A/N: Possible trigger warning
~ 5 Years After Wedding. ~
~Abigail age 25, Tom age 31 ~
"Tom..." I say weakly to my husband, a broken sob in my voice. "I... I can't do this anymore. I can't keep doing this."
"Darling." Tom calls to me with a heartbroken tone. "We can still try other means."
"No." I sob out. "I can't keep getting my hopes up every month. I can't keep taking all these potions and using experimental charms. It's not working. And it hurts... Tom it hurts so much each time it doesn't work." I cry out, and he finally joins me on the bathroom floor and holds me tightly as I sob into his shoulder.
For five years now we've been trying to have a child. At first we tried the natural way, but after a year I still wasn't pregnant so we went to the healers at St. Mungo's to see why. They couldn't find anything particularly wrong with us, so they gave us each a potion to increase our chances. After those didn't work, they tried spells. When those failed, Tom took it upon himself to try different potions or spells. We even went to muggle doctors to see if they could find a reason, but they were insistent we were both showing healthy signs.
Over the last year though, I've been growing more stressed out and depressed from the constant disappointment every month. My depression hit its worst when I had finally missed my period and let hope form in my chest, only to find out it was a false alarm a few weeks later, the last potion having started to mess with my monthly cycle. I was getting scared about what else the potions and spells might be doing to me, and honestly I just reached a point where my heart couldn't handle the anticipation and disappointment anymore. Which is what lead me to my bathroom floor, my monthly cycle just starting it's first day yet again, and my heart shattering.
"I'm so sorry, Darling." Tom says softly to me as he holds me at my lowest moment. "I just wanted to give you everything you wanted, and I can't give you what you want the most." He is also crying too, the reality of our failure not sitting well with him.
"You have given me everything I wanted, Tom." I say stubbornly. "Maybe... it just has to do with our souls, or maybe our resurrections. Or maybe it just isn't meant to be." I whisper out. "But either way, I can't keep taking these experiments anymore. I can't keep hoping and then having it all fail. If... if we are meant to have children, it can happen naturally on its own, but I won't keep trying to force it, Tom. I won't. It hurts too much."
"I know, Darling, I know. I'm so sorry." He whispers out to me as he strokes my hair. He holds me for several long moments as we both cry together before he lifts me up into his arms and lays me on the bed, crawling in next to me and holding me tightly. "We can always adopt, if you want to."
"I..." I struggle out, and then sigh. "As much as I like that idea, I don't think I can. At least not now. I need to let my heart heal for now. I really... just need some time after this. Besides, maybe the timing is best for now, work is sending me to Romania so often these days."
My role as a Curse Breaker ended up evolving into me becoming a Runes Specialist for Gringotts. Charlie's dragon compound has a Runes Specialist that has been helping there for over 40 years and is now retiring, so he's been training me on what runes they use to help the dragons. Gringotts partners with the dragon reserve since dragons can be trained to guard the vaults, so I moved from being Bill's apprentice, to a full time Curse Breaker in Rome for a year, to now being the apprentice of the retiring Runes Specialist.
I'm excited for the new position. I didn't like traveling to Rome every week and being away from my husband and family, only seeing them on the weekends if I could even manage to go home at all. But the new apprenticeship will be hitting it's prime time here soon, and I'll be gone for three months solid in Romania to do the annual runes barriers for the dragons. The beasts end up scorching off the barriers every year, and they take a lot of time and delicate practice to re-establish them, and this will be my first run through before I take over the position permanently.
"At least you have James." Tom says softly, and I do feel a smile blooming in my lips at the thought of my godson. "He brings you a lot of happiness."
"He is my little angel." I admit softly.
James Sirius Potter is now a one year old, and he is my bright little star. I'm his godmother, both Harry and Ginny asked me right away because I mean so much to both of them. I'm always the first they ask to babysit or to just hang out with James, and frankly I see James almost as much as I see Tom these days because I love him so much. Ginny also just got signed to the Holyhead Harpies quidditch team, so she's very busy while Harry is a new Auror now, freshly out of his training years. My Runes Specialist apprenticeship position gives me weeks at a time at home, just studying, so I'm in a perfect position to watch over James whenever.
"Are you disappointed?" I ask my husband quietly while we lay together. "I couldn't give you children, I know how much you wanted them."
"I could never be disappointed with you, Abigail Black-Drake." He says firmly, lifting my chin so my eyes could meet his. I see the sincerity in his eyes as he is speaking. "I don't need children to be happy with you."
"But you were so looking forward to teaching them and guiding them." I whisper out sadly.
"There are others I can teach. Like James, or Teddy." He says truthfully. Teddy took an instant liking to Tom ever since he was a one year old, which never ceases to amaze me. Teddy is a ball of energy who is constantly changing his hair color to match whoever he is talking to, but with Tom he changes it to emerald green every time. I'm also godmother to Teddy, but since Remus's Ministry position allows him the freedom to mostly be a stay at home dad, I only really watch his now five year old self during the full moons when he comes and stays here and plays with Tom.
"Actually... That is something I've been thinking about lately." He says hesitantly and I look at him curiously.
"What is? Teddy?" I ask in confusion.
"No, teaching." He says with a furrowed brow. "I am not... challenged much at my job anymore. It... well honestly it bores me, and I am finding it pointless." He admits and I nod in understanding. He got a couple of promotions, and while honorable, they took him out of the practical part of his position and placed him more on the committee side. He is always tired and slightly irritated once he gets off work because he has to debate pointless things during his day. "I was thinking I would like to teach someday."
"Well..." I say hesitantly. "That was your original goal when you were a young boy. We could reach out to Minnie and Snape, see if there's an opportunity at Hogwarts."
"You don't think they will hold my past against me, do you? I know my other self did awful things to that school, from cursing it to waging a war there." He is quiet as he worries.
"No, I don't think they will." I say quickly to reassure him. "They may watch over you, make sure you aren't being unfair to muggleborns or anything, but they've seen your progress these last 6 years since you were reborn. Heck, they were at our wedding! Let's reach out, just to get an idea, ok?"
"Do you think it a good idea?" He asks me in a soft voice. "If I got the job, I would be at the castle during the school year."
"Oh." I realize his meaning then and frown lightly. "I didn't think of that. I wouldn't get to see you much, especially with my travelling for work."
"We could... we could move to Hogsmeade." He says in contemplation after a while. "You mentioned the twins were expanding to there with a second joke shop, perhaps you could work from that location when you aren't in Romania. And that way, I could spend my weekends with you there. I wouldn't be a head of house, I wouldn't need to spend weekends on campus."
"Or I could just sneak in or sneak you out, I do know about 8 ways to break in and out of the school." I smirk with hope forming. "Fred's nearing on closing on the old Zonko's joke shop now. Ron's going to be taking over working with George at the Diagon Alley shop once they close on the deal. I could work with Fred at the Hogsmeade branch. I know Angelina is excited to raise Rebel there once she's born." I got to help name Fred and Angelina's daughter since once again, I'm a godmother to another of my friend's children. George just recently proposed to Verity and I know it won't be long before I have another godchild from him too, especially since he already told me he hopes he has twins so he can dump them off with me.
"Let's reach out in the morning." Tom kisses the side of my head, an honestly excited tone in his voice. "We can send your blasted little vermin over to McGonagall." He adds with a chuckle, and I slap him in his chest.
"Don't hate on Bruce." I scold him. Bruce still doesn't like Tom, and he seems to often tag team with Nix on terrorizing my husband whenever Harry is over. "He's my precious little batty, and you just didn't make the cut on who he likes." I stick my tongue out at him indignantly, but he just swooped down and captures it before I could pull it away, kissing my deeply as he chuckles heartily from deep in his chest.
"Goodnight, my darling wife." He says once we part for air. "Wait... just because we aren't trying the potions anymore, does that mean we won't be..." He gets really nervous all of a sudden and I burst into laughter, giggling uncontrollably.
"That's right, we're never having sex again, sweet husband." I tease him once I can breathe again. "Never ever again!" I mock him between giggles.
"Alright I get it, I just panicked, stop laughing at me!" He complains as he flips us over and pins me down with a glare as I'm still giggling. He shuts me up with a kiss then, making me moan as he's holding me tightly.
"As much as I want to, it's that time of the month. Sorry Darling, better luck next week." I wink at my husband and then wrap myself into the blankets. After a few minutes, I realize how much better he made me feel after my earlier depression, and wrap my arms tightly around him. "Thank you for being the best husband. I feel better now, all thanks to you. You were my light in my darkness today, and you often are. You're a good man, Tom Drake-Black. Hopefully soon to be Professor Drake-Black."
"That's a mouthful." Tom mutters out as he once again holds me.
"Professor DB." I say sleepily, finally succumbing to my drowsiness. "The kids will probably nickname you. Or you can just go by Drake. Or Black. Or Tom. Maybe just go by 'Abigail Black's Husband', that will give you street cred."
"I don't need street cred, I'm the most powerful wizard there is." He replies haughtily. "What the bloody hell is street cred?"
"Something you don't have." I smirk lightly. "Goodnight, Abigail's Husband." I tease him as I close my eyes.
"Goodnight, Mrs. Riddle." He teases and I groan. I end the game and let him win that one, too tired to continue on.
It took about a week before we heard back from Hogwarts. Minnie sent a reply back and informed us that Professor Flitwick could use an assistant teacher since he is going to retire in a few years. We didn't even think twice about it, and Tom went out the next day to meet with Flitwick. Minnie promised not to tell anyone about who Tom was, not even Flitwick, and leave it that only she and Snape knew the truth at school.
Tom of course charmed his way through the entire interview, though I had to make fake documents once again and claim he was from Durmstrang this time since all the other teachers would realize he never went to school there. I got help from Alexei on how to forge those documents after I went up and visited him to see his transcripts. Tom, despite being married to me for 5 years, still got jealous that I was off to see my professional quidditch player ex-boyfriend, but I just reassured him the fun way that it was him that I loved. They've met before when I've taken Tom to Alexei's quidditch games, and the tension and jealousy from Tom each time is adorable.
Flitwick adored Tom and took him on to be his new apprentice starting in the next school year. Fred closed on the new joke shop location, and was elated that I would be joining him there in Hogsmeade. Tom and I moved into a quant little home right in Hogsmeade village, just a short walk from the all the shops.
My Runes apprenticeship lasted for the three months of Spring I spent in Romania, but once it was over I officially became Gringotts's Runes Specialist, and now I could vastly work from home for chunks of my job, only needing to go onsite to the bank branches or the dragons for the actual application of the runes.
I would have to spend three months a year nearly every year in Romania, but I didn't mind because I could be with Charlie and I loved the dragons. Tom still gets jealous over my quality time with Charlie, but he knows I love him and if he really needs to, he occasionally visits me in Romania to spend time with me.
~ 5 Years Later. ~
~ Abigail age 30, Tom age 36 ~
"Are you ready, Professor Drake?" I tease my husband as he's packing up his bag and getting ready to go to the opening feast on his first year of officially being the new Hogwarts Charms Professor.
"I'm bloody terrified." Tom chuckles out, his hands running through his shoulder length black curls. He's now 36 years old, but still looking like a tall glass of wine. The aging just seems to have made him more handsome in my eyes, especially the faint laughter lines around his eyes and mouth which are a daily reminder that he does laugh and live a good life.
"You'll be fine." I reassure him sweetly. "Just remember, if the students are being little shits, hang them in the dungeons by their thumbs, Filch still has the shackles in his office." I joke to him with a large grin. "Can't tell you the number of times he threatened to use those on me during my years there!" I roar with laughter.
"Perhaps I should just be thankful there aren't any Weasley's, Potter's, or Black's attending the school currently." He sneers dryly at me as he heads towards the door.
"Don't think you're safe for long, Teddy starts next year, and he's still a Marauder's child!" I joke to him as I hand him his jacket. "And never underestimate Remus because he's the quiet Marauder, he was always the dark horse!" I give him a kiss in his cheek as he rolls his eyes. "You'll do great today, dear. I'm so proud of you. I know Flitwick took his sweet time in retiring, but the position is yours now, you earned it."
"I love you, Darling." He kisses me quickly before heading out the door, off to spend the year teaching at Hogwarts again.
We've been doing great these last five years. We have made peace with our inability to have children of our own, but for our lives and our schedules, it has worked out for us. I travel a lot for my job, and he's at the school the majority of the year. I made it a point with my Gringotts position that I take off the summer holiday so I can spend it with my husband, and he and I will usually travel and take long vacations together and also just visit and see family and friends. For my joke shop position, I usually work behind the scenes in my down time, helping them craft new products that are based on things I see when I'm out as a Curse Breaker or when I'm doing Runes.
Tom, once he really realized how much Jason meant to me, after I was fully honest about how broken I was without him, and after he had to witness one of my really bad nightmares many years ago, had made a secret goal for himself. He was so desperate to make me happy in this life, he wanted to give me everything in the world. So after we couldn't have children, he began working on a new project for me.
I didn't even know he had been working on attempting the impossible until several years later when I was cleaning up his study and found his notes. He had been trying to resurrect Jason here, in our world. He did a lot of extensive research on souls after he was pulled out of the diary horcrux, wanting to know more about them. He had even worked up a very solid plan on how to bring Jason's soul to our world, but ultimately, it failed.
Once I found his secret plans, I got angry at Tom for attempting it. Then I got angry at him for not telling me. Then I got angry at myself for getting angry at him, because he was just trying to bring my beloved twin to my side and I know it was one of the only things I truly craved in this world of magic that I couldn't have. One of the two things I couldn't have. I had made my peace with not having Jason in this world shortly after the resurrection stone incident, but I had never told Tom about those attempts.
So after the experiment was discovered, I showed Tom all my own attempts to bring Jason here. I asked him to stop, and to let Jason's soul be at peace wherever it was. Tom was a wonderful husband to go so far out of his way, to even using some very questionable dark magic methods, all in an attempt to reunite me with my twin, and I will forever love my husband for that. I instead just took Tom into my Pensieve and showed him all my fondest memories with Jason, and chose to use my memories as a way of keeping Jason, and everyone else I loved, alive in my heart. I kept my bonds to them all very strong, even if they weren't in the world with me.
I had long since buried and hidden the Resurrection Stone and the Elder Wand. Both were in a location that only I would know, not even Dad or Harry knew that I hid them. It was safer for everyone if they were hidden away, but I felt that just in case they were tools made by Death, I didn't want to disrespect Death and destroy them.
I had hated Death after all that happened in Gotham and having to be reborn again and taken from my family. I understood why they sent me to the darkest realm ever, to Gotham, in order to learn the hardest lesson, it helped me learn that lesson the best. I really love the strong, confident person I became from there, even if I am still now a little twisted and dark at times.
My active job here in this life keeps me balanced, keeps me challenged, and I no longer have times where my darkness takes over, even if I have to occasionally use dark magic. I've leveled to a complete neutral, neither sinner nor saint. After getting to live here, I knew that when I died again in this life, I would be greeting Death as a friend. I no longer held the hatred for them like I used to.
Tom and I had debated for a while on adopting a child, and we got close once too, even going to an orphanage and being matched with a child. Circumstances happened that resulted in the child being adopted by someone else just before us though, and for me that was my heart's final straw, and it was also Tom's, so we gave up on having children. However, I have so many godchildren from all of my friends, and even have Draco's son Scorpius who was just born that he named me godmother to, that my time is still full of kids that I love.
James and I are still the closest out of all the next generation though. He has been my little angel since day one, and we've bonded immensely. He got jealous one day on a trip to the zoo when Harry and Tom would talk in Parseltongue to the snakes, so I took it upon myself to teach him Gobbledygook, something no one else in our circle speaks. It's the goblin language, and since I've been working with them for 10 years now, I'm very fluent in it. Ginny was less than amused when James started talking in code with me in our own secret language, but I teased her that she should be used to it, the twins and I used to do the same when we were little. I make sure to take James to see every single one of Ginny's quidditch matches, usually with baby Lily too if she wanted to come.
Harry developed an odd tradition to go to zoo's, usually the London Zoo, and release the snakes if they told him they wanted out. James and I would watch him in shock as he would just free like 5-10 snakes every time, some of them poisonous and dangerous, and just casually walk away or even help them get to their home countries. Tom of course was quick to help him with his endeavors, but really Harry would just task Tom with keeping me restrained. I was largely tempted to kill the snakes each time they would release them, so Tom had to be my buffer while Harry was the little Mr. Saint Potter. James, purely through his unity and love of me and jealously of not being a Parselmouth, also grew to hate snakes. And while I never claim to have a favorite godchild, there was certainly a deciding factor to who got the limelight in my eyes. Hating snakes was that factor.
Harry did have a third son recently around the same time that Scorpius was born, and instead of naming him Albus Severus Potter like in the stories, he named his son Regulus Remus Potter. Dad and I were honored that Regulus's name could be passed on even though Harry never met him. We had told him all about my uncle Reg after the Battle of Hogwarts, and I even had Rita do an article on Reg, just to show that even if you were once a part of the wrong side, you can still make the right choices in the end. Harry knew I had wanted to honor Regulus somehow, and since I couldn't have my own kids, he wanted to name one of his kids after him. Dad was honored his brother was being viewed as a good man, and it helped ease his guilt that he had for leaving his little brother behind when he left home.
My next Runes training would take place in Japan, and I was ecstatic to go there. Technically, Konoha wasn't really Japan, so it will be my first time to that country, but I'm at an advantage because I'm fluent in the language, which is why Gringotts is sending me there. I get to go and break some of the curses in the shrines there and research what Runes they developed from long ago. The bank has a Floo agreement set up with Japan's wizarding bank, so travel will be easier for me and I'll be home on most of the weekends to see Tom and everyone else. I'll be doing a three year exploration there in between my Romania travels, so I'm excited for this next piece of my adventure. I love getting to travel the wizarding world, I find something new and fun with every place I explore.