23 Weeks Along
-Harry's POV-
The large black and white clock on the wall ticks loudly. Proving time is moving even though it feels frozen.
My eyes find it, trying to focus. Everything is a bit blurry. I'm not sure if that's due to the fact I've been crying or that I feel so dizzy.
This is now the second time in my life I've sat in a hospital, somehow feeling numb and overly sensitive at the same time.
This is also the second time I've had a panic attack cause I was so upset over Ava being alright.
Thankfully this time I didn't pass out. But I did get sick. Twice.
Ava's hand squeezes mine suddenly and my eyes shoot towards hers. Her eyebrows furrow as her eyes shut and her breathing quickens.
She's in pain. A lot of it.
I stand up, still holding onto her hand as I lean over her. I push her sweat soaked hair away from her face.
Her eyes pop open at my touch, "Tell me when it's almost over."
I nod, looking at the monitor next to us. Her heart rate slowly goes down as I grip her small hand in mine.
"Just a few more seconds." I assure her. "You're doing so good baby."
Her breathing softens as she lays back in the bed. "How far apart was that?"
"Don't..." I shake my head. "Doesn't matter. The doctor said it will stop altogether soon."
"He said it will hopefully stop." Av corrects me as a fresh tear glides down her cheek.
I catch it with my thumb, wiping it away and drying my finger on my shirt. I clench my jaw, trying not to start crying again myself. I need to be strong. And calm.
But I'm barely holding myself together. I'm a fucking mess.
I don't even remember the drive to the hospital. I remember carrying Ava downstairs and outside to the car, but after that nothing.
I do remember her screaming, sobs racking her body. Making her shake uncontrollably.
I won't ever be able to forget that.
And the blood. The sight of it will forever be fucking ingrained into my brain.
I was scared shitless from just that alone. But when I realized she was also having contractions, I didn't hesitate.
My worn pair of jeans were pulled up my legs hastily before I picked her up. I didn't bother with a shirt or even shoes, there wasn't time for it.
She clung to me as I rushed down the stairs. Robin and my mum thankfully following right behind us. As I climbed into the back with Ava, Robin got behind the wheel.
We were shown into a room immediately. The second I sat Ava down onto the bed I was pushed away. A doctor and two nurses examined her as I stood like a bloody statue.
Watching my world fall apart in front of my eyes.
When the doctor told us she hadn't lost the baby, I felt like I could breathe for the first time. Then when he told me her cervix was dilated and he would need to stitch her up for any chance of survival, the wind was promptly knocked right back out of my lungs.
She hadn't lost the baby. Yet.
If he couldn't get the contractions to stop she could very well deliver our baby tonight.
The thought of Ava delivering a lifeless tiny baby made me start wheezing. A full blown panic attack quickly followed.
I was shoved behind a curtain so Ava couldn't see me. I tried to fight them over it, but I could barely stand. I needed to see her.
But she didn't need to see me. Not like that.
My mum managed to calm me down. She was silently crying the entire time she rubbed my back and whispered to me over and over again Telling me everything would be alright. When I knew it very it wouldn't.
While the doctor performed the procedure on Ava, Gem showed up with red eyes and an armful of clothes.
I hadn't even realized I was still half naked and barefoot. I tugged my clothes on as fast as possible, wanting to be back at Ava's side.
She hasn't let go of my hand since.
"I'm so sorry Harry."
"What?" I flinch at Ava's quiet words, hoping to god I heard her wrong.
"I'm so sorry. I just..."
"No." I shake my head as I sit on the edge of the bed and pull her into my arms. "Won't be hearing that. You've nothing to be sorry for Av. Nothing. You hear me?"
She nods against my chest, gripping onto the front of my shirt as the door opens.
I don't let go of her as the doctor approaches the bed and looks over her monitor.
"The contractions are slowing down." He states, breathing a sigh of relief along with us. "I expect them to stop completely within the next hour."
"And the baby will be okay?" Ava questions, trying to mask the fear in her voice.
"Yes, I think so. By that doesn't mean we're in the clear here."
"What do you mean?" I ask. "When she fell..."
"This wasn't caused from her fall." The doctor cuts me off. "It aggravated the situation, but didn't cause it."
"What else could it of been from?" Ava questions.
The doctor grabs Ava's chart from the end of the bed, looking over it.
"Hormones. Cortisol to be precise." He sets the chart down and looks up at us. "When your body experiences stress or danger, it sends out a burst of cortisol and other stress hormones. They send a blast of fuel to your muscles and make your heart pump faster. Usually these stress responses recede and your body goes back into balance. Your cortisol levels are extremely high. Far to high for someone who already has a high risk pregnancy."
"So the baby will be alright if we lower them?" I ask.
"There is a much better chance of survival if we get her body back into balance." The doctor replies before looking at Ava. "You have what is referred to as chronic stress. Being pregnant there isn't a safe option available to medicate you for it. The only way to keep your baby safe at this point is to remove yourself from any stressful situations."
"That's fairly impossible." Av says softly.
"Well you will have to make it possible." The doctor frowns. "I realize being who you are may make this difficult, but if this doesn't stop you will lose the baby. I can tell you that with complete certainty. If you continue to be this stressed, you'll go into labor and deliver your baby before it's able to survive outside of your womb."
"I just don't see how this all can stop. The stress I mean. It's just..." Ava's voice fades off as her eyes tear up.
"We were lucky this time." The doctor explains. "Very lucky. That won't happen a second time."
My mind is a mess as the doctor informs us Ava can go home later this afternoon. I feel hopeless. This is all my fault.
We almost lost our baby. Because of me.
I stand up when the doctor leaves the room, running my hand through my hair. I want to yell. I want to throw the fucking chair out the window. I want to beat the fucking shit out of the pap who ran into her car, the one who broke into our flat, and the one who pushed her down those bloody stairs.
Hell, I want to beat the shit out of myself. If I wasn't Harry Styles, she would of never been in any of those situations. She would of never gotten hurt.
"I know you're blaming yourself right now, but you need to stop. This isn't your fault."
"Don't..." I take a deep breath, trying to clear my head. "We both know it damn well is my fault so stop saying it isn't."
"Harry, I..."
"No." I cut her off while trying to keep myself from punching the wall. "Our baby almost died tonight Ava. Don't lie to try to make me feel better. I deserve to feel like a piece of shit right now. I can't... I don't know what I would of done if that had happened."
"It didn't."
"It still could." I remind her. "Me being who I am is putting our baby in danger. It's putting you in danger. I won't... I won't have it."
"Well what are we supposed to do? You can't just stop being Harry Styles."
"No." I agree with her as the answer to all our problems presents itself. "But you can stop being my wife."
_________________________
Please vote! :)