- Wanna make out and kiss hard,
wait never mind -
Taehyung's POV
It's still snowing outside, slow and steady. The white snowflakes look like shimmering gold under the streetlamps, not a gust of wind hindering their inevitable downfall... well except for Jungkook's hand; stretched out flat to try to catch one. As soon as the white crystals find their way to his open palm, they melt, leaving nothing but droplets of ice water.
Jungkook shrugs, putting back his hand in his pocket.
We're walking back to his house right now, just a little further than Jimin's house which we just left.
It was decided that we wouldn't take any decisions about what we would do with the film tonight. We need to sleep on it, talk about it to Yoongi too, make sure we really think this through before making any rash decisions that could have bad consequences.
For now, Sage is keeping the video in a secret file on her phone, and promised to make a copy on a USB key that she's going to hide under her mattress.
Thinking about Sage has my spine tingling. There was a moment in the closet, when Jin and Namjoon had left and only silence and darkness enveloped the both of us. Our bodies were close and she suddenly looked - really looked - at me with those grey eyes.
The tension rose a notch. Her irises were inviting, eyelids slightly hooded and something soft lighting up inside. I couldn't help staring at her lips, imperceptibly parted and dark pink against alabaster skin.
Honestly I was about to kiss her. The knot in my stomach was so tight I felt like I would suffocate if I didn't make a move. My hand itched to run into her hair, grabbing the back of her neck to bring her face to me, lips raw and ready, breaths melding until there was no more space to breathe from.
But I didn't do anything.
We just became friends again and I couldn't risk breaking the fragile bond we repaired this very night. Also, the last time I kissed her she rejected me so brutally, the few seconds of bliss her mouth provided weren't enough to be worth the month of cold shoulder I got next.
But she was with Hoseok then. She's not with him anymore.
Maybe she would let me kiss her now?
The hopefulness rising in my chest is sickening. I'm so weak when it comes to her.
Jungkook lets out a long sigh, looking down at his feet and I turn my attention to him.
"Are you alright?" I cautiously ask.
I'm usually pretty good at reading his expressions but right now I have absolutely no idea what's running in his mind.
He looks like a giant marshmallow; lean body disappearing in his white coat, hands in pockets, ears reddened by the cold. His eyebrows are frowned, fluffy black hair going in every direction.
He's not in a good mood. That's for sure.
"Yeah. I'm alright. This was just the weirdest most fucked up thing that ever happened to me and I've been through a lot of weird fucked up things."
I imperceptibly smile, shrugging.
"Honestly... It makes a lot of sense. Those two idiots being in love..."
Jungkook turns to me, eyebrows raising.
"You think they're in love?"
"Yeah... why wouldn't they be?"
He doesn't answer for a while, pondering. Long fingers fidget with the sleeve of his coat, pulling feathers out of it while he stiffly walks along my side, quickly glancing away.
"Because they were friends first? It makes things weird," he speaks.
I let out a quick laugh.
"What are you talking about? Friends falling in love is a common thing. You're a writer for god's sake. Friends to lovers is the oldest romance trope in the book."
"Yeah, but they're both men..."
"And that changes things how?"
He doesn't answer, shrugs before hiding half of his face in the collar of his coat.
"I don't know. They were raised together like brothers... they're like non-related cousins. I find it kind of gross. Don't you?"
I think about Sage. How we basically grew up as siblings when we were kids.
"I definitely don't think it's gross. They're not actually related."
"True..."
The rest of our walk is silent, only the sound of our boots on the soft layer of snow breaking the calmness of the night. The distance between us grows as Jungkook hastens his steps, seemingly in a rush to get home. He looks tense, shoulders rising with the quick breaths forming clouds of steam in front of his nose and I decide to leave him be instead of prying, taking my time behind him and admiring the Christmas lights glowing softly into the night, creating golden halos around every house. The dark mood of my best friend isn't an isolated incident, and I think it can be explained by the college applications he needs to work on and his upcoming swimming competition. Nevertheless, I still find myself enjoying the walk, appreciating the crisp winter smell biting my nose as well as the crunches of the snow under my feet.
Jungkook's house appears at the end of the road. It's the same size as Jimin's and made of the same red bricks. The door is painted in blue and the large bay windows are dark, announcing that his parents have already gone to bed. Thick smoke elevates from the chimneys, making me ache for the warm glow of the flames.
I absolutely love that place, and although I try not to get too comfortable anywhere, it feels a lot like home.
Jungkook pulls his key from his pocket and we make our way to the side of the house where a door directly leads to the basement. I sigh as soon as the warmth of the inside hits my body. Jungkook still hasn't said a word as he quickly leaves the entrance to run downstairs, removing his boots to throw them on the carpet and brushing a rigid hand through wet strands of hair as he makes his way to the other side of the room. At this point, I know that something is definitely wrong, but I would rather wait for him to talk to me than to try to break his walls, which usually just end up with him shutting me off to an even greater extent.
Jungkook's basement perfectly represents what he likes. There is on the right a gym section with all of the equipment needed to workout; benches, barbells, and kettlebells neatly lined up on metal racks. Also on the right, there is a huge library where books rest on wooden shelves, their spines neatly organized in alphabetical order.
To the left, there is a fireplace and three doors: a bathroom and two bedrooms. The first one used to be Jungkook's brother's bedroom and now Jungkook uses it as his own while I sleep in his other bedroom. There is also a small white fridge and a microwave under the staircase, where we keep food so we don't have to go upstairs.
I have a lot of my stuff here; all of my school things and clothes. I also keep money around, the one I got from Hazel and stole in rich kids' lockers. If I kept it at home, my dad would find it and spend it on booze in a heartbeat.
Jungkook goes to the fireplace as soon as his coat is off, ruffling into the pile of old newspapers, digging for his lighter. Before long, a fire is gently burning in the chimney, long flames licking the wood with a welcome crackling. I approach his side, getting closer to the heat, but as soon as I get near him, his eyes advert my gaze and he quickly stands up, mumbling something about working out. He then removes his hoodie in a swift movement and goes straight to the gym section, eyes glued to the ground as he grabs two barbells before sitting down on a bench to do a couple of bicep curls.
I watch his reflection in the mirror as I open the fridge for a Coke zero. He seems deep in thoughts, eyebrows screwed in focus as he brings the barbells up to his chest alternatingly. I decide not to disturb him, going in my room to grab a towel and a pair of shorts.
"I'm taking a shower," I tell him, and he nods absentmindedly.
The water is scalding hot after the outside cold, and I slowly melt under the stream, staying long after washing up to simply enjoy the heat. I finally get out, drying my hair with a towel and letting the steam slip out of the room as I step away from the bathroom.
Jungkook is grunting like an animal as he hits a punching bag over and over, his bandaged knuckles hitting the plastic with such aggression he's sending droplets of sweat in every direction.
"Easy, you have a competition next week," I say as I approach him, "You don't want to strain yourself again..."
"Tae," he turns to me, dark eyes piercing through mine, "Respectfully, mind your own goddamn business."
The towel initially drying my hair falls to my side limply with my arm.
"What the hell, man?"
"Just... Stop!" he shouts.
He huffs, taking a swig of water from his bottle and violently pushing sweaty hair away from his forehead.
"Stop what?" I ask, crossing my arms over my chest.
"Just fucking stop!" he starts punching again, angry fists again red plastic, the dull thuds hitting my ears like a drum.
I narrow my eyes, shaking my head and decide to walk away.
"When you're done sulking like a 3 year old, you know where to find me," I say, leaving the room to slam the door of the bedroom I'm staying in.
Jungkook doesn't stop me and doesn't say a word. I hear him on the other side of the door letting out a long sigh before starting to jab his fists into the punching bag again with even more enthusiasm than before, knocking his soul out of his body.
I lay on the bed, grabbing my phone and putting on my earphones. Starlight by Muse only partly drowns the rumble he makes.
I close my eyes.
.｡❅*⋆⍋*∞*｡
"You awake?"
Jungkook is outside my door, knocking softly. I open an eye.
"Yeah, come in."
He opens slowly, lingering in the doorway, I push away the earphones that are now entangled beside me, music still playing.
"You were sleeping?" he asks.
"No," I lie.
He bites his lower lip, just the corner, averting his gaze.
"What's up?" I ask.
"Sorry... I was a douche earlier."
I let out a chuckle.
"Asshole," he scoffs at my wide grin.
"Come here," I say, pointing at the spot beside me on the bed.
He hesitates, shifting his weight and running a hand through his hair. He stares at the place I just pointed but doesn't make a move to actually get there, smiling softly.
"Nah, I need to sleep. It's almost midnight and I have a massive migraine."
I yawn.
"Come here, I'll make it better."
"Sleeping makes it better."
"What about your mom's meds?"
He purses his lips, finally deciding to come in and carefully sits at the end of the bed.
"Sadly, I can't drug myself all the time or she will get suspicious."
"Mhh."
Silence. I'm on the verge of falling asleep again.
"Okay fine, can you do the thing?" he asks.
"What thing?" I joke, knowing very well he hates that he needs my help.
"The finger thing..." he coily states.
I give in, laughing.
"Sure."
I sit up, moving behind him to the end of the bed. My hands rise to his temples, fingers starting to dig into the skin, massaging his skull.
He lets out a long breath, eyes closing. I work my hands along his forehead to then move to the top of his head, imagining all the tension leaving his body. He sighs when I go down to his neck, the fleshy parts of my digits working the ache away.
"Ouch," he says as I go back up, putting more pressure just behind his ears.
"Big baby."
He laughs, a shiver goes through his body.
"You cold?" I ask.
"Yeah..."
Silence again while I dig my fingertips into his temples. His hair is silky and soft as I brush it back, long raven strands tickling the palms of my hands. Jungkook suddenly stops me, staying very still but grabbing my hand in his, pulling it away from his hair. He turns his head around to look at me, something soft shimmering through his gaze yet his body language remains one of pure apprehension.
His doe eyes are wide and pierce through mine before going down to my lips, then come back up to meet my gaze again. His lips part, pink and plush while his breath comes out in short bursts out of his mouth.
"Tae?"
I suddenly feel hesitant. The look on his face is the one of someone ready to jump off a precipice; afraid yet resolved to leap into the unknown.
"Yeah...?"
He gets closer, grabbing my jaw and kisses me.
The shock I feel is immediate and all-powerful, yet I don't back away, my eyes widening indefinitely as he pushes his lips against mine, rough hand with bloody knuckles pulling me in by the collar of my t-shirt.
Oh.
Okay.
I really didn't think it would feel like this, so soft and natural. I close my eyes. Jungkook has the smoothest lips, feeling like velvet on mine, delicate yet determined. I kiss him back while images of Sage burst into my mind and grab his nape, hand encircling the back of his neck and bringing him to me. I can practically hear the erratic beats of his heart in his chest. His lips part slightly, eyes shut tightly as he stays just a little longer, then he backs away quickly. Wide eyes stare back at me, surprise reflecting my own startled state.
He folds unto himself, hands curling back to his chest with a scowl while my fingers leave his hair.
"Tae... I..." he whispers, and I can feel the pain deep within as he tries to push back against waves of emotions tightening his throat.
I shake my head. Deep knots form in my stomach. My hand reaches his t-shirt and I pull him back to me, angling my lips towards his.
"No... It's okay... I understand. Come back."
His stare wavers. He resists again my desperate fist clenching around the fabric of his t-shirt, eyes slowly looking down to stare at my fingers encircling the fabric.
He then looks back up, his dark eyes meeting mine, eyebrows frowning as he blinks. His lower lip quivers as he grabs my fist with two hands to tear it away from him violently.
"Tae, what are you doing?"
He sounds confused. I grab his hand, directing it to my chest and his fingers curl right over my heart.
"I... I don't mind. I can do this for you," I tell him, "I want you to be happy. If this is what you want, I won't stop you."
His gaze shifts, confusion letting place to such a sudden burst of rage I immediately back off. His voice is harsh and anger boils under the surface of his controlled tone when he speaks next.
"Taehyung. What the fuck do you think you're doing?"
I find myself so confused that I simply stare back, jaw loose as I watch his face, trying to decipher through his cold expression what is happening inside his head.
"I don't understand," I state after a moment, "I thought you wanted this."
Jungkook stands up, backing away from me fast.
"I can't even believe you right now! I can't even..." he shakes his head, clearly at a loss for words, "I'm not fucking dumb! Taehyung! I know you don't like me like that! You think I wouldn't be able to tell?"
"It doesn't matter!" I plead, "If you want to have me, then so be it!"
Jungkook's jaw hits the floor and his face flushes so much, his ears turn crimson. He looks absolutely outraged by what I just said, pacing to the back of the room to lean over my desk, turning his back to me.
"What the hell are you doing?" he shouts, making me once again blink in confusion.
Ice run in my veins as I shake my head.
"I - I thought..." I stammer.
"You thought you could pretend to like me back and I wouldn't say anything? You thought that if you kissed me back and gave yourself to me, everything would be fine? Do you take me for a fucking fool?! You think I would like that? You think I would actually want to do all those things if you're not into it at all..."
He turns around to face me. His cheeks are reddened with animosity. I've never seen him this angry before.
"I can't lose you," I feebly say, "You're my best friend... and I love you."
This is Jungkook. My best buddy in the entire world and probably the only person who really understands me and cares for me. I do love him, I always did, and maybe I could even learn to like him back the way he does. I'm sure I could get used to it if I tried hard enough.
He punches the bed with a bloody fist, leaving red over the kilt.
"You like girls, Taehyung," Jungkook screams, "Why is that so difficult to admit? You're in love with Sage! Certainly not me! Right now you're trying to whore yourself out for me just like you did to Hazel but I'm not like that stupid bitch! I actually care about you and I know how fucked up that is! I would never let you do that to yourself!"
My mouth drops open, eyes widening in shock.
"Jesus Taehyung, have some standards! You think if you let me fuck you everything would stay the same and we would still be besties forever? Doing this would destroy us!"
His eyes are glistening and he furiously wipes them off.
"I just..." I start, "The thing is... you're wrong. You're the nicest person I have ever met and you give me all of those things and... I never deserved any of it... And if I can do anything for you in return... I will do it without a second thought."
The violence emanates from his body in thick waves as he grabs a pencil on the desk and breaks it with one hand tightly wrapped around it.
"You think I hang out with you, give you things, and let you live here because I'm trying to get into your pants?"
His tone is lower now, more dangerous.
"Either you're really stupid or you don't know me at all," he whispers "But I help you out because your life is absolutely pitiful and I think you deserve better than the shit hole you were born in. You can be honest and reject me without fear of losing all of your perks. Jesus, Taehyung!"
His words hit hard. He knows me well enough to know where it hurts. I ball up my fists and stand up, taking my time to walk up right up to him and stop one inch away from his face.
His breath hitches and his jaw tightens, so much anger resonating in his eyes that it spills out of his body like toxic fumes.
"Don't act all high and mighty saying all this shit about me being a fuck up when you're the one who jumped on me and kissed me in the first place."
I stand even closer, knowing I'm winning over him when his gaze falters, breath losing itself in his throat.
"You think you're so much better than me, being my knight in shining armor and saving me from the dumpster I grew up in, but are you sure you're really doing this for me, or are you really just doing this to have a hot piece of ass around."
Jungkook grabs me by the collar of my t-shirt and slams me on the wall hard enough for a frame to fall down, the sound of broken glass filling the room for a second.
"One more word and I kill you," he says, other fist held high.
He might actually punch me.
I smirk, one arm grabbing his waist and pulling him towards me hard, so that our hips align.
He lets out a groan, air leaving his lungs all at once as his body slams against mine, chest against chest all the way to our thighs.
I look at him right in the eyes, tightening my grip and thrust my hips forward. He lets out a moan, body suddenly pliable in my hands. His lips part in shock and he stares back in sudden panic.
His dick is hard. I can feel him pulsing against my pelvis.
"Who's the whore now," I say, "You gotta decide, this is getting embarrassing. You wanna kill me? Are you sure? Feels more like you want me to cum in your ass while I have one hand around your dick and the other one around your throat."
He pushes me away so fast, he stumbles backward, bare feet on sharp glass. We both look down at the red staining the floor.
"I think you should leave," he finally says. A tear slowly makes its way down his cheek, "Take all your stuff and go. I don't want you around ever again."
"Sure," I say, sounding perfectly disinterested.
He looks up at me, shakes his head.
"I feel really sorry for you," he lets out, then slips out the door without another word.
The bloody footprints on the floor aren't dried yet when I leave, packed bag on one shoulder, backpack on the other, and one cardboard box of stuff in hand.
Jungkook is nowhere in sight which I'm not surprised about. I shut off the basement light on my way out, closing the door behind me without a look back and leaving my key under the doormat.