"Teddy's here" Willa called from the window "on a motorbike...with a guy" she questions out loud "did Teddy mention a new boyfriend" she asks my mom and I as we stand to come to the window.
"No" we both confess
I look out and sure enough, Teddy removes herself from behind some hugely tall guy, she takes off the black helmet and shakes out her wild and beautiful dark hair. The guy kicks down the stand and gets up himself, removing his helmet too.
"Willa is that not Jay Jones...the guy who plays for the Celtics" mom asks clutching Willa's arm.
"Allie it is..." she squeals excitedly.
Yep that was him, the hottest player on the team, beautiful caramel coloured skin, shaved dark hair with lines shaved into it, lightening bolts either side of his head above his ears.
"Ted is bringing an NBA player to dinner" Willa adds taken aback "god he's huge" she observes wide eyed.
I watch out front as the conversation becomes a blur around me, Jay Jones sweeps Teddy off of her feet, his insanely long arms picking her up, her petite frame nothing against his giant status, she wraps her legs around his waist and I frown as he leans down to her beaming smile, her dimples deepen as he kisses her.
Oof, that did something to me, it kind of hurt a little. I look away and return to my mama in the kitchen, who is busily making the last of the dinner.
"I wonder how long that's been a thing" I muse, trying to hide the way it made me sulk.
"No idea, you know Ted she's always got an admirer hanging on her arm" mama replies busily dropping dried pasta into boiling water.
"Or her legs wrapped around a BFG" i groan childishly.
Mama lets out a laugh and turns to me "careful Harps that kind of sounded like you're a little jealous"
"I'm not" I deadpan "I'm as far from jealous as a girl can get"
Lies.
"Sure" she returns playfully "you know it's normal to get a little jealous when your friend brings home a significant other, because when they do the time together disappears and you know it's going to be a case of third wheeling instead"
"Gee mama" I let out an exaggerated breath "that really cheers me up..."
She ruffles my hair and opens the refrigerator as the front door is pulled open by Willa, who has appeared again with her phone, she's on FaceTime to Calliope
"Callie look who our Ted brought home" she says delightfully as she flings open the door.
Teddy is embarrassed and looks away, Jay laughs, it's Deep and booming. Callie and Willa tease her a little as she enters the house and Jay walks over with his hand outstretched as my mama takes it and smiles "so good to meet you" she says kindly.
Jay smiles, the most broad and cute smile, and I see why Teddy may like him, he was quite charming.
"Harps" Teddy greets excitedly as she crosses the room quickly, arms outstretched as she pulls me firmly into her arms "I had no idea you were home" she says happily surprised and she holds my shoulders firmly as she leans back and looks at me " I thought you were on your pilgrimage or something" she teases.
I roll my eyes "It's a mission Theodora...as you well know"
She flicks her eyebrows up and down and takes me in playfully "are you okay" she whispers taking my arm and taking me to the side as Willa and my Mama enjoy Jay Jones being in their kitchen.
She looks deeply into my eyes, awaiting my reply and my mouth opens but words are a little late to the party. I feel her fingers reach up either side of my cheeks and softly stroke my hair back behind my ears, her thumbs running over my ear tips. "Well are you" she asks me a little more intensely, her eyes starting to wonder over my features, squinting a little at my silence.
"Yes I'm fine" I reply, knowing I have so much to tell her and little want to actually break the news I've been avoiding.
She steps back a little checking on Jay before returning her gaze back to me "Did you ever hear from that jerk again" she whispers.
I shake my head "No and I never want to talk about him ever again"
Her lips press together firmly like the thought of him is pissing her off. "Good" she returns "he's best left in the trash where he belongs... let's forget it ever happened" she says "thank god he didn't get you pregnant with his spawn" she adds with a relieved laugh.
I think that's when my face falls.
I walk away back to the kitchen, grabbing a water and taking a large gulp, leaving Teddy coming behind me with confusion written all over her face.
"Harper" she calls after me.
Willa and my mama turn with Jay to see what was occurring "everything okay" Willa asks.
Teddy and I stand in the middle of the kitchen staring at each other like it's a shoot off but with raised eyebrows instead of guns drawn.
I turn back to them all with a smile "Absolutely fine"
Teddy shoots me with her cocked eyebrow, and if looks could kill, Teddy's were attempting to assassinate me for walking away from her.
"Let's eat" Mama suggests.
We all walk slowly into the dining room and take our seats. Its taking me a while to get used to Jays booming voice, it's deep but velvety and his accent is southern.
Willa and Jay talk basketball as my mama rolls her eyes a little towards me, we smile amused at the way Willa can get sucked into any conversation on ball, leaving us all a little bored.
Teddy who is sat beside Jay joins in the ball chat but every so often she looks at me with a confident annoyance, like as soon as she gets me alone she's going to pounce and pull the information from me that she knows I'm hiding.
"Harps you want some of this shrimp" she asks me with a look of satisfaction, her fork thrust forward across the table, she knew I loved it... but she also knew I would most probably avoid it if I was indeed pregnant. Sea food and the smell of it, gosh it was a little too much for my sensitive nose to withstand. I try and hold back the wave of nausea that rolls through me and I cough a little and push my chair back urgently.
Willa pushes the fork aside and nudges Teddy "she doesn't want it Ted" she says, trying to help me out as she notes the familiar way I place my hand across my mouth, covering my nose.
"I will be right back" I say standing and walking away as calmly as possible.
I get a few steps up the staircase before I start to run, making it in a nano second before I throw up into the toilet, sinking down onto the floor, my head resting on the toilet seat, mouth agape, wondering when the hell this pregnancy sickness would finally leave me.
***
I have been back in Manchester from Utah for a couple months now. I am twelve weeks pregnant but don't feel much different, no obvious bump yet, a little bloated looking but nothing noticeable if you didn't know. I had wanted to keep it quiet until my twelve week scan, which was tomorrow, so nobody knew other than Willa, my Mama and my dad.
I did know a little about the baby in my belly though, even without a visual. I had been so sick these last few months, never truly leaving the house much as every stimulation of my senses, whether it be smell or sight of certain things, triggered my run to the toilet to throw up. I had hunkered down, whilst my mama and Willa went out to work, I would keep the house clean, but other than that my days involved holding back nausea, watching trash on the tv and considering our fate, you and I.
One day I got so bored I went online and ordered one of those kits that tell you the sex of your baby. I knew what you were already, I had this strong intuition of who you were as we grew together those months, and of course when that email arrived I had paused over it nervously, and to be clear I did not mind the sex of my baby, but I did know, and the email read as expected "xx chromosome detected", "it's a baby girl".
I sat back in my chair and looked around "uh huh" I say out loud and I smile goofily and look down at my stomach, my hand rubbing across it lovingly.
"A little bird" I whisper and I smile "Wren" I say almost immediately "Yes that's you isn't it my little bird... Wren...my little songbird"
***
"Okay so this is happening" Teddy declares standing with her back against my bathroom door, arms crossed. "Why didn't you tell me Harps" she asks looking a little hurt.
I turn my face to hers, my cheek still on the toilet seat.
"Funnily enough I wasn't sure you would be supportive of the spawn of Satan in my belly"
She shakes her head and bends down, getting onto her knees beside me, her tight black denim jeans squeaking against the lino floor as she slips across it. My eyes now facing her navel in the short black crop top she was wearing, it's hem sitting below her breasts, an insanely hot visual I did not need when I was face planting a toilet bowl.
Fuck, why was she so ...damn... Teddy!!!
"I'm sorry" she says honestly as her arm wraps around my shoulder, pushing my hair aside with the other. "I didn't mean it" she begs "it was a joke"
"I know" I return as I sit up and wipe my mouth.
She strokes the back of my hair and looks at me amused "oh Harps" she says lovingly "you are going to be a mommy" she whispers and her features light up, her dimples deepen and her nostrils flair slightly as she sighs "I can't wait to see you as a mama" she says looking back to my hair and stroking it.
Theodora was fierce, she was confident, she was strong and intense, Theodora was someone you felt so overwhelmingly safe with because she was a force of nature and you knew if she loved you, she would literally die for you. When she would focus that attention on me, like now, she made me feel like I was the most important person in her world, and that no matter what happened next, with her beside me it would be quite safe, and she would Wren, she would keep us both quite safe.
"When is your scan" she asks me.
I smile "tomorrow" I reveal.
"Yeah?" She says happily "can I come with you" she asks eagerly.
I look a little surprised, my eyebrows knit together "Really"
She cups my chin gently "really" she repeats, letting me see her sincerity before she lets me go and stands, her hand reached out for mine below her.
"Sure, if you want to come and meet my daughter... I'm sure she would have you"
I stand and her eyes widen, her hands covering her mouth "it's a girl" she asks as tears fill her eyes.
I nod and she wraps her arms around me, "I'm so excited to meet this little angel" she says excitedly releasing me.
***
"What exactly are we looking at" Teddy asks from beside me, her hand on mine. My Mama is holding my arm, Willa is sat on the end of the bed, her face lit up in awe at the large screen that started to fill with the shape of a tiny baby, skinny little legs kicking about, arms waving awkwardly.
"We are looking at Wren" I confess breathlessly as my lips spread into the most glorious, content smile.
"Wren" they collectively whisper, each one of them looking lovingly to the wiggling baby.
"A songbird" Willa acknowledged and Mama takes her hand and looks to her overcome as tears fill her eyes.
Teddy squeezes my hand and I look back at her, her eyes are filled with tears too, the scan screen reflecting off of them. "I love her already" she confesses.
I squeeze her hand back and return my gaze to you, my little songbird. How loved you have always been.