- All the souls that would die just to feel alive -
Sage's POV
I'm applying a thick layer of raspberry jam on a waffle when Taehyung slowly walks downstairs, tired hand rubbing his face. His eyes dart around the area, searching for my dad. When he realizes I'm alone, his shoulders relax slightly.
Wide rays of sunshine illuminate the dining room, the fresh snow outside reflecting brightly on oranges and pears piling up in the middle of a large porcelain plate next to a mountain of fuming waffles. The smell of stovetop Italian espresso addictively whiffs into the room accompanied by the perfume of warm maple syrup and toasted bread.
Taehyung, wearing grey jogging pants and an old white t-shirt with holes in the collar, looks like a Calvin Klein model. He's walking around with no idea that the sight of his bed head and slightly transparent t-shirt, gold chain with the tiny cross around his neck, and underwear waistband peeking out on his hips has my hands slightly shaking.
"Good morning," I say with a coy smile.
He looks like a fluffy teddy bear with hair peaking in every direction, yet his muscular shoulders and veiny forearms tell me there is nothing cute about him.
More like sexy and dangerous.
"Good mornin'" he grumbles before sitting down at my side with a yawn.
He crosses his arms on the table and buries his face in the hole it makes, ready to fall back asleep.
"You want waffles?" I ask and he lifts his head, sending me a smirk.
"Yes!"
I push a plate in front of him as well as maple syrup. All of it is so casual it feels like any morning ever, just a continuity of an already present routine. However, so many questions burn the tip of my tongue, I can't wait for much longer and watch him take one bite of his waffle before I'm already interrogating him.
"So.... you came here last night?"
He nods, takes another bite of waffle.
"Why?" I ask, "My dad told me you tried to wake me up by throwing snowballs at my window."
He simply nods again, face closed-off and turned to his plate. I'm under the impression he doesn't want to answer my questions, but I'm not ready to give up yet.
"Did Jungkook kick you out? I saw you brought all of your things with you..."
He finally reacts, putting down his fork and looking at me with hooded amber eyes.
"We fought last night. It didn't end well."
"That's weird... you two seemed just fine yesterday afternoon."
He lets out a chuckle devoid of any joy.
"Yeah."
"So, you're staying here for the holidays?"
He shakes his head, expression serious as he takes another bite of soft dough.
"No, I'm leaving as soon as I'm done eating."
"Why?" I whine, "Christmas would be much more fun if you stay around."
"Your dad wasn't exactly thrilled to have me here even for a night, you think he would agree to keep me around to celebrate the one time of the year that's supposed to be for the people you love?"
"He doesn't not like you..." I say unconvincingly.
"Sage, your dad wouldn't mind if I died in my sleep."
"You're exaggerating."
"Barely."
"I'll go talk to him."
"Don't, honestly. I'm just fine. I was going to spend Christmas with my sisters anyway."
Memories rise to my mind of a younger Taehyung with a bruised cheekbone and a cut lip, black eye contrasting with the gold of his skin tone. This was a few years ago when coming back to school from the Christmas break. He had confidently strolled around the corridors of Chapelgate Academy with his face all messed up for over two weeks, telling everyone he had been in a bar fight...
"No, you can stay here for the break," I decisively say.
"Sage..." he calls, threatening, but I'm already gone, running to the basement.
"Dad!" I yell as I go down the stairs as fast as I can while Taehyung chases after me, I then erupt into the basement, opening the ajar morgue door, "Is it true you told Taehyung he had to leave today?"
My dad stands in the middle of the room, a tray of bloody tools at his side and a corpse open before him, completely covered in a turquoise drape except for a rectangle over its stomach which is open on entangled organs. The room slightly reeks of blood and alcohol, the sudden sterile and brisk atmosphere not cooling down my determination in the least.
Taehyung, running after me, collides with my back and I almost fall forward. He catches my arm at the last second to keep me standing. I immediately rip my wrist away from his fingers, trying to stay focused on my dad instead of his presence behind me, which is hard when I can feel the warmth of his tall frame as he stays right in my trail, an inch away from my shoulder blades.
"What is this?" my father asks, eyes suspicious, "He shouldn't be down here," he says, pointing towards Taehyung with a dirty scalpel.
With his mask on, I can't really read his expression, but he must be frowning.
"I was just wondering why you're kicking him out today! It's Christmas! Have a little compassion and don't let him freeze in the snow!"
He sends me angry glares over his glasses, clearly unhappy to have this conversation while Taehyung is listening.
"Christmas is for family," he mumbles, going back to his task over the dead body, "and nobody is going to freeze in the snow."
"Dad, please, if it were me that was all alone in the world for Christmas, you would want some nice strangers to take me in too..."
Taehyung coughs in my ear and whispers something about me being dramatic, but I'm not listening. My dad sighs, shaking his head.
"I can't take in all of your stray friends; it will start with Taehyung and then the entire neighbourhood is going to be knocking at our door."
I approach slowly, trying to meet his gaze while he keeps his head down to his work. I know this isn't about the rest of my friends because if I asked if Paris or Crystal could stay here for the entire month, I know he wouldn't hesitate a second to say yes. This is about Taehyung and his 'bad attitude' and 'bad influence' and all the rumours about him being a violent, murderous kid. This is about him being poor and from a trashy neighbourhood with even trashier parents.
"Dad, it's just Taehyung and it's just for the holidays. He's in trouble and you have the power to help him, come on, be the better man.
I turn around to see Taehyung awkwardly shifting his weight from one foot to another, a hand hiding half of his face in embarrassment. He looks dreary about the turn of event and seems ready to bolt out of the room at any second. My dad finally drops his scalpel and rubber gloves to throw them in the biohazard bin on the ground. He lets out a deep sigh, assessing the both of us in frustrated silence.
"Sage, let me talk to your friend alone for a minute. Go back upstairs."
"What! But I - "
"Go now if you want me to agree for him to stay!"
I smile widely, running back to the door. I then loudly walk up the stairs to tiptoe down as soon as I arrive to the top floor. No way I'm not listening to what he has to say. I rest my back to the stairway wall and listen to their conversation through the door of the morgue which I left half open on purpose.
"Taehyung," I hear my dad say, "Do you have to stay here? Aren't there other friends that can house you for a little bit?"
I hear the boy shuffle closer to my dad, then let out a sigh.
"I can stay somewhere else... don't worry about it," he says flatly, "Sage, she's... exaggerating."
"Hmm" I hear my dad, and I can almost imagine him crossing his arms over his chest, trying to look intimidating when Taehyung is one head taller than him.
I'm sure my father can remember just like me how awfully Taehyung's parents treat their children. If there is the slightest bit of compassion in his heart, and I know for a fact there is, this is the moment he will chose to agree for him to stay.
"Sage cares a lot about you," he suddenly says, "Sometimes, I wonder how that happened. I don't think you deserve her friendship."
I almost choke on my tongue. I didn't even know my own dad could be so cruel.
"I - I'm sorry," Taehyung responds, sounding as surprised as me by his biting tone, "I don't think I deserve her friendship either, if that can help... I think I should just go now. Thanks for letting me stay last night."
"Hmm."
Silence persists as I hear Taehyung walk to the exit. He puts one hand on the door, ready to push it open and leave for good when my dad starts talking again, stopping him in his tracks.
"If I agree for you to stay during the holidays," he slowly starts, "Can you promise me not to do anything dangerous or illegal?"
"Yes, of course!" the other utters, "But it's fine, really, I can go somewhere else."
"I mean it. No drugs, no guns, no alcohol, no shady business, you don't bring your friends here, you don't tell anyone that I helped you out, clear?"
Taehyung stays silent.
"And you have to let Sage be," my dad continues, "Don't try to influence her or manipulate her into anything, don't go in her room, don't touch her things... actually try not to touch or steal anything, don't smoke inside the house. You also have to help out to cook and clean... understood?"
"Huh...Yes...?" the boy answers, disconcerted by the turn of events.
"If you break any of these rules, there won't be a second chance."
Again, there is no response.
"There is only one reason I'm doing this," my dad then says, "You know Hoseok, right? The Sheriff's son? Nice, polite kid, a good son to his dad, always ready to help and lend a hand to people who needs it. I liked him a lot... until I learned he shot someone and almost killed the poor victim... Imagine, a high schooler going to the same school as my own daughter almost murdered. I was absolutely appalled that he could do something like this while he was so nice around me. I obviously misjudged him..."
He pauses.
"I know that Sage was present when it happened and had a really hard time after that... The entire thing... it was quite traumatic. I also know you were there too and you helped her out when it happened. She told me about it."
"I see..."
"I really, really hope that I misjudged Hoseok the same way that I'm misjudging you right now, thinking you're a lawless, felonious, dangerous kid with no respect for the people around you. I remember very well everything that happened to Sage because of you and how she was involved in a murder trial because you dragged her into the mess you created... But you were only a child and I really hope you changed and you're a good person now. However, this is a small town and from what I've heard you haven't changed one bit."
He pauses again.
"Anyway. You can stay here for the holidays," my dad finally agrees with a gruff tone, "I'm really not happy about having you around, but Sage is right, it's the best time of the year for compassion..."
"Thanks... I guess?" Taehyung says, dubious.
"Okay, now go back upstairs and tell Sage you're staying, at least someone will be happy to hear the news."
The boy doesn't say a thing, then walks back into the stairway and almost runs into me. He lets out a muffled sound, holding back a scream at the last second with a hand over his mouth and wide surprised eyes. Then his expression immediately changes to a deep discontent, and he grabs my wrist, pulling me into the stairs as quickly and quietly as possible.
The door to the first floor is jammed again, just like the last time we were here together... just like the time he kissed me. Our current situation couldn't be any different and I don't have to show him how to unblock it. Taehyung practically kicks it open and pulls me into the kitchen, closing the wooden panel behind us with a thud.
"What the hell was that?" he whispers loudly, still holding my wrist with a grip of steal.
"What do you mean? Aren't you happy you can stay?"
"Sage, you think I want to stay here? This man downstairs hates my guts!"
I pull my wrist away from his fingers which immediately recoil against his side. His eyes move to the red marks he left on my forearm, and he looks vaguely guilty.
"Who cares?" I mutter, "What if he hates your face? Don't worry about him, he works all day anyway. This is the best time of the year for business. People get drunk and smash their skulls into their windshields, they get attacked by grizzly bears, choke on turkey bones, and drown in frozen lakes and rivers. You won't see him around much, but we can have so much fun together if you stay!"
Taehyung sighs, calming down.
"I don't know Sage... this is kind of weird."
"You got a better option? Yoongi's mom would never accept to have you around and Jimin's house is where Jin and Namjoon currently reside. You would rather spend Christmas with them than with me?"
He purses his lips, soft gaze falling in mine and making my spine tingle.
"No..."
"That's what I thought."
"I still need to go back to see my sisters. I can't leave Kristen deal with all of it by herself..."
"That's alright. You can go back there for a little bit but leave your things here."
He lets out a long sigh, lips glued together. He seems to be running out of arguments and I can't help but grin.
"Stop smiling," he says, trying hard not to smile too as he looks back at me.
I just smile wider, showing him all my teeth and letting out a refrained snicker.
"Stop it," he repeats, "I'll think about it."
I simply turn my back to him, walking to the dining table.
"You want more waffles?"
"Yes!"
The sun is still bathing the room in its warm blaze. A blue jay is perched on a tree branch outside, observing us with small intelligent eyes. We eat the rest of our breakfast in silence, then Taehyung leaves, putting his coat on and slipping a cigarette between his lips.
I watch him from the living room window as he shovels the snow outside, freeing the porch, stairs, and parking spot from all traces from yesterday's blizzard. His ears are reddened by the cold, but he doesn't seem to mind. A thin column of white smoke rises from the butt sticking out between his teeth. He's working fast and with application, removing the snowbank blocking the entrance in half an hour. When he comes back inside, he's sweaty but seems in a good mood.
"What are you reading? Is it The Picture of Dorian Gray again?" he asks as he walks back in the living room. I turn the cover of my book so he can read it, "Ah, Slaughterhouse Five. I actually liked that one."
Somehow, I'm not surprised he already read it.
The rest of the afternoon goes by in quiet contentment as we read side by side. The sun falls over mountains of snow outside while a fire burns in the chimney.
We don't talk about last night and how I invited him in my bed in between dreams to tell him he was pretty. We don't talk at all, yet our eyes keep meeting over the pages of our novels, darting away quick to then cross paths again a few minutes later.
My dad stays into the basement until late in the evening. By the time he heavily goes up the stairs to make himself dinner, Taehyung is long gone and I'm upstairs taking a bath. While I lay in the scorching water and watch bubbles of soap dissolve under my fingers, I can't help but hope with all of my heart that my new roommate will come back soon, just like he promised.