"I'm telling you, I'm fine." I crossed my arms and leaned back into the soft armchair, scoffing at the ridiculous question.
"Had no panic attacks recently?" My therapist smiled with that all knowing smirk of hers. It's true that during my first few visits I was a complete mess but it's already been five years since then, I was doing quite alright.
"Well, maybe one or two but everything's manageable."
"What triggered them?" She was looking at me with her notes right next to her. The office was small but cosy. There were a few abstract paintings on the walls that I once had to analyse for her. There were two grey soft armchairs: one for my therapist and one for her clients. A fluffy grey carpet was also quite a nice touch to make people feel at least a little bit more comfy while spilling their most painful trauma to a complete stranger. The black coffee table wasn't big, but it was enough to fit a few necessities like notes and a box of tissues. The first time I was brought here everything felt so unnerving and strange. Yet, over time, this very atmosphere was bringing me some sort of comfort.
"What triggered what?" If I acted dumb maybe she wouldn't try to dig up yet another thing from my past. I know - it's her job and all. She's truly helped me over these past few ears, but today was simply a bad day that I didn't want to talk about.
"I understand why you might not want to get deeper into certain things and it's your right not to, but you're here for a reason. We can change the subject for now but we'll have to talk about it eventually. Something's bothering you right now." Her eyes were looking at me with gentle empathy.
"I feel like... He's hiding something from me..." I looked down at my fingers that were fidgeting with my ring.
"You mean Reiji?"
"Yeah... I just got this feeling again that... you know... Something wasn't right..." We've been living together ever since that day when I found out about my mother. It was really hard to forgive him at first, but I just couldn't bring myself to hate him. He lied, deceived me and used me... But he also saved me and the company that my mother cherished so much.
"And you feel like it's happening again?"
"Yeah... When I was living with that family I wrote off all the bad feelings to my anxiety and everything turned out to be real. Now I can't shake off this feeling that Reiji is hiding something from me. I asked him about it but he assured me that nothing was wrong." I took a deep breath feeling how it was harder to breathe over the upcoming emotions. This lady knew everything about what happened... Well except for the vampire parts... And the parts where I was almost killed. Okay, there's a lot I didn't tell her, but not like she would've believed me.
"Maybe actually nothing is wrong? You're one unlucky girl to have your anxiety induced fears come true. Those fears weren't based on anything at the time. It was one cruel coincidence."
"I know but... It's really hard... He's been coming back home a bit later than usual. It's just weird." I tried to focus on the way bundles of carpet hair were falling on my shoes.
"Ask him again. It won't hurt either of you."
"But... What if he's cheating on me..?"
"And you would want to live with a cheater why?" I didn't look up at her but I could see her 'I take no shit, neither should you' look on her face in my mind.
"Okay, you have a point." I sighed.
"As painful as it'd be - knowing the truth is better than slowly drowning in the misery of the unknown. And your meds aren't helping that much... When's the next visit to your psychiatrist?"
"Next week." I had regular visits for my meds. This visit went on for a bit longer. We talked a bit more, she was teaching me some new methods how to deal with intrusive thoughts and anxiety in general. The first few months after we left the Sakamaki mansion I kept on having panic attacks and night terrors on daily basis. Nothing Reiji did was helping me so one day he pulled me into this office as the last resort he could think of. I honestly didn't want to come, but it has helped me a lot to deal with everything.
Once my visit was over I went home. I had a paper to write for one of my lectures and the deadline was closing in faster than I could blink. We were living in an apartment with two bedrooms, one kitchen, a living room and one bathroom. It wasn't anything too fancy but it was enough for the both of us. I went to our room to change into something more comfortable. Made myself a cup of tea, grabbed an apple and went to the second bedroom that we turned into our home office. Surprisingly, time flew by faster than I thought, almost didn't notice Reiji being late once again. Almost.
I decided to grab something to eat when I heard a click of the lock. He was finally back home. I heard his heavier footsteps leading him inside.
"Sorry I'm late. It was a long day at work." Reiji sighed as he hung his black coat on the hanger. He walked towards me and leaned in for a kiss from which I stepped away. Reiji's eyebrows slightly furrowed in confusion.
"Is something wrong?" He asked while trying to take a better look at me, checking if I didn't look sick.
"It's just..." I decided to be straightforward. "Well you've been coming home later than usual and you never really explained to me what's been going on and... I just feel like you're hiding something from me and..." I lowered my eyes away from him trying to calm myself down but I could already feel the ball in my throat growing. "It feels just like back then..." My voice cracked giving away just how worked up I was about this. I fought back my tears but it was a losing battle. I turned my head away from him in a vain attempt of trying to compose myself, but it wasn't helping. I was standing there, vulnerable and afraid of what Reiji would say, waiting for his reaction and what might happen next. It took me by surprise when I felt him getting closer to me, his hands finding their way around me to pull me into his embrace.
"I'm sorry... I didn't think it would worry you that much. I should have explained it from the very start." I felt his hand slowly caressing my hair in soothing circles.
"So there is something..."
"It's nothing bad actually. I wanted it to be a surprise, but I can tell you about it right now. I was actually..." His voice trailed off. I pulled away to look him in the eye. Reiji was... blushing?
"What was that?" I asked, now curiosity taking over the anxiety and hurt that I was feeling just moments ago.
"I was learning to skate." Now Reiji was the one turning his head away from me.
"You've been... Oh my gosh I love you so much!" I hugged him as tight as I could out of excitement. Reiji returned the hug with a chuckle.
"Thought about trying to catch up with you." He nuzzled into my neck lovingly. "Why don't we go out tonight? I could show you what I've learned so far." His lips were moving along my neck towards my jaw.
"Mmm... If you keep this up... We won't be going anywhere further than our bedroom..." I caressed his hair, pressing myself closer to his sturdy body.
"Then this will have to wait." I had my eyes closed, craving for more. But all I received was a single peck on my cheek before he let go of me.
"You look so disappointed," Reiji chuckled, enjoying the impact he had on me.
"Don't start this," I playfully warned him. "I can fire you~" We would tease each other like that quite often. He was the one that ran the company my mom left behind for me. Right before her death, Reiji sent a lawyer who explained the real situation. Mom changed her testament the last day before her passing... Tougo... Karlheinz wanted it all to himself, but his mistake was something he never usually did. He trusted Reiji.
As time passed with our life together, Reiji slowly opened up to me about his childhood and the abuse he went through. It cleared up a few things... Not like it excused what all of them had done to me while living in the mansion. But my thoughts were brought back by Reiji.
"You wouldn't fire me. You have no idea how to run it~" He teased me back. As annoying as it was - Reiji was right. I actually wanted nothing to do with stuff like that. Reiji was the CEO, but I was the owner. An off hands one.
"I'd have someone else run it~"
"I'm the best out there and you know it." Reiji whispered into my ear sending shivers down my spine.
"I love you so much I forgot to hate you..." I blurt out seemingly out of nowhere. The amount of love I felt was absolutely overwhelming to the point I couldn't even keep these kind of thoughts to myself. I loved him almost too much.
"I-" His eyes widened in confusion. Reiji was obviously expecting me to keep up the playful bickering. I hugged him, snuggling up against him as close as I could. "I love you..." Reiji returned the embrace allowing me to melt into his arms. It was one of those moments that I wanted to last for an eternity. Moments passed and I felt him pulling away from me.
"I wanted this to happen somewhere special, but..." Reiji started to go lower and lower in front of me until one of his knees were touching the floor. His hand went behind him. I was watching everything stunned at what was happening.
"Lauren Shizuka Nahamura, will you make me into the happiest person across all the worlds? Will you marry me?" My legs gave in as I slumped down to the floor. I stared him in the eye stunned. I could barely make myself breathe as I tried to muster up a reply.
"Yes... Yes..!" My hands were over my mouth as I tried to keep the tears of joy away. Reiji slowly opened the round black velvet ring box to reveal a delicate silver engagement ring with a tiny snowflake made out of little diamonds. Reiji carefully took out the ring and slid it on my finger. His hands were trembling as much as mine bringing a smile even brighter to my face
"A bit nervous?" A giggle slipped out while I was admiring my soon to be husband's flustered expression.
"Thank you... Thank you so much for everything..." He brought me in for a passionate kiss.
We've been through hell and the most incredible moments together. Ever since our first meeting we felt strongly about each other. The hatred, the fear and the tension between us slowly evolved into something more. Something that surprised Reiji and myself. We both had lost the game and won it at the same time. We both played each other and yet we managed to survive and escape. Although Reiji had betrayed me - he also saved me in more ways than anyone could even imagine. Yes, not even my therapist could grasp the extent of it. I wasn't afraid to give my life to someone who saved it. The future was ours and we were each other's for as long as we were going to live.
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Heyo! Guess this is it, the last chapter of this story. I'm sorry if it felt too rushed and the time jump was quite a bit drastic but I really couldn't squeeze out more. Thought it'd be better to end things sooner than to needlessly prolong the inevitable.
I am so grateful for everyone who read this story, who showed love and support, you gave me the strength to finish it. I might edit this story, but that's a project for the future me.
Once again, thank you! Hang in there, fang-gang! Love you all!