Arthit
"Merry Christmas!" Watching everyone around him cheer and shout as they congratulated, hugged, and kissed one another Arthit did his best to smile. Unconsciously he twiddled with a ring that was no longer there. While looking at his friend Bright and Rome kissing under the mistletoe tears blurred his eyes as he witnessed one of the craziest in their ex-hazer group get on one knee to ask the other man to marry him.
"You okay?" Knott his best friend walked over to offer some comfort to him.
"I'm fine."
"Arthit. I know you hate anyone bringing this up but. It's been a year now. In the time since that happened with Nong Kongpob. You've been like this."
"I'm okay. It's just the season. I think I'm catching a cold. Maybe I should head back home." Without another word, he simply headed out of Bright's bar and made his way outside. Somehow, this season also felt suffocating.
Back then, he thought that he was going to lose his mind. Breathing had become unbearable and he'd wanted to simply get out of there. He had not realized he was not wearing any shoes until he heard people gasping around him. He had been lucky that he had not gotten frostbite. He had nowhere to go other than Kongpob and Byul. Arthit had not known anyone else in China. He remembers going into a small motel someone there bought him a pair of slippers. His luggage and everything had been left in Kongpob's apartment. With no choice, he called Byul. Within a couple of hours, she had gone to pick him up with her parents. He had apologized, cried, and repeated that cycle over and over again.
Byul had immediately sent her father over to get his things.
"If he gets difficult father can beat him up. He was a boxer." Byul had said to him. Arthit remembers staying for only a couple more hours. He knew how Kongpob was and left before his luggage had even arrived. Byul had agreed to ship it to him as soon as she could. Arthit had then spent about two weeks at his parent's house crying like a little baby over his heartbreak.
They had been so afraid that he would get sick as he refused to eat anything. Not that he could keep anything down. When he finally had gotten back to work he worked himself to the bone for the next month or so until he collapsed due to lack of sleep, proper eating, and plain exhaustion.
It was Knot, Bright, Prem, and Tutah who had remained at his side. They had chosen to go away for a weekend. They allowed Arthit to get so drunk and cry on their shoulders. They never spoke of it again. They were his best friends and they knew that this was something Arthit simply hoped to forget. But Kongpob had been the love of his life, his soulmate. The person he had loved most in this world. Arthit doubted that there would really be someone else after that man that he loved so much.
A year had passed since the last time he talked to the other man. That did not mean that he did not have memories that reminded him of Kongpob. After everything that happened, he had chosen to move out of his old apartment. It had too many memories of the two, it was his choice after Kongpob had continued to call him, email him, text him, he had gone so far as to send him gifts. The love box that Arthit had set up in his room had remained unplugged after it spun for an entire day without stopping.
He knew that they could not leave things as they were. He sent a letter to the other man begging to be let go. There was only so much that he could do but he sent back the gear with it. Since then Kongpob had left him alone.
Any memory that he had with the other man as painful as it was to get rid of; he had. He stored them at his parent's house as he did not want any reminders. He had told himself that when he was ready he would get rid of them. Arriving at his apartment he stopped fighting back tears.
"How much more was he to suffer?" Deep in his heart, he had always felt that Kongpob was too good for him. The man was kind, sweet, and romantic. Arthit had always thought the other man loved him much more than he deserved. Never once would Arthit have thought that they would end up like this.
He wondered if Kongpob was happy. Perhaps he and that Sam guy were now together. He wondered if he was missed. If he was ever thought about... Love... Kongpob's love had been the happiest he had ever been but it had also been the most painful. Like he did many other nights, this night was no exception. Arthit cried himself to sleep.
Kongpob
(2 months after Arthit and Kongpob broke up.)
Dear Kongpob,
I don't know what to say or how to start. But I want to ask that you please leave me alone. Moving on from you is not easy. You have been my world for a very long time. Being with you has taught me many things. I felt lucky for a very long time. Despite how fearful I was to love you and to have this kind of love with someone I was glad that it was you.
Months ago before you left I broke up with you. It was my choice to do so simply because I wanted to cherish you. I wanted to cherish our love as a beautiful memory. That did not mean that I did not hold hope. Hope that you would come back after two years and come and find me.
I hoped that our love would somehow withstand those two years and you would come back. I wanted to break up so that you would not feel any guilt should you meet someone new and fall in love with them. I always knew that was a possibility. Whether it was something temporary or perhaps a love that would last longer than ours, I hardened my heart and steadied myself for that.
But you gave me hope. I gave myself hope. At the time, you always gave me courage. First, to accept my feelings, then to openly express our love in front of others. The most important thing you taught me was how to love not only you but myself. Maybe in your eyes, I have always loved you less or have had less courage. I have always known that you deserve better. But Kongpob, can you at least let me be a little selfish? Just once more?
It might seem a little pathetic but I beg you to let me go now. We have grown as much as we could and have given all that we have. Perhaps one day we can be friends. But now, thinking of you hurts. Having you message me, call me, sending me gifts further causes that wound in my heart to be unable to heal.
Please Kong... I know that you regret and perhaps you want to apologize. But I cannot hear it. I don't want to hear it now. What I want is space. Space to heal. Space to move on. Perhaps in the future, we can meet again. But love? Trust? That is something we can never get back.
I've placed the gear that we share in this letter. I'm giving you back your heart. You can keep mine. Good Bye.
~Arthit.
Reading that letter had only further devastated Kongpob. He sat alone in his apartment, the locks had been changed, measures had been taken where the locks could not be picked and he had moved to another apartment. He wanted nothing to do with what happened that night. He loved him so much perhaps he had been holding on too tightly.
He had tried his best to explain things. He had been drunk, he must have been out of his mind to do such a mistake. But reading Arthit's letter further broke him. He had lost the love of his life in the span of hours and this further solidified that he was hurting his P'Arthit. He had done enough. Being this selfish, being this pushy, he had always pushed and pushed and pushed. Yet he was a coward. Despite wanting to be out and proud he was yet to come out to his own parents. Tightly, he held onto the letter and gear. He wished he could simply fly back home but he knew his P'Arthit enough to realize he had pushed too hard.
His phone began to ring and when he realized it was Wad he picked it up.
"Hello..."
"Kongpob." Wad's tone indicated that something was wrong. The other man rarely said much but he didn't really have to.
"Is something wrong? P'Arthit..." There was a feeling at the pit of his stomach as Wad sighed.
"He's been admitted to the hospital due to exhaustion. He collapsed." Shutting his eyes tightly Kongpob tried his best to fight tears. Swallowing the lump in his throat as he tried to maintain his composure, he spoke.
"Is he okay?"
"He's going to be. But I thought you should know what happened." Silence lingered between them and after a few moments of silence Wad sighed.
"Look Kongpob. We're friends and I know you were drunk. I have no doubt that you wouldn't have done something like this to P'Arthit had you not been. I know that you're hurt too but P'Arthit is struggling." Tears were running down his eyes and he pressed a hand to his mouth to stop his sobs from being heard.
"I don't want you to feel guilty but P'Arthit is really having a hard time. He missed work for a really long time, his friends had no clue where he was and when he did show up he simply worked himself to the bone. He's hardly gotten any sleep, or eaten properly. He's lost a lot of weight... Kongpob. I'm asking you this for both your sakes. Let him grieve your relationship properly. Let him hurt without having you constantly present and trying to frantically win him back."
"I don't know how to do that Wad. I love him so much he's my everything he's the person I can't live without. How can I just leave him when I love him so much." Kongpob cried. He was feeling miserable.
"I know... I'm sorry Kongpob. But right now I think you both need time and when you come back maybe then you can-" Kongpob began to shake his head frantically.
"I'm afraid. What if he meets someone new? What if he can never forgive me? What if he forgets how much I love him? I don't want him to love someone else. I don't want him to hate me."
"Kongpob. You need to work things out on your end too. You need time to think. You need time to come to him with answers should he want that from you. You also need to prepare yourself in knowing that he might never want to hear from you again." Despite his tears, Kongpob found himself nodding.
"I know." He whispered.
"Look Kongpob. I know it's hard right now but you need to focus on your studies, that's all you really need to do..."
(3rd Person)
"Come on Kongpob. Open up!" Abbie and Jin were both frantically knocking on his door trying to get him to open it. It had been about six months since the incident at Christmas happened. Since then, the group had altogether avoided hanging out. Kongpob had not made either of their friends pick a side. In fact, he had asked to be left alone. Both Abbie and Jin respected it only sending some check-in texts here and there. They hung out separately only once after Kongpob had gathered his thoughts. Sam had been different. He had called texted, messaged, and tried to stay friends but Kongpob punched him and told him he never wanted to see him again. Moving apartments solidified that and Sam finally left him alone.
Now, however, all three were worried. Kongpob was working himself to the bone. He had been taking extra classes, he was rarely seen without a book in his hand. Most of his free time he spent at the university library studying and in between a few classes he would either sleep or eat. The more time that went on the more tired he seemed to become.
The past couple of days, however, they were worried. They had not seen Kongpob around campus at all. Granted, they did not have classes with him but when they had not seen him at the library they began to worry.
"Kongpob! Are you in there? Open the door?"
"Oh move out of the way!" It was Sam that walked over to them pushing past both of them and began to pick the lock. But when it did not open he realized Kongpob had more than likely used other methods.
"He most likely used a portable door lock. Which means he's in there." Abbie spoke. Only growing more concerned.
Together with Jin, both he and Sam began to try and break the door open. Abbie called downstairs for security. In the end, police had to be called and when breaking into the apartment they found Kongpob collapsed. His appendix had burst and he had to be rushed to the hospital for emergency surgery.
His parents had flown in immediately to China on their private plane and were on their way. Abbie, Jin, and Sam were all standing outside the room. It took about an hour and a half before doctors came in and let them know Kongpob needed absolute rest. Because they were not relatives they needed to wait outside.
"You. This is all your fault right." Jin was the one to break the silence. Sam glared at him before speaking.
"I did nothing wrong," Sam spoke shoving Jin against the wall.
"Nothing wrong? Are you kidding?" Jin scoffed pushing him back.
"Woah, guys!" Abbie immediately stood in between them.
"It was consensual."
"Would you quit saying that!" This time it was Abbie who snapped at him.
"It was! He's an adult and-"
"And he was drunk out of his mind! How could he possibly consent to be with you."
"I was drunk too-"
"You had two drinks that night. It was why we let you take him back to his apartment. You took advantage of him and ruined his relationship." Abbie spoke.
"I ruined nothing. They were going to break up anyway. Long distance never works out." Sam shrugged.
"That wasn't your call. We've known you for years. Anything you want you always do whatever is necessary to get but Kongpob made it clear to you that he was not interested, he was happy and in love with his partner. And what did you gain from this? One stupid night that was meaningless and meant nothing to you ruined his relationship and possibly his life." Jin snapped.
"It was one person. He'll move on and get over it. That guy didn't seem to care too much about Kongpob anyway."
"And what do you know? You've never actually taken the time to ask Kongpob about his relationship all you've done is give your opinion on something and someone you know nothing about."
"All he does is nag and nag and nag. How is that love? All he does is call Kongpob and message constantly and all Kongpob does is update where he is, what he's doing, who he's with every single day like-"
"Like someone that's in love. Nag? Worrying about Kongpob eating properly and making sure that he's taking care of himself is called concern. Updating what he's doing who he's with, constant messages. Kongpob does that on his own. His partner never once asked him to do that. Wanting to make as much time for him as he could messages, texts, calls it's all part of not only making a long distance relationship work but it's part of being in love." Abbie explains.
"To you, this might not seem like it because you don't know what it's like to love someone. To want to spend every waking moment with them. They are the first person you think about when you wake up and the last thing you think about before you go to sleep. They make you want to be a better person and being with and without them makes you smile. It's not all about the happy moments but it's also about knowing how to be there for the bad ones, the fights, and the tears and working through milestones and problems and so much more. What would you know about love if you've seen true love around you and called it meaningless?" Abbie questioned.
"And how do you know that what I feel for Kongpob isn't love?" This time Jin scoffs before he speaks.
"You're obsessed. Kongpob is like a piece of candy that was held in someone else's fingers. His love, affection, and attention were so focused on his boyfriend you couldn't fathom the possibility that there was a man that could tell you no."
"That's not true."
"Then why did you wait until Kongpob was drunk out of his mind to make a move on him? Why not do it while he was sober? For months you tried pushing boundaries that Kongpob had tried to set. You say you love him but if this is how you love someone then I'd hate to see the way you treat your enemies." Jin spoke.
"I did-"
"You broke two people that loved each other. I spoke to Kongpob a couple of months after what you did. His boyfriend was a mess. He ended up collapsing and their friends asked that Kongpob leave him alone. You ruined two people's lives and the fact that you can stand here and look us in the face and feel no remorse for the pain you put the person you say you love is just... disgusting..."
"Excuse us." Startled they see a man and a woman standing in front of them. The woman has tears in her eyes and the man's eyes seem to harden as they look at Sam.
"Are you our son's friends?"
"We are." Abbie speaks politely.
"How is he?" The woman questions.
"Sleeping. He was cleared already. We just. Weren't allowed in because we aren't family and well... he's resting."
"I'll go get a nurse so they can clear you," Abbie spoke up.
"I'll go with you." The woman spoke. For a moment, silence lingered in the air before Kongpob's father spoke.
"Go home." Sam was startled when he realized the man was speaking to him.
"I don't care who you are but I've heard what has been said. And I don't want the person who has caused my son to be in this state to be here when he wakes up."
"Sir I."
"Arthit is a good boy. He's cared for and loved my son well enough to give both his mother and I peace in his choice of a partner. But you have ruined that for him. So I ask that you not come near him again I will personally file a report to the police against you for sexual assault."
Thank you guys for reading. Sorry for the delay. I am prepping for New Year and it has been a bit of a mess.