"Hey, can I come in?"
"What are you doing here?" I asked the unexpected guest in front of me.
"Apparently I'm here to knock some sense into you." She brushed right past me with a small backpack on one shoulder while she had a small trolly in her other hand.
"What did I do this time? You know Sonnet's not here right?" I joked.
"Ha funny are we now? What's for lunch anyway? I'm starving." The woman asked while making her way to the kitchen.
"I and then I mean ME was having a salad, YOU, Solo I don't know because I didn't know you were coming in the first place so figure it out." I grabbed my salad and sat on the couch.
"So selfish." The keeper mumbled.
I heard the older woman rummaging through the kitchen. Mere seconds later she came to sit next to me with some lunch herself.
The next hour we spent catching up with one another. I'm not gonna lie, I've missed the goalie a lot. She went through a lot of shit and people gave her a lot of crap but she was one of those people who had always had my back no matter what she was going through herself. So I was always gonna have hers.
I knew she wanted to start the conversation about why she came here, she was just waiting for the right moment. I, however, wanted to get it over with, so I decided to bite the bullet.
"Why are you really here, Hope?" I asked the ex-goalie.
"I'm here to see how you're doing and to potentially knock some sense into you." She simply stated.
"She called, didn't she?" I asked, referring to Leah.
"Yes, she did. She's worried, Ellie and frankly so am I. Your rehab, the constant partying, randomly sleeping with other people, strangers, Ellie. It's affecting your life, your relationships. Is that worth it?" She looked me dead in the eye. It wasn't hard to see that she was in fact worried about me which surprised me a bit. I knew Hope cared for me, but she is someone who isn't easily worried.
"Oh my god! Seriously, this again?! I'm fine, Hope. I'm just having fun. That's all." I got up from the couch.
"Cut the crap, Ellie. You and I both know it's not about the fun. This is about you running away from your feelings!" She crossed her arms giving me a look.
"Oh piss off Solo!" I yelled at the ex-goalie, slowly losing control over my temper.
"No, it is about time that someone sets you straight! I'm done with your bullshit! Yes you've been through something traumatic but the way you're handling things is not okay. You're throwing away your career by what you're doing and I'm not going to let you make that mistake!" She snapped. It was getting harder for her to keep her cool. She so desperately wanted to make me realize the mistake I was making, but what she just said fueled my anger even more.
"Oh, you're the one to talk! Didn't your career end because of some shit you did? How big of a hypocrite are you?" I snapped.
"I might be a hypocrite, Ellie. But I made the same mistake you're about to make. For me it was already too late but it's not for you! You think he'd be proud of the person you've become?" That made me look up from the floor. How dare she drag him into this!
"Don't talk about him!" I seethed through my teeth but it didn't make her back down. On the contrary it made her push me even further because she knew it would make me break.
"You think that throwing away your life and your career is what he wanted you to do?" She pushed me even more.
"Stop talking about him like he's going to walk through that door any minute! Cory's dead! He doesn't have an opinion anymore, he's not going to be proud of what I do nor will he be pissed off about my choices. HE LEFT!"
"Ellie…" Hope tried to say but I wouldn't let her.
"No, that's just how life goes! People come into my life and then they promise me the world. Guess what? It's a damn lie! It happened with Cory and happened with Jacob… so sue me for trying to have some fun while trying to forget what I went through." I said with tears streaming down my face now. All the emotions that I tried to contain over the last couple of months are slowly showing. Hope's facial expression instantly changed when she saw mine. She knew she got through to me. She walked over and pulled me in her arms.
"I'm not going to lie to you. Life can be ugly and there will be more shity moments in life, people will leave you and you will fall flat on your face countless times more but there also will be good times too. You'll meet new people who will love you unconditionally, who will fight for you and don't forget, you already have those people in your corner. There are the ones who will help you up when you fall, who will help guide you when you're lost. They will have your back. The only thing you need to do is to just not give up and we'll do the rest." She soothingly whispered in my ear. "You can't let him win. I would hurt the boy myself but I can't so please don't let him win."
"How do I do that? " I sobbed out.
"By starting to take your life back. You can have fun, but not like you're doing now. Take your career back, show them who you truly are and make everyone proud but most importantly make yourself proud. Go back to that therapist and actually talk to her this time. You don't need to talk just yet but eventually you're gonna have to."
"I will. Thanks, Hope. I really needed that." I hugged her a little tighter.
"I know, that's why I'm here. You don't have to do it on your own. You have people in your corner you know, starting with that British blonde girl. She's alright." Hope said trying to lighten up the mood which worked by the way.
"Yeah. I guess she is." I chuckled.
The following week I took Hope's advice. She was right. I was not planning on letting that son of a bitch win by giving up. So I focused back on my training but this time I would do it the right way by listening to my body more. My performances improved tremendously which earned me a spot on the roster for the game against West Ham. Hope was over the moon with this news and said that she would stay until after the game and then would fly back home.
Me and Leah were fine again. We were slowly going back to the way we were. We hadn't talked about our conversation just yet though but I guess she was okay with the fact that I had listened to Hope. Even Though we were on good terms again, there was still some tension between us which saddened me. I really missed my best friend.
"Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen and welcome here to Meadow Park where free scoring Arsenal will take on super league debutant West Ham United on this sunny afternoon. This match will no doubtfully be filled with lots of drama as both teams want that desired win. Alex, what would you like to see in today's game?"
"I would like to see two teams who will do everything to get that win. I want them to leave it all on the pitch today. It's still pretty early in the season but if Arsenal is serious about winning the league then every game is important."
As expected I wasn't going to start in the game against West Ham. I was just recently cleared to return to competition so Joe didn't want to take risks in bringing me in too fast. For me it didn't feel like it was too fast, it's been months since I last played a game and I was eager to get back at it but I understood where he was coming from. In the end I was just glad that I was even selected in the first place.
"I'm really excited to see Eleanore Queen returning to the field after months of injury. Earlier in the year she got involved in a car crash forcing the youngster to the sidelines for 6 long months. Now she's finally back."
"I'm so happy for her. I've talked with her before the game and she's ready to perform and for Arsenal she got fit right on time because they are going to need her if they want to win the league."
"There has been a lot of speculation going on about the cause and extent of her injuries. Both Arsenal and Eleanore herself have been very vague about the whole situation making people believe that there's more going on."
"Yeah, there is a lot of speculation going on but in the end she is entitled to her privacy. People should accept that. I'm just glad that she's back. She's such a bright kid on and off the field. She is a key player that can win matches. So I'm really looking forward to seeing her return today."
The game didn't start the way we wanted to. West Ham was able to score two goals pretty early on in the game. Lucky for us Daan was able to get one in a couple of minutes later but we were still 1 behind. It was the 40th minute and Leah was going down the right wing. I saw Daan unmarked on the edge of the penalty box so I got up to yell at Leah, hoping she would understand what I was yelling.
She looked up one more time, spotting Daan, giving her a perfect pass. Daan controlled the ball beautifully and sent it in the upper right corner, equalizing the score. That's how the first half ended, with a draw. Some things have to change because this isn't enough.
"Well that's it for the first half of the game. Arsenal didn't play poorly but it wasn't quite enough for them in my opinion. They have to create more chances and have to be more clinical with the chances they do create."
"Yeah, I totally agree with you here. West Ham is definitely putting up a good fight but it's just poor playing from Arsenal. From a team like that you expect more to be honest."
Let's hope the second half will be better for the gunners."
Lisa, Beth and I were talking about the game when we heard the whistle, indicating that the first half had ended. I was about to walk to the locker rooms when Joe pulled me aside.
"Get yourself ready, you're going in. Take Lisa and Beth with you and warm up" was all he said and I did just that. This was the moment I dreamed of ever since my injury and to say I was feeling nervous was an understatement.
After getting warmed up, I made my way to the locker room to get my shirt and some last minute pointers. Apparently I was going in for Lia who had sustained some discomfort in her thigh. Once I had everything I made my way outside of the locker room. The nerves were getting the best of me and I felt like I couldn't breathe. I was leaning against the wall with my eyes closed.
"You'll be fine. Just do what you always do. I got your back." I felt a hand on my shoulders making me open my eyes. I knew who it was. I lived with the girl for so many years now.
"Thanks, I'm just nervous."
"Don't be. You'll be fine." Was all she said when the whistle blew and everyone made there way outside again.
"Seems like your prayers have been heard because if I'm not mistaken that seems to be the young midfielder. Who's place is she going to take?"
"It is indeed Eleanore Queen. I think she's coming on for Lia Walti. The Swiss was having some trouble with her right thigh recently."
I took my place on the field. The crowd wasn't that big but the atmosphere was incredible. You could feel the energy in the air, instantly taking my nerves away. I looked around taking it all in. This is where I belong, this is who I am and from now on no one's gonna jeopardize that. And now we wait for that whistle to blow.
"Beautiful challenge from Queen, stealing the ball right in front of her own penalty box, effectively stopping yet another West Ham attack. "
Once I got the ball, I instantly made my way towards the goal. When I looked up, I noticed that I had a lot of space to work with, at least till I reached the defense. As I was getting closer I was going through my options when I noticed Daan making a run. She was about to move right behind some of the defenders and if I timed my pass just right she would remain on side.
"Queen making way with the ball up field reaching the defense. What's she gonna do now?"
I waited a couple seconds more, giving her time to actually make her run and to draw more defenders to me. With the speed I created I chipped the ball perfectly over the defenders right in the path of Daan.
"Van de Donk gets the ball perfectly delivered to her. Van de Donk takes the shot and she scores! What a finish from Van de Donk!"
"What a goal indeed but have you seen the chip from Queen?! What a player she is! The inside that she has showed into this play. Incredible!"
Daan jumped into my arms. I held her up with one arm while I put my other in the air, celebrating. Soon our other teammates joined in.
"God, I've missed you!" Daan kissed my cheek.
"Glad you're back, Queenie!" Katie patted me on the back.
When they all let go, I let it all sink in. I threw my head back, closing my eyes with a smile on my face. I truly did miss this.
"Williamson on the ball. She gives it to Nobbs. Queen going to the left side, asking for the ball."
Jordan passed me the ball. I took a run with it along the sideline, outrunning the player that was marking me. When I did I cut left towards the goal with only one more defender in my way.
"Queen, only has to beat one defender. Is she gonna go for it? She passes it to Little, who is completely unmarked. Little with the goal making it 4 versus 2!" What a goal but again what an assist from Queen!"
Beside one more goal from West Ham not a lot had happened during the last 20 or so minutes of the game. Our first half wasn't that great but our second half was, minus the late goal. I walked around the stadium greeting the fans and signing some of their stuff. Eventually I ended up with Hope.
"I'm so proud of you. It's been awhile since I actually saw you play. I've misses it." She chuckled. I didn't say anything, I just walked into her arms.
"Thank you." I mumbled into the goalie's shoulder.
"No worries, you know that I like seeing you play."
"No, that's not what I meant. Thank you for being honest with me and kicking my ass. I needed that." I said to her without looking up. I felt her wrap her arms around just a little tighter.
"You're welcome." She kissed the top of my head. "Go with your teammates. You need to get ready. I'll see you at your place later."
I didn't say anything else. I turned around and made my way to the locker rooms. For the first time in so long, I finally felt in control, I felt free. The talk with Hope had opened my eyes. She made me realize that I was going at it all wrong.
Maybe Hope was right, maybe it's time to talk.