I wrote this chapter based on very fond moments I had with my mother when I was a child. I prepared a very special soundtrack for this chapter. When I write "PLAY", put on the song "The Place Where Wishes Come True II", from the anime Clannad. Hope you like it ♥
Levi got up very early on Saturday. He would leave for the Stohess District in a few minutes. The horses were ready and almost all his companions were waiting in the courtyard of the HQ.
He had hardly slept at all during the night. Thoughts came and went in his mind, and when he finally managed to fall asleep, he woke up from some nightmare. Levi couldn't stop thinking about the mission that awaited them within two days. He also thought a lot about Lara, but the image of the person that couldn't get out of his mind was Hange.
Since he rushed out of the refectory on that Monday morning, Levi had hardly spoken half a dozen words with the Squad Leader. During lunchtime, Lara tried to get the two of them to talk, but they would both respond with few, and often, harsh words.
In addition, Lara also noticed that all of a sudden, Hange's typical outgoing mood had turned into something depressing, and on many occasions during the week, the girl had to call her several times until Hange realized someone was talking to her.
Levi's mood also changed. It is true that he had that serious and frowning manner, but in Lara's company, especially when they were alone or with Hange, he became more cheerful and even playful. However, in the past week, Levi had shown to be a frighteningly angry person, and at one point, he furiously yelled at Lara for mistaking one of the movements of the ODM gear. Everyone around stared at him, scared, because Levi had never yelled like that at the girl. On that night, dinnertime was complete silence between the three of them.
Then, yesterday, on Friday, at about the end of the afternoon, Levi noticed that Lara seemed to be a little slower in the training and that sometimes, she seemed to breathe with difficulty. She had a haggard expression and her face was flushed. At dinnertime, neither Hange nor Lara went to the refectory.
Before going to the courtyard to meet his companions, Levi plucked up all the courage he had and decided to stop by Hange's bedroom to see if everything was okay and to find out why the girls hadn't gone to dinner last night. Just as he was about to knock on the door, it was thrown open by a completely disheveled Hange, who had an expression of extreme concern.
"Levi?!" she exclaimed in surprise. Hange closed the door and stood face-to- face with him. "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you have gone to Stohess by this time?"
"I-I..." stuttered Levi, staring at Hange from top to bottom, "I'm leaving just now. What's going on? Are you alright? Why didn't you two go to dinner yesterday?"
"It's Lara..." Hange looked down at her feet. Levi noticed she had dark circles under her eyes. "Since she got back from training yesterday, I noticed she wasn't feeling well. She's got a high fever and it's not going away! I stayed up all night trying to make it down but she didn't get any better," Hange's eyes became redder, "I'm gonna get more cold compresses for her right now."
Levi felt anguish in his heart. He had treated Lara so coldly the day before, that even though he sensed something wasn't right with her, he hadn't been able to really check how she was feeling. But now, thinking about it, even Levi didn't know why he had been so angry with the girl during the past week. Maybe it was because she reminded him of Hange...
"What can I do to help?" asked Levi, worried.
"Nothing..." she replied, running her hand over her face, "You don't have to do anything," Hange's emphasis on that last word made Levi feel something strange. "I'm already taking care of everything. Go to Stohess at once." She started to walk down the corridor.
Levi stood in front of the bedroom door, fists clenched, pressing them. He closed his eyes and felt an intense sadness in his heart.
"Hange!" he exclaimed, making the Squad Leader stop walking and slowly look back. "If Lara doesn't get any better until at night, give her a warm bath."
Hange nodded and Levi watched her walk down the corridor until she was out of sight. He headed to the courtyard to meet his companions and they all left for the Stohess District.
Night fell, and although the fever had gone down a little, Lara was still very hot. Hange had left the girl wearing only a thin nightgown and covered her with a sheet. She had already lost count of how many cold compresses she had put on Lara's foreheads and wrists.
Hange didn't know what was happening to her. She noticed her hands were shaking, she was sweating nonstop, and she sometimes found herself crying, kneeling beside Lara's bed, while she put more compresses on the girl, who spent most of the day sleeping or a little groggy.
Her mind was in a whirlwind of thoughts. There was a moment when she dozed, kneeled next to the bed, and dreamed that Titans had devoured Lara and Levi just watched her, doing nothing.
She woke up, feeling tears running down her face, and opened the window to let in some fresh air. She gazed up to the sky and thought about him, about Levi.
"Why aren't you here?" thought Hange in anguish. "You weren't supposed to go to Stohess! I do need your help... I need... I need..."
Hange looked at Lara, who was still a little red, and a thought occurred to her. If Lara didn't get better, she wouldn't need to go on the mission! The girl could stay here, even if Hange would leave her in a hospital bed. But she soon pushed that thought away. What kind of person was she, wanting a child to be sick just to satisfy her will? But at the same time, she felt her heart sink as she imagined Lara going on the mission. Hange didn't know what to think anymore.
► PLAY - The Place Where Wishes Come True II, from Clannad
She decided to follow Levi's advice and, carrying the child in her arms, took her to one of the bathing rooms. While filling the bathtub, Hange noticed that Lara, who was sitting on a stool, looked a little distant. Her eyes weren't focusing on anything specific and her face wasn't expressing any emotions.
Hange's heart started to beat faster in worry at the sight of that scene. She took off Lara's nightgown, which was soaked with sweat, and placed the girl in the bathtub. Hange gently washed Lara's head and tried to talk to her, but the child only replied with a few little smiles and a tired look.
Tears came out of Hange's eyes and, constantly, when she looked at Lara, she would think about Levi. How she wished he were here. But thinking about him only made Hange's heart ache even more.
Watching Lara, who looked so helpless in that bathtub, thoughts of death began to get into Hange's mind. She looked at Lara and saw a dead body. Hange was shaking and there was a bad taste in her mouth. It came to a point where she couldn't hold it any longer. The only thing she wanted to do at that moment was to hug that child tight until someone said "enough".
Hange realized she herself was drenched in sweat and also got into the bathtub. As soon as she did it, Hange hugged Lara with all the strength she had. When Lara felt it, she hugged her back with the same intensity. The child snuggled into Hange's chest and the two of them just stayed there, feeling each other's love.
Hange had never imagined feeling something that strong in her life. She thought her heart would burst. At that moment, only Lara mattered. At that moment, Lara was safe in Hange's arms.
Lara was hers. As Hange stroked the hair of that child, who was lying on her chest, she realized that from the moment she met her and listened to her story, the girl had awakened something in Hange that she had never felt before. Lara wasn't related to anyone she knew and her biological parents were horrible people. But, what does it matter? Lara was hers.
But, she was also Levi's. It was undeniable. It was clear to Hange that Lara had also awakened something in him. Levi just didn't want to admit it. He was blind. No, he was not blind. Levi saw things clearly, he just pretended not to.
But, Hange wouldn't close her eyes to it, much less her heart. Lara needed her and Hange needed Lara. One no longer existed without the other anymore.
"I love you, mommy..." said Lara, very softly.
Hange's eyes widened. Had she heard right?
"Wh-What did you say?" she asked, gazing at Lara's head.
The child snuggled more on Hange's chest, her eyes closed.
"I said I love you, mommy," repeated Lara, with a little smile. "Thank you for taking care of me."
"That's it..." thought Hange, tears running down her cheeks, "That's who I am... I'm your mother."
"Me too, baby..." whispered Hange, gently kissing the top of Lara's head and hugging her tighter, "I love you, very much."