Five games in, seven goals scored, eight assists given but still it wasn't enough. You would think it would be enough but it wasn't.
People were still doubting me. In the beginning they were doubting my skill and now it was my mental state that was the talk of the town. Would I be strong enough to handle the pressure of the next game and potentially the final. People didn't seem to think so.
Besides the outside world putting more stress on me there still was the fact that I did have to play some of my best friends and I wasn't looking forward to that at all.
Leah had called me a day before the game. She knew I would feel bad about the whole situation. She reassured me that everything was going to be fine. We both promised each other that at the end of the game there were no hard feelings shared.
To make matters worse Pinoe picked up a minor injury during training so Christen had to fill in for her. Though I had all the confidence in the world that she would do great, it's never fun to see another teammate go down with an injury.
It was a little before the game and I went to the tunnel to start. Some of the England players were already there waiting to get in line to walk out. To kill some time I greeted them and wished them luck.
Before I knew it, everyone was getting in line to walk out when I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder.
"Good luck." Leah gave my shoulder a light squeeze.
I looked at the English girl and smiled back at her. "Thanks, you too."
"Don't get in your head too much. May the best girl win." She smirked.
"May the best girl win." We did our little handshake and she resumed her way to the bench.
In the tenth minute I made a run to the right side of the field, receiving the ball from Kelley. With one touch, I instantly turned around and sprinted with the ball down the field outrunning Kiera. Upon reaching the backline there was only one more defender in front of me.
In the corner of my eye I saw Christen making her run into the box. With a swift motion I danced around my defender and crossed the ball directly towards Christen in the hopes she could put her head against it.
I fell to my knees. Seeing her score, throwing her hands up and looking at the sky. I knew what the goal meant to her. It was hard controlling my tears. Kelley fell down on my back, throwing her arms around me. She too knew Stacy well and she too knew what it meant to Chris.
After most teammates had congratulated Chris, she ran to me, pulling me into a tight hug.
"She's so proud of you and so am I." I mumbled into her shoulder.
"That means the world to me." She tightened her grip just a bit more.
I pulled away from the hug to get back to my position. "Come on, let's finish this."
She grabbed my wrist and kissed the tattoo on it. After that we walked back to our positions.
Our high of the goal didn't last long though. Nine minutes or so later Ellen White scored the equalizer and just like in the game against Spain we had to get ourselves back together and fast.
Luckily in the thirtieth minute I was able to assist Alex in scoring a goal. She ran straight to me and just like we had discussed, we both did the 'sipping tea' gesture referring to all the hate we had gotten during the tournament and us proving to the haters that the hate wasn't necessary 'and that's the tea.'
The second half was a whirlwind of emotions. Ellen White managed to score again only this time luckily she was offside.
Then England got awarded a penalty. According to the England players and the VAR Becky wrongly took down Ellen in the box. I disagreed with the decision but nevertheless the penalty was given. While some of my teammates were complaining to the ref I went to Alyssa.
"You got this. I know you do. You just need to believe it too." I grabbed her wrist and gave it a reassuring squeeze.
Before any of my teammates would get booked for complaining I intervened, telling them we need to be here for Alyssa now. We all took our places and Steph took a few steps back, ready to take the shot.
Right before the ref blew her whistle, Alyssa looked at me one more time, giving each other a nod before she focused back on the ball.
And she did it. She fucking stopped the penalty. I ran to her, patted her back and ran back up the field.
When the whistle blew I felt the world lift off my shoulders. The first one I ran to was Alyssa. I jumped into her arms and koala hugged her.
"Thank you for believing in me." She mumbled into my shoulder. "Not just today but since the beginning of this whole crazy rollercoaster."
"Any time." I released her from the hug and looked around the field. It perfectly summed up what a tournament is all about. On the same pitch there was euforia, people who were celebrating, laughing, dancing and then there was devastation.
Most of the England players were sitting down crying or staring at the grass or sky in disbelief. To be honest it broke my heart, but I was on a mission. I needed to find the one person on that squad that meant the most to me.
I'm proud of you." I knew that voice by heart. It belonged to the girl I was desperately looking for.
I didn't say anything. I just pulled her into a hug, overwhelmed with everything I was feeling. "I'm so sorry." I sobbed.
She tried to comfort me the best way that she could. Whispering little sweet nothings in my ear. "Hey, hey, shh. It's okay. You did what you had to do. Just promise me you'll win it."
For the first time since the end of the game I looked her in the eye. "I'm gonna win this thing for you."
After consoling some of the England players we went back to the hotel to celebrate a bit amongst the team but not before the usual press conference and seeing as it was a very tight game that could have gone easily in favor of the England team, you could only imagine it would be a wild ride.
Luckily it wasn't me who had to go but like I had guessed the next day there was a lot of talk about the game. Especially about the way Alex and I celebrated the second goal.
"Queenie, stop getting inside your own head. I can hear your brain from here." Rose groaned from her side of the couch.
We were chilling with some of the youngsters in the lounge room but ever since the articles from yesterday, saying that I was a horrible friend for the way I celebrated and again that it was disrespectful, I couldn't stop thinking about it.
"Have you read the articles?" I asked her. Rose sighed, thinking how to handle this situation in the best way.
"No. I've seen them but I haven't read them." She told me.
"And you shouldn't either. They are bull Ellie." Lindsay piped in.
"They say that the England players are angry with me." I completely ignored Lindsay's previous comment, looking down at the ground.
"They're not angry with you." Abby walked by and stood behind the couch where I was sitting. She placed her hands on my shoulders and gave them a light squeeze.
"Abby's right Ellie." Sam plopped down next to me. "They're not angry with you and if you don't believe that then call them." She grabbed my phone from the table and handed it to me. While she did that the screen lit up, making her smirk.
"Or you can talk to someone else." She wiggled her eyebrows, causing me to blush.
"I'm fine, thanks." I mumbled, answering Alexia's text.
"Sure, you are. How are things going with the hot Spanish midfielder?" Sonnet smirked at me. I didn't answer, I simply glared at the defender.
"How many times do I have to tell you that she's just a friend?" I groaned, throwing my head back.
"As many times until you realize it's a lie."
Again I stopped answering and just glared at her. Luckily Mall seemed to sense my frustration and decided to change the subject.
"Moving on, where are you gonna play next season now you have left Arsenal." She looked at me expectantly but I shrugged my shoulders.
My move to Barcelona was top secret. Nobody knew about it, not even my national teammates or future teammates.
"You'll find out soon enough." I winked.
"Really?!" Mall groaned, obviously expecting me to tell her.
"Does someone beside you know?" This time it was Rose again.
I took a second to answer, thinking how I could answer her but my silence kind of gave me away.
"Let me guess SHE knows." Sonnet raised her eyebrow.
Again I didn't immediately answer her which she took as a yes. "Of course she does, proving my point." She scoffed.
"Look I asked the club not to announce anything okay and in return they asked me if I kept it quiet as well so they could do a big reveal. Alexia knows because she overheard me on the phone and Leah knows because, well she's Leah. She understands what Arsenal means to me." I explained, hoping it would get them off my back.
"Fine." Sonnet grumbled. "But you better text me when they announce it."
"Promise. Now if you excuse me. I'm heading to my room" I sweetly smiled at my friends.
Rose pov:
"We're going to do something, right? I mean. She has really put the idea in her head that the English team hates her." I looked at my friends, wondering.
"Agreed. But what do we do? I mean I don't know any of these players." Sonnet shrugs.
"No but maybe Chris, Ali or Kelley do?" Abby pitched in.
"Maybe." Mall mumbled.
We sat there in silence, debating what to do and more importantly, how to do it when suddenly Sam jumped up, causing us to flinch.
"Kristie does!"
"She does what?" I asked her, not following what she was talking about.
"She has Rachel's number!" She explained. "Wait. I have Rachel's number too." She suddenly realized, laughing at us sheepishly. "Oops."
Abby slapped her hand over her head. "Just call her."
And she did. Rachel obviously said what we all were thinking, that she understood where it came from and that they definitely weren't mad. She and her team would talk with Ellie to set this right. Let's just hope that that will ease her mind.
Back to Ellie's pov
I was in my room scrolling away on my phone going through all the articles the media had written about me. Somewhere deep down in my mind I knew this was not a good idea but I couldn't help it.
I was going through yet another article when a FaceTime request was sent to me by Leah. My thoughts instantly went into a negative spiral. Did she change her mind and was she mad?
"Hello?" Reluctantly I picked up.
"Hey, Queenie. You're alone?" Leah's face appeared on my screen.
"Uhm yeah, I am." I stuttered out, nervous about what's to come.
"Good." She flipped her phone around and placed it down on the table so the whole English squad came into the frame.
"We need to talk with you Queenie." It was Lucy Bronze we spook up first. Internally, I freaked out. This was it. This was the moment they were gonna yell at me.
"Stop freaking out." Steph Houghton laughed. I reluctantly looked at my screen again.
"We're not mad at you so stop thinking we are." Jill chuckled. "I mean do we like you a little less now? Yes but that's because you played too well instead of the celebration."
"JILL!" Steph hit her on the shoulder.
"Aww!" She rubbed her shoulder. "I was just joking." This eased my mind a bit and for the first time since I started to read the articles, there was a small smile on my face.
"There is that smile." Lucy laughed.
"Look kid, we're not angry at you if anything we understand where you're coming from." Ellen started again.
"So stop getting in your own head and kick ass in the final." Steph finished for the striker.
"I'll try. Thanks." I smiled at the team on the other side of the screen.
"Anytime." Jill returned the smile.
"Goodluck" They said.
I said goodbye to most of the English squad till it was only Leah left.
"I have to go. We have practice in an hour. I'll see you at the final." She assured me.
"Yeah, see you after." I was about to hang up when she called my name.
"Hey, I'm with you." I knew she was still skeptical over the fact that I was actually okay.
"Till the end of the line." I smiled at her, doing my best to convince her.
"Always." We finished at the same time.
"Don't forget it." She winked.
After we hung up I decided to go to bed early and watch some reruns of glee. Those always gave me some comfort. It was either glee or friends.
"Yo Que-, what's wrong?" Kelley asked when she walked in.
"What? Nothings wrong. Why?" I wondered.
"You're watching reruns of glee. You only do that whenever something is bothering you." She looked at me intently. I wasn't the best at sharing my feelings and Kelley knew that as no other so she was obviously hoping that this time it would be different.
"I'm fine, Kelley. I promise." I saw the disappointment in her eyes. I knew she wished for a different answer but the truth is I don't even know how I feel.
"If you say so. How about we go to bed early today. It's gonna be a hectic few days." She kicked her shoes off and went to the bathroom to change. I waited a bit till she returned to answer the question.
"Okay, can you sleep with me?" I looked at her with pleading eyes. I was feeling off and I couldn't help it. I craved some contact and Kelley had to make do. To be honest, the person's touch I actually craved for wasn't here. She was in another room in the hotel with her teammates.
"I'm sorry but I'm dating the other Queen sibling." Kelley smirked, making me laugh.
"Piss off. You know what I meant." I grumbled and rolled my eyes.
"I know, I was just kidding. "With that she crawled in bed with me and let me snuggle up against her. Her presence eased my nerves and worries a bit but it was nothing compared to the calming effect a certain Spaniard had on me even though I would never admit that.