"Hi" Teddy says coming through the door laden down with gift bags, a winter hat on her head with a red bobble on the top making her look extremely cute.
"Hey" I say trying to stand from the couch with my hand pressed to the small of my back.
It had been four weeks since the Thanksgiving day disaster. Teddy and I had seen each other once a week for my appointments which she still insisted she take me too, and we were actually fine, there was never any awkwardness and I didn't think there would be. We naturally just slipped easily into each others orbit and it was as if none of it happened. I knew I had hurt her, but I made sure she felt every day that I appreciated her and her place in our life. I kind of kicked myself that I took Ethan's words and felt them so deeply but I was triggered by the word 'controlling'.
Ethan, I haven't seen since the dinner with his parents three weeks ago, it was nice and pleasant but I think he has finally learnt to cool it slightly, he messages every other day but he doesn't come over and make it overbearing. I think he's waiting for me to invite him, but honestly I'm huge, fed up and ready to pop. I haven't got time for nothing.
Teddy placed the bags under the tree and comes over laughing as she watches me squirm trying to stand "honestly Harper please don't ever sit on the couch home alone..." she says helping me to stand, her hand around my back. "You could get stuck here for hours"
I right myself beside her, we are a little too close, but with a bump between, it's much far enough. When Wren vacated I wasn't sure how I would cope with being that close to her. I had never been pressed to Teddy in my life, not without a bump keeping me a little further away.
"Why don't you just stay here with me until I pop then" I ask.
She walks into the kitchen and grabs a drink of water, she takes a large gulp "oof I needed that" she says taking a breath "Harper I would love too... but my management wouldn't have it. I am contracted to a million brand deals and events ... I have two days until I'm due in New York for a club event and if I wasn't there... they would kill me, it's worth a lot of money, so don't go into labour then okay" she asks.
I raise my eyebrows defiantly "I'm taking that as a personal challenge to go into labour half an hour before your flight " I say teasingly.
"Of course you are" she throws back and her dimples pop.
I pick up a chocolate bar mama has left out for me and rip into it like I've not eaten in months. I close my eyes as the chocolate hits my tongue and let out a satisfied moan "mmmm that's gooood"
"Well I havnt heard that in a while..." she notes.
I snap my eyes open as she laughs and I throw another bar at her. She unwraps it and takes a bite and I see the way she wants to do the same but she holds it back and it makes me laugh "come on then... I want to hear it" I ask.
She smiles "hear what" she asks with a mouth full of chocolate.
"Your whimper" I say with a wink and she coughs a little chocking on the mouthful as she tries to laugh.
"Harper" she chastises "stop it" she begs and she walks over and wraps her arm around my shoulder "let's watch a Christmas movie and have hot chocolate" she suggests "I'm sure Allie and Wills won't be late"
Mama and Willa had gone to a Christmas concert and to do a little last minute shopping but were due back in a few hours.
"I can't believe there's nothing better on, it's Christmas Eve for goodness sake" Teddy says lying beside me on the couch.
We were flicking from one channel to another trying to settle on something. I had pulled my top up to let the bump breath. I had cramps and pains all day, and I felt hot and bothered. Teddy had placed a small bowl of M&Ms on top of the bump which she would casually dip into and place in her mouth.
"I can't even see the TV anymore" I say frustratedly trying to peep over the bump.
"You're not missing anything" Teddy says looking back with a smile "okay" ..."hang on" she says sitting up and pushing two pillows behind my head "now" she asks.
I nod "much better" and then I kind of look down as a gush of liquid flows out of me and onto the couch.
Teddy looks wide eyed "what is that" she asks looking down.
"I think my water broke" I say panicked and she looks back at me, calming herself and taking her cell from her pocket "what are you doing" I ask.
She pats my arm "calling the rug doctor about the stain creeping into the carpet" she jokes.
I roll my eyes "Theodora" I curse.
"Your midwife Harper... your midwife... I'm calling her to tell her"
Teddy walks away briefly to talk to the midwife and then she returns with a smile "everything is fine... since there are no contractions we are okay to wait this out a little bit..."
"Ooooo" I cry out as a surge runs under my flesh down my stomach "fuuuuuck what was that" I say loudly trying to pant it through.
"I'm going to hazard a guess and say it's a contraction and all systems are go" Teddy observes looking slightly more concerned.
"Okay get the bag it's in my room" I suggest panting.
Teddy takes off at speed and comes back with my hospital bag. She helps me to stand as I moan with each step and as she throws open the door, we kind of look to each other stunned, because since Teddy arrived an hour or so ago, the snow has come down so heavily, the cars are buried.
"Oh shit" I curse as snow flakes whirl around us.
Teddy nods "oh shit is correct" she says and we shut the door again, against the frigid wind.
"I'm calling the midwife back" Teddy says and she gets through within twenty seconds. There is an intense back and forth before she returns to me.
"We have to get you somewhere comfortable and don't panic okay.... But this is most probably going to be a home birth"
"What" i screech.
Her eyes widen and she holds my shoulders "I said don't panic... just breathe okay just breathe"
"Says the one whose hyperventilating" I state as Teddy tries to catch a breath.
"My fight or flight just kicked in...give me two seconds to consider running... I'm not going to but my body is begging me to consider it"
"Theodora I swear to god I would hunt you down and kill you if you did....there's another one coming" I cry out as a wave of contractions roll in and twist and pull at my muscles.
She grabs my hand and guides me through it one breath at a time.
As an hour or so passes, we both sit together, looking into each others eyes as we count the moments between larger contractions as they arrive. The contractions are getting closer and closer with each ones arrival until one blends right into another.
"I'm so glad you're here" I say gulping and trying to breath.
She leans her forehead against mine, we close our eyes "I wouldn't be anywhere else" she says lovingly, and as I open them again, she looks me intensely in the eyes and nods "it's time to get the towels and the blankets okay because we will not be getting you back up the stairs"
"Don't leave me" I beg grabbing her t shirt collar as she goes to stand and pulling her back against my forehead, my eyes fixed on hers a little panicked "don't leave" I beg.
She cups my face "it's only a moment okay and il be back ... I promise Harper"
I nod and let her go, my hair is beginning to stick to my forehead as the sweat forms with the intensity of the waves of crippling contractions.
Teddy disappears up the stairs and another one takes hold, but this time it's horrific and it feels as if every part of my stomach is about to rip open "ahhhhhhhhhh" I scream.
A panicked Teddy reappears with a first aid kit and a bag full of towels, a pillow or two under her arm and a swaddle with a baby hat tucked between her teeth. She drops it releasing her bags to the floor beside me "I'm here I'm here we are back on schedule" she says and she's flustered but she's doing pretty well for someone whose under a hell of a lot of stress.
She places the pillows behind me on the floor and tucks a few blankets underneath me as she places the cell on her shoulder after dialling the midwife, she takes it into her hand and presses loudspeaker and puts the cell on the couch "okay let's get your pants off" she suggests.
I look to her and frown "oh no... I didn't want you to have to be the one to go down there..."
"Well" Teddy says looking around the room "I don't see anyone else Harper and I can't reach your mama or Willa. The midwife is snowed out too, for now. She will attempt to get here on foot" she says as the call beside us goes to voicemail. "And I'm guessing she's still on the way since she's not answering" she adds shaking her head.
"Then let's wait" I beg
Teddy raises her eyebrows "Harper for gods sake what are you afraid of" She asks, and another contraction rolls down my belly, tearing through my muscles like a fucking pressure from hell.
"Ahhhhhh fuuuuuck" I scream.
Teddy looks a little freaked out between my legs waiting.
"I'm afraid if you go down there like this and see a baby coming out of me you will never look at me the same way again" I confess through panting.
She shakes her head. "Do we really need to be considering how I may look at getting in your pants a little differently if I've seen a baby come out of them?"
I shake my head "fuck when you say it like that it sounds ridiculous"
"Because it is and hey... only friends right" she teases.
I throw a cushion at her "not noooooooow" I scream again....
"Please take off my fucking pants Teddy" I beg.
She raises an eyebrow "I thought you would never ask" she says and she pulls them
off and whips off my underwear before I can even scream through the next wave.
"Harper she's crowning" she says and I know she is because my god the piercing sensation, my eyes water, my body screams and pushes her down desperately trying to expel her.
"Ahhhhhhhhhhh" I scream and Teddy gets a towel ready and scissors to cut the umbilical cord.
The front door knocks but it's too late she can't move "key is under the plant pot" Teddy calls out loudly because her hands are currently holding my daughters little head, her eyes blinking open slowly as she sees the first face of her little life, one I could myself look at for eternity and not get sick of, Teddy's.
"Hi" Teddy says sweetly looking down at her as she turns her slightly to help release her, and with one more big push, out come her shoulders, the hardest part to release, but her little torso and legs coming easily after that.
She lets out a loud cry as Teddy pulls her into her arms, all wet and covered in vernix, her little hands fling out angrily and Teddy looks back to me, wide eyed, her eyes misting over with tears and she looks so proud as she reaches for my hand "you did it" she says "you did it Harper she's here"
The door opens and my midwife Carrie enters and is stunned "ah, looks like she made it before me" she says with a smile and she comes over quickly and takes off her snow coat and her gloves and she assists Teddy to cut the cord.
Teddy wraps Wren in the towel and shuffles over to my side on her knees, lowering Wren into my arms, before kissing my forehead and smoothing her fingers across it in loving strokes. "Oh Harper she's perfect" she whispers.
I look down at the pink little cheeks, her hands screwed up, and her eyes wide open and taking in the world around her and I let out a cry.
"Welcome to the world Wren... I'm your mama" I say softly as I run my hand down her soft little cheek, her head turning instantly to look for my breast.
"She's rooting" the midwife says "looking for your breast" she adds.
Teddy nods impressed "she's out of there for two seconds and she is already searching out that boob... I love her" she gushes.
I look up to Teddy and she is completely smitten with her, her dimples have never, and I mean never, been so deep.
"Let me help you there" the midwife says stopping what she is doing down below "take off your t shirt Harper that will be easiest.
I sit up a little and Teddy helps me ease out of my top whilst the Midwife takes Wren and then she places her back, to my chest, lying her across my breasts and helping to guide her little mouth to the nipple.
Teddy is hovering so closely I can feel her breath on my cheek as she looks to see her latch "and she's on" she says throwing her hands in the air triumphantly as Wren begins to suckle, her little noises reminding me of a little piglet.
I stroke my fingers through her hair, it looks to be quite light, blonde, with a strawberry tinge.
Teddy places her hand on mine as she looks intently at her "she most definitely has a red tint in that hair" she observes.
I turn to her " I think you're right"
I can't help the intense flood of love I felt looking into Teddy's eyes in that moment and as she glanced back at me she most definitely saw it, and the look she offered back was one in the same.
We were caught in an intense moment, one we had shared, a life changing day, and we did it together and unlike Wrens conception, her entry into this world, it was absolutely filled with overwhelming feelings of love and peace as Teddy held me, and I held Wren.
***
"Willa I feel like something awful has happened... neither of the girls are answering their cells and we can't get any closer to the house with this snow" I say panicked.
Willa places her hand on mine "Allie it's okay we are a few streets over now let's ditch the car and walk"
I nod "okay let's go" I say opening the car door before we even stop.
Willa grabs the shopping bags from the trunk and we pull up our hoods as we run in what feels slow motion the two streets over back to the house. As we near I spot Teddy's car buried in snow and sigh with relief "Teddy's there... all must be fine" I say slowing.
We walk over the yard and I push the key into the lock, the door shudders open with the snow pressed against it. "We are hours late I hope they ate okay" I worry.
Willa laughs "Allie they are fully grown women they know how to work an oven"
As we step inside the house, it is in darkness. Willa switches on the light and I jump back what feels two feet to see the laundry basket filled with bloody towels and pillows "oh my god" I squeal.
I rush into the family room, the floor is stained under the Christmas tree and the whole room looks turned upside down like a crime scene.
"Willa" I scream.
She rushes in "oh dear lord" she says and we race through the house one room at a time but all is fine elsewhere.
I race up the stairs not stopping to Harpers room and fling open the door, the beside lamp is on.
Harper is curled up, her hand under her chin, she looks freshly showered, her hair is wet, she has a pair of large baggy pyjamas on. Teddy is on the opposite side, almost mirroring her position and between them is the wicker baby basket that was Harpers as a baby.
I step forward, goosebumps pricking my skin, a tear falling down my cheek to see the little bundle inside, swaddled in a white muslin, plump little cheeks, a pouty mouth, sleeping soundly "Wren" I whisper to myself.
Willa comes up behind me and wraps her arms around my waist "Looks like Wren wanted to make it for Christmas morning" she whispered kissing my cheek.
I can't help but look at them all there on the bed and feel such peace wash over me to know that Harper and Wren have Teddy, she has shown up for this pregnancy and not once left Harpers side and I didn't care what anyone said about Teddy's ability to commit in relationships, because she clearly didn't have a problem committing to Harper, and Wren, and making them a priority. Did nobody notice she had done just that all year?! I knew her schedule with basketball, and her other commitments were gruelling, so add all of the trips she made that were over two hours only one way, and this girl had excelled way beyond I'm sure what she even considered she had in her to give. I would never tell Harper unless she asked for my thoughts on it all, but if this was between Teddy and Ethan I was most definitely cheering on Theodora.
I really truly liked Ethan but I could see where my daughters heart beat when it left her, it beat with Teddy. Ethan didn't have a chance, not if everything continued this way.
"Merry Christmas Allie" Willa whispers.
I turn and kiss her lips softly as she wraps her arms around me. "Merry Christmas Willa"
A very merry Christmas indeed!