of late) before you split off for training and school. You honestly couldn't recall much from this morning to reach an answer.
"Uh... h– hey."
Someone speaking at your right side distracted you from your phone. Unsurely you looked up, expecting to see whoever the male voice belonged to trying to get someone else's attention. But no. He was standing just a few feet away, facing you directly.
Jason.
The dude from the one party you went to in your life who thought it was funny to make you choke on alcohol, then stumbled upon you resting upstairs and was apparently too drunk to hear the word no the first time.
The first difference you noticed was that he was definitely sober now. The second was a tie between the lack of proof of complete idiocy covering his face, and it instead being replaced with apparent nervousness, which only puzzled you. He was staring back at you, trying to appear casual, but you've tried that enough times to tell he's completely uncomfortable. He wasn't the only one.
"Um, hi, Y/n..."
Your hands squeezed around your phone. Of all things to happen today, this didn't make sense. "What do you want?"
"A– I just wanted to talk. Since you're, at school and everything? I mean, now that you're back."
"I don't get it. What would you want to talk to me about?" You blinked, shaking your head.
"Shit– okay." He rubbed the back of his neck, rocking on his feet. "I... I've been wanting to say sorry– to a-apologize for... what happened last semester."
You looked away from him, shoving your phone back into your pocket to have something else to do. Another stressful memory from your past wasn't really something you needed today. You stepped close to your locker, trying to remember what you needed from it next.
"It turns out I'm kind of a dick when I'm drunk," he clears his throat. "It took a while for me to get that until some more stuff happened with my friends this summer and... but anyway–"
The more he talked the more you felt the urge to rip your skin off just to make it stop crawling. The fatigue and pre-existing anxiety didn't really help with enduring this either.
"I didn't know I... I don't want to be that kind of dick. The kind I was that night... to you."
He flinched when your gaze met his. You weren't even sure what your expression looked like, but you knew it was definitely better when he stayed away from you like you told him, and this was never talked about. Especially in the middle of the hallway.
You looked down his tall frame and saw his hands were wringing. Why was he nervous?
Who was he doing this for?
The last week of school last semester jumped to your mind. Jason had never told anyone, about his unsuccessful attempts with you, or what he thinks he saw right after. You had expected inevitable rumors of you two being in a room together during the party to surface around the school after that weekend, but if anyone even knew about that, his freak out after bolting from the room and through the party scene once Leo got there took attention from it. Only you two must've known what he was bringing up to you right now.
Which led you to wonder why he was doing this now, and here. Of course, you realized it's still only been a few weeks back at school for you, and you still preferred this setting rather than him trying to talk to you in private.
"I'm sorry. I know it was messed up– all of it." He moves just a hair closer towards you. Your gaze connects with him again and he stops, moving back and deciding to lean away, against the vending machine at a safe distance. "I mean I– everyone knows I'm obnoxious when I drink but I, I've never... until at that party when–"
"Why are you talking to me?" You felt your hand shaking, knuckles brightening from your grip around the locker door. Maybe you missed what his point was, but the stroll down memory lane courtesy of the guy who tried to get too handsy with you wasn't helping your patience.
He looked away from your eyes again, to your grip on the metal door, then downwards at his no longer gesticulating hands. "I-I'm really sorry I treated you like that... I should've backed off sooner."
You were unmoving, resembling the Mona Lisa with your stoney expression. Logic reasons that an apology from Jason the Jock Stereotype should've felt more climactic to you. But again, you were standing dead on your feet here. Any other day maybe you could've mustered any kind of appropriate emotional reaction, but the buzz of anxiety that his presence threatened to your fragile mentality only drowned out the lethargy that much.
"And I– I'm gonna make sure I don't do anything like it again. I don't want to be a dick my whole life, so."
He ended the apology with finality. It was the most coherent part of his rambling speech since he walked up to you. Rehearsed maybe, maybe not. It was hard to tell if that would make it less genuine or not. His tone and body language didn't really give you reason to believe this was disingenuous. Then again, you always had to wonder about ulterior motives. If he was just trying to clear a guilty conscience or to prove something to you for his own reputation or if–
Then you realized... you just, didn't care.
You didn't have the energy to give to this; something that happened practically a lifetime ago you already had to make your peace with. Or at least you thought you had. Clearly the tall brunet standing here talking to you directly about the incident, dredged up more discomfort than you were willing to admit. But if he wasn't asking you for anything, and there wasn't any reason to be on high alert yet, then there was no reason this could be the end of it.
"Okay."
You said simply, then tore your eyes away from his. You reached for your bag, knowing there was something you would need for next class. But he was still standing there, making you unable focus. Man, you really didn't need this right now.
"Y/n–"
"I said, okay."
"No– I know. I just... are you, like, okay?" At the question your eyes fall closed and searching stops, releasing a frustrated groan through a quieter exhale. "Something's been up with you. I noticed something's been weird while I was working up the nerve to talk to you all this time. And other people have noticed, too..."
"Please stop talking." You whisper, monotone.
"Look, if you coming back to school so late had anything to do with what I did–"
"Oh my gosh it didn't." You grit, still fully facing your locker in hopes he would just walk away.
"Okay. Well," he didn't realize he did it, you could tell. But his step closer to you still made you tense up, and then he just kept going, "if there's something I can do to fix–"
"Just leave me alone!" You finally snapped, pitch jumping up desperately on the last syllable. Your eyes shot to him as he jumped back. It sounded much more desperate than you wanted it to, but it finally got his mouth to snap shut.
It was quieter. It didn't take much for you to guess how far down the hall your voice carried. You spared a glance to your side peripherals and behind you, only seeing a couple people staring towards the two of you as most of the hallway chattered on. Your teeth clenched and you finally located the folder you would need for next period, then lowered your voice. "I heard you out, okay?" The slam of the locker wasn't as quiet before you brushed past him. "I don't need anything else from you."
You marched off through the junior wing, where seniors like him weren't even supposed to be, and did your best to ignore the stares from those immediately nearby in the hall who saw the hushed conversation and heard the outburst.
Shake it off... Go to class like normal, and just make it through to lunch. That's all you have to do. You cannot fall apart this early in the day.
Culinary wasn't too far around the corner. You hung a left and were there, going straight for your stool in the back. Not only did this class not assign seating, but there were cooking counters instead of desks where students were divided into pairs, like lab partners. Luckily there was a person in that class you were comfortable with.
"Hey, Cam..." The greeting comes out less chipper than you meant it too, but she doesn't seem to notice much.
"Hey." She turns away from her phone, having to take you in for a moment. "You pull an all nighter?"
"Feels like it." You mumble, slapping the folder down on your side of the counter. You attempted to place your foot at the bottom of the stool to pull it closer and sit, cursing when you missed it and nearly fell.
Camila scoffs lightly, amused when you hop up correctly the second time. "Hang in there. We're almost to the weekend."
"Don't say that, we still have a whole other day," you groan.
"Sis, it's Friday."
"No it's not it's..." A gasp fills your lungs in unbridled gratitude once realizing you actually had no idea what day everyone was on by now. "What? It's Friday?"
"Yes..." Her smile grows, proceeding to speak slowly to you. "Remember yesterday in Spanish? When we established it was jueves?"
"No. Don't ask me if I remember anything from before right now, the answer will be no." You answer bluntly to her teasing.
She snickers and straightens on her stool. "I know you're glad it's almost the weekend."
"So glad." You sigh, eyes closing from sleepiness. "Tip me back upright if I start to fall."
"Or maybe you can just go to sleep. We have a sub."
Your eyes reopen to look up and through other students and see an older lady messing with some things at your usual teacher's desk. "Oh my gosh that would be so amazing." Culinary was the kind of class where there was always work to do on a regular day, but with a substitute there was no way you'd have to fake being awake the entire block.
A free period was just what you needed after the unpleasantness of this day. Instead of napping at lunch you could do it now and then eat at lunch like a normal person who has their life together.
Or... you realize you could use the free hour to do more some more assignments and stick to the scrambled schedule from before. Nap during lunch and eat in the back of the class during English.
Camila looks at you like you're crazy. "Damn girl you're even more dedicated than I am."
Oops. Was that out loud?
"It's called work smarter not harder, Y/n."
"I work both smarter and harder," you smile like your day's been the best you ever had, reciprocating the playful attitude, "it's a full proof plan, Cam."
"Yeah into an early casket." She rebuttals, slanting an eyebrow. "Don't you have last lunch period? Because I had it last year and was starving everyday. I could not wait until last class to eat."
"Yeah well I'm probably just gonna sleep now since my brain isn't even here to do any kind of work correctly."
"I'd say that's better for your immediate health, yeah." Camila deadpans with a nod.
You muster up a laugh, slumping back towards the front. Now that you thought about it, you hadn't noticed your hunger quite as much today. When you tried to remember what you ate last there was nothing. It probably should've been concerning how much the first half of the day you really didn't remember, but, oh well.
At least you had over an hour to catch up on sleep, and then could look forward to Mikey's food. You hadn't even checked what he packed for you in anticipation, which truly was one of the only better parts of the school day. And now that it's suddenly Friday, you only had one class after this before you were done for the week. It seemed impossible this day was finally working out for you.
But the substitute proceeded to hand out a single worksheet and play the corresponding video at the front of class. When the old woman sat at your teacher's desk she looked like she wouldn't be moving from that spot for the rest of the hour. Which meant nap time. The busy work wasn't enough to worry about for a final grade anyway.
Camila got comfortable and switched between paying attention to the video and looking at stuff on her phone, like most of the class. There was a couple others who abandoned the assignment too, for their own sleep or screen time. You scooted yourself up to the table and promptly shoved your hoody over your head, becoming dead to the world once again. It didn't even matter the video teaching the importance of safety in the kitchen was playing the whole time, the moment the light was cut off and you nestled your head into your crossed arms, you finally felt the relief of sleep.
It didn't feel like much later the audio stopped and you faintly heard the sub saying something about taking it easy for the last five minutes left in class. She reminded everyone to turn in their completed questions sheet before leaving, and the rising volume of everyone else chattering now that the class was practically over further woke you from your slumber.
You definitely could've used another hour at least, but it wasn't as bad as the drowsiness you had before. What bothered you more was the sudden ache in the side of your head that wasn't there before your slumber. The lights came back on, and resisting the urge to pull your hoody further over your head, you sluggishly sat up and rubbed at your eyes.
You stretched your arms, carefully since on a stool and still weary, quietly yawning as you relaxed. When you opened your eyes you saw a completed assignment being slid next to your blank one.
"Here."
You blinked again, and glanced over to Cam. "Are you sure? I was just gonna take the L."
She didn't look away from her phone, shrugging. "Yeah. It's no big deal."
"... Are you sure you don't hate me for always cheating off of you?"
Her eyes widened until she laughed and looked right at you. "Oh my god just copy the worksheet."
You laugh a little too, then pull out a pencil. "Thanks."
"Mhm." Knowingly, she grins, returning to her social medias.
You started replicating the answers on your own paper, hastily but still subtle before the sub might come around or the bell might ring. You pulled the hoody from your head as it became much too warm with it on. With one hand you grabbed your folder to cool yourself off while still writing with the other. You had gotten halfway through until hearing Camila speak up.
"... You are on fire."
"Yeah it's hot as hell in here." You agreed, scribbling another one down.
"No, it's freezing like it always is, and you're sweating..."
But you hadn't heard her in the midst of wrestling your zip up hoody off so it would hang around your waist and wrists. It was much better now that your skin could breathe. You shook your head, pushing away the tiredness that still lingered around you. About to return to copying answers down, you noticed it was suddenly quieter.
You glanced up to see someone from the table in front of you had caught sight of you. The other student they had stopped talking to follow their gaze and also looked at you, eyes eventually falling lower.
Clearly missing something, you look over to Cam who has gone quiet first. She was staring too, down at your shirt, or...
Thinking something was on you, you look down expecting a bug or some stain on your clothes. But you don't notice anything. Just your completely clean t-shirt and– your arms.
Your bare arms stuck out of the short sleeves, an alarming sight since you've hardly let your arms be uncovered since they scarred over. You always wore long sleeves now. It was getting cold enough to and they didn't bring you unwanted attention, but you had completely forgotten you threw on the closest shirt you could find this morning, something short-sleeved, before rushing out of the lair. And under the fluorescent lighting the scarring littering up and down your arms were impossible to miss.
A cold chill jolted you awake. Your skin crawled knowing sets of eyes spying all over them. In one quick swoop you pulled the jacket sleeves up over your arms and shoulders, hugging the material tightly around you. Your face had flushed, turning cold now as your heart started pounding.
Suddenly awake again, you didn't have the guts to look up. You didn't need to to know.
Please stop staring please stop staring please stop staring...
"Y/n... are you okay?"
Shit.
"I'm fine."
You unclench your hands, zeroing your attention back to the worksheet. You just barely manage to start writing again as you tried to seem normal, like everything was fine. You focused on the blended conversations as the rest of the class was still talking, forcing your pencil to move until hopefully the stares were gone.
Even as you saw the two girls sitting in front of you turn back around, you could still feel Camila's occasional glancing. You knew she wanted to ask. She was always the mom friend of f/a and you were sure those senses were probably tingling right now. But in her hesitation and sensitivity of others you felt just a little less worse knowing she probably wouldn't just outright ask you about what she saw right now.
By the time you finished the assignment you were burning up in that jacket, and the pressure in your temples had only gotten worse. But wanting to make yourself as unnoticeable as possible, you resist the urge to fan yourself again, and slide your cheat sheet back over. "Thanks again."
"Yeah, no problem."
Both your voices failed to completely mask the discomfort, but with perfect timing the bell finally rang. Lunch would give you a break. You grabbed your things and headed for the door, amongst the rest of the class filing out. The shot of adrenaline had dissipated through your body, making the waves of languidness and full body discomfort rush back tenfold. What was up with all the back and forth today?
"Uh– you need help getting to your locker?"
You hand the sub your worksheet as you pass her by the door on your way out. "No. Why?" You answer in confusion, not expecting that to be what she asked you.
"I'm pretty sure you're sick."
"I'm just tired. I'll crash at home," you shake your head, hearing the slurring and fumbling over words. You rub at the side of your head, trying to pay attention enough to get back to your locker as the bright lights became too much.
You hear something else from Cam that you can't make out, unsure of why. Was that in Spanish, or is it just because of the black spreading at the ends of my vision?
"Y/n!"
Oh. That was it. The black shadows from my dreams are consuming my vision. They must be messing with my ears too because
everything was distant and echoing until... until...
The last thing you see is the ground rushing up towards you.
Then it all went black.