Avoiding someone that you saw nearly everyday was no easy feat. Doing it for a year, now that grew tiresome. It's not like avoiding Gurney stifled her feelings for him. If anything, it made it much worse. Sometimes it became almost agonizing not to tell anyone, especially him how she really felt about him. The dreams didn't cease. Sometimes she only had a few a week. Other times it was every night. And every dream ended the same: a sense of loss.
She loved Gurney Halleck. She loved Gurney Halleck with every fragment of her being, but he would never know. Perhaps he would wonder why she didn't sit as close to him as she used or glanced at him when she need a reassuring nod. Perhaps he didn't even notice. He probably just saw her as the future Duchess and nothing more.
The meetings felt endless at times. She would sit along a large, rectangle table to the left of her father. Gurney, Thufir, Duncan and the others would sit around the table as well. Lately, even Paul was allowed to join the meetings. Not that they were anything exciting. Usually it had to with finances, what was happening around the planet, plant and fish production. Due to the large amount of rain they received they were able to grow a plethora of plants as well as rice and grapes for wine.
"Onto something a little more important," Leto spoke to the group. "I've received a cryptic transmission from the planet Ocury. They've been receiving refugees from Harkonnen pleasure houses that were able to escape."
Everyone looked visibly uncomfortable at the mention of the Harkonnens, especially Gurney. Mildred couldn't help, but sneak a glance at the man who sat a few seats down from her. Even from a distance she could see that he had tensed.
"While the planet is happy to accommodate the women and children, they don't exactly have the funds to help them. They've requested that we send aide to the refuge camp; food, medical supplies, etc. Just enough until financially they can support the new people and build them homes and jobs." Leto explained. "Mildred?"
Mildred tore her gaze away from Gurney and to her father. "Yes, father?"
"I was thinking this would be the perfect opportunity for you to test your diplomatic skills. The refuges might also respond better to you since you are a woman." Her father proposed.
A mission! Well, it wasn't exactly a mission. It was a way for her to actually help and hopefully make a difference. "I would love to go."
"Good. Gurney will go with you." Her father said.
The smile on her face dropped. She was about to be stuck with the one person she didn't want to be with for days. She tried her best not to react to the news.
"You'll take a two transports; one with a pilot, a doctor supplies and then one with you two of course. This needs to be met with urgency. As soon as the meeting is over, I need you both to get ready. I'll put the request in immediately for the supplies. Any questions?" Leto asked.
Everyone shook their head.
"Good. Everyone can go either the exception of Mildred."
Mildred froze. What did her father need with her? A thousand questions ran through her mind. She hoped that he just wanted to elaborate on the mission further, but if he did, Gurney needed to be in there. Once the final person left and the door shut, she turned her attention back to her father. He had a grim look on his face. Like he was about to say something he didn't want to.
"Mildred, I know you don't want to have this conversation and I don't either, but we have too. It's about you getting...married." He told her.
Every wall around her heart and mind went up when he spoke. He was right, she didn't want to talk about it. "Father, like I said numerous before, I'll marry we I want too."
"But Mildred, most girls are married by your age. Some even have children. It takes time to cultivate a good concubine. There are so many good men from good houses willing to be your husband." He explained.
"Yes, but what price? I will not be bought. I'm only nineteen. I'm not that old." She folded her arms across her chest. "Who knows, maybe I'll never marry. Many Duke's and Duchess's don't. Then Paul would be made Duke after I pass away."
"Paul wasn't raised to be a leader. You were."
"Paul would be a good Duke. You and I both know that. I'd really rather not have this conversation anymore. I'll marry when I'm ready. If I'm ever ready. I'm an adult. I think I can make my own decisions now."
"You may be an adult, but I'm still the Duke." He pointed out.
Mildred's jaw tensed and she stood up from the chair. "Well, I'm glad to see that duty and titles go before family. Please excuse me. I have some rather important to do."
Her blood was boiling in anger as she stormed out of the room. Part of it was her fault. The moment her father mentioned the word 'marriage,' she shut down. She didn't want to hear anything further. However, she was her own person. She could make her own decisions and she would. When she entered her room Sara was already packing a bag for her.
"Sara, make sure we pack clothing that's less flashy. The plainer, the better. These poor women have been through enough. I don't think seeing me dressed my best would be a welcoming sight." Mildred requested as she too began to shuffle through her clothing.
"How exciting is this, Lady Mildred? Your first official diplomatic mission." Sara spoke as Mildred began to get dressed in the causal uniform those in the military wore behind a screen. "Oh, I do wish I could go with you, but I'd rather more supplies go than a person."
"It is all very exciting. I wish it were under different circumstances I must admit, but hopefully I make a difference." Mildred admitted as she finished changing. She drew her hair back into a bun and walked out from the screen.
"I'm sure you will, Lady Mildred. Just seeing your friendly face will help them I'm sure." Sara assured her. The young servant handed her her bag before giving her a small hug. "Just be careful."
"I will." Mildred squeezed her hand. "Besides, Gurney will be with me."
"Oh, yes. Gurney the Valorous. Is that not what your brother calls him?" She asked.
Mildred smiled at the name. "It is. Thank you for packing for me."
Sara dipped her head at Mildred before she left. She was a mixture of excited yet annoyed with her father still. She had to let it go though. She needed to focus on the mission at hand. Waiting outside the transport was Gurney dressed similarly to her. He was talking to the pilot of the other transporter. She snuck past him, not wanting to interrupt and put her bag down before walking to the pilot's seat.
While she didn't fly much, she did enjoy it. She had been taught to fly by her father at a young age. She found her father most at ease when he was in the air and he would mutter to her in secret that he wished he could abandon all duties and become a pilot. She felt the same about wanting to join the military. She checked a few of the controls before sliding a head seat over her head. Just as she was finishing her once over, Gurney slid into the seat next to her.
"You're flying?" He asked surprised.
"I am." She said without looking at him.
Gurney knew something was wrong the moment she walked past him, especially without uttering a word. She bore a small scowl that she was attempting to conceal. "Are you okay?"
"I'm...okay." It wasn't a total lie. She was just okay. She wanted her family to stop pestering her about marriage. She wanted to be able to look at Gurney without having the urge to run into his arms and ask him to hold her forever. She wanted to have a successful mission.
"Would you like to talk about it?" He asked as she fired up the transporter.
She sighed. "It's just the usual pressure of someone in my position."
"Ah, yes. It's reminds me of a quote: Greatness is not found in possessions, power, position, or prestige. It is discovered in goodness, humility, service, and character."
"Do you have a saying for everything, Gurney?" She asked.
The older man chuckled. "Not everything. Just most things."
She watched him wince out of the corner of her eye. He brought his fingers up to delicately touch the scar along his jaw. The trouble with inkvine scars was that it would cause pain forever. She rarely heard him every complain or even react to it, but she knew from her books that it was painful.
"You know," she treaded carefully. "We've got some pretty good healers. Perhaps you could see one when we get back? I'm sure they would be inclined to help after all your years of service."
"I doubt it would help." He said. He wished it would, but he had tried everything over the years to soften the pain. Nothing ever worked.
"Was it worth it?" She referred to when he attacked the baron's nephew after the death of his sister.
Gurney captured her eyes with his and she saw him smile. "Oh yeah."
"I wish I was as brave as you." Mildred joked.
"Bravery comes in different forms. You and I brave for different reasons."
She raised an eyebrow. "You think I'm brave?"
"I do. You're not the typical future Duchess. You don't let people walk over you. You don't bend to other's wills. You don't educate yourself solely from books, but also through training. For one to live outside the normalcy you have to be brave."
Mildred felt herself swallow thickly. Fuck, he made it hard not to fall in love with. Her father's words echoed in the back of her mind about her future husband. She wanted it to be Gurney. She wanted it so bad. She could feel her eyes burning.
"Millie, are you okay?" Gurney noted her facial expression had changed. "I didn't mean to make you emotional."
She shook her head. "No, it's nothing you said. It's my father."
"Your father." He spoke. He had to tread incredibly lightly when talking about the Duke.
"He wishes me to marry sooner than later. Evidently the price to marry me is quite high. He doesn't understand though. For a man to marry me, he has to give up everything. It's rather difficult for men to do that, to stand aside and let a woman lead." She explained.
"I see." Gurney didn't fully see, but he understood her reservations. She wanted to be happy and happiness mattered.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't be talking about this with you. Sometimes I forget that you serve us. I see you more as a friend though."
"I won't tell a soul." He promised her. "However, if I may speak freely. Any man that marries you will be extremely lucky. If he is good, then he will understand your duty and step aside and let you rule. He won't try to overpower you."
She tried her best to smile at him. He was right, she knew that. However, finding someone like that would be difficult. "Thank you, Gurney."